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Summary: A take on what happened next after the scene we had all been waiting for.
Spoiler Warning: Principally ep.13.17 but if I take the story any further, it may include spoilers for further on. If you live in the UK and haven't succumbed to YouTube, I probably wouldn't read this.
Disclaimer: Everything and anything related to the ER does not belong to me.
Author's Note: This is the first fic I have written for a long time, and my first ER fic. I have noticed that the ER fics seem to get a lot of reviews, so please be nice and review this one too. Whatever you think; good, bad or indifferent, let me know. I'm considering extending this from a one-shot into a full story, but I'm not sure – ask me nicely and I might be tempted!
Offering her a ride home hadn't been a calculated move, he hadn't thought twice about it. Maybe if he had, he wouldn't have said anything, but when he was with her, as always, thoughts, well, coherent ones anyway, were difficult to come by. Now he could feel her lips on his, any thought at all went right out the window. God, he had been waiting so long for this, and there had been times that he had decided that the reality could never live up to the fantasy that he had been building over the years, but right now he realised that the very best things in life were definitely worth the wait.
All too soon, the need for oxygen forced them to pull apart. Out of breath, Neela rested her forehead on Ray's, unable to bring herself to move away further. After all this time of complications and reasons not to do this, it was funny how, in the end, actually kissing him had been so easy, so right. One minute, she had been just about to get out of the car, then his hand reached out to her and he said her name, and suddenly, everything that had stood in their way until now seemed to melt away.
'Ray…'
'No, please Neela, can I go first? I know there is a lot to say, but I need to get this out before I lose my nerve.'
She smiled at him, reassuring him. This time, he felt, she wanted to hear what she already knew he was going to say. 'It's ok, I was just going to say, do you want to come in out of the cold?'
She led him up into Abby's apartment – she still called it and thought of it as Abby's, rather than home. 'Home' to her meant somewhere else, and she wasn't thinking of England. She thought about putting some coffee on, but they both knew coffee wasn't what they were here for. They sat on the sofa, facing each other, and Ray took both her hands in his, staring downward as if summoning up the courage to speak.
'I know this still isn't the best time, but it's a helluva lot better than the last time I tried, so I'm just going to come out with it. Neela, I love you. I didn't mean to fall in love, in fact, I think the old Ray never wanted to fall in love, but you've changed all that. I love you, and I want you, and I have been waiting for this moment for so, so long that I hope to God I haven't blown things, but I can't wait any longer, I…' He trailed off, looking deeply into her eyes, wanting to look down but not being able to tear himself away. She was too beautiful not to look at.
Neela thought of all the things she could say, that needed to be said. Michael, Tony, even Katey hovered between them but she was damned if she was going to let them get in the way this time. If wild, sometimes irresponsible musician cum doctor Ray Barnett wasn't afraid of being in love, then she wasn't either. 'I – There are so many things that I have to say to you, but right now, I don't want to. They can wait. Right now, I want to show you that I love you. I want to show you just how much I love you.'
This time, it was Neela that leaned in first. Their lips met in the same soft, lingering way they had in the car. This was about love, not just lust. He ran his hands through her hair, pulling her in closer, not ever wanting to let her go. He felt her tongue slowly run across his lower lip, then press gently into his mouth. This sensual, in control Neela was a side of her he hadn't seen before, and he loved it. When he felt her cold hands starting to push his coat off his shoulders though, he stopped her.
'Neela, I don't think…'
'Ray? I thought you wanted this. You said you wanted this.' Her face was hurt, and tears began to spring to her eyes.
'Believe me, I do', he replied, cupping her cheek and gently stroking her soft skin with his thumb. In fact, by the way she was now half straddling his lap, he thought she could probably feel just how much he did want this, and how much it was killing him to stop her. 'But not now, not yet. I'm in this for the long haul, and I haven't waited this long to ruin what we have for the sake of one night. I don't want to do this until the time is right, and that won't be until we are both free to be together, which neither of us are right now.' He hated bringing up harsh realities in a moment like this, but he knew it had to be done. The fact was that he was still seeing Katey, well, sort of, and getting Tony out of the picture was full of complications.
He looked at her searchingly, hoping that she understood. Deep inside, Neela knew he was right, and more than that, his willingness to do the right thing helped erase the element of doubt that still had been plaguing her. He really did mean what he said, this was about more than one of his usual casual flings; he was as serious about this as she was.
'It's alright, I understand. And you're right, of course –'
'I'm sorry,' he grinned, trying to lighten the mood a little, 'was that Neela Rasgotra admitting, that I, Ray Barnett, am right about something? Is there a chance that I could have that in writing please?'
'Bugger off,' she giggled, loving that he was teasing her in the same way he always used to, as if she had never abandoned him, said those awful things, paraded her affair with Tony in front of him. She wasn't entirely sure she deserved such forgiveness, but was thankful for it.
'As I was saying, you are right, we have to make a lot of things okay before we can do this. Me especially. I'm glad you stopped me, a night of forgetting everything isn't what we need.'
'Oh, I promise you, a night with me is a night to remember.' Despite his new air of vulnerability, Neela couldn't help but grin at the old Ray showing through in spite of himself. Good, she thought; for all his sins, the old Ray was who she fell in love with. This new Ray had better retain some elements of the old one.
They kissed again, reassuring each other that they were okay with the course of action they had chosen. Ray couldn't keep the corners of his mouth from turning upwards at the thought that finally he had her in his arms, and Neela felt his smile through the kiss. She had been in love before, she had been in lust, but never had she felt such a sense of completeness, that she was finally whole. The total fulfilment came in the knowledge that Ray felt the same.
After a little while, they broke apart again. 'So, what now?'
'Well, I am lucky enough to not be working tomorrow, but you are, so for you, a good night's sleep would be recommended.'
'You know what, a good night's sleep would be really nice.' She paused, and took a deep breath before taking the plunge. 'Do you know something else? I haven't had a good night's sleep for a very long time.'
He sensed she was going somewhere with this from the nervous look in her eyes hiding beneath the playful façade, but he wasn't sure where.
'Oh really? How long for?'
'Since I was last… at home.'
Oh. That was where she was going with it, Ray thought. That she wanted to come back seemed too good to be true, but he knew that tonight, his dreams were at last coming true, and his long wait was coming to fruition.
'Well, in that case, you had better come home.'
It only took her a couple of minutes to throw together a few things that could keep her going until she had time to come back to pack up properly. As she turned the key in the lock, she knew she had spent her last night cold and alone in Abby's apartment. Somehow, things would work themselves out, quite how, she wasn't sure yet. But it didn't matter. Tonight, she was going home.