Disclaimer: We do not own Bleach. We own the cuteness =3
Warnings: Cursing, and slight lewd suggestions
Enjoy!
One day in the peaceful park, where the birds sang brightly, small bugs roamed freely, raccoons shitted, and deer screwed, there was a small community of squirrel kind-the Squirrel Society.
"Hahaha! I'ma cut your tail off this time!" A shady figure shouted. Its crackling laughter echoed through the park. Two shady figures landed on the screwing deer making them topple over in shock. They pushed away now on the ground. Snapping sounds filled the air. Before any creature could get a good glimpse, the two figures disappeared once again. One figure got hit across the forest slamming into the shitting raccoon. Indeed the raccoon shat more than raccoonly possible before screeching and hiding beneath a nearby bush.
"Watch it you two fur-fuckers!" The raccoons comment went ignored when one blurry shape got up from where it had crashed into the raccoon. It pushed back into the trees attacking the other one with a shock of blue fur.
"Fuck you Grimmjow!"
A pair of birds was nestled together in a tree, simply feeding each other various hunks of worm, as was customary among the feathered flocks. Their chicks were resting among the mud and straw of the nest. They chirped insistently, wanting to partake in the worm feast.
A loud growl disrupted the ambiance of the solitary park. Peace came to an instant end as two shadowy figures climbed up on the trees towards the oblivious birds. Feathers cascaded down from the treetops as well as the body of one unfortunate male bird. All other animals watched the spectacle with disgust smothered onto their faces.
A rather large raven observing the monstrosity from afar decided to assert his opinion over the matter. "God damn it Ichigo, Grimmjow! Why is it every day you have to do this! I'm going to bite your stupid furry little heads off one of these days!"
The mischievous shadows stopped their destructive path. A shock of orange fur was seen. It was a squirrel. He stared at the lump of bird guts on the ground before hitting his blue-furred companion in the gut.
"Ouch! What the hell was that for?"
"Look over there Grimmjow! You idiot! How many fucking times must I tell you not to kill the damn birds? "
"Relax. Don't get your acorns all in a bunch. Those stupid feathered freaks can reproduce faster than you can kill them," The blue-furred squirrel said with a wave of his paw holding a grin to the sight of the dead bird.
"Not with you around they don't!"
"Silence, you insolent pups!" The crowd of spectators hushed as a gray, elder squirrel appeared from the shadows.
"Great. It's the nutty old man Yamamoto. We're fucked," Grimmjow muttered, receiving another smack from the angry orange squirrel.
"You mean again?" Ichigo piped up quietly standing next to Grimmjow giving him a slight glare, "I swear asshole. If you keep getting me in trouble like this..."
"What? Whatcha gonna do?" Grimmjow smirked.
"I'm going to have you baby sit my dad again. Today he found a human energy drink."
Grimmjow visibly shuddered to the thought of watching Ichigo's old man, even more with an energy drink high. He'd take any punishment old man Yama gave him instead of that.
Ichigo grinned, knowing he had the upper hand in the argument. He was looking forward to torturing that blue asshole for causing all of his misery.
"I'd rather be babysitting someone else..." The lewd proposition Grimmjow was hinting at made Ichigo's teeth chatter. Grimmjow chuckled.
"Oh, go lick a walnut!"
"Sure. I'll lick your walnuts." A sudden twitch and Ichigo was rubbing his ears in agony. That perverted squirrel was enough to make his blood curdle.
"Bastard!" The orange-furry yelled out, wanting to stab Grimmjow in the tail with a branch, but of course the elder squirrel would be a witness to that act of violence. And Ichigo didn't want to be in any more trouble than he already because of that prick.
The blue-furred squirrel grinned wickedly leaning towards his orange-furred companion with a dangerous glint in his azure eyes. He would lick Ichigo's walnuts one day. The thought made his fur bristle with anticipation. He glanced over at Ichigo, deadpanning at the hot glare on him. Yeah probably not anytime soon...
It was at that moment when both bickering squirrels examined the situation at hand. The elder was eyeing the two of them and he did not seem amused in the least.
"If you are unable to coexist in our home then you both shall be exiled and forced to live in the human realm," Yamamoto shouted over the two young squirrels who winced at the tone of the elder squirrel.
Several gasps echoed throughout the park. "But-but sire! These pups are too young to be out in the wilderness alone!" A concerned black-furred squirrel was the first to speak up to Yamamoto. No other animal dared to speak out against his authority. The hushed spectators stared wide-eyed at the elder. It seemed as if a burning fire was forming in his irises. An angry aura exuded from the elder, making each animal cower in fear.
"Sire?" The angry flames seemed to smolder a bit.
"Listen closely. Indeed there will be punishment. If it is not carried out precisely the way I demand, you two will be thrown out of the Squirrel Society." Ichigo and Grimmjow could only nod in resignation.
"Very well... As the first punishment, you both will be given the responsibility of cleaning duty."
"Cleaning? " Ichigo asked, his tail twitched a few times as he tilted his head to the side a bit questioning the elder. He didn't like were this was going.
"The rabbits are very filthy animals. And quite frankly, no one else wishes to enter Las Conejeras."
Ichigo sighed; his tail drooped to the ground in defeat. His blue-furred annoyance appeared to be amused, grinning devilishly. Ichigo wanted to smack the smile off the pervert's face. Damn him!
Soon enough, Ichigo and Grimmjow were shoved toward the overpowering aroma of feces. The blue squirrel gagged, leaning over with both paws shielding his nostrils. Ichigo's vision started to blur. He needed to lie down before he couldn't tolerate the horrible smell any longer.
"Grimmjow..." Ichigo's weak voice called out. His furry face became very pale.
"What?" Grimmjow answered, muffled by two blue paws.
"I think I'm going to pass out." Ichigo's face looked pained, and his eyes looked a little out of focus.
"Ichigo, just breathe through your mouth and you will be okay. Sheesh..." Grimmjow was certainly worried about his friend. Ichigo took a deep breath in through his mouth then began to choke immediately holding his throat.
"Ack I can t-taste it!" Ichigo yelled.
"Quit complaining already!"
"But it stinks so badly! And it's ruining my taste buds!"
"Then stay outside and shovel it into the leaf bowl! Damn."
Ichigo shoved his companion down deep into the tunnels. They each were scraping up poop with a small scrap of wood. Grimmjow sighed heavily while flinging some out of the hole behind him, hitting Ichigo with it by accident who was shoveling the feces into the bowl constructed out of a pile of leaves. Covered in bits of chocolate rabbit presents, Ichigo became furious. He slammed the make-shift shovel on the ground. The fur of his tail was bristling angrily.
"Bastard!" Ichigo yelled, scrambling to find a piece of refuse repulsive enough to throw at Grimmjow, who was not paying any attention to the foul-mouthed squirrel.
Before Grimmjow could comprehend what was happening, a projectile soared through the air heading straight for his furry ass. A wet plop echoed from inside the tunnel followed by Grimmjow's ferocious growl. Ichigo was dying with laughter.
Yamamoto the stoic gray elder was observing their interactions from up above in his secluded residence on the tallest branch of the Great Oak. A huge sigh spilled from his mouth.
Yamamoto watched the pair throughout the next two punishments which included cleaning birds' nests and cleaning human pee off trees. Each ended in a brawl. Now at the final task and with very little hope, Yamamoto watched, predicting that a fight would break among the pair once more.
This particular task was the most gruesome of all. The fragile bird, Grimmjow had carelessly killed still lay torn in broken in one small heap on the ground. Though it was entirely Grimmjow's fault for the bird's death, Ichigo was also forced to endure another round of cleaning duty.
The orange squirrel gingerly pulled at the bird's frame to see how heavy it was. There was no doubt that they would have to pool their strengths together to remove the carcass. The blue squirrel gestured to Ichigo with a lithe paw.
"Well, at least try to pick it up!"
"Shut the hell up! I can't pick it up by myself. It's too heavy!" Ichigo retorted.
"Well, what do you expect? It's fucking dead weight!"
The orange squirrel's jaw dropped at Grimmjow's audacity. He doesn't know where to draw the line. "Grimmjow! That's not funny at all!"
Grimmjow chuckled to himself, muttering, "I thought it was." Ichigo's furry brow twitched in annoyance, dropping the bird in the process. Grimmjow fell straight forward into the bird's gutted stomach.
"Have more respect for the dead you fucking prick!"
Grimmjow shot out of the bird's stomach gasping for air. He sputtered and choking trying to breathe. Surprisingly, the pair managed to clean up the carcass without throwing a single punch. Well, that was true until Grimmjow choose strike.
Ichigo barely had time to react to the sharp glare he was issued before Grimmjow yelled, "You're so dead, you fucking orange fuzzy ass!" Grimmjow launched himself over the dead bird, tackling Ichigo to the ground.
As the squirrels began to wrestle, Yamamoto was fuming. Both squirrels froze, sensing an ominous feeling in the air. They robotically turned and looked up at the Great Oak to see the elder Yamamoto staring down at them glaring harshly through his narrow eyes.
A deep roar resounded throughout the Squirrel Society. It could have only been the elder. What was said was loud enough to make out the words, "There is only so much stupidity I can take!"
The next thing either of the squirrels knew was cold, hard concrete and the incessant drops of rain pounding against their fur coats.
Hours passed by, and they were now standing in the middle of the rain on a concrete railing pushing at each other.
"This is all your fault! If you didn't kill that damn bird we would have never been here!" Ichigo shouted shoving Grimmjow hard in the chest. Grimmjow only snarled coming back thrusting his own paws at Ichigo's chest.
"If you actually stopped yelling at me once in a while, we would have been still in Squirrel Society!" Ichigo was going to choke the life out of Grimmjow this time, but stopped when they heard footsteps coming close to them. Both turned to see a blond headed human coming up the steps where they were.
"Shit! We can't go back out there, we'll drown!" Ichigo cursed, they were both under some patio umbrella but they were still getting soaked to the tail.
"Shush... Just act natural," Grimmjow hissed out now standing on his hind legs holding completely still like one of those animal water fountain statues. Ichigo stared dully at Grimmjow with a bland expression on his fuzzy features.
"Yeah, that's just so normal." Grimmjow growled to Ichigo's words and turned to him.
"Shut the hell up! How can we act normal! We're the only two squirrels with blue and orange fur!" Grimmjow shouted having his paws wave around making it seem more dramatic.
"What the hell?" They both heard. Now both Ichigo and Grimmjow were standing straight like a statue not even daring to bat an eye. A blonde human was now standing a few feet from them on the wet concrete steps that led to the glass doors of his home. The blonde, holding one of those plastic umbrellas, came nearer looking at the two of them closely. Ichigo's breath was caught in the back of his throat as the human stood now a mere foot from them.
"I could have sworn I just heard them talkin'. Hmm... Eh?" Grimmjow, taking a bold action, moved forward toward the human. Slowly he stood up leaning towards the blonde. The blonde, looking pleasantly surprised, lifted his free hand to the blue-furred squirrel. Grimmjow flinched as the large hand was now in front of him. The finger of the human pressed against his chin.
"I wonder if they are someone's pet. To not freak out like this...," The blonde murmured out. Now he was looking towards Ichigo who was biting down on his tongue. He moved forward as well coming up next to Grimmjow rising up to his level. The blonde grinned widely.
Grimmjow and Ichigo's eyes were fixed on the man's row of teeth. Oh shit! We're so dead... Both thought but it faded when the man's intimidating grin changed to a warm smile.
"Come with me. Let's get ya dried off, yeah?" Ichigo looked at Grimmjow just as Grimmjow did. Grimmjow grinned cockily; the sudden urge to hit Grimmjow came again. Cocky, arrogant, obnoxious, bastard!
Ichigo was about to carry out with the punch to Grimmjow, but stopped when Grimmjow ran up the man's hand onto his shoulder. Ichigo gaped a bit, along with the blonde, before copying Grimmjow. He rested on the shoulder Grimmjow didn't occupy. He fidgeted a bit before running to the other shoulder next to Grimmjow. Again that trademark grin came. It practically shouted, Couldn't stay away from me?
"Ha ha, okay then let's go," The blonde cheered out before going in the house. Hopefully they didn't just sign their death certificate.
Las Conejeras meaning: rabbit burrows
Hur hurrr *retarded laugh* Shinji! Wonder what is going to happen next. Hmm...well hell I don't know we haven't written anything yet haha.
Hope you guys enjoyed the first part. It took a little while to put together ha ha but it was still fun even if my buddy SapphE has a backspace problem ha ha but I love it and often tease her on it.
Anyway we would love to hear your thoughts on this. We have alot of ideas on this.