Disclaimer: I own nothing but my feels.
Chuck survived the battle of the Breach – Stacker had seen to that.
Chuck could see what the older man thought; that Stacker knew he wouldn't be walking away. With one look, before Chuck could say anything, the Marshall had decided that there was no reason Chuck should die if he didn't have to.
You're still so young.
Chuck had heard that as he tried to protest. He thought it was his job to stand with Pentecost, go down with the ship. But Stacker had other intentions as he launched Chuck in his escape pod seconds before firing the payload and obliterating himself.
So because of that stubborn commander –that twice damned fixed point– Chuck was still alive.
But sometimes he wished he wasn't.
He'd helped to finally and successfully end this damned war that had eclipsed any sense of normalcy they'd had before. His whole world had revolved around the Jaeger program since the day his father signed up to pilot a Mark 1. From that moment on, there really was no other option for Chuck besides being a ranger himself one day. He had to be a part of it, to prove himself, to make a difference.
And now the Kaiju were gone and with them the last of the Jaegers.
Sure there were pieces and parts left behind, but the jaeger program was over; they'd done their duty. Now it was time to move on.
But Chuck didn't agree. Maybe it was because he actually didn't know what to do with himself without the next mission. Maybe because he'd felt as though he'd looked into hell itself and seen the devil with his own eyes but whatever the cause, the truth remained: he couldn't move on.
He'd lost a part of himself in the drift when Stacker died and he could tell from one look at Raleigh that it was something he'd never get back.
However, it wasn't as though the world left him behind; he'd been greeted joyously by the whole PPDC when they'd found his life pod ––completely and unexpectedly–– washed off course by the force of the nuclear blast. He'd received the best of medical care and was regarded by the whole world as a hero. But he wasn't the same.
He didn't relish in the interviews and media and attention like he used to. The questions felt too personal after losing his co-pilot. The press continued to ask the one question over and over; the one that he still couldn't answer: What are you going to do now?
What was it about his life that he'd fought so hard for? He could remember the words he'd said to Raleigh before the Hong Kong fight: "And here's the thing, I actually want to come back from this mission. I like my life." What was it back then he liked so much? He didn't have the best relationship with his father. Though he had to admit, coming back and nearly losing everything had definitely brought the Hansens closer. But back then? What the hell was so great about it? He wouldn't let himself have any distractions. That meant no lover, no friends, and no real life. All he'd had back then was training, a strained relationship with his father, his kill count, and his dog.
Things were different now and he knew it. With no Jaeger and no drift, he and Herc tried to talk more, even though there were times when Chuck could swear he could still feel his father in his head. They still fought. A lot. Which probably wasn't exactly healthy, but they were finally using their words and he figured that had to count for something. He was trying. For once in his life he was finally trying and not just to best his father in every way he could in a demented attempt for approval.
Of course now he had something he hadn't had before: Mako and Raleigh. And as cliché as it sounded, going through what happened had changed how he looked at the two of them. Not just because the two of them, against all odds, did it, actually closing the Breach and sometimes Chuck couldn't believe what they managed.
Aside from that, he felt like he finally understood Raleigh; losing a co-pilot was just not something you could help and he finally understood that. Raleigh was a better man than Chuck first thought. Yes, Raleigh was unconventional and reckless; but Chuck was finally beginning to understand. Like when he and his father fired a flare gun into the eye of a Kaiju, that sometimes you just have to do something –anything that you can- to try to win.
No, they weren't instant friends, but he could sense a potential for something other than allies there. They were all survivors. The three of them and Herc were the only people on the planet who had fought in a Jaeger and survived; so in that way, they had to stick together.
And then there was Mako. Mako, whom Chuck had grown up side-by-side as children in the Shatterdome. Mako, whom he tried all he could to surpass in training in his mad attempt to prove himself. Mako, whom he'd thought he'd finally beat when he was allowed to advance and pilot a jaeger and she wasn't. Mako, whom he'd thought was weak for not advancing, never knowing until now the reasons why. Living in Stacker's head, if only for a short amount of time, had changed everything. Even now Stacker's memories mingled with his and showed him another side to the young girl he'd once called weak.
She'd been everything to Stacker – Chuck could see that clear as day. From the moment the Marshall had laid eyes on the little girl with the red shoe, he'd seen something precious and had trained her and raised her and watched her grow into a brilliant technician, a skilled fighter, and a proud warrior. And Chuck could never see her the same way again. He was embarrassed for how he'd treated her and what he'd assumed about her. Though he didn't want to overwhelm her with the ghost of her father and master living in his head, he felt she could sense that he was trying to make up for who he'd been. Because just as she'd changed since the battle, both in his view and mentally, she could sense a similar change in him.
They'd grown together, the last four rangers, into a makeshift and unsure family. They'd have meals together nearly every day. It had originally started out of convenience; with the closing of the Shatterdome there was so much to be settled that their meetings would go on and they'd bring food while others trickled in and out. And then it just became habit.
They'd talk about other things often but they'd rarely talk about the jaegers outside of work. To say Jaeger piloting is addictive is a wild inaccuracy and vaguely insulting. You didn't crave being in a Jaeger, you grew accustomed to it; you grew accustomed to opening your mind and joining with another. So when you are left without access to such a connection, you feel like something's missing – almost like with amputees and phantom limbs.
Also, because of such a bond, there were even times when the four would sit for hours in silence as they completed separate tasks with nonverbal communication that seemed odd and/or maddening to those that have never drifted with another person. Newt said he could jury rig a neural connection, but considering how he and Hermann would still sometimes get sick from their MacGyver'd drift, the four former pilots declined.
But despite all this, Chuck felt aimless. Like he was a moon left adrift in the gravity of a planet that had been destroyed; like he was stuck just going through the motions without any real purpose. And little by little it was driving him insane.
He also would never admit it, but he was jealous – of Raleigh and Mako and how seamlessly they fit together. It was unconventional and sometimes nearly sickening, but they were completely connected with one another like they were two halves of a whole. And though he'd shared more with his father than he'd ever had or will again with anyone else, that same spark was missing between Chuck and Herc. Also though he'd repressed it for so long before, Chuck couldn't help but crave a deep connection with someone whom he could actually kiss and his father was right out on that score.
He was restless and aimless and the others could tell. So when he showed up to dinner with a packed bag and jumbled excuses entangling themselves in his brain trying to find their ways out, none of them looked surprised. Instead they provided him with a package of some of his favorite rations you couldn't get off base as well as all of Max's things. They ate with very little conversation and then when it was over, the other three walked him to the helipad.
Raleigh patted him companionably on his shoulder with a look of understanding and silent acceptance, to which Chuck replied with a nod. Mako gave him a kiss on the cheek when he apologized for leaving and for everything he'd put her through over the years.
Herc was the hardest. It was a different goodbye than when Chuck left with Stacker, less plagued by the fear of the end but there were tears in his father's eyes all the same.
"Where are you going?" Herc couldn't help but ask when he realized he hadn't yet.
Chuck shrugged his shoulders sadly; he didn't know yet. He didn't know much of anything anymore.
"Tell me when you get there?" Herc asked, as if he kept talking Chuck wouldn't leave for God knew how long to God knew where.
"I'll try," Chuck finally responded, his voice breaking with the emotion clogging up his throat and he knew he had tears as well.
Herc reached forward and hugged him fully, "You take care of yourself, son. I'm so proud of you."
Water finally worked its way out of his eyes as they parted. With one last look to Mako and Raleigh who had moved away from the father and son, Chuck took Max's leash and turned away from them to the helicopter that was waiting for them.
Once inside, he couldn't help but look out the window to the little makeshift family he was leaving behind. He couldn't believe that they had become so close to him and still doubted whether he was making the right decision in going, but at the same time he knew he had to leave. He had to figure out who he was away from all the broken machinery and haunted memories. He had to know he was more than just an obsolete relic of a war the world wished had never happened.
Author's Note: Let me just say I never intended to have Chuck feels but now I'm drowning in them so this is the result. I blame ironheartedprincess. Her fics are so good. I also wanted to say I got the idea for Stacker to save him from her but I wanted my own take on where Chuck's story would go from there. Because I loved the crack in the armor we got from him when he was saying goodbye to his father and Max. From then I was mildly in love with him and I wanted to play around with hima dn I got this little idea that I just had to write out and I'm quite pleased with the result.
Big thanks to thranduilsheir for offering to beta it without even knowing the premise and then beign so kind and encouraging with it. Also for helps with my punctuation. I needed that.
Anyway, I hope you all liked my little take on what could have happened. Please let me know what you think! Who knows? I may write more later.