A/N: This is a fanfic of pure fluffiness and O.C. characters! I hope people can enjoy it for what it is and have fun like I did when I wrote it. I didn't want to rate it higher than T so later you'll find some blanks followed by instructions to add a part of speech. It's kind of like madlib... you just have to use your imagination!

Disclaimer: I don't own Star trek obviously! Also this a re post since my other account got messed up with spam (so please don't flame me for plagiarism)!

One day on the bridge everything was peacefully humming along and everyone was just doing their jobs. Just then Spock realized something.

Spock: Captain I'm afraid stopping at the next Starfleet Space Station would be illogical. According to my calculations, the Enterprise is larger than its infrastructure was built to service.

Kirk leaned back in his chair with a wide smirk on his face.

Kirk: That's what she said.

Everybody began to laugh, even Scotty and Bones who heard over the speakers that had conveniently forgotten to be turned off. Everyone that is... except Spock. You might think that this could be explained by his Vulcan heritage, but you'd be wrong. In actual fact, his tight ass approach to controlling his emotions had finally caught up to him. There was also the incident in the mess hall.

(last night)

Spock: Captain, I ask that you please assist me in passing the sodium chloride.

Kirk looked around the table with a smug look on his face.

Kirk: Oh you mean salt?

Spock sat up a little straighter in his seat.

Spock: If you are referring to the white crystals in the jar adjacent to your right arm then yes, the Sodium chloride. To rename such a compound with any less accurate description is quite illogical.

At this point a few nearby crew members had taken interest in their conversation. Jim cocked his eyebrow.

Kirk: Considering that I learned this seasoning to be described as salt long before I was concerned with its chemical elements, I submit that it would be most logical for me to choose salt.

(an unidentified voice a few seat away mumbled "oh no he didn't")

Spock: My apologies, I forgot to calculate that humans are in themselves illogical beings.

Just like in high school when one girl calls another girl a slut in the cafeteria everyone nearby hushed to a silence.

Kirk: On the contrary. Given that you are on board a ship consisting predominately of earthlings who use their own language to describe stuff, you are the acting illogically.

Spock retreated without words to his usual stoic expression. Everyone started clapping. That's right, captain Kirk just pwned Spock with his favorite word.

So any rate after that Spock was being a little pissy about things and when the captain executed his little sexually implicated joke he was not amused.

Spock: Captain this is again an illogical statement. You would be more accurate to say "that's what he said."

Daringly the captain turned in his chair to face Spock.

Kirk: With what evidence?

There really wasn't any good explanation to explain what happened next. Something in his identity confused Vulcan head snapped. His face slumped into an ominous frown.

Spock: Hey you stupid (insert noun) I have an idea. Maybe if you weren't such a dumb(insert noun) a little less often you wouldn't need me to do simple mathematical procedures like formulas for volumes. Oh I'm sorry let me put that in words you can understand, smart people stuff.

Uhura: OOo feisty!

Spock turned to her. He was on a role.

Spock: Oh you like that, you think that was funny. You know I've always wondered what exactly you do on this ship. I mean pretty much everyone we come in contact with speaks (insert adjective that ends in "ing") English. What do we need an expert in communications for. Face it, you're position is purely for the viewing pleasure of your male counterparts.

Uhura huffed indignantly and walked away in protest.

Uhura: (mumbling angrily) Now I know he didn't just say that to me. Um mm I don't need this.

Kirk refused to appear unnerved.

Kirk: Means a lot coming from the permanent understudy. Always the bridesmaid never the bride huh Spock.

Chekov and Sulu exchanged glances in disbelief. They snickered at the Captain's last blow. Spock turned on them.

Spock: Oh, and I suppose you all have real complicated jobs. It must be hard to push those on and off buttons. It must be real (insert adjective ending in "ing") hard to follow directions hand fed to you by the computers. On Vulcan we have a name for employees like you, expendable. Lazy sons of (insert noun) all of you.

At this point the good doctor Bones had been summoned.

Bones: What's going on here.

Spock pointed at him.

Spock: And you... you... well I never liked you to begin with.

Bones eyes narrowed

Bones: Oh yeah... well I never really like you either.

In 60's style fashion Spock and bones engaged in a highly exciting battle in which each decided to reach for the other's jugular. Apparently Spock was currently forgetting about his signature bad(insert noun) mofo nerve pinch.

Spock: (insert action) you!

Bones: (insert action) you too!

Spock: I hate you!

Bones: I love you!

Spock suddenly let go, what an intriguing thing to say at a time like this.

Spock: What really?

Bones: No!

Bones withdrew a syringe and jammed it into the side of Spock's neck.

Spock: Ow! Owwwwww!

Both rolled over panting on the floor. Finally bones stood up and addressed Kirk.

Bones: I never would have expect it to be that easy. We got him Jim.

Spock also began to sit up, blinking his eyes dazedly.

Spock: Wha... what just happened?

Kirk: You flipped out on us, my friend. You completely lost it, but it's okay, you were just suffering a rare space disease. Good thing Bones here had the antidote.

Spock stood up straight rubbing at the bruise on his neck.

Spock: Gentleman I'm afraid I've acted most inappropriately. I assure you, I was severely out of my mind.

Bones patted his shoulder in a friendly gesture.

Bones: As previously mentioned, you contracted a rare space disease from the last planet we visited. The symptoms include aggression, temporary lapses in language control, and a rash where the sun don't shine. Luckily I diagnosed the sickness and was able to administer the antidote in due time. To hold you accountable for any behavior you've exhibited in the past few days would be unfair to say the least. No hard feelings buddy.

Still semi-out of it, Spock straightened his shirt before wandering towards the door.

Spock: I need a drink

When he was a safe distance away Kirk leaned towards Bones.

Kirk: So what did you really give him?

Bones: A strong sedative for a disease called, Imarepressedguywithseriousissues-itis

Kirk: That will do it Bones, that will do it.

As Spock walked the hallways he meditated on the previous events

Spock: (to himself) Wait what rash?