A/N: This chapter I used some stuff from the episode EOTW. And the essay
Exploring Self Identity was something I actually wrote for English class. I
just thought it suited this story really well. Anyways enjoy and please
review.
*DISCOVERING YOURSELF* Chapter 1
"Exploring Self Identity
What is Self Identity? Is it an interpretation of you? Is it an influence of outside sources? Or is it what we define ourselves with (music, writing, sports, ect.)? Controlling Self Identity, the importance of Self Identity, and expressing Self Identity are what I would like to explore with you.
Your Self Identity is in your own hands. No matter what happens, you are always in control of your own mind and there for your Self Identity is a factor of that control. There may be outside influences like, media, friends, or family that will affect you, but it always comes down to you. I read a poem called "Warning", and in this poem the woman has taken the idea that she will relive her youth in her old age. There could be many reasons for this. She could be missing her youth or maybe she just completely missed out on her youth, and with this poem she tells us that she is going to identify herself, in old age, as a youth. Taking Self Identity into your own hands is something you should be able to do because, if you didn't have control of your Self Identity, then you would just be a vessel living someone else's life.
Self Identity is a very important factor in your life. It is a representation of your inner self. Your Self Identity could be very helpful when you have a conflict with another person. It can encourage you to see the conflict more clearly and understand the other person's point of view and the reasons for the conflict. In an article I read titled "How Toys Sex Stereotype Children", it shows us that without Self Identity we, as children, are automatically put into the stereotypical role of a male or female. Self Identity is what makes you an individual.
Expressing yourself is a very effective way of showing your Self Identity. When you express yourself, you allow you Self Identity to run free and explore new ideas and new worlds that you never knew existed. You can turn a book into reality, listen to a favorite song and let it's emotion wash over you like a cool breeze on a hot sunny day. With expression you can do anything. When I express myself, I tend to write; poetry and lyrics mainly, I also draw and sometimes I'll write a short story. When I write, a short story or other wise, it usually has aspects in it how I want my life to be. I also like to sing. I believe that to just sing a song can be a powerful way of expressing yourself, even if it's not your own original song. As you can see, there are many different ways of expressing yourself. You'll find expression in almost everything, even in sports. Scoring a goal, making a basket or making a touchdown can be a beautiful thing in and of itself. In a story I read, the main character used writing as an expression of Self Identity because his way of self-expression would not be tolerated in his home. When you express your Self Identity, it's like giving yourself to the world.
To explore Self Identity, you really have to dig deep within yourself and understand it. Everyone understands it in a different way and everyone feels differently about it. Self Identity is something that belongs to you and only you and no one can take that away from you. Something happens when you let yourself explore Self Identity, something amazing. It's like watching your very first Disney movie. It's magical. Self Identity can help you believe in things that you could only ever dream of. Faeries, magic, even life in outer space. It's amazing how much one little thing like the mind can yield so much power, although the isn't exactly that small. The mind is the source of you. It's where you begin and it's where you end. Your mind is like your soul, without it you would cease to exist. So don't be afraid to let your imagination run away with you, because that's how you know that you can you are able to explore Self Identity."
Liz lifted her head up and looked around the classroom at everyone's faces while they applauded her. Her face turned a deep scarlet as she hurried back to her seat. "Well, thank you very much Elizabeth, that was quite extraordinary." Ms. Elder said as she stood from her desk to address the class. "Now, class if you could all come up as I call your name to collect you essay you may leave." Ms. Elder said as the bell rang.
Everyone began filing out of the classroom holding his or her essays in hand. Liz had just stepped out the door when she felt someone grab at her arm to stop her. "Hey Liz, that was an awesome essay, what inspired you to write it?" Max asked as he and Liz made their way through the maze of students to get to the courtyard to meet their friends. "Thanks, I don't know, I guess I just wrote it." Liz replied sitting down at the table. "Just wrote what?" Alex asked sitting down across from Liz. "Oh this really amazing essay Liz wrote for English." Max spoke up for Liz.
"Oh, cool. Can I read it?" Alex asked Liz. "Sure, go ahead." Liz said sliding the essay over to Alex. Alex read the essay and when he finished he looked at Liz and said, "gees, Liz, you're an amazing writer." "Thanks Alex," Liz said blushing again. She wasn't used to getting praised for anything especially writing. She usually stuck to writing in her journal and no one was aloud to see that. It was just a weird feeling getting praise for something you love to do and for something so personal. 'Why would I write something like that then read it in front of the whole class?' Liz questioned herself. She had totally zoned out and had just realized that someone was talking to her when they started snapping their fingers in her face. "Earth to Liz, I asked you what you are doing tonight?" Liz had totally missed that Maria, Michael and Isabel had joined them. "Oh, Maria, nothing. I figured I'd just go home and relax, since my parents are out for the most of the night. You know bubble bath, maybe a good book." Liz replied. "Oh, ok sounds cool." Maria said dejectedly. "Why?" Liz asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "Oh, know reason. Just wondering." Maria replied. "Ok, I've gotta go get a book out of the Library for my next class. See you latter." Liz said to the whole table as she got up and left.
*******
Liz was just getting her journal out when she heard a loud noise coming from her balcony. She got up to look out the window when she cam face to face with Max. Accept her had long hair and ripped up clothing and he looked older. "Liz..." Max exhaled. "Wh-who are you?" Liz asked. She was to shocked to even move. "I'm Max, well the future version of your Max." "No, no, you're like some kind of shape shifter who has the ability to like look like Max, you're like some evil alien who can look like him." Liz was babbling a mile a minute. "Liz, I am. In approximately 10 seconds I will come to your balcony and serenade you, accompanied by a mariachi band." Future Max said somewhat reluctantly. "No, Max would never do that." "3-2-1," Future Max counted down but nothing happened. "I said approximately." He said trying to convince her. All of a sudden Liz could hear music coming from below. She looked down and sure enough there was Max serenading her accompanied by a mariachi band. "It took me 3 weeks to learn the words." Future Max said from beside her window, staying in the shadows. "Why are you her?" Liz asked not taking her eyes off of Max. Just then Max threw a bouquet of red roses in the air just as future Max said, "I got you roses and as I threw them up to you I remembered that white were your favourite, so I changed them right before they reached your hands." And as he spoke the roses changed from red to white in mid air. "Why are you here?" Liz asked again more firmly. "Lizzie, what is that? Is that Max again?" Jeff Parker climbed out onto Liz's balcony just as Max began to walk away. Jeff smirked. "Get to sleep, Lizzie, it's late." Jeff said as he kissed her forehead and climbed back in the window. "Ok, why are you here?" Liz asked for the third time. "14years in the future the world is taken over by our enemies. I need you to help me change that." Future Max said calmly coming to stand right in front of Liz. "How am I supposed to do that?" Liz asked. "I need you to help me fall out of love with you." Future Max said slowly. "You what? I can't do that. How can you ask me to do something like that?" Liz asked getting angry. "Liz please, you have to." "I can't do that." "Liz 25 minutes before I came here I held Michael's dead body in my arms. 2 weeks before that Isabel died. I need you to help me change all that." Liz had to sit down and process all of the information she was getting. "That's not all," he said slowly. "I need you to get me to fall in love with Tess." Liz just stared blankly at him. "Why don't you just go to Tess then?" Liz asked. She didn't see why she had to do it all. "Because, you're the one I trust." Future Max said. "Why do you need to fall in love with her?" "Because she has to stay. She has to stay with us or it will result in the end of the world." "Why did she leave?" "Because after you and I, cemented our relationship we were inseparable. I started treating Tess really badly. And she eventually left. And when our enemies came to earth we weren't strong enough with out her and we lost." Max said sadly. "Well what am I supposed to do to make you fall out of love with me?" "I don't know."
********** Liz and Future Max stood across the street from a little café, inside a closed office building watching Tess. "Do you really think this will work?" Max asked. "I don't know. I gave Tess a copy of Max's favourite book. So she'll have something to talk to him about." Liz said. They quieted down when Max arrived. He sat sown with Tess and they started talking. Then Max's face turned angry and he got up and started walking across the street. "Shit," Future Max said and he hid as Max barged in and looked at Liz pointedly.
"You set me up with Tess? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" He yelled. "Max calm down," Liz said, but before she knew it his lips were on hers in a furious kiss. He put every bit of himself into that kiss and it tore Liz apart when she pulled away. "Max, no. We can't be together. Max, I want a normal life, I want children and I want my children to be safe. Max, I want to live a long life. I love you but I don't want to die for you." Liz said this with great reluctants. There was nothing she wouldn't do for him. She'd already jumped off a bridge for him. Max looked at her with so much hurt in his eyes and then turned and left without so much as another sound.
"It's didn't work." Future Max said. "We have to try something else." "No, I cant, don't you see, I love you. I would do anything for you. Do you know how hard it was to say I didn't want to die for you? You saved my life Max. You have to do something else. Go to someone else. I can't do it." Tears forming behind those big brown eyes. "No, Liz, you're the only one who can do this."
**********
Liz was in her bathroom talking to Future Max while Kyle was in her bedroom removing his clothes. "I don't like this. Do you really think I could be jealous of Kyle?" "Will you turn around please?" Liz took off her top and wrapped a towel around her body and excited the bathroom. "So... Evans must've really pissed you off to resort to something like this." Kyle said loving the fact that he got to piss off Max like this. "I don't want to talk about it." They both slipped under the covers and Liz discarded the towel. They started talking and Kyle said something funny that made Liz laugh and just then Max arrived at her window. The look on his face shattered her heart into 10 million pieces. Max stood there looking at them then he turned around and walked away. "Well I guess I've done my job," Kyle said seriously. Liz didn't answer him; she just stared after Max.
***** "God, what's gonna happen now?" Liz asked tears streaking her face. She was completely and utterly lost. "I don't know. This is a different timeline from mine now. I don't know anything anymore." Future Max said. "I'm sorry Liz but it was the only way." "Would you dance with me?" Liz asked looking up into his eyes. "What!?!" "I want to have my wedding dance." Liz said firmly. "Sure," Future Max said taking her hand and pulling her close to him.
Come to me now, and lay your hand over me, Even if it's a lie, say it will be all right and I shall believe.
Max spun her around and letting go she spun around and when she stopped to look at him, he was gone.
I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me, That I only come home, when I'm so all alone, and I do believe.
She stood there dumbfounded, then collapsed to the floor. Her breath shaky and her back rising up and down uncontrollably. The night had suddenly become very silent and the only sound that could be heard was the raking sobs coming from Liz Parker.
That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be, It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me, Please say honestly you won't give up on me And I shall believe And I shall believe.
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!
*DISCOVERING YOURSELF* Chapter 1
"Exploring Self Identity
What is Self Identity? Is it an interpretation of you? Is it an influence of outside sources? Or is it what we define ourselves with (music, writing, sports, ect.)? Controlling Self Identity, the importance of Self Identity, and expressing Self Identity are what I would like to explore with you.
Your Self Identity is in your own hands. No matter what happens, you are always in control of your own mind and there for your Self Identity is a factor of that control. There may be outside influences like, media, friends, or family that will affect you, but it always comes down to you. I read a poem called "Warning", and in this poem the woman has taken the idea that she will relive her youth in her old age. There could be many reasons for this. She could be missing her youth or maybe she just completely missed out on her youth, and with this poem she tells us that she is going to identify herself, in old age, as a youth. Taking Self Identity into your own hands is something you should be able to do because, if you didn't have control of your Self Identity, then you would just be a vessel living someone else's life.
Self Identity is a very important factor in your life. It is a representation of your inner self. Your Self Identity could be very helpful when you have a conflict with another person. It can encourage you to see the conflict more clearly and understand the other person's point of view and the reasons for the conflict. In an article I read titled "How Toys Sex Stereotype Children", it shows us that without Self Identity we, as children, are automatically put into the stereotypical role of a male or female. Self Identity is what makes you an individual.
Expressing yourself is a very effective way of showing your Self Identity. When you express yourself, you allow you Self Identity to run free and explore new ideas and new worlds that you never knew existed. You can turn a book into reality, listen to a favorite song and let it's emotion wash over you like a cool breeze on a hot sunny day. With expression you can do anything. When I express myself, I tend to write; poetry and lyrics mainly, I also draw and sometimes I'll write a short story. When I write, a short story or other wise, it usually has aspects in it how I want my life to be. I also like to sing. I believe that to just sing a song can be a powerful way of expressing yourself, even if it's not your own original song. As you can see, there are many different ways of expressing yourself. You'll find expression in almost everything, even in sports. Scoring a goal, making a basket or making a touchdown can be a beautiful thing in and of itself. In a story I read, the main character used writing as an expression of Self Identity because his way of self-expression would not be tolerated in his home. When you express your Self Identity, it's like giving yourself to the world.
To explore Self Identity, you really have to dig deep within yourself and understand it. Everyone understands it in a different way and everyone feels differently about it. Self Identity is something that belongs to you and only you and no one can take that away from you. Something happens when you let yourself explore Self Identity, something amazing. It's like watching your very first Disney movie. It's magical. Self Identity can help you believe in things that you could only ever dream of. Faeries, magic, even life in outer space. It's amazing how much one little thing like the mind can yield so much power, although the isn't exactly that small. The mind is the source of you. It's where you begin and it's where you end. Your mind is like your soul, without it you would cease to exist. So don't be afraid to let your imagination run away with you, because that's how you know that you can you are able to explore Self Identity."
Liz lifted her head up and looked around the classroom at everyone's faces while they applauded her. Her face turned a deep scarlet as she hurried back to her seat. "Well, thank you very much Elizabeth, that was quite extraordinary." Ms. Elder said as she stood from her desk to address the class. "Now, class if you could all come up as I call your name to collect you essay you may leave." Ms. Elder said as the bell rang.
Everyone began filing out of the classroom holding his or her essays in hand. Liz had just stepped out the door when she felt someone grab at her arm to stop her. "Hey Liz, that was an awesome essay, what inspired you to write it?" Max asked as he and Liz made their way through the maze of students to get to the courtyard to meet their friends. "Thanks, I don't know, I guess I just wrote it." Liz replied sitting down at the table. "Just wrote what?" Alex asked sitting down across from Liz. "Oh this really amazing essay Liz wrote for English." Max spoke up for Liz.
"Oh, cool. Can I read it?" Alex asked Liz. "Sure, go ahead." Liz said sliding the essay over to Alex. Alex read the essay and when he finished he looked at Liz and said, "gees, Liz, you're an amazing writer." "Thanks Alex," Liz said blushing again. She wasn't used to getting praised for anything especially writing. She usually stuck to writing in her journal and no one was aloud to see that. It was just a weird feeling getting praise for something you love to do and for something so personal. 'Why would I write something like that then read it in front of the whole class?' Liz questioned herself. She had totally zoned out and had just realized that someone was talking to her when they started snapping their fingers in her face. "Earth to Liz, I asked you what you are doing tonight?" Liz had totally missed that Maria, Michael and Isabel had joined them. "Oh, Maria, nothing. I figured I'd just go home and relax, since my parents are out for the most of the night. You know bubble bath, maybe a good book." Liz replied. "Oh, ok sounds cool." Maria said dejectedly. "Why?" Liz asked, curiosity getting the better of her. "Oh, know reason. Just wondering." Maria replied. "Ok, I've gotta go get a book out of the Library for my next class. See you latter." Liz said to the whole table as she got up and left.
*******
Liz was just getting her journal out when she heard a loud noise coming from her balcony. She got up to look out the window when she cam face to face with Max. Accept her had long hair and ripped up clothing and he looked older. "Liz..." Max exhaled. "Wh-who are you?" Liz asked. She was to shocked to even move. "I'm Max, well the future version of your Max." "No, no, you're like some kind of shape shifter who has the ability to like look like Max, you're like some evil alien who can look like him." Liz was babbling a mile a minute. "Liz, I am. In approximately 10 seconds I will come to your balcony and serenade you, accompanied by a mariachi band." Future Max said somewhat reluctantly. "No, Max would never do that." "3-2-1," Future Max counted down but nothing happened. "I said approximately." He said trying to convince her. All of a sudden Liz could hear music coming from below. She looked down and sure enough there was Max serenading her accompanied by a mariachi band. "It took me 3 weeks to learn the words." Future Max said from beside her window, staying in the shadows. "Why are you her?" Liz asked not taking her eyes off of Max. Just then Max threw a bouquet of red roses in the air just as future Max said, "I got you roses and as I threw them up to you I remembered that white were your favourite, so I changed them right before they reached your hands." And as he spoke the roses changed from red to white in mid air. "Why are you here?" Liz asked again more firmly. "Lizzie, what is that? Is that Max again?" Jeff Parker climbed out onto Liz's balcony just as Max began to walk away. Jeff smirked. "Get to sleep, Lizzie, it's late." Jeff said as he kissed her forehead and climbed back in the window. "Ok, why are you here?" Liz asked for the third time. "14years in the future the world is taken over by our enemies. I need you to help me change that." Future Max said calmly coming to stand right in front of Liz. "How am I supposed to do that?" Liz asked. "I need you to help me fall out of love with you." Future Max said slowly. "You what? I can't do that. How can you ask me to do something like that?" Liz asked getting angry. "Liz please, you have to." "I can't do that." "Liz 25 minutes before I came here I held Michael's dead body in my arms. 2 weeks before that Isabel died. I need you to help me change all that." Liz had to sit down and process all of the information she was getting. "That's not all," he said slowly. "I need you to get me to fall in love with Tess." Liz just stared blankly at him. "Why don't you just go to Tess then?" Liz asked. She didn't see why she had to do it all. "Because, you're the one I trust." Future Max said. "Why do you need to fall in love with her?" "Because she has to stay. She has to stay with us or it will result in the end of the world." "Why did she leave?" "Because after you and I, cemented our relationship we were inseparable. I started treating Tess really badly. And she eventually left. And when our enemies came to earth we weren't strong enough with out her and we lost." Max said sadly. "Well what am I supposed to do to make you fall out of love with me?" "I don't know."
********** Liz and Future Max stood across the street from a little café, inside a closed office building watching Tess. "Do you really think this will work?" Max asked. "I don't know. I gave Tess a copy of Max's favourite book. So she'll have something to talk to him about." Liz said. They quieted down when Max arrived. He sat sown with Tess and they started talking. Then Max's face turned angry and he got up and started walking across the street. "Shit," Future Max said and he hid as Max barged in and looked at Liz pointedly.
"You set me up with Tess? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" He yelled. "Max calm down," Liz said, but before she knew it his lips were on hers in a furious kiss. He put every bit of himself into that kiss and it tore Liz apart when she pulled away. "Max, no. We can't be together. Max, I want a normal life, I want children and I want my children to be safe. Max, I want to live a long life. I love you but I don't want to die for you." Liz said this with great reluctants. There was nothing she wouldn't do for him. She'd already jumped off a bridge for him. Max looked at her with so much hurt in his eyes and then turned and left without so much as another sound.
"It's didn't work." Future Max said. "We have to try something else." "No, I cant, don't you see, I love you. I would do anything for you. Do you know how hard it was to say I didn't want to die for you? You saved my life Max. You have to do something else. Go to someone else. I can't do it." Tears forming behind those big brown eyes. "No, Liz, you're the only one who can do this."
**********
Liz was in her bathroom talking to Future Max while Kyle was in her bedroom removing his clothes. "I don't like this. Do you really think I could be jealous of Kyle?" "Will you turn around please?" Liz took off her top and wrapped a towel around her body and excited the bathroom. "So... Evans must've really pissed you off to resort to something like this." Kyle said loving the fact that he got to piss off Max like this. "I don't want to talk about it." They both slipped under the covers and Liz discarded the towel. They started talking and Kyle said something funny that made Liz laugh and just then Max arrived at her window. The look on his face shattered her heart into 10 million pieces. Max stood there looking at them then he turned around and walked away. "Well I guess I've done my job," Kyle said seriously. Liz didn't answer him; she just stared after Max.
***** "God, what's gonna happen now?" Liz asked tears streaking her face. She was completely and utterly lost. "I don't know. This is a different timeline from mine now. I don't know anything anymore." Future Max said. "I'm sorry Liz but it was the only way." "Would you dance with me?" Liz asked looking up into his eyes. "What!?!" "I want to have my wedding dance." Liz said firmly. "Sure," Future Max said taking her hand and pulling her close to him.
Come to me now, and lay your hand over me, Even if it's a lie, say it will be all right and I shall believe.
Max spun her around and letting go she spun around and when she stopped to look at him, he was gone.
I'm broken in two, and I know you're on to me, That I only come home, when I'm so all alone, and I do believe.
She stood there dumbfounded, then collapsed to the floor. Her breath shaky and her back rising up and down uncontrollably. The night had suddenly become very silent and the only sound that could be heard was the raking sobs coming from Liz Parker.
That not everything is gonna be the way you think it ought to be, It seems like every time I try to make it right it all comes down on me, Please say honestly you won't give up on me And I shall believe And I shall believe.
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!