Disclaimer: I do not own LotR. I am not that smart. All I own is Aubrey and the stupid Sue, though not too proud of that. -_-"
An: As some may notice this is a rewrite of an older story of mine, there have been MANY changes. Rated T Cuz Aubrey is a potty mouth.
Mage thanks you my beta HarmonySoundown who can write Aragorn much better then me.
Aubrey sighed loudly as she looked over her laptop screen. Her twin sister, Jezebella was watching Lord of the Rings with the volume cranked all the way up. This bothered Aubrey, who was trying to flame a Mary Sue and needed to think of better words than 'you suck!'. And Jezebella giggling like a mindless twit was preventing her from thinking straight.
"Like ohmigash! Leggy is like soooooo sexy!" Jezebella squealed.
"You know, I don't think the Prince of Mirkwood would appreciate being called Leggy," Aubrey said dryly.
Jezebella had flawless blonde hair that shone like golden wheat in the sun (Aubrey still didn't know how she did it) and ocean blue eyes. Her skin was pale and flawless; she had a D-cup chest and was a size 3.
Aubrey, on the other hand, had frizzy rusty-red hair that stuck out everywhere if not brushed daily and dark grey eyes. As any normal teenage girl she had acne problems. Her friends teased her by calling her the "twig", she never really got the curves most girls her age had by now. Never stopped her from giving up hope, though at 18 that hope was dieing fast.
Whatever the hell happened in the womb, though, one thing was for sure; Jezebella stole all the sexy genes.
"Pfft! Like you know anything! Leggy would love to be called anything by me!" she chirped happily.
"Like he would love an arrow in the head," Aubrey muttered under her breath.
'What in Gods name did I do to get a sister like her?' Aubrey thought miserably.
"Like ohmygod! I wish I was in Middle-Earth! It would be soooooo fun! All those Hobbits and Elves! It would be just like a fairy tale!" Jezebella sighed wishfully.
"Oh yeah, being teleported to a war torn country with orcs, evil wizards, the Balrog, and a giant flaming eye trying to take over the world. Running for weeks on end with no bathroom, no shower, no TV, and we can't forget the giant spiders! Yeah, that sounds fucking awesome!" Aubrey said is sarcastic cheer. " Did I mention the Balrog?"
"You say the funniest things Abby!" Jezebella giggling.
"Don't call me Abby!" Aubrey snapped. "Didn't you hear a word I said?"
Jezebella just kept giggling, "Leggy is sooooo shmexy!"(1)
"Kill me now..." Aubrey mumbled, turning back to her flame as she transferred all of her anger into the post. Sure it wasn't fair, but this person didn't have a right to butcher Tolkien's life's work.
Trish, the twin's mother walked into the living room. She was a kindly looking woman in her mid-thirties with the same rusty red hair. Aubrey was always glad that at least ONE family member got the same red-haired genes. "Hey, can you girls go down the corner store and pick up some things for me? I'm still swamped with work." She held up a small shopping list.
"Sure thing, Mom," Aubrey said, closing her laptop and taking the list from Trish.
"B-but Moooooooom! I'm watching Lord of the Rings!" Jezebella cried in her usual whiney tone.
"Well, Lego will be right here when you get back. Now, go please." Trish said with a sigh, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head slightly in an exasperated way.
"It's Legolas, Mom," Aubrey said, almost giggling. Trish was just one of those people who couldn't get name right, weather it was something as simple as Sarah or a tougher one like Maedhros.(2)
"B-but-" Jezebella stammered.
Aubrey shot her twin a dirty look before she dragged her crying butt out the door. Jezebella whinny the whole way.
As they walked down the street Jezebella wouldn't stop howling about how unfair her life was. Of course, she looked perfect while doing it, like a weeping angel. Aubrey had to resist the urge to slap some sense into her sister.
"Like ohmigod! Mom is like sooooo mean to me! Why does she hate me?!" Jezebella sobbed.
Aubrey started at her sister in disbelief. Saying their Mother hated her was like saying Santa Claus hated children and the Tooth Fairy was really a man wearing a dress that had a fetish for teeth.
"Just shut up! She just asked us to go to the store! And Mom has never so much as raised her voice at you, so stop whining!" Aubrey snapped.
"Y-you just say that because she likes you moooooore!" Jezebella broke down into sobs. "She's always nice to you! She gives you everything that you want! She makes me cook and clean and makes me eat dog food when you get to gorge yourself every day!"
Aubrey stopped walking and stared at her sister in astonishment. "What the hell are you on?" was about the only thing she could get to come out of her dry mouth.
"I wish I was in Middle- Earth! I would be sooooo much happier there! And no one would tease me and be mean to me! They would all love me and I would become queen with my dear Leggy as my king!" Jezebella exclaimed dramatically.
"What the hell are you taking!? Whatever it is, get the fuck off or share!" Aubrey walked passed her insane twin and crossed the street. Jezebella followed whining the whole way.
'Am I the last voice of reason here? She might have the looks, but I got the sanity,' Aubrey thought.
They got to the store a few minutes later, with Jezebella whining the whole way. Aubrey did her very best to just tune her out like she normally did when her sister got like this. But her sister's voice was something that she just COULDN'T ignore. Most said it was because it was so sweet and pure, like a babbling brook or summer rain (where did they come up with shit like that?) but to Aubrey it was so loud and irritating she could do NOTHING but hear it.
"A-And the kids are school are sooooo mean to me!" Jezebella sobbed as they walked out of the store. "They ma-make fun of me because I like fantasy and they pull m-my hair and-"
"You DO know there's a fantasy club at school, right? Christ I have no idea what you're even talking about anymore." Aubrey groaned, starting to get a headache. "And they pull your hair? What are you, five? Pretty sure teenagers don't do that stuff anymore." Lest not to the pretty girls…
It didn't seem to help that dark storm clouds appeared right out of the originally cloudless blue sky. The air grew heavy and damp as thunder rumbled not to far off. The two hurried home and managed to just avoid getting caught in the sudden shower.
"Mom we're back!" Aubrey called as she put the wet bags down on the counter in the kitchen. Out of the comer of her eye she saw Jezebella go right for the TV.
The only answer was the sound of grumbling thunder. Aubrey called her mom again, but sill there was no response. She went back into the living room to find Jezebella starting dreamily at the TV screen.
"Did Mom say anything about leaving?" Aubrey asked her sister.
Jezebella just mumbled an incoherent answer as she watched the movie play out
"Oh how I wish I could be in Middle Earth..." Jezebella sighed wishfully.
Suddenly the lights went out. Aubrey cried out in surprise while Jezebella wailed, thinking she had lost the movie. Her whining stopped all of the sudden when she realized the TV was still on, showing Aragorn and the hobbits walking away from Bree.
"What the hell-" Aubrey exclaimed before a bright light reached out from the TV and grabbed her sister. It took the form of a large hand as it wrapped its fingers around her tiny waist.
Jezebella let out a shriek as she tried to fight the thing that griped her.
"Jezzy!" Aubrey cried and tried to pry the fingers away from her sister, but failed to do so. She ended up being lifted off her feet and dragged through the TV with her.
Blinding white light enveloped the two before Aubrey lost consciousness.
The first thing Aubrey recovered from the blackness was her sense of smell. Gone were the formal clean smell of home. The world around her smelled of dirt, grass, and wood. It wasn't a bad smell, just unfamiliar. Her sense of hearing came next, but everything sounded so far away.
Letting out a sluggish groan she opened her heavy eye lids. She was greeted by a twilight sky before the perfect little head of her sister blocked her view.
"Oh good you awake!" Jezebella cried happily before making Aubrey sit up.
" Ugh... dizzy" Aubrey mumbled as she clapped her hands on her face, trying to block out her sister's face. " Where are we? What the hell happened?" Searching her memories, she could faintly remember a bright light… and the TV exploding?
" We're in Middle Earth!" Jezebella explained, a huge grin plastered over her face, clapping her hands delightedly. Her brilliant blue orbs so full of wonder and happiness men would weep should they lay eyes on them. Aubrey on the other hand just stared back with a blank exertion.
" We're in what now?" she asked, sure her sister was just being stupid again.
"There was a magical portal, and then we woke up here!" Jezebella chirped like a song bird before getting up and looking around in wonder.
Aubrey just rubbed her eyes grumpily before getting up and looking around. They were outdoors in some kind of shrubby forest, nothing around her looked familiar. She didn't remember any woods near where they lived. After years of examining maps when her sister wanted to drag her into some stupid game, she was 98% sure that nothing even resembling a patch of green with trees was within the fifty kilometer radar.
There was no way they were in Middle Earth, though. It was impossible. They must have... sleep walked or something. Aubrey cursed under her breath. Why couldn't she remember anything?
As her sister pranced around like a graceful idiot Aubrey heard a light crunch behind her.
"Hello?" She called out and turned around, her next words dying on her lips.
"State your name and your business." A sharp voice answered her as she found the tip of a sword blade a few feet away. A man emerged from the shrubbery around her.
He was tall, dressed in travel-worn clothes, with messy dark hair and a small, forming stubble. His piercing gray eyes glared as her suspiciously. Peering from behind him were what she though to be four small children, but Aubrey caught sight of their bare, hairy feet.
Aubrey struggled to say anything as her brain tried to process what she was seeing. In an instant her sister was by her side and letting out an ear piercing shriek.
"OMG Its Aragorn!" Jezebella squealed.
"How do you know my name?" The man asked, his grip on his sword tighter as he advanced another step.
"Shut the fuck up," Aubrey whispered in disbelief, her eyes growing wide.
This could not be happening.
Foot note 1: It was brought to my attention that the world 'shmexy' is not a common word to most people. It stands for Super Hot Mega Sexy. It seemed like a fitting word for Jezebella to use.
Foot note 2: Maedhros was one of the princes of the Noldor, the eldest of the Sons of Fëanor and head of the House of Fëanor following the death of his father Fëanor in Middle-earth. For hundreds of years, he led the House of Fëanor against the forces of Morgoth but the Oath he and his brothers swore to recover the Silmarils constrained him and ultimately led to his destruction. Read the The Silmarillion people, srsly. It's like history only BETTER.