Could You See?
[c o u l d you S E E? ... Hotori-kun ... notice me..]
It started off slow. A forbidden love was slowly brewing deep within her heart. The chains surrounding her delicate heart were frozen shut, no light to be seen anywhere. She was real, indeed, she truly was. So why? When her heart was calling out for him, why didn't he turn and look her way?
Was it because of that girl with the three charas? The one who held the legendary Humpty Lock? The one who she called her best friend? Could it be that his eyes would never look her way but only into her best friend's?
She wasn't mad at her best friend for falling in love with the guy of her dreams. Nadeshiko Fujisaki was happy for her instead. It was in her nature to release these emotions from her body. She wasn't allowed to fall in love, to experience the ups and downs of a relationship, or to even feel sparks.
It was fine though, because it was just a small love. A love from her childhood.
Her mother despiced the fact that her own Fujisaki kids would think of love. Nadeshiko's mother wanted her kids to focus upon the arts of dancing, not some nonsense that could ruin their future. Yet did her mother know the pain she was causing to her daughter?
I wanna experience love as well...
However, even if Nadeshiko tried her best, she couldn't let go of the strong feelings she held for Tadase Hotori.
[ c o u l d you S E E? ...Why do you love her? ... and not me..]
I need you...
Even after years of practicing and learning dance in Europe, Nadeshiko was finally reunited with her twin brother back in Japan. It was true that he crossdressed but only to hide the true identity of Nadeshiko Fujisaki.
It was no longer a secret but only close friends knew, even Amu. But nothing's changed, Tadase was still in love with Amu and Nadeshiko was left brokenhearted with a one-sided love. Yet even Nadeshiko could see the pain that dwelled deep within Tadase's ruby eyes. She could tell that his love for Amu was nothing compared to the love that Ikuto gave her.
And yet he still didn't give up.
She always wished for the day that he would look into her eyes and realize what he was missing. That an elegant, fair lady had eyes for him this whole time.
They grew up together, always in the same class each year. Some would say that they were even childhood friends. However, in Nadeshiko's eyes, she always loved him for who he was despite what anyone said. A weakling at first but gradually started to grow into a strong, independent character; that's how Nadeshiko saw Tadase. And eventually, the whole school especially girls started to take notice. That was the first strike upon Nadeshiko's heart.
[ c o u l d you S E E? ...I've been here all along... hoping and wishing you'd turn my way...]
I want you...
She had to keep her love hidden from the outside world. Nobody could know what she felt towards him. Her smile kept going but even beneath that sweet smile of hers, she was hurting and breaking down piece by piece. Nadeshiko felt trapped in this little world of hers, restrictions and forbidden feelings tangled and threatened to stop her happiness. Yet she was strong and she was going to keep on moving in life.
The second strike on Nadeshiko's heart was when she learned that Amu and Tadase had mutual feelings for one another. Yet she knew, no, they all knew that Amu was fighting mixed emotions for both Tadase and Ikuto. The fact that Tadase was in love with Amu crushed Nadeshiko's hope. But this didn't stop Nadeshiko from being friends with Amu, aside from all the love emotions for Tadase, Nadeshiko was happy that Amu was her best friend.
However, she fought the urge to move on and drop all of these emotions. She tried, she truly did. Her mind was set to focus on dancing and dancing alone. She wanted to improve and perfect different styles. Nadeshiko was hoping her love for dancing would cover the broken pieces of her unborn love.
Indeed, she improved in her dancing and her mother was becoming impressed as each month passed by. Nadeshiko was pleased with what she had accomplished so far. Deep in the back of Nadeshiko's mind though, the passion of love still remained.
[c o u l d you S E E? ... that I care so much... that... I love you...]
I love you...
The final strike was set today. After all these years of hope and wishing, her world finally broke and came crashing down. She overheard that Tadase was going to fight for this girl. A new girl.
Even after years of moving on from Amu, Nadeshiko never got a chance with Tadase nor did he turn her way. She would always be the girl known as Hotori-kun's friend, nothing more.
"Hotori-kun..." Nadeshiko breathed, looking up to the lavender sky.
This was the day that Nadeshiko would finally put her foot down. She was officially going to move on, dropping everything that dealt with love and Tadase. No more wondering or hoping, no more daydreaming, no more thoughts; Nadeshiko was going to set free and find a new beginning because it was clear that after all these years, Tadase would never fall in love with her.
"Fujisaki-san?" a voice whispered against the wind.
The beautiful strands of her violet hair swayed as she turned her hazel eyes towards the direction of the voice. The curves of her mouth turned upwards as she gleamed at the person in front of her.
Tadase Hotori.
"Hello Hotori-kun," Nadeshiko softly said.
"What are you doing out here?" Tadase's ruby eyes started to grow in concern.
"I'm just... thinking.." Nadeshiko turned back to the orange sun that dared to set against the landscape.
Nadeshiko was sitting down on the hill in the local park. It was a special place because this was hers and Tadase's secret hideout. When they were little, they would always play by the park especially on this hill. It was place to come think or just relax.
"Why are you here?" She looked up at him.
He chuckled and sat next to her. Tadase paused and stared at the sky as the wind shifted the edges of his blonde hair. A slight blush rose upon Nadeshiko's face but she shook it away. He then turned and smiled.
"Same reason as you, I suppose." Tadase said.
"So we both came here to think.. like as usual.. what a coincidence." Nadeshiko giggled lightly and Tadase blushed a little.
Nadeshiko realized the blush on Tadase's face and turned away. Tadase turned the other way as well and silence filled the air. Nadeshiko pondered back on the memories. How she first fell in love at a young age for her childhood friend, how they grew up together, how she secretly kept these feelings, and even now.
"Fujisaki-san, can you help me with a problem?" Nadeshiko's thoughts were cut off and she turned her head slightly as she looked at the blushing boy. She smiled and nodded.
"What do you do if you're in love with someone but you have no idea if they love you back?" Tadase inched a little closer to Nadeshiko.
Nadeshiko brought her knees closer to her as she crossed her arms on top of them. She looked down at the soft, green grass and sighed. She was in the same position as Tadase and even she didn't know what to do. If she did, then she would have found her answer by now.
"Fujisaki-san?" Tadase questioned.
Nadeshiko blushed and turned to look at him. He tilted his head before moving his fingers to touch her forehead. Oh his touch, the way it made Nadeshiko nervous on the inside. Luckily for her acting skills, she kept a calm facade on the outside despite the tint of her blush.
"You're awfully red but you don't have a fever. Are you okay?" Tadase asked.
"I-I'm fine, Hotori-kun. It's just that your question startled me a bit," Nadeshiko said.
"My apologies, Fujisaki-san," Tadase released his touch and saddened.
"Please don't apologize, I just didn't expect you to ask me that. I'm in a similar situation myself." Nadeshiko said slowly.
Tadase looked up and his ruby eyes sparkled. It didn't have an effect on her.
"Really? I had no clue," Tadase said.
And yet you don't know that this is all about you... The feelings were returning and Nadeshiko understood why. No matter how hard she tried to forget him or these feelings, they would always come back. Her love for him was unique and rare, something no one could take away from her. From her childhood to elementary school and up till now in high school, Nadeshiko was always in love with Tadase.
"All I can say is that you shouldn't hold it in because it could affect you in any way," Nadeshiko whispered, enough for Tadase to hear.
I'll let it out then... Tadase thought as he looked over at Nadeshiko. This was the girl that he wanted to fight for. The girl he had been avoiding this whole time and failed to realize his feelings for. Even if he felt like a burden to her.
"I feel like a fool," Tadase said.
Nadeshiko turned her head and gasped at him. She didn't want to hear Tadase say these things about himself.
"Please don't say that," Nadeshiko placed her hand on top of his.
"It's the truth though, Fujisaki-san." Tadase looked down at their hands before looking into her eyes.
"You're not a fool to me," Nadeshiko truthfully said. She stared into his eyes and he stared in return. Her hand was still placed on top of his and she could feel his breath near her.
More silence kicked in.
"I've failed to realize it, that's why I'm a fool," Tadase whispered.
"Failed to realize what?" Nadeshiko leaned in a bit further.
"That I've been avoiding these feelings for a girl that's always been there for me, my childhood friend," Tadase said.
Nadeshiko, who was in shock, retrieved her hand from his slowly and looked down at the grass. Taken aback, Tadase got up quickly and blushed.
"A-Ah, I'm sorry Fujisaki-san! I didn't mean to shock you in any way... and I know I'm not worthy of saying these things. However, I wanted to be strong and let you know. It's fine if you don't feel the same way," Tadase's bangs hid his precious eyes from her.
"Why are we being so formal after all these years? Tadase, you don't need to apologize," Nadeshiko chose a bold move.
"Fuji-Nadeshiko..." Tadase said.
"I always thought that you would love Amu-chan," Nadeshiko turned away, blushing.
"I did. I did love Amu-chan, but it's obvious that she loves Ikuto-nii-san. And so I'm not worthy of her nor am I worthy of you." Tadase turned away.
"..."
"I'm not exactly sure how long these feelings were here, maybe they were here from the very beginning. And I'm so sorry for putting something like this on your shoulders especially since you have feelings for someone else.. I think." Tadase said.
"...If you'd let me, I'd like to return your feelings," Nadeshiko said as she got up from her spot on the grass and reached for Tadase's hand. He slowly turned and looked at her as she smiled.
"I always thought that I wouldn't be good enough for you, that my feelings would just be useless," Nadeshiko whispered.
"But you are to me and your feelings aren't useless," Tadase smiled as he caressed her cheek gently. She closed her eyes and savored the moment as she smiled from his touch. Like the gentleman he was, he kissed her cheek which made her blush.
"I just hope my brother approves," she said.
"I hope Fujisaki-kun does," he said.
"You're just like a prince," Nadeshiko said before realizing what she had just said. Tadase twitched at the word and just like old times, his inner character was brought out for the world to see.
"Prince! I AM NO PRINCE! I AM A KING AND THE WORLD SHALL BOW DOWN TO ME! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Tadase yelled.
Nadeshiko sweatdropped before she was tilted backwards in the arms of Tadase.
"And you shall be my queen!" Nadeshiko sweatdropped even more and giggled.
As Tadase continued to rant on about world domination, Nadeshiko blushed at the thought of being his queen. Actually, it felt like a dream, all of this. Tadase returning her feelings and the kiss on the cheek, it dawned on her that this was happening in reality. She smiled to herself before looking over at Tadase, who was currently curled up in a ball just sulking.
"Forgive me for my behavior, Nadeshiko." Tadase sulked.
Nadeshiko smiled and bent down to pat Tadase on the shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled in return. They were no longer afraid to express these feelings. Even if it was just the beginning of something new, it felt great to be near each other.
LOL. Hi! Um.. since this fandom is getting on my nerves with some of these fanfics, I thought I'd write a fanfic that was decent enough for a reader to find in this whole mess. Idk, I just personally think that this fandom is getting on the edge of cliche with the exception of some surviving great works of pieces.
I blame Amuto. -.-
And also people calling Tadase "Tadagay" , here's a little note: you're disrespecting Peach-Pit by calling one of their creations gay. Sorry they took the time to please you with a story. Respect them and stop calling him gay, cause he isn't. Sheesh.
I'm sorry if I'm blunt, just speaking the truth. Just don't throw tomatoes at me, I'm a nice person.. really, I am. Anyways, I'm a huge Tadashiko fan. If only Nadeshiko were real in the anime, oh well. Well she's real in this story.
Review if you'd like to, they make me happy. (: