(Introduction)
A girl dressed in black is sitting in the lobby of an office, with her arms folded across her chest. She is wearing something you would normally see in a skate shop. A band logo is printed directly below where her arms lie. The chains on her paints rattle against the metal chair as she shifts awkwardly in her seat. Her shoes are black, classic chucks. She has dark wrist and armbands covering up both wrists and both arms. Her hair is dark and strait with a slight curl at the end, which comes out to be just under her shoulder blades. From what you can see she has blue eyes that look as pure and chilling as ice. At one look into them she could turn you into just that, sheer ice. She sat alone until an older man stepped out from the corridor. He was quite taller than the girl and wore thick horn rimmed glasses. He looked at her and asked her if she was his five o'clock appointment. She nodded. He asked if her mother would be joining them and she shook her head no. He then asked her where her mother was and if she would join him in his office. She looked up at the man and replied in a shaky voice, " I rode my board, Mom is at work, and do I really have a fucking choice."
Session One At The Therapist's
The man offered her a seat and said, "So, Miss Jamison, would you tell me about yourself and anything you think I should know about you." She looked at him, looked at the clock, and sighed, " Just fill up the hour and tell him what he wants to hear", she mumbled to her self.
"My name is Joanna, such an innocent name doesn't seem. Well, everything is not as it seems, and I am not sweet, innocent, gullible, or any other bull shit pretty girl term that comes with a name like Joanna. Everyone calls me Jo, I guess Joanna is to appealing for a girl like me. I am taking a guess, that when my parents named me; they were hoping I would grow up to be perky, miss popularity. Everyone knows a girl like this. She is the first one to have everything, and she was packing credit cards by the eighth grade. If it is fuzzy and comes in pink she has at least one of what ever it is if not more. You know the one with all the friends, and the ones who aren't her friends, hang on every word that comes out of her mouth…hoping that maybe she will notice."
"What is wrong with that Joanna?" The man asked, not even bothering to look up from his legal pad.
"It is basically everything I am not. I am not popular with the jocks or nerds because that's not who I am. I am not a rich girl, I am not anything I don't have a category. I am the alternative girl that no one fucks with because I have a reputation. My friends know my rep. proceeds me, but even if they said different no one would believe them. Why should anyone, they are just a bunch of punks."
"I see, very good." Jo shook her head in disappointment, 'Just like the others' she thought to herself but she kept on talking.
"I digress though, as I was saying, my parents would love for me to be normal, but I think they are the ones to blame because I am not. I mean face it my parents aren't exactly the next Mike and Carroll Brady. They never stopped fighting and when they did, it was usually because my dad walked out or mom contently remembered she has to run to the store. They always came home though, after five or six hours of cooling off. This basically continued until my dad started cheating and filed for a divorce when I was twelve."
"Tell me more about your father".
"My Dad is not your normal loving dad and most of the time he is not even 'Dad', he is Jared, or the dude I go visit on summer vacation. I guess by calling him this, he just becomes another dead face in the crowd, and when he becomes a nameless face I forget he is even there. I don't think he even notices, if he does, then he just doesn't care. That would be no surprise seeing how he was never the one to care about anyone but himself anyway. He never keeps a house or a job for more than a year. He has striking physical features; in the way they are so striking the sight of him would make you gouge your eyes out. He is about six feet tall and has a dark complexion. His face shows signs of wrinkles and scars, from fifty years of life, a poor and disgraceful childhood, and twenty years in the military. Which is where he picked up most of his parenting skills, and the fact he was always running from something. He had to be, why else did I live in over thirteen houses by the age of ten."
"How about your mom, what is she like Joanna?" They man finely looked up from his notes. Soon enough he looked down again and pushed his glasses upward on his nose.
"My mother is a little less terrifying in looks, but when it comes to it my mom is twice is terrifying as my dad in attitude. Thirty-five year old, Lacy Jamison is living proof the old phrase "dynamite comes in small packages" is not only true but active. She works up to twenty hour days at a hospital, where they treat her like dirt, and even though she is only five feet tall, she packs a lot of power when my siblings or I back talk her after work."
"You have siblings?" He seemed fascinated. " Who are they and how do they play a part in your life?"
"That's right I am not the only child of the hopeless Lacy and Jared, in fact there are six of us. No, my mom is not a 35 year old with six kids, they are all half and steps, but that doesn't stop them from picking on me because I'm the smallest."
"You're the youngest?"
"The youngest is me then my dad's step kid, or my sixteen year old brother Brett. He is a bully and plays football, I really don't know more about him because I don't feel it is that important to know what he is doing all the time. Then there is only sibling on my mom's side. Her name is Karla and she is married and has two kids. She is probably the only sibling I have that even cares about me, or at least pretends to. My three other siblings are basically people I don't talk to unless someone in the family dies or is in the hospital. The last time I saw Jacey was at my grandfather's funeral. The same goes for Cameron and before that I saw him once when I was six or so. Morgan is my oldest brother, I see him more than any of the three oldest, but that is still only about once every two or three years."
"What about your friends?" "Do you think they are a good influence on you?"
"Good friends come few and far between for me. Half the time I don't even feel I can talk to them, so I usually end up talking to the voices in my head. It sounds psychotic I know, but I never said I wasn't psycho, I said I wasn't a certified psycho. The only other person on earth that listens is my best friend, and don't get me wrong she tries to listen to me talk about my mother and how her new boyfriend annoys me. But she has no idea how to reply when I pause for feedback."
"Tell me more about your self"
"At the end of the food chain of our family is me, and I know you are just dieing to know about me and why I am even here telling you all this. I am about five-foot four; I am probably the tallest person in my household. I guess I got the height thing from my old man. I am on the chunky side and I really don't care. I guess I have grasped the fact that vanity is a thing for a person who gives a damn and that isn't me. As I stated before I have a rep. and some of it is true. The facts to it are that, no I'm not a certified psycho path, I was never in juvy, I never threatened to slit a teachers throat and that's not why I moved, and I never in my life had an abortion. There is some truth to my rep., not that I'm proud about it I just want to state the truth. I am in therapy and yes I am a cutter and I have been since the fifth grade. I threatened to slice a kids throat, not a teachers and that's not why I switched schools either."
"You're a Cutter?" " Why do you think that is?" "How do you feel about the fact you cut and what people say about it?"
"I suppose your still dwelling on my cutting addiction. It comes as quite a shock for most people, because they think cutting is something that is on T.V. and in books. They never thought it could happen to someone they know, someone they talk to, or someone that even lives in their town. I know what you are thinking, you are thinking to your self another hopeless kid who has no idea what pain is." Jo looked at her wristbands, rubbed the cloth, then she spoke again. "Maybe you think that, but I am here to tell you that a person that is fifteen can go through a lot more than some adults go though in their life. I'm not saying I have been through more than you, so don't get defensive. I'm just saying that I have gone through a lot. There is more to me than people know."
"MISS JAMISON!!! I think I have made a brake through," The man said as he scribbled fiercely at his legal pad "but I think you need to tell me why you feel all the pain you do." Jo paused for a few minutes then hastily grabbed her skateboard, which she had sat on the floor. "Miss Jamison where do think you are going?" Jo looked at the man. She looked as if a tidal wave had washed over her, "My hour is up, and this session is over!" Anyone could tell she was nervous as sweat poured of her face and palms, as if she had heard the worst news of her life. The way she felt the night he left.
She opened the main door of the office and put the skateboard on the steps. She started to take off, but the old man caught her just in time. " Monday at five, your next appointment is next Monday at five." She started down the sidewalk. "Whatever" she yelled at the man standing outside.
"Whatever" she mumbled again. She pushed her self faster as if someone was fallowing her. Her eyes had become even bluer than usual, as she headed for home…
Homeward to a Hell Pit
Jo skated on home and unlocked the front door of her apartment. She lifted her nose in the air, just as soon as the sent of smoke met her nose as it always did. Lance was home from work already, and Jo didn't even have to look to know that her mom's boyfriend was sitting on the couch in the living room. She knew he was home, not only because smoke poured from the living room, but also the faint smell of his oily coveralls filled the hall. He was an ugly chain-smoker who worked at the local logging company. His days were short, but at least he worked.
"Is that you Hun?" He yelled as he left the dark smoke filled living room. "Not a chance in hell." Jo screamed over the Television. "Oh, Hey there kiddo!" He said as he entered the walkway where Jo was standing. "Hello Lance," Jo replied in a sullen manner that made Lance smirk as the Marlboro dangled from his lips.
Jo avoided Lance at any cost, and this no exception. It was nothing against Lance…she just had a feeling about this guy. Jo made an excuse to pass by Lance into her room where she hoped to forget the hellish air that surrounded Lance.
What Is In The Closet?
Jo slipped into her room and barricaded the door with her computer chair. If she got caught again, Lance was sure to rat her out her mom. She slowly walked to her closet. No one really knew what was in the closet, but in reality, this particular closet held to many secrets for a normal person to imagine. Only Jo knew what she would find when she pulled back the paneling.
She began to remove the covering over wall board by board, she proceeded to do so slowly making sure not to draw attention to her room or make any noise at all. She finely had removed each panel to reveal the hollowed out portion of drywall, which concealed a small black bag, with her name elegantly printed on it.
She slowly removed the contents of the bag: a CD, and a small box. She placed the CD in her small stereo that rested on her headboard, she pressed play after selecting track 13 and then she pressed repeat. She then opened her bedroom window; afterward she sat at a small table and opened the small box. Reveling the contents to herself by lying them out on the table before her. She first removed a small amount of drugs and rolled a perfect joint, by looking at it you could tell this was not the first time she had done this. She laid the joint aside and removed the lighter and razor from the box.
She lit the joint and took a hit. She sighed as if she felt the pain of her day slip away into nothingness. She began to make a deep cut in her wrist every time she took a hit. She repeated pattern: hit, cut, hit, cut. Until the only thing drowning out her mixture of laughs and tears was the song '1979' blaring on her stereo.
The Calm After the Storm
She slid down from her 'high' just before her mom returned home. By that time, Jo's stereo was tuned to a fading radio station. Her room was cleared of the smoke and the sent was no longer of drugs, but of Tropical Hawaiian air freshener. Her closet was reassembled and her room was neat and organized. Things were back to so called normal.
"Joanna it is past midnight," she heard he mom call down the hall. Jo had not realized it was so late until her mom said something. She was starving and was determined to get something to sooth her stomach. That was until she met her mom in the kitchen. "To bed NOW" her mom shouted at her, and then added " you have school tomorrow."
The Beginning of a New Day
"Hey there kiddo." Jo awoke to the petrifying face of Lance hovering over her. "What time is it and why are you wakening me up?" She managed to slur out as she wiped the sleep from her eyes. "Your mom got called in to work a double today and I reckoned, you'd probably want a ride to school." She smirked as much as she could thinking about what a hick he sounded like and then she managed a small reply "Ugh."
"Do you want a ride or not?" "Guess not, I'll catch a ride with someone or take my board." "Okay then kiddo, I'll wake ya up fore' I leave then I guess" "Whatever,"
Jo replied as she rolled over in her bed.
Lance left that morning with out wakening up Jo for school, but somehow she managed to get to school, with just enough time to stash her board just before the bell rang.
She ran into the building, and then up to the second floor. Locker 89 looked trashy as always. She grabbed her math book from underneath a pile of rubbish and slammed it then she headed for math.
'The Click'
"Only 2 minutes," Jo said under her breath as she stared at the clock. She tried her hardest to pay attention to the teacher in the front, but her eyes always came back to the clock. She couldn't stand this class, it was basically the easiest most boring class she had, even though it was Advanced Placement Biology. What else would you expect if it came in Advanced, Jo was in it.
As the bell rang the rest of kids pushed and shoved her way out of the room. Jo waited as the rest of the kids fled in an unruly manner. She finely made her way out of bio-lab. A group of people met her in the hall.
'The Click' this was Jo's group of friends. Seven people made up the base of The Click, four boys, and three girls.
The leader of the guys in 'The Click' was Slade. He stood taller and more muscular than any other person in 'The Click', not only was he the biggest he was the oldest in the group. Slade was a feared senor, with a reputation of being a vile person with a sick since of humor. Anyone could see why people were afraid of him. He looks as If he could crush you with is pinky.
Slade's girlfriend was the leader of the girls in 'The Click', Phoebe. She was not only Slade's girl but also the meanest chick in 'The Click', as well as the oldest girl. She had black hair that cascaded down her back, and brown eyes that Slade seemed to be the only thing that could keep Slade calm. She was a heartbreaker, and guys couldn't help but look at her when Slade wasn't around.
Phoebe had a strong connection, almost as brother and sister with Crisstian Nobles. Crisstian was like Slade's right-hand man when David wasn't around. He was Jo's man. Crisstian was a scrawny kid with shaggy brown hair that barely covered his eyes. He was the most popular with people out side 'The Click'. Crisstian was the same as every member in 'The Click' he had his trade mark just like the rest, and not the fact his younger brother was fallowing 'The Click'. No, Crisstian was famous for the love of his home country. Crisstian was always joking around with his friends about anything he could think of.
Lunch Time
"Lunch Time" Crisstian yelled as he ran down the hall. "Where are we going to day?" Evan yelled as he chased after the rest of the group. He finely caught up with Jo and he repeated the question. "Don't ask me" Jo said. "Wherever Slade decides, because he is the only one with a car that can hold all seven of us." Slade bragged as he pulled a set of keys from his pocket. Slade's dad was rich so needless to say 'The Click' rode in style.
They all attempted to cram in the back of Slade's convertible. Phoebe chose the tunes as always, after all it was Slade's car. "A little Disturbed for the road," she asked as she cranked up the volume. "Onward Slade, takeith us to the food-ith joint, for I am in
need-ith of nourishment-ith," Crisstian yelled from the back seat to Slade in the front. It was then that Slade realized Evan had piled on top of Crisstian. Slade smirked and said, "Okay, but I don't see what you guess are complaining about, I find my seat very roomy!"
Crisstian had only one reply, "If Evan wasn't in my lap I would eat your soul."
Man Missing
Jo woke up that Saturday felling completely renewed and even slightly cheery, with the knowledge that Lacey and Lance were not home. It was Saturday so it was a positive fact that they were out somewhere. Saturday was also the day that Jo skated around and viewed Carl's graffiti art. There was usually something new somewhere.
Carl was a loner when he wasn't at school. But at West Blue High, if you didn't have a group you were likely going to be the one who gets trampled and shoved in the trash can. He hung with the stoners and if they were hanging out in public it was usually in the alley behind Shop-and-Go. Carl could paint any thing, and make it look real. He would paint any thing, for a price and usually, your social status had something to do the price range.
His latest painting had been dated over a month ago, so there was some bound to be some new shit some where. His last was a copy of the tattoo he had on his shoulder. It was a black cross made of thorns and knifes, with his girlfriends name engulfed in the center. Trust me Carl's girlfriend was not one who was easily forgotten. Kara stood about five feet and five inches tall. Her hair swept the ground when she let it down and her eyes were like clouded pools of blue that seemed to dance with her moods.
Jo thought of this old work as she skated around looking for anything that seemed new or fresh. That's when the faint smell of paint met her nose and it was coming from the bank just across the street.
Then she turned the corner she saw the stoners leaving after they had admired his work on the wall. " The bank never looked better, and more alive" she said. The dragon looked almost as if it could spit fire at any second. It was textured just right all the way down to it's scales. "A dragon, probly Nathan and Alex's idea," they were step-brother and sister, and they were both obsessed with the whole mystical world thing. She wasn't surprised to see the stoners leaving the site as she can up, they loved his work. Nathan and Alex admired his dragons and fire, while Craig and Phoenix loved the fact that his word reminded them of home, seeing how Craig was from Chicago and Phoenix was from, well Phoenix, hence the nick name.
Jo began to analyze the scales. She ran her hands across the paint lightly just insure that is was dry, barley. Jo kept studding the work in her mind, for what seemed to only be a few minutes in her mind, when she was brought back to reality by the sound of a voice she all to well, and the sun setting behind her.
The Run of Fear
"Shame, isn't it?" the voice of one and foot steps of two came up behind her. "I knew I could find her here" said Crisstian. Jo slowly turned around to Face Crisstian and the only person who made Jo want to hurl and ran away at the same time. Which she probly would have done, if her legs wouldn't have turn to jelly underneath her. Jo struggled to stay standing at the sight of the one man who single handedly fucked her up, and stole her will to care all before first year of being a teenager. Crisstian held Jo up until she could hold her self up, even though she was still kind of shaky. "What are you doing here, I haven't seen you for over three years. I don't return your phone calls, and I don't write you letters back, I hate you, I thought you would get the hint by now. I hate you, I hate you." Jo started to tear up at the sight of him standing before her. "I am your Dad, I have the right to see you when I want to. I pay child support, you don't hate me, Joanna, you don't mean that, your just angry." He tried to reach out to her and wipe his daughters tears from her face, but she turned away. "Don't you dare touch me, Jared," She yelled as she turned once again to face him and then she spoke again, "you don't have the right to do anything, you are not my dad you are just some dude who fucked my mother and impregnated her, then stuck around until I was old enough to support my self. You mean nothing to me you are a fake, and a jerk." Jared was stunned with his daughter perspective of him, he was speechless. Before he could speak, JO had stabled her self and did just as Crisstian thought she would do, she wiped her eyes and ran for it.
The Lincoln Park
She ran for about a half a mile. Until she came to an old park that was basically grown over, with weeds and dead grass. She stopped and brushed the dirt off the sign. She didn't have to read it to know where she was, she was at Lincoln Park. The place where she learned to ride her bike, play basket ball, and swing her self by kicking her legs. This was the place her older sister, Karla, used to get paid for mowing the grass every Sunday, until JO was 9, then Karla passed on the mowing duty to JO. JO had done a pretty good job until her mom and dad got a divorce then she never came back to the park, she really didn't want to remember her lie of a childhood. She didn't care anymore.
She never for got where things were though, she stepped into the weeds and slowly found her way to the merry-go-round. She began to cry with all things her father had said, and all things she said to him. She wanted to yell at him for what he had done to her and her mother. Though she vowed to her self never to let the awful truth pass through her lifeless lips. She spun around and around, thinking and crying, everything seemed like a blur to her.
JO awoke to a sun rising over her head. She had lost all Track of time. She remembered then why she never came to the park. It was Because it made her feel happy, at least she thought that's what you called it. She wasn't sure seeing as she thought her happiness as a childhood was a lie.
The First Encounter With The New Kid
"Hey are you ok," a guys voice called to her from across the street. JO had forgotten what had happened the day before, until she realized her bed couldn't spin and the voice was to soft to be Lance's voice. She shuddered as she realized it was the truth and not a bad dream. She was still spinning on the merry-go-round, she must have fallen asleep. "Hello are you ok?" the voice spoke to her again. "Fine" she said to the voice. "You do this a lot, you know like fall asleep in wired places, like on a rusty merry-go-round for instance?" the voice suddenly became a shadow figure standing before her. She sort of chuckled in a 'ya right, get away from me' manner. He didn't really notice because he grabbed the bar and hoped on across, from her. "Who are you, and why are you not at home?"
Jo began to speak to the voice in a non-harsh tone for the first time. "My name is unimportant and what if this is my 'home'," JO looked over the boy with her eyes but the only thing she could see in the darkness, were his glasses and the ball cap he was wearing, she spoke again "the more important question is who are you, and why do you ask so many fucking questions?" He slowly started to get up, syncing her hostility, he spoke one last time before walking away, "Bossy and Territorial…, I like it," he mumbled.
The Drive She Didn't Expect
A car horn blared at JO, she knew before even looking who it was. It was Crisstian's Blazer. The plate on it said: SOLETR 7, and Godsmack blared though the speakers. "Hey JO, someone's lookin for ya, hop in and I'll give you a ride." Usually Crisstian would give JO a kiss as she slid on to the cool leather seats of his car but today was different. When he leaned to give her a kiss she closed her eyes and turned her head away from him.
Crisstian got the hint, he out the car in drive and peeled out. Somewhere between thoughts of the strange kid and her father, JO realized that the drive seemed to be dragging on forever. She looked at the clock and gasped, when she noticed it had been over and hour, and he never specified exactly who wanted to see her. "Crisstian, honey, I love you and trust you but where the fuck are we going?" She began to get more nervous with each second he didn't answer her. She knew then and there she had something to worry about.
The House Only Seen In The Trash
The drive continued for another two hours, until they pulled up to a house Jo had only seen in pictures, and then again it was only to open then toss them in the trash can beside her computer. Just as Crisstian pulled in the drive, he began to speak and Jo shied away from him.
"I'm sorry Jo, but I had to bring you here. Jo you need to make amends with your father. I don't know what happened between you two, but I do see it in your eyes that you miss him. He misses you to, I know he does. What happened between your mom and him it wasn't all his fault, he didn't mean to hurt you."
Jo was speechless, with the words of her boyfriends stupidity running through her head. She found her voice once again and began to yell at her boyfriend who was only tiring to help her.
"No, you don't know anything about that vile monster in that house. I can't ever forgive him for what he did to me……..I mean what he did to my mom. I can't ever love him again, he is a degrading excuse for a human being, that doesn't deserve my time or your effort. If he loves me and misses me why does he have to be such a fucking ass whole to me. I don't miss him I wish he would die and when he does I'll inherit his money and then laugh at his grave."