Okay, this was going to be a standalone when I first started writing it but it went in a completely different direction. I hope you like it! Please review and let me know!
Enjoy!
Dreaming Reality
A gentle hand on B.J's shoulder broke his sleep. He immediately recognized the familiar touch and he knew he must have been dreaming because it was impossible. He felt the hand leave his shoulder and a few seconds later, fingers gently caressed his cheek. He kept his eyes closed in fear that if he opened them, all he would see is the Swamp and his two bunkmates.
"B.J."
His heart sped up when he heard her, whisper his name and reluctantly opened his eyes. He could not help but smile when he saw his wife sat on the edge of his cot. She returned the smile and she ran her fingers down his face, to his chest, placing her hand right over his heart.
He shifted to make more room, so she could laid down beside him. They did not speak. They just led facing each other, silently looking into one another eyes.
He didn't question why she was there. He didn't question why silence surrounded them, drowning out his best friend's, normal restless sleep in the cot opposite and the sounds of the few people working the night shift around the camp. Instead he concentrated on the feel of her fingers threaded through his own and oh so familiar scent of her perfume and shampoo mixed perfectly together...He didn't care whether or not he was dreaming. He missed her so much that it hurt and this was the closest he felt to her since he had arrived in Korea...He was going to hold onto it as long as he could.
XxXxX
B.J was jerked awake by the sound of horn, beeping loudly as he drove by the tent.
"I don't remember ordering a wake up call." Hawkeye quipped, blinking away the sleep in his eyes. He glanced across at his friend and frowned slightly when he saw B.J staring down at his cot mattress. "Beej?"
"Hmm?" His head snapped up.
"You okay?"
"Yeah...just..." He shook his head. "Nothing, I'm fine."
Hawkeye sighed and swung his legs over the side of the cot. He rubbed his tired eyes. "Another day in hell...and here I thought it was all dream."
A dream...His dream...It had felt so real. Just like Peg had been there, right with him. His heart ached for his wife. He wanted to hold her... to kiss her...to look into her eyes.
"Hey, B.J?" Hawkeye placed a hand on his shoulder causing the younger man to jump. "You sure you're okay?"
"I guess, I'm still half a sleep." B.J replied, looking at his friend for the first time that morning and noticed he was already dressed.
"So, did you want to come to get some breakfast?" Hawkeye questioned.
"Yeah, sure..." B.J stood up and quickly pulled on his clothes. "Lets go."
"Next time we come to war, I say we bring our own chef." Hawkeye joked.
"I'm surprised Charles hasn't sent for one." B.J replied as he followed Hawkeye out the swamp. He paused in the door way and glanced back, part of him was expecting to see some kind of trace of Peg but there was nothing.
Sighing, he told himself to get a grip. It was just a dream but he could not get it out of his head. He told still feel her fingertips on his face. The more the thought about it, the more it made him feel uneasy but he could not work out why.
"Margaret, how would you like two strong and handsome men to join you for breakfast." Hawkeye asked, when he noticed the Major sat alone after they collected their food.
"That would be great...Do you know any?" She shot back.
"Ha, well I guess you will just have to put up with us." Hawkeye placed his tray down and sat beside Margaret while B.J sat down opposite them.
B.J pushed his food around on the tray but didn't eat anything. What did his dream mean? He had dreamt before that Peg was there in Korea with him but they were always nightmares. He had to fight to save her life. Why was last night different? He had felt content, which was something he had not felt since he had left the states. He briefly wondered whether it meant, he was getting used to not being with her but he quickly dismissed it...He felt like crying everyday, he didn't see her. He knew that he would never get use to that.
He turned his head to look to the left when he thought he felt someone beside him but all there was, was an empty space.
"Hey, Beej!" Hawkeye leaned across the table and banged his fork on B.J's tray to get his attention.
"Sorry? What?"
"What's with you this morning?" Hawkeye questioned. "You keep zoning out."
"Are you sick?" Margaret stood up and moved towards him, bringing her hand to his forehead.
B.J jerked his head away before she could touch him. "I'm fine."
"Beej, what is it?"
He sighed and ran a hand over his face. "It's nothing...just last night, I had this dream...and it was so real..."
"Oh yeah..." Hawkeye leered, jokingly causing Margaret to roll her eyes.
"Pierce! Can't you act like a grown up for once in your life?"
"Of course, I can but I just choose not too."
"Your friend is upset and you cannot even be bothered to take it seriously!" She waved a hand in B.J direction.
"I'm not upset, I'm fine." B.J insisted as he stood up.
"No, Beej, I'm sorry...Stay." Hawkeye suddenly felt guilty. "Tell us about your dream? Nightmare?"
"No, it a good dream...I should go...I'm already late for Post-Op."
"B.J."
"Hawk, I'm fine."
"Well, you handle that well!" Margaret glared at Hawkeye once B.J had left.
"He'll be fine...Let him brood for a bit and then he will open up." Hawkeye claimed and just prayed he was right.
B.J headed across the compound, determined to get the dream out of his head. It was as if she was still there with him. He used to always be able to tell when she walked into a room before he saw her. It was as if he was going crazy.
"Captain?" Klinger called out and ran to catch up with him. "Captain, Colonel Potter needs you in his office."
B.J suddenly felt sick. "Why?"
"He never said."
"I got post-op duty." B.J claimed.
"Sir, I think its pretty important." Klinger replied.
He just looked at the company clerk, trying to read Klinger's face to find out what was going on.
"Captain?" Klinger prompted after a few seconds.
"Right, Okay...I'm going."
Klinger watched as B.J walked away. He had no idea what was going, all he knew was that the Colonel Potter had got a phone call from the States this morning and then sent him out to look for B.J. He could not shake the feeling that something bad had happened. He turned on his heels and headed for the Mess tent. If there was something wrong, then B.J would want Hawkeye there.
B.J hesitated outside Potter's office. His mind was screaming at him to turn and run away. Deep down in the pit of his stomach, he knew he didn't want to know what the Colonel had to say. After a few seconds, he forced his hand to raise and to knock on the door before he changed his mind and then pushed through the double doors.
"What you wanted to see me, Colonel?"
Potter turned around from where he was looking at the window. B.J immediately recognized the look of the sympathy and sadness in the older man's eye; convincing him even more that he should not have come.
"B.J..." Potter started but stopped; he had no idea how to have this conversation. "Why don't you sit down?"
"Colonel, is this important?" B.J questioned. "Because I'm late for post-op duty and you know how Charles gets..."
"Sit down, Son." Potter said softly and placed a hand on his shoulder, gently pushing him down onto a chair.
"Colonel, I really should get going."
"B.J, forget about post-op." Potter told him. "I'm sorry, Son...but I'm afraid I have some terrible news."
B.J's heart sped up and threaten to burst out of his chest as he stared at the Colonel. His hands gripped onto the side of the chair so tightly, that his knuckles turned white but he was afraid if he let go, then he would bolt from the room before Potter could tell him the news he was dreading. He felt it again – fingertips slowly trailing down his cheek.
"Something has happened back home, hasn't it?" B.J questioned, swallowing the lump that rose in his throat. "Something has happened to Peg and Erin?"
"There was an accident," Potter informed him. "I don't know too much, Erin was not there but Peg was on her way home, when another car hit her."
"But...but she is okay, right?" B.J asked, tears stinging his eyes; he already knew the answer. "She's has to be okay."
"I'm sorry, son..." Potter placed his hand on his shoulder again. "She didn't make it."
He had knew...when he woke up this morning, he had known something was not right but hearing the words said out loud was like someone slamming a sledgehammer into his stomach. He struggled to breath and fell back onto the back of the chair, all his energy drained out of him.
"I know there is nothing that can make you feel better but if there is anything you need, then just ask."
"You're wrong...You've got to be wrong..." B.J stuttered a little, shaking his head in disbelief. "Please...please just tell me your wrong."
"I wish I was, Son." Potter whispered. "I really wish I was."
He had told many people in his time that their loved ones had died. The families of men that served under his commended. Soldiers, who had woken up from surgery to find out their best friend didn't make it. Hell, he was the one that broke the news to Mildred that her Mother had passed away. None of them was as hard as this. None of them broke his heart quite like the look on B.J's face was doing right now.
"She...she was my wife...my best friend..."
"I know," Potter mumbled helplessly. "We're going to get you on the next available plane out of here so you can be with your little girl."
B.J squeezed his eyes shut but tears still slipped silently down his face. Erin. His beautiful baby girl, who was the image of her mother. There was no way he could raise her without Peg.
Potter didn't know what else he could say. It was not fair that B.J had to witness so much death and distraction here and also have to suffer it back home too. The phone broke the silence and Potter glanced at it, knowing who it would be.
"B.J... that should be your father." He told him. "I spoke to him earlier, he wanted to talk to you but there was a bad line and we were cut off...I told the operator to put him straight through...Do you feel up to talking to him."
B.J took a couple of deep breaths and nodded, while wiping the tears from his eyes. Maybe his father would tell him there was a mistake...Maybe it was all a joke...Maybe it was just a plan to get B.J home.
Potter answered the phone and spoke a few quiet words with the person on the other end before holding it out to B.J.
"I'll give you some privacy...I'll be right outside if you need me." Potter told him then headed for the door.
"I'm telling you, something not right!" Klinger insisted as Hawkeye and Margaret followed him into his office.
"Just because Potter got a call from the states?" Hawkeye questioned. "It could mean anything."
"You said yourself that B.J has been acting strangely," Margaret added.
"Yeah but that has only been since this morning...besides, he said it was a dream he had...it must have been a nightmare."
"Well, I'm not so sure." Margaret said, in concern. "He looked sick to me."
Before any of them could say any more, Potter exited his office and looked at them all.
"What are you three up to?" He asked with a tired sigh. It was only 9am and he was already wishing this day was over.
"We're worried about B.J...He hasn't been himself this morning and then Klinger said,you wanted to see him."
Just then the door's from Post-Op swung open and Charles stormed in.
"Ah, Pierces, here you are...I knew if could just find you then you're little partner in crime would not be far away!" Charles looked around the office. "Hunnicutt was meant to relieve me 30 minutes ago! Where is he?"
"Not now, Major." Potter told him. "He's busy at the moment, you will just have to carry on in Post-Op until further notice."
"Busy? What could be so important that he cannot do his duty?" Charles exclaimed.
"He's in my office talking to his Father."
"His Dad?" Hawkeye questioned, in surprise.
"Oh, marvelous! He gets a personal phone call while I have to do his work."
Potter looked at Charles, feeling angry boiling inside him but he forced himself to calm down when part of his brain reminded him that Charles didn't know what had happened.
"Colonel? What is it?" Margaret asked.
"There was an accident involving Peg... Her injuries were too serious...She didn't survive."
Margaret gasped and covered her mouth with her hand in shock. Charles stared at the Colonel in shock and suddenly feeling incredibly guilty. Klinger sat heavily down on his chair, he knew something was wrong but he was not expecting that. Hawkeye stared at the doors to Potter's office, his stomach knotting at the thought of how much pain his best friend must be in right now.
"She was only young..." Margaret mumbled. "Oh and that poor little girl..."
"Erin? What about her? Is she okay?" Hawkeye suddenly remembered his best friend's daughter.
Potter held up a hand to stop him. "She's fine...She wasn't there."
"Okay, good...good..." Hawkeye looked back towards the doors.
"Klinger, I'm going to need you to fill out the paperwork for a hardship discharge." Potter told him. "And get onto I-Corps and tell them we need a new doctor."
"Yes, Sir." Klinger said, sadly.
Hawkeye ran a hand over his face. B.J was going home. He didn't know whether he would be able to face being in Korea without his best friend. Selfishly, he didn't want him to leave but a bigger part of him knew that Erin needed him more and he probably needed Erin too.
"I cannot believe this..." Margaret said, quietly with tears in her eyes. "Do you think he knew?"
"What?"
"B.J. Do you think on some level, he had known." She queried. "He was acting strange this morning."
"Don't be absurd!" Charles rolled his eyes. "How could he have possible known?"
They all fell silent when the doors to Potter's office opened and B.J slowly walked out, staring straight ahead.
"How you doing, Son?" Potter asked, gently.
B.J looked at him for a few seconds and then when he opened his mouth to speak, no words came out.
"Is there anything you need?"
He shook his head. "I need...I'm want to go back to the swamp."
"Why don't you stay here for a bit," Potter suggested. "We'll sit down and have a belt, it'll help with the shock."
He shook his head again. "I need to be alone...I need to go back to the swamp."
"Okay," Potter agreed reluctantly. "You just remember, we are all here for you."
B.J gave a small nod and slowly moved towards the door; not once did he look at the others in room. Before he stepped outside, he turned back around.
"B.J?" Potter questioned, in concern.
"Where's Father Mulcahy?" He asked. "I should pray... I need to pray for Peg."
"He went to the orphanage this morning," Klinger informed him. "He's due back within the hour."
"When he gets back, can you ask him to come see me?"
"Of course, I will send him straight over." Potter assured him.
With another nod, B.J walked out.
"There's got to be something we can do." Margaret was the first break the silence.
"I'm going to talk to him..." Hawkeye started towards the door but Potter stopped him.
"Maybe we should leave him alone for a little while."
"He's my best friend," Hawkeye replied. "I can't just leave him like this."
Potter let go of his arm and nodded understandingly but Hawkeye didn't move.
"What do I say to him?" He whispered, his voice cracking a little. "I don't know what to say to him."
"None of us do," Potter said softly. "Maybe we should give him, his space...Until Father Mulcahy returns...I know B.J isn't all that religious but it might help."
"This is not right...This should not have happened... Not to Beej...Not to Peg...Not to Erin."
"I know, Son." Potter agreed.
XxXxX
As soon as B.J entered the swamp, he went straight to his cot and sat on the edge. Closing his eyes, he hoped he would be able to feel her there but there was nothing but emptiness. After a few seconds, he reached out a shaky hand and picked up the photo of Peg and Erin. He felt tears burn in his eyes as he stared at his wife. He slowly led down, burying his face in his pillow and hugged the photo to his chest. Then, he cried...he could not hold it together any more. He had no idea what to do...everything hurt too much. He didn't know if he could carry on living without Peg... and he didn't know whether he wanted to or not.
TBC
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