Disclaimer: I do not own red dwarf! Okeydokey?
Warning: may contain nuts, oh… and crappy rhyming.
Rightyho, I get bored, so I decided I would have a go at more rhyming! Lucky you getting to read it eh?
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"I threw a two and a six!" said Rimmer,
Oblivious to the truth,
That everyone was dying of boredom,
Like waiting for photos at Boots,
"And than, I surprised myself" he said,
"By tossing a three and a one!
You should have seen the look on his face,
It was obvious that I'd won!"
Lister crumpled the cans of beer,
With his head as he fell sound asleep,
While Cat had nodded off hours ago,
In a neat sequined gold spangled heap,
And so none of them realised,
That something had gone very wrong,
Instead they snored, and were dreadfully bored,
And just didn't notice the pong,
The 'pong' was a very evil thing indeed,
It looked like a congealed sneeze,
Green and smelly, like a jumbo welly,
With a voice like a hive full of bees,
It had snuck onboard from the planet named:
'Oh my god did that thing eat you?'
And had disguised itself in a crate of supplies,
As a vegan style vindaloo,
So as you can imagine, it hadn't been touched,
And had ample time to plot a scheme,
Involving pain, and in truth quite insane,
Things it could do to the team,
It boldly leapt from its container,
Into the cockpit with the crew,
Deciding it could drown them all to death,
With a smell worse than curry pasta stew,
Cat was the first one to notice,
His sense of smell being the best,
That something smelled worse than Lister's armpits,
At a 'let's get smelly!' contest,
"Oh god buds what is that smell?"
He said sleepily, a hand over his mouth,
"It smells worse, than a gorilla's hearse,
When the funeral food all went south!"
"Do you mind, I haven't finished yet!"
Said Rimmer, "the next thing that I threw-"
Cat said, "Bud with your grand canyon nostrils,
You should be able to smell it too!"
"Smell what?" asked Rimmer, who was getting annoyed,
At the blatant disregard of his tale,
"Oh that!" he gasped as the stench reached his nose,
And he turned an odd shade of pale,
The big smelly thing slopped onto Lister's head,
With the biggest grin it could manage,
"Now is the time!" it said with a whine,
"To cause a smeg's lot of damage!"
"Argghh! Help me!" cried Lister,
Having only this minute woken,
"This thing stinks more than my laundry!
When it's really whiffy and soakin'!"
"Bud look there's a big sneeze on Chipmunk cheek's head!"
Squealed Cat, as he pointed with fear,
"Quick get it away! Who knows what will happen,
To my poor suits if it comes near!"
"Quiet stupid feline!" the 'sneeze' sneered,
Cat frowned, "Stupid? You've got some cheek!"
"You're even dimmer, than him," said Rimmer,
"And that is pretty damn weak!"
"Oh quiet, I'm trying to kill your friend,
And talking is just a distraction,
But soon he'll be dead!" the evil thing said,
"Then I'll get down to some action!"
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Review please!
I am first and foremost a nutter…