Chemistry
Chapter 1: "Super Sluggers Shenanigans"
Scenario 1: Shaggy Dog
Toadette marched down the street gang style with her good chemistry pals, Peach, Birdo, Toad, Toadsworth, Noki, and Pink Mii. It was a warm sunny day in the Mushroom Kingdom and they were heading down to the park where they would continue to own Toad Town with their tight friendship and good chemistry, or at least while playing baseball..
Peach whipped back her blond ponytail. She was wearing her signature sports attire consisting of a pink tank top and shorts. "It's great to have such amazing friends, isn't it?" she asked her friends.
Birdo straightened her bow. She had no special outfit, but she proudly wore a diamond ring (rumored to be a gift from Yoshi) that glistened in the sunlight. "Of course darling! We have the best fun!" However when her eyes locked with the blonde princess standing on the other side of Toadette, a spark ignited between the two.
"I can't stand you, Birdo!" Peach spat as she stopped walking and crossed her arms. "I've hated you since SMB2! You are always spitting eggs ever where you go! How unladylike! Also as if-"
"Go there darling, and I will slap you to the dream world again," Birdo warned, glaring back.
Toadette held her arms out to keep them apart. "Guys! I mean, girls! Stop!"
Toadsworth guffawed. "Indeed, young ladies! Cannot our mutual love for Toadette be the sticky paste that gels us together?"
Toadette gave the elder a weird look. "Umm, that's one way to put it, but let's keep it at having good results on the baseball field."
"This is about baseball?" Jelectro Bond, the Noki asked. "I feel I am in the wrong story."
Toad grabbed a handful of the popcorn he had. "Anyway, of course you belong. All Nokis love Toadette, and we're the Toadette Typhoons, right? So are we gonna have a cat fight or not?" Toad asked, looking at Peach and Birdo ammusingly.
BEEP BEEP. A car loudly honked at the septet. They were in the middle of the street after all. Everyone immediately got on the sidewalk but Birdo and Peach still avoided eye contact, Toadsworth stood too close to Toadette, Jelectro was still confused, and Toad and Pink Mii continued to stand around happy to be alive.
Toadette was already feeling exhausted. Having so many allies was fine during a heated baseball game. How they behaved off the field was the issue..."Let's just get to the park already so we can chillax.."
"I've never been to the park before," the pink Mii piped up. She was a really shy and basic looking Mii with nondescript features almost as if someone created a default Mii and didn't personalize it at all. Still, she got along with Toadette and that was all that mattered.
"It'll be fine," Toadette assured her.
But it wasn't because when they rounded around the block, Toadette's arch-enemy Bowser, Goomba, and Paragoomba cut them off.
"Well look at these losers!" Bowser teased. He and the goombas stood in a line, taking up the whole sidewalk.
Toadette turned red in frustration. "We just wanna go to the park! Can't a toad relax for once?! Uh oh!-" She abruptly leaned over and fell to the ground, feeling sick. A second later the same happened to Peach, Toad, and Toadsworth. They joined Toadette on the hot concrete sidewalk and were too weak to stand.
"We... all hate Bowser, Goomba, and Paragoomba for…. obvious reasons... Our fielding stats will now suffer..." Toadette gasped, even though they were nowhere near a baseball stadium.
Bond scratched his head. "Excusez moi?"
Birdo shook her head in pittance. "Bad chemistry, dear."
"That's right pipsqueak!...Wait, I don't feel so good..." The extra large goomba stumbled forwards and hit the sidewalk with a thud. "I just HATE Toad and Toadsworth! They think they're better than me!"
Bond lifted his sunglasses. "Richard? Is that you? I feel we should know each other."
"I don't know you from Adam, shortie!" Dick stammered. "And we definitely don't know each other from another story or somethin'!"
Bowser gave Richard a passing glance and shrugged. "That was weird.. So anyway, I'm glad I'm so awesome I bring you to your knees!-"
"Ah-hem! Bad chemistry is mutual, honey." Birdo said offhandedly.
Bowser then fell out to the ground in another thud, because he had bad chemistry with Peach, Toad, Toadette, and Toadsworth. "How is this happening?! Besides I secretly love Peach!"
Peach opened one eye despite her weakening. "Bowser you fool, that's no secret!"
Now only Birdo, Bond, Pink Mii, and Paragoomba were left standing with their comrades laying around them, like the aftermath of a fierce battle only not, because this situation was stupid.
"What's it gonna be?" the Paragoomba teased. "I got no bad chemistry, what about you all?"
"I am still not sure why I'm here, but I have an odd dislike for Bowser Junior and Petey," Bond replied. "Junior put a dent on my one million coin Aston Mushroom with his bike and never paid for it. Petey literally ate me on a spy mission, but I would rather not speak about that."
The paragoomba thought for a moment. "That Junior brats not in this story, and Petey Piranha got departed somewhere when WiiU came out. Or not. Guess that joke made since in an earlier draft of this story. Looks like you're safe, noki spy dude. What about you?" He looked to Birdo.
She put her hand on her hip. "I cannot stand Peach, Tiny Kong, Wario, Blooper, and Waluigi."
"Peach? Why did she not make you physically ill before?" Bond asked.
"I guess our mutual friendship with Toadette canceled out the worse effects. And besides, Peach now is on the floor knocked out, like she should be!"
The paragoomba smirked. "Oooh! You two got some bad history, don't ya?"
Birdo huffed. "She's only the stupidest blonde ever! And Tiny? Such a tease. Wario, Blooper and Waluigi are just gross!"
"I do not think I understand how these chemistry rules work, but now what?" Bond asked.
"Leave?" Birdo asked. Birdo, Bond and paragoomba dropped whatever confrontation there was supposed to be, and left everyone else on the floor. Because their chemistry was bad with each other, no one was ever able to move again, thus making this a pointless (shaggy dog) story.
Scenario 2: Buddy Jump?
Mario and Bowser were in the center and left outfield together, respectively. Why a player would do that is unknown, but anyway King Boo was at the bat and predictably got a great hit, sending the ball screaming right between the hero and villain.
"Out of the way, plumber! It's mine!" Bowser growled. His heavy feet moved rapidly in an attempt to follow the ball's shadow.
"It's too high, we'll have to buddy jump!" Mario called, having reached the wall before Bowser.
The ball was about to leave the field when Bowser caught up.
"It's now or never! Trust me!" Mario urged.
Bowser shot him a look. "Well okay, come here!"
They stood by each other to activate the move, but something went wrong. Mario picked up Bowser instead of Bowser picking up Mario. The unnatural power of bad chemistry made Mario fling Bowser over the wall into the audience. Popcorn and hot dogs went everywhere as Bowser's massive body belly flopped on the stadium seats and audience. Meanwhile, the ball continued souring and went into space resulting in a grand slam with King K. Rool, Funky Kong, and Wario already on bases. King Boo's team won 4-0.
Later…
Mario and Bowser, were standing around in the baseball center lobby, because they weren't allowed in the party room.
Bowser punched Mario's shoulder.
"Oww!"
"That's for making me lose, plumber." Bowser growled.
Mario distanced himself from the Koopa King. "I think we did the best we could considering we were the only players on our team!"
Just then, Toadsworth entered through the glass doors to the lobby. He had a noticeable tan, as if he'd been lying in the sun on a sidewalk, but that's oddly specific imagery, isn't it? His shuffle became a brisk walk the moment he noticed Mario and Bowser.
"Tally ho, Master Mario! The Koopa King is right behind you!" Toadsworth called as he approached.
"I know," Mario muttered, holding his sore shoulder.
"Shut up," Bowser growled.
Toadsworth slowed down to his usual slow pace with a relieved look. "I apologize. It escaped me that you two were the losing team earlier. I had heard that you were partnered with someone unexpected but I assumed that to be anyone but that tyrant!"
"Watch it, old man!" Bowser warned, smoke threatening to pour from his nostrils.
"Well I am proud to announce this!"
"What?" Mario asked.
Toadsworth handed Mario a paper. It read that Mario and Bowser's team would be given the win because King Boo was discovered to have been using illegal Boo vitamins, King K. Rool had threatened a coach, Wario had bribed someone, and everyone realized that it was ridiculous that Funky was using a surfboard as a bat.
"We won?! I was wondering why I just saw those four being escorted and tazed and beaten repeatedly by the security guards.."
Bowser snatched the paper from Mario's hand. "What? Hey, we did!"
"Congratulations Master Mario… And Bowser though he does not deserve-" Toadsworth's voice was cut off Bowser's flame breath.
Later again...
Mario and Bowser were standing outside the baseball pavilion with ribbons around their necks. Mario looked at his appreciatively. "We might not work well together, but I guess it's good we didn't cheat!"
Bowser responded by punching him in the shoulder again as a spaceship came out of nowhere. Princess Rosalina came out of the spaceship holding a ball, her delicate features twisted in annoyance.
"Who sent this spherical object of death into space?! It broke a window in my bedroom and made all of the Lumas cry!"
"Run!" Mario said.
Fin!
(Teaser for next time!)
A tale begins with a quote from "SuperLuigi13" of Gamefaqs.
"Bowser Jr.: Dad, what's the roster say about the baby count"
Bowser: IT'S OVER 9000!...I mean 5..."
Created: 4/23/18, 4/24, edit 2/5/19
Author note: Once a tumblr exclusive. Older drafts (all three ! of them) can be found under boomaster-amia tumblr. Jelectro Bond is the telepathic spy from Mario and Bowser: Frenemies Forever/ Mario and Bowser's New Frenemy Adventure, in case no one gets it. Richard the goomba is too.