Dave stared at the scars on his wrists, new mixed in with the old. He inhaled deeply before letting it out in a long sigh. The blonde haired teen glanced back up at his screen quickly, writing his friends a quick got to go message. He pulled down his long sleeves and grabbed his bag. "I'm leaving now." he called as he opened the front door to leave for school. He wasn't even sure if his brother was home, half the time he was and the other half he wasn't. He didn't wait for a response as he locked the door, just in case, and started to school.
Fuck being a cool kid is hard. Especially a popular cool kid who is now an adult and has a popular comic on the internet. Man he had an inflated ego... He needed to work on that. He has a little brother to look after, after all.
He faintly heard said brother leave for school but as usual he said nothing in return. He needed to work on that too. But whatever. Maybe he could... snoop around little man's room, and you know, see what he was into now a days. His birthday was coming up soon anyway so he might as well get him something he liked, instead of one of those stupid puppets he hated anyway. Dave never caught on to the puppet thing, much to his brothers dismay.
He walked out of his room and down the long hallway to his brother's room. He almost never went in here, except once in a while to put clothes away or something which usually just consisted of tossing a basket in the kids room. It was as if they lived in two different apartment buildings with how far their rooms were.
He spent a good few hours snooping around the boy's room, looking in drawers and picking out magazines (some porn, and not all straight), books, jars of strange dead things Dave seemed to collect. Just a typical teenager he guessed, but it was still interesting snooping and looking through all his things. Little man sure knew how to keep his room organized though, seeing as everything seemed to have a place. The only place he hadn't looked yet was in his bedside table's drawers.
He slowly opened the drawers and skipped the bottom two, which were filled with boxers, socks, and a few more magazines, and looked through the top drawer. Oddly enough, there were only a few things in this drawer. There were three photo albums, and a little, black, rectangular box. In an effort to actually look at the photos, he took off his shades and flipped through one of them. This one was filled with photos of him and his friends. They never got to see each other much in real life, but when they could escape into virtual reality and see each other that way they took advantage of it, it would seem. The other album was empty, strangely enough, and the third one had a lock on it and Bro couldn't open it. With nothing else to look at, he decided to open the little black box, and what he found absolutely shocked him
Dave's daily walks home usually left him time to think about his day and usually how bad they were. Even if he played off the 'cool kid' act for his brother and his friends on the internet his façade didn't reach his school life. In all honesty Dave was a geek, an outcast. He was constantly picked on and it had been that way for as long as he could remember.
When he was younger it was become of his eyes. Being the unnatural red that they were usually scared people, namely his classmates. He was called a freak and a monster. He remembered the times he would come home and hide in his room to avoid Bro, at least long enough to cry and afterwards he'd feel ashamed. Bro had only really taught him a handful of things in his life and one of them was "Striders never cry."
Dave attempted to shake these thoughts from his mind and press forward to get home. There he could at least lose himself in cyberspace with his friends and maybe add a few new cuts to his wrists. These things always made Dave feel better.
He opened the door to the apartment and looked around. It was as trashed as always, but he didn't really mind. He mostly only lived in his room and didn't come out unless it was to find food or to borrow something from his brother.
"Bro, I'm home." Another habit. He didn't expect an answer as he shut the door behind him. He sighed, rolling his eyes behind his shades. Would it kill Bro to at least respond with a hi or something? Even fuck off would work.
It honestly could have been anywhere from half an hour to four hours since Bro found that black box...and he wouldn't have known the difference. He had no idea, not even the smallest that Dave was like this. What could have possessed him to... God Damn it he didn't even know how to act, he was caught completely off guard. Should he call someone? The School? No fuck that they'd only make Dave feel bad about himself... What should he SAY?
Before he could actually consider more options, he heard Dave call from the entrance of their apartment that he was home. A part of him was relieved that he made it home okay, he always was regardless of how he acted towards Dave, but another part of him was terrified of confronting his brother.
He decided to sit and wait. On a spur of the moment decision, he just decided not to move, and waited for his brother to come into his room. He couldn't bring up the courage to move anyway, he was too shaken.
Dave stared at his door that was partially cracked open. He could have sworn he'd closed it as he always did before he left the house. He hesitated in front of the door for a moment before pushing it open. The sight before him sent a wave of panic and disbelief, making even his inner core tremble.
Bro had his box, HIS box. What the hell was he even doing in his room? Dave was speechless for a few moments as so many inquiries and thoughts raced through his mind. His emotions took a violent turn as he went from confused to angry to upset.
Fuck, he wanted to cry, but he refused to even left his eyes water from behind his glasses because Striders didn't cry. They found other ways to fix their problems and Dave's way was sitting in the box that his brother was currently holding.
The blonde haired adolescent pulled himself together finally to question his brother casually, "What are you doing in my room?"
He couldn't answer right away, like he always would have normally. He'd have had a split second come-back followed with a smirk and most likely one-upped his little kid brother.
Not this time.
"..." Fuck, nope. Still nothing... He couldn't. How could he ask Dave why he was doing this to himself? What a stupid question, he was obviously upset, about something... And Gog knows Bro told him to never cry and to be strong no matter what so of course he'd resolve to self harm or something of the such. God Damn it...
"...what...cha got here, Dave?" He finally murmured, keeping his calm and looking up at the doorway finally, deep orange eyes gleaming seemed to be the only thing that wasnt dark in the room, seeing as when he walked into the room this morning, there was mid-day sunlight. Now it was late-day, and the room was a gleaming dark red color through Dave's curtains.
Dave stood there about as puzzled as his brother when it came to how to respond. What exactly did his brother expected him to say, "Oh, yeah Bro, I'm cutting because you're never around and I'm a loser at school and I'm depressed." Yeah, it was that simple.
Dave nixed that option and though about the others. A collection, but his brother would suspect something with that, he was sure. He'd hesitated to long for that. With no other ideas on hand as he began to panic be responded with his only defense.
"None of your goddamn business."
With that he reached out for the box, attempting to take it from his brother.
[Bro let Dave take the box without a fight, hands falling into his lap for a moment before twining his hands together and sitting them in his lap neatly, looking over at the photos he had strewn across the bed.
"...Dave, I'm so sorry..." He finally muttered, clenching his hands together. Fuck this was awkward, and just plain sad. He didn't want to force anything on Dave, he was going to let him either come clean on his own... or just walk out and let him have some time to himself. It was apparent that Dave was already depressed. "...I, had no idea..."
The red-eyed boy didn't respond as he closed the box and put it back in its place where it belonged. The urge to use them right this instant was stronger than any that he'd ever remembered, but he couldn't do that with Bro in the room. He'd have to wait until he left.
He sat in his computer chair and swiveled around to face his computer, opening up his pesterchum. Fuck, of all times for no one to be one. Where the fuck was John? He was always on. Like he had anything better to do at a fucking time like this.
"I don't want to talk about it." Dave said suddenly, hoping it would be enough to make his brother leave him alone for the time being.
"...I don't want you doing this to yourself anymore, Dave." He made known, voice low and seemingly more far away than their actual proximity. He was close to letting tears loose, but not yet... Not in front of Dave...
"Turn around Dave, please. I don't ask much of you, and... maybe I should have...but- ah, damn it..." Bro wiped at his eyes, looking away for a moment, not that Dave was looking anyway.
Dave turned sharply in his chair to face his brother. He wanted to step up and be a parent now of all times? No, it wasn't happening.
"I'll do whatever I want." Dave snapped before turning back to the computer.
He busied himself on Tumblr and looking over the newest comics and even thought about starting on his homework. Anything to try and make the older boy leave his room.
Fuck, he could feel the urge coming on stronger. He needed Bro to leave.
Bro didn't move, he didn't even say another word and let his final words hang awkwardly in the air. He knew he had no right to step in now, after what was it now? 16 years of pain and suffering for this boy and only now his Brother...his parent figure decides to step up and fight for him?
He knew Dave wouldn't have any of it.
Bro busied himself with collecting all of the pictures again and placing them back in their album neatly, back exactly where it came from in the boys drawer. If this had just been a 'serious talk' then Bro would have been out of here by now. He'd be deep in a story for his newest short comic and not giving a rats ass about what Dave was doing in here.
He kept his emotions at bay, for now, and brought his knees to his chest, watching Dave scroll on Tumblr for a few minutes. Dave was bound to get annoyed by his presence at some point...
It didn't take Dave long to turn back around and stare at his brother who was just...sitting there. It wasn't even the fact that he was just sitting there that bothered him most, it was how he was sitting. With his knees in his chest, his eyes pleading with Dave. He looked so...vulnerable and he fucking hated it. Bro was supposed to be the strong one. He wasn't supposed to give a shit about anyone but himself.
"What the fuck do you want from me now?" Dave snapped, clenching his fists against his skinny jeans.
Bro looked up and watched Dave, trying to ignore the anger and hate and...betrayl in his eyes as he did so. "I don't want to leave you alone like this." He admitted completely, chin to his knees as his gaze fell from Dave, to the box on his desk. "...I'm sorry." He muttered again. "I just think we need to talk... Fuck lil man, I had NO idea..." The older Strider sighed. "If I had known me not being around was this hard on you... I would have tried harder. I just assumed you were fine on your own because you never came and asked me shit..."
How fatherly, Bro. Just curse all you want I'm sure it wont rub off. Shit he was bad at this.
Dave shook his head, " No, don't even fucking start. I wasn't even trying to hide it, bro." he muttered, glaring at him.
"You had no idea because you don't even want to know I exist half the time." he muttered, slouching a little in his chair.
Hell, maybe it was better it he'd just never existed at all. Bro would still have his life to himself completely and Dave wouldn't have to deal with all of this bullshit.
"And what makes you think it's just you? How do you know I don't have other shit going on in my life too?"
"I'm...sure you do." Bro barely nodded, lifting his head but keeping his knees tucked where they were with his arms holding them securely close to him. "...I know it's hard being a kid, Dave... growing up, and, no one understands... You're just trying to figure shit out, you know? Not to mention your eyes... I can't even imagine..." He sighed, running a hand up through his hair tiredly. "I want to... fuck-" He tossed his head up i frustration before shaking his head. "I'm such a shitty brother, Dave. I don't... know how to be a parent. Shit little man, I never had a dad either, you know."
"Well I'm glad you fucking gave me the wonderful opportunity of having the same shitty experience." Dave muttered.
He couldn't take it anymore. He needed the relief. He could practically feel his blood boiling as he grabbed the box from the bottom drawer.
Dave walked out of the room and headed to the bathroom. He wasted no time in locking the door and setting the box on the sink to open it up.
"Fuck- Dave what the Hell!" Bro practically tripped as he got up from his safe-spot on the boys bed, scrambling to the bathroom and grabbing the bathroom door knob, shaking it. "Dave /stop/!" He demanded, authority in his voice unquestionable as he pounded against the door.
"David Strider! Open this door! Don't do this...!" He pleaded, fist clenched against the door knowing exactly what Dave was about to do to himself. It...was completely different now, knowing he could stop it. He had no idea before. "Dave I want to try to be a better..father, thing, uh, guardian to you... shit you think I /wanted/ this for you?" He pleaded further, knowing nothing else to do but lay it all out on the tables. "I'm really fucking sorry! I can't... take back all the shity experiences life has given you, Dave. But I can try to help somehow." He didn't even notice his eyes watering and even a few stray tears falling as he did this, more frantic than even he ever remembers being. Striders were always cool and calm and collected...
Dave hesitated, staring at the razor in his hand. He chewed on his lip before placing the razor back in the box and sitting with his back to the door.
"I'm not opening the door...but I won't do it. IF you want to talk it'll have to be like this." he responded.
He couldn't bare to open the door and look at his Bro right now. He could feel the tears slipping down his cheeks, staining his pale skin.
"Ask whatever you want, say whatever you want, I don't give a fuck." he continued.
A literal wave of relief crashed across Bro's whole body, physically relaxing against the door. Fuck... He didn't know what to say, what to ask... Parenting was damn hard and he had NO idea how to do it, or what was considered 'good parenting'. The two of them were far, far, fucking FAR from what anyone could consider a normal family, and Bro was nowhere near a father figure...
"...Well..." He gulped, letting out a sigh before sliding down the door, facing the wooden frame. "...Dave I just, I want to talk to you... if it has to be through this door then fine, but, I want you to talk to me... Tell me why you're hurting so bad, okay?" He didn't know what else to ask... "I know, I don't... I don't deserve it, you have every right to be pissed at me because I should have tried much harder to be a good guardian but.. Fuck, dude, I care NOW..." His voice dropped to a whisper, he isn't even sure if Dave could hear him say "Please let that be enough."
The adolescent pondered this for a moment. WAS it enough? After more or less raising himself for a good portion of the sixteen years he'd been alive was it enough that Bro was here right now? He supposed that he'd figure that out soon enough.
"...Everyday I get up and say good morning to my friends who are all fucking thousands of miles away. That includes the person I've had a crush on for got knows how long and he won't even give me the time of day. After I spend some time with them, I head to school. I walk there because I hate taking the bus. Taking the bus means I have to interact, I have to sit next to someone. I hate everyone at my school and they hate me. They call me a freak and a weirdo because of my eyes. We thought the shades would be enough, but they aren't now." he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut.
His breathing becomes shattered and his voice wavered as he continues through his tears, "I'm constantly bullied and harassed by them and as much as I'd like to think that I can fight back, like you could, I can't. When I get home afterschool everyday, I'm alone, except for my friends on the internet again. I can't even tell you about my day. You never cared..."
If Bro had tried to talk his way out of admitting he had cried, he couldn't do that now. In fact, he would bet his smuppet collection down the hall that Dave could hear him trying to sniff back the tears. He wasnt even crying that hard, it was just the more he heard he more tears fell from his eyes. It was as if his body didn't know how to process the sadness he was feeling. It knew to cry, but not to heave or sob or anything beyond the water cycle.
He sighed. "How...come you never told me about this?" He asked, sounding small and horrible. "If you did, and I ignored you... Dave shit I..." He had no excuse, he really didn't. "Dave please come out of the bathroom... I think it's clear to both of us... I'm not as strong as I always come off as.
He wanted to address everything... including this boy Dave seemingly had a crush on. He had to assume this boy was John, seeing as his online friends consisted of John, Jade, and Rose. At least he knew that much about Dave. "Please... I wont touch your box, I wont even touch you... I just want to look you in the eyes when i apologize. You're beautiful, unique red eyes..." He sighed knocking on the door slightly, unknowingly exactly hitting Dave's shoulder. "Let me try..."
There was no way that Bro didn't hear him crying. Striders never cried, Dave had broken that rule, but he could also hear Bro sniffing from the other side, so maybe he'd be forgiven.
He wiped his eyes and cheeks before standing slowly and grabbing his box. He unlocked the door and hesitated. IT took him what seemed like hours to finally open the bathroom door. He looked down at his brother when he did.
"...'m sorry." he muttered.
"Oh my God... Dave... don't apologize for- fuck." There it was, a sob. Fucking finally Strider eyes. "Dave you're allowed to cry- I... fuck I taught you not to ever cry I'm so goddamn selfish." He shook his head, hesitating for a moment before gathering Dave in a hug. He didn't care if Dave pulled away, or if he squirmed, or punched, or screamed... He was going to fucking hug his brother and he was going to make him understand that it was okay to cry...and to ask for help and all that gay shit that he never taught him.
"Dave don't ever apologize for crying again. You...You're always allowed to cry when you're upset, it's healthy, and it's normal." He sighed a shaky sigh. "/I'm/ sorry, Dave. For... shit, for everything." He hugged his brother tighter, closing his eyes and letting himself revel in it for a moment.
He thinks back as far as he can remember, and honestly, this is the first time he can recall hugging Dave, or showing any significant physical touching beyond a fist bump or a strife.
Dave fought at first. He fought with all his might against his brother's arm. This went against everything that he'd been raised to believe and the last thing he wanted to see what his brother's tears. It didn't take long for him to give up and push his face into Bro's chest as his shoulders slumped.
He'd give in, finally letting his tears fall freely, soaking the older Strider's shirt. It felt...nice to be able to do this, to just cry into someone. Especially if that someone cared or at least, was trying to.
Bro hugged Dave with all he knew how to, remembering the way Jake used to hug him. He wrapped his arms tighter around the boy, rubbing his back. "Fuck... Dave 'm so...so sorry..." He whispered, kissing the side of the boy's head as he murmured sorries into his ear. He didn't know what else to do, but whatever he WAS doing, it seemed to be working.
Was he this eager for someone to love him? Just to care even a little? He couldn't believe the way he had been treating the only other person in the world who shared his last name... their eye color, their strange as fuck past and cycle of horrible parenting. The two of them had more in common than he ever would have admitted before today.
"Dave I promise." He gulped, pulling away to stare at the boy for a moment. He rose a hand to the boys glasses, taking them off to look into those brilliant red eyes. "I am never going to neglect you ever again... You're... Dave you're so special and handsome and unique..."
Pale hands clutched tightly as the older boy's shirt as he sobbed, finally letting out what had been building up for years. He cried about John, about how he was bullied since kindergarten, how alone he felt in the world. He let it all out in the form of shattered, uneven breaths and ungodly noises that could only be described as sobs.
He wasn't sure how long the two had stood there in this position, with Bro framing him. It could have been five minutes or an hour, but it wasn't enough. Dave couldn't help but to wonder what would happen next. Would his neglectful brother finally become what he'd always wanted or would things just fall back into the same monotonous pattern until Dave was finally able to move out.
Bro listened to the boys sobs and cries, just... standing there, listening. It wasnt fun, or entertaining, or making him more famous. All three things of which were what he based his entire life around, and how he became the popular icon he was... However for once in his life, he didn't care. He didn't care about any of that, he only cared about right now. And right now, there was only Dave and him. Crying in front of the bathroom door with no words between them. He sort of wanted to change that.
"...Let's goes sit in your room, okay lil'man?" He finally asked after some time, not pulling away in the slightest just in case Dave didn't like the idea of leaving this spot. "...It's about time for a serious feelings jam, you feel me?"
He nodded, but didn't make the effort to move right away. He continued to stand there for another minute or so before pulling away. He slowly made his way back to his room. He turned and sat down on his bed, wiping his eyes on the sleeve of his long-sleeved shirt.
He assumed Bro would ask all the questions that wouldn't have been okay an hour ago. What did he see in self-harming? Why didn't he tell someone? And most likely, what he was dreading most, his crush on John.
Bro sat beside his brother after walking in behind him and closing the door, locking it despite the fact that no one else was home and there would likely never be. He placed his arm around his brother, urging him slightly closer if not just for the comfort factor. "...Is it alright that I ask you a few things, Dave?" He tried, softly as he knew how. This parenting thing was so fucking hard...but Dave was worth it... The older Strider just never realized how much Dave needed him.
He allowed himself to rest against his older brother, something that he would never have done before this day. It was something that he didn't remember doing in the past when he was lucky enough to hang out with his brother. They never really touched other than the occasional brofist or strife.
He pushed his hair out of his now, unshaded eyes, wiping them one more time before nodding. He was okay with answering questions now.
Bro sighed and rubbed Dave's shoulder, letting them both settle for a moment before opening his mouth and hoping to Skiaia that he knew what he was doing. "...How long have you been doing this kind of thing to yourself?" He asked calmly, the only way he knew how. He assumed it was better than slamming down hard truths like he had in the past... perhaps it was better to let Dave come out with confessions on his own, with small questions from his guardian to help guide him there.
Dave hesitated. How long...had it been? After a while time didn't matter as much, just the familiarity of the razor against his skin. He thought back before speaking, "I...don't know...a few months" he muttered, swallowing hard.
It felt different to have Bro supporting and comforting him during this. Usually, he wouldn't have given a shit and even if he had, he'd have gone about it a completely different way.
He nodded, trying to wrap his mind around it all. "Alright...Why do you... I mean, when you do that to yourself... Why, uh..." He was trying damn it, but he couldn't figure out the right way to ask him why he cut himself. How do you even ask a kid that? "I know, I guess, what makes you want to do it but... like what do you... get out of it?" Sure, fuck words. He tried...
Dave knew exactly why he was cutting, but forming that feeling into words to make someone understand wasn't as easy. He mused how it would just be easier if he could just show bro his feelings, but since that wasn't even technically possible he'd have to try using words.
"When...I wake up, I don't know if you're here, when I go to school I don't know if I'll get bullied, when I come home I don't know if you'll be here, when I get online, I don't know if my friend will be there...nothing is ever the same and, I guess...this is something I can count on to always be there." he murmured, shrugging.
Bro nodded, trying his best to understand and be there for him regardless of how unsure he was about himself. "So...Its just like, something you can depend on?" He asked, trying to make sense of it all in his head. "Okay..."
His eyes fell down to Dave's arms and he found himself wanting to see the harm his brother was doing to himself. He hoped asking wouldn't put Dave off too much. "...Would you show me the scars, if I asked?" He rubbed the boys wrists softly, almost eagerly. He wanted to see...and he couldn't explain why.
Dave hesitated, tugging his sleeves down for a moment and ducking his head. He shifted his eyes to the side. "I...there are a lot of them." He muttered in a warning.
It took him a moment to work up the courage before he pushes his sleeves up, revealing the many scars. They were all different, some faded and old, some newer. They were all different length, covering up and down his arms. Dave stared at them and swallowed hard. He hardly expected Bro to keep his cool for much longer.
Bro's eyes widened, eyes nearly welling up again at the sight of them all. There...were so many... At least 20 if not more and he didn't plan on counting them. "Oh Dave..." He covered his mouth and took one of the boys arms into his hand, examining it closer. It was absolutely scarred up and down from his wrist to his forearm. He felt absolutely horrible, but he couldn't cry...he wouldnt. Bro had to be strong and be a good guardian. He may never get a chance like this again.
"...Doesn't...Don't they hurt?" He asked quietly, grazing his thumb over a few of the newer looking scars.
"They go all the way up." he muttered, shrugging. He wasn't going to go into how he'd also started on his legs about a few weeks ago to see if there was any difference in the pleasure he received from it. He didn't find much of a difference, but continued to cut there occasionally.
"It depends on how deep the scar is." he said, staring at his arm, inhaling deeply. "But, no, most of them don't hurt anymore." he murmured.
Bro nodded and kissed the boy's hand softly, not knowing what else to say or do. He just let himself take this in before setting his hands down, but not letting go of his hands. "How bad are the bullies...?" He asked quietly, fiddling with Dave's hands.
Dave stared at the ground, swallowing hard. He pulled his hand away and pulled his sleeves back down before tucking his hands between his knees suddenly.
"I, uh, don't want to talk about it." he muttered, closing his eyes. Fuck, he didn't even want to think about it.
Bro sat up slightly and held Dave a bit tighter, not too tight, but tight enough that it was apparent he cared. "Dave... I wont tell anyone, don't worry about anything, just tell me... What do they do? How..bad..." He frowned at his inability to form the right words to say. "I just want you to talk about it, okay? Get it out in the open...and let someone else hear." He nodded, arm on the boy's shoulder a bit more concerned. "Is it...physical?" He added.
Dave shrugged, chewing on his lips. "Sometimes." he muttered. They always were, especially in gym when he was required to take off his shades for 'safety' purposes. He was almost sure that the teacher just had it out for him.
It was just another reminder to the other students that he was a freak, he was different. He recalls the feeling of being shoved up against the lockers, the cold metal pressing against his back. Nothing would stop their tormenting. He'd tried sarcasm, fighting back, everything. He'd even tried to plead once which only made it worse.
"Is it all because of your eyes...?" He asked quietly, shaking his head. Fucking kids now a days... just because someone's different and that scares them they got to single them out and make them feel bad for things they can't change. He remembers being treated differently around the other kids for being gay. He remembers it being awful, but most of the specific memories were repressed. Hah... now that's ironic... "...I was bullied too." He nodded, shrugging a bit. "I know...how it feels, I guess. I don't remember most of it but I remember not liking school because of it."
Dave was surprised to hear that from his older brother, the internet sensation. He was a cool kid and Dave had always looked up to him, tried to be like him. He shook his head, "Don't say things just to make me feel better." he muttered.
"I don't need you trying to relate to me." he muttered, inhaling deeply as he tried to stop another round of tears approaching.
"Shh... Dave." He hushed his brother, peeking down to try to meet his eyes. Somehow even in the dim light, Strider eyes seemed to glow and radiate their strange colors. It did make them rather scary, even he had to admit. But Bro kind of thought they were cool... unique, in a way, and kind of special. "I aint't making it up, lil man. Sorry if it didn't help, I just thought it might help to know you weren't the only one." He shrugged, struggling a bit to find the right words still.
After a few moments of silence, Bro leaned down and pulled Dave's legs up into his lap. He wondered for a moment if he had begun to cut these up to...but decided not to ask. He figured Dave didn't- couldn't handle more of that right now. He pulled Dave up into his lap like a child, the way he never had before when he should have, and hugged him this way. It was slightly more awkward, but more meaningful than an arm around the boy's shoulder. He didn't want it to be casual, he wanted this to be meaningful...something to make up for the past, somehow.
"It's hard being different... I know that, alright?" He whispered, thinking of the best way to bring up his next question. "...You wanna talk about this boy you like?" He murmured softly into the smaller boys ear, trying his best to be comforting somehow without knowing HOW to go about it. He had a hunch about who it was...but he wanted to hear Dave admit it. Bro was more than positive he hadn't told anyone before...it might be good for him to say it out loud.
He knew that question would come sooner or later and there was no way to avoid that. He inhaled deeply, weighing the pros and cons of letting his brother delve into his life any farther than his bully problems. It wasn't being gay for John that he was scared to tell Bro because Bro was understanding (Not to mention he was about as straight as silly straw.)
He was more or less scared that besides a few suggestive jokes and hidden hints Dave hadn't told John how he really feels. Once Bro found that out he would meddle even deeper into Dave's romantic relationship with John, of which there was none.
"...I'll take that as a no?" He smiled a bit, urging Dave's head to his shoulder and petting his hair. Bro figured this might...work? It might be comforting? It might at least let Dave know that he's trying... He's trying, and he wants to make up for all the sleepless nights he wasn't being held like this. Held like a guardian should their brother when they're feeling alone instead of sitting in their room like a fucking hermit writing borderline pornographic comics and sick-as-fuck dope raps. He should have been here for him, and he hopes Dave can see in these little ways... that he's trying.
"It's cool if you wanna keep it between you and him, I get it. Just don't be depressed about it and... you know." His smile remained, becoming more confident as Dave continued to not pull away or struggle against his affection.
Dave sighed, heaving his shoulders up and then letting them drop in a shrugging fashion. Dave allowed himself to lay his head on the older Strider's chest and close his eyes.
"There's...not really anything between us." he muttered, laughing a little. Fuck, he wanted to cry again and this time it was over fucking John Egbutt. No way he was going to cry over him, "I...haven't even really told him how i feel...not bluntly anyway and he's...kind of fucking oblivious to everything. Its annoying...but kinda cute to." Dave babbled, blushing a little when he realized what he was doing.
Bro was already grinning, he couldn't help it. Dave...never seemed happy. Even when he just saw him at a passing glance he kind of seemed pissed off or passive... "Dave you have a cute as fuck little smile, you know that?" Bro chuckled, petting some of Dave's blond hair back and off to the side a little. Some strands fit behind his ear, but most of them kept falling back into Dave's face. All the more reason for Bro to keep petting it.
"Tell me more about this kid, Dave. You seem to like him a lot... I mean, obviously." He encouraged, seeing as Dave was at least a little happier even f it was on the brink of tears.
Dave didn't hesitate, putting all of his trust and feelings into his brother now as he started to talk, "Well, John is a big dork, right? He's way into movies and lame ones like Con Air. Oh, and speaking of Con Air, he's got the gay as fuck bro crush on Nic Cage." He started, laughing a little.
"He thinks he's a hilarious prankster too and he really is. He's good at pulling pranks, I have to admit...he's got the cutest blue eyes and he's just..." Dave stopped, feeling his face heat up. What was Egbert doing to him?
The grin on Bro's face was absolutely priceless...perhaps even borderline Lil-Cal severity up in this shit...because he was beginning to understand exactly where Dave was coming from. He knew it was John... It went without saying, not to mention Dave's crush on John reminded him a LOT of a certain someone he used to know... Someone he thought of often, but simply couldn't be with. Dave at least had this part lucky, the two of them were in the same fucking timeline...Present day. He didn't have to deal with past and future shenanigan's and building machines and portalizers to travel and see John. Hell, now that he knew, he was already pondering what to get Dave for his birthday, and that was plane tickets to fly him out to visit little John. That ought to cheer him up... Fuck yeah, who gets the best bro award? Fuck yeah this one, Bro fucking Stider.
"Oh shit bro he sounds like a keeper, when are you gonna tell him point-blank huh?" Bro grinned, petting the kid's hair becoming more of a natural instinct now that Dave's emotions were spilling out. He really enjoyed it, genuinely. Dave talking to him was the first time in a long time he had talked to a real human being in...fuck, years?
Dave felt his face turn a deep scarlet and he ducked his head a little more into his brothers chest, "I...I dunno..." he muttered, trying to think fast. If he didn't he was afraid of what bro might do. The worst thing Dave could think of was Bro making Dave tell John that very night.
It didn't take him long to come up with an excuse, "I just...think it'd be better to tell him to his face and not a computer screen." he muttered, looking up into orange eyes as he talked, "Ya know? Wouldn't be right to just...tell him over the internet and shit."
Bro sighed. Oh...That irony. Lil man didn't even know. Maybe he would get his present a little early. Not tonight of course, but,, who knows? Tonight was a special night for them... it will probably be more memorable than his upcoming birthday anyway.
"Yeah I completely agree bro, like, for real..." He looked back at Dave, right into those red eyes of his. "Maybe you'll just have to wait and tell him in person." He left it at that, but his words were lined with...not sarcasm...but...irony. His words were lined with irony his brother may or may not be able to decipher. Maybe he wanted Dave to figure it out, he'd help a little.
"You wanna know the reason I came into your room tonight in the first place?" He asked, raising an eyebrow deviously.
Dave paused for a second, furrowing his brow. Was...Bro trying to hint at something? He shook off this feeling in order to answer Bro's question, "To uh, find something I stole from you?" He asked, shrugging his shoulders
"You don't...normally come in my room for anything else." he muttered and then gave another shrug as if to try and tell his brother that he never really minded, which he didn't most of the time. He liked being able to do whatever he wanted in his room.
Bro shrugged back. "Well, considering a certain day is coming up... I was going to search your room and look to find you something besides an ironic pile of smuppets this year..." The hint was fading now, but it was still in the air. Just where he wanted it. Bro was actually...excited, just imagining Dave's face when he tells him. "I mean... I didn't exactly find the clues I was looking for but I may have figured out a better one.
Dave eyes him for a moment before shaking his head, "So...what exactly did you find out? Don't make me wait Bro that'd be so...uncool of you." He grinned lightly, but was only partially teasing. He wasn't Bro to tell him what it was. He really hoped it was the new turn tables that he'd had his eye on. He couldn't think of anything better that his Bro could get him than those new turn tables...
Bro looked around the room for a moment, pondering whether or not to tell Dave just yet. There were of course those turn tables Bro knew Dave wanted... How could even the most neglective brother in the world NOT see the 20 plus adds on the refrigerator that Dave posted there for his Bro to see. He probably never expected Bro to notice, let alone get them for him.
He wasn't exactly low on money, maybe the turntables could be arranged as well.
"I don't know if I should tell you yet~" He cooed.
Dave smirked, crossing his arms awkwardly, seeing as how he was still in Bro's lap. "Its the turn tables i wanted, right"" he asked.
That was the only thing he could figure since this is the only year he remembered Bro making such a big deal about his birthday. That meant there was something special he was going to give him.
"Just admit that's what it is."
Bro shook his head, smirking right back with that same Strider Smirk. He was only half lying anyway. "Oh fuck no bro, those turntables don't stand a slugs change in this race." He shrugged proudly, pulling his glasses back on for a second.
His glasses were still similar to Auto Responder... but more developed since. He developed them to click and surf the web with his eyes. Rather fucking awesome really, now, to book the flight to John's town in Washington...
After a few silent moments disrupted only once by Dave asking what he was doing, he was done. The flight was booked for his birthday, and luckily enough, they would be out of school by then. "All done." He laughed, tugging off his glasses.
"Done with what...what'd you do?" Dave asked, completely puzzled by his brother's actions. Fuck, and just when he started to think that maybe his brother was the slightest bit normal too...
"What the fuck did you do? I wanna know." Dave sat up, pulling his head away from the boy's chest. He felt excited and worried. What if his brother had done something rash...oh fuck, he did. Anxiety filled the boy and his excited inquiries became something a little more panic filled
"Bro...what did you do?"
Bro could read it all in his brother's eyes, and he freaked himself out a bit by being able to do that... reading emotions through people's eyes like that. He could practically feel the excitement and fear and nervousness radiating from his little brother as the anticipation boiled. "Heh..I ordered your present." He smirked, leaning back.
Technically, it was presents, if he included the turntables he ordered along with the plane ticket. Dave would literally have no idea about the turntables until his birthday, that he would keep secret. He'll let him know about the tickets though, seeing as it would most likely cheer Dave up... and Bro wanted nothing more than that right now. "You sure you wanna know?"
He gave a quick panicky nod. "Fuck yeah I'm sure. What kind of fucking question is that."
Fuck, what had Bro done? That smirk he was giving Dave scared him. Maybe he'd gotten him Egbert for his birthday. Dave mentally laughed as the image of Bro shoving John into a box and putting a bow on it crossed his mind...no fucking way that'd happen though! Bro wasn't that crazy...was he?
Bro's smirk softened, but only slightly. "You should go tell John to clear out a space for you in his room when school ends on your birthday." He chuckled and stood up, looking back at Dave before heading towards the door to leave. "The plane leaves to take you to Washington after school around 4."
He moved to open the door, cracking it open slowly and loving the tension and the aura in the room.
Processing...processing...FUCK. His face paled as soon as it dawned on him what Bro had meant. He stood and started towards his door, "Bro...fuck you didn't...I..." He was at a loss for words.
An unsettling mix of fear, nervousness, excitement, horror, and terror over took him and he didn't know how to express himself. He just stood, gawking at his brother with what he was sure was a stupid look plastered on his face.
'I'm...i'm going to see John...i'm...going to be able to touch john.'
Paled skin quickly heated up again as this dawned on him.
Bro smirked, but this time, it was a proud smirk. Dave was at a lost for words...absolutely taken just like his brother knew he would be. It finally dawned on him, so it seemed. His birthday was only a few weeks away at this point, he trusted his brother to take it from here.
"...I'll be back to tell you Goodnight, okay?" Bro chuckled before closing the door.
As he walked down the hallway, smirk still plastered on his face, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a rectangular, black box. He opened it, examined the thin sheets of metal inside, and stuck it back in his pocket before retreating back into his room. Dave wouldn't be needing these anymore... Not after tonight.
Maybe, just maybe, for once in his life, Bro felt he did something right.