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This is our one-shot version on how Professor Binns died. This means that there is only one chapter, so please do not ask for a sequel. Please REVIEW, and tell us how you like it, but don't ask for more as we can only kill Binns once.
Does this happen often?
Four very sleepy boys stumbled down the staircase and into the Great Hall. It was the Marauders' first day at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and they had stayed up half the night gorging themselves on sugar. This had led to a very large sugar rush and the subsequent crash was enough to floor even the normally hyperactive James Potter.
They dragged themselves to their house table and collapsed limply on the bench. Within minutes, James was sound asleep with his face inside a bowl of porridge. Remus Lupin, a pale skinny boy with sandy hair and limpid grey eyes, looked a bit worried at this. "Do you think we should wake him up before he drowns, Sirius?"
"Nah," Sirius replied busy shoving food into his face at a manic rate, "he'll be fine, as long as he keeps snoring."
At that moment they were startled by the rushing of many wings overhead. "Mail's here," they heard a third year say from farther down the table. Sirius immediately began watching the birds apprehensively.
Sure enough, an eagle owl swooped down and landed rather rudely in the middle of Sirius's scrambled eggs. "You all might want to duck and cover," Sirius suggested calmly, reaching for the red envelope the owl was carrying, "my mum has sent me a Howler." Remus and Peter Pettigrew immediately stuffed their fingers in their ears and dodged out of sight beneath the table. They both came from wizarding families and had experience with Howlers.
Sirius slit open the envelope and tossed it to the middle of the table, returning to his breakfast like this was an everyday experience. Immediately, the letter on the table began shrieking in a shrill, obnoxious- sounding voice.
"YOU BLOOD TRAITOR!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH OUR MOST NOBLE AND ANCIENT FAMILY NAME WITH YOUR ABNORMAL TENDENCIES?!!!!!!!!! YOU WERE RAISED TO BE BETTER THAN A WEAK-BLOODED GRYFFINDOR!!!!!!! YOU SHAMEFUL ABOMINATION OF MY FLESH!!!!!!! IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOOD FOR YOU, YOU WILL MARCH STRAIGHT UP TO DUMBLEDORE AND DEMAND TO BE RESORTED!!! IF YOU CONTINUE ON THIS DISGRACEFUL PATH, YOU ARE GOING THE RIGHT WAY TO BE DISOWNED!!!!!!" With that the letter seemed to have spent it's fury and burned itself up. The Great Hall rang with the sudden silence. Students at every table, but Slytherin, looked at each other stunned.
Meanwhile, Sirius had continued to shove food into his mouth, seemingly oblivious to the deafening screams. In fact, he even had a rather unnerving smirk spread across his face. Remus and Peter re-emerged, rather cautiously from beneath the table, looking rather shaken. Remus cleared his throat, "Your mother seems rather...pleasant." There was suddenly a loud snorting sound and they turned to see James still slumbering peacefully in his porridge.
"Wow," Peter said incredulously, "that kid could sleep through hippogriff stampede."
Ten minutes later they had managed to awaken a extremely cranky James, and were on their way to their very first History of Magic class. James was currently muttering to himself about the injustice of having History of Magic first thing in the morning.
"Honestly, how do they expect us to stay awake listening to that old bat?" James chuntered grumpily to himself, "my sister warned me about this class, the teacher's ancient and senile and incredibly boring."
"It's ok James," Sirius said placatingly, patting him on the back, " it just means extra sleep time for us."
The four boys found seats at the back of the classroom and settled in for a good nap. They didn't have to wait long, almost immediately the teacher entered the room. He was a short, balding man who looked rather sickly. He dropped an armload of books onto his desk and immediately launched into an incredibly boring lecture on the third goblin rebellion of 1635.
Within five minutes, the Marauders had all sunk into a deep torpor. Suddenly, Professor Binns bent over in a violent coughing fit. Even the Marauders snapped awake as their teacher abruptly stopped coughing and keeled over backwards, landing with a thud on the floor.
James and Sirius looked at each other, "Did you do that?" they asked each other at the same time. "Not me!" they exclaimed trying their hardest to look innocent.
"Wow," James trailed off looking around the room, " that must mean he's really dead." No one else looked like they were capable of killing the teacher.
At this comment, several of the girls in the room burst into tears. "Now, now," Sirius said awkwardly patting the blonde on the back, who was sitting next to him, "we don't know for sure he's dead. He might've just had an... asthma attack...that's it, an asthma attack!" He looked around at the other's for moral support, they all began to nod fervently, hoping to calm the sobbing girl.
At that moment, a brunette at the front of the room stood up and yelled rather hysterically, "Oh my god!!!! There's a dead body lying in the front of the classroom!!" At this, there was as mad rush as the entire female population of the classroom fought to get as far away as possible from the professor.
James stood up slowly and looked around, hoping to find someone who looked sane enough to go for help. Unfortunately, even the boys were joining their classmates in the huddle at the back of the room by this point. The only other competent-looking people in the room were Sirius, Remus, and Peter. Sirius rather appeared like he was enjoying the mayhem, Remus was looking as if the world was a bit too much for him at the moment, and Peter seemed scared out of his mind.
James sighed and slowly began making his way to the front of the class, praying his friends would follow. He stood above the prone form of his teacher, trying to decide what to do next. "Peter, why don't you go get Madam Pomfrey?" He heard Peter scurry out of the door behind him, and then bent down to examine the professor. He checked his wrist, but didn't feel any pulse. Of course, that didn't mean anything - he could never find his own pulse, either, and he was still alive. Next he tried placing his ear close to Professor Binn's face to listen for breathing...no go.
Sitting back on his heels, he looked up at Sirius and Remus. "I don't suppose either of you know CPR or any of that stuff?"
Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Nope, I'm not in the habit of killing my teachers." Remus merely shook his head in silence.
"Well," James sighed resignedly, "I took a class once, but I am SO not having my first kiss be with an old dead guy."
Sirius looked as if he were inclined to laugh at this, but Remus seemed shocked. "But James, what if he's not dead?!" he exclaimed, "Who knows how long it might take Peter to bring help!"
James sighed again, mentally cursing whoever had invented such a thing as a conscience. He took a deep breath, squished his face up in disgust, and bent over his teacher's body. Just as his lips were about to touch his nasty shriveled instructor, he was shocked to have his head suddenly feel as if it were plunged into a bucket of ice cold water.
Everyone in the room, who had been holding their breath without realizing it, let it out at once as their mouths dropped open in shock. Professor Binns body remained lying on the floor, but his ghost had just sat up out of the body, passing through James's head in the process. The ghost teacher turned around to look at James curiously. "It's a bit late for that now, you might as well return to your seats."
The boys stared at him, awestruck. Finally, Sirius ventured, "Professor Binns, you do realize that you're DEAD, don't you?"
Professor Binns chuckled dryly, "Of course I am, you don't think that people normally drop dead and turn transparent on an everyday basis, do you?"
Within 10 minutes, everyone had returned to their seats and Professor Binns's ghost was happily prattling on about goblin rebellions. The headmaster and half the teaching staff burst in with Peter in tow, looking rather frantic. After a brief conference, they left Professor Binns to his teaching. It seemed that even having a teacher drop dead in the middle of class couldn't phase Dumbledore.
That night in the common room, James sat by himself staring rather blankly into the fire. His sister, Brynne, came over to see why her normally rambunctious brother was looking so disturbed. "What's wrong my not so adorable baby brother?" she asked.
"I am not a baby," James muttered automatically, "My teacher croaked off in the middle of class today."
"Oh, that was your class?" Brynne laughed, "Disappointing really, we've been waiting for him to croak off for forever, and when he finally does, we're still stuck with his boring lectures."
"You don't think it's disturbing that teachers drop dead during class?" James asked in disbelief.
"You get used to it," Brynne responded with a smile.
"Does this happen often?" James asked.
Brynne merely smiled and walked away.