Title: Never Asked
Author: Dorku no Renkinjutsushi
Rating: PG-13/14
Fandom: Loveless
Pairings: SoubiRitsuka
Disclaimer/Summary/Warnings: Loveless is the property of Yun Kouga. Who isn't me, funnily enough.
Warnings? Death, angst, shounen-ai…shouta elements, too, I 'spose…
Summary: He never asked himself why he loved Ritsuka…

He never asked himself why he loved Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka, I love you."

"Don't say that, you liar," the boy grumbled, looking up at him.

Soubi grinned down at him. "And why shouldn't I? I do, you know."

Ritsuka made a face. "It's weird. People'll think you're weird…and they'd be right, too," he scowled. "I'm twelve, Soubi. You're in college."

"And?" Soubi asked, grinning.

"It's just wrong!"

He laughed and kissed Ritsuka before the boy could even think of dodging.

All he knew was that he just did.

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He never asked himself why he wouldn't let him get hurt.

"I declare battle."

Ritsuka watched, nervous, as the blonde engaged the other Fighter Unit. He knew he shouldn't be worried. Soubi wouldn't let him get hurt.

"Defence. That without shape shall protect this body. Nothing shall touch me."

"Aaah!" Ritsuka gasped as the other Fighter Unit managed to score a hit on them.

Soubi saw red. The fight was over in seconds.

All he knew was that he just wouldn't.

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He never asked himself why he knew he was going to die.

"I love you, Ritsuka."

"And I love you, Soubi," the boy said, smiling brightly.

Soubi froze. It took all of his control not to turn around and scream. Not to grab the boy and shake him. Not to sink to his knees and cry.

He might be branded with the mark Beloved, but that…that wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to go through life, swearing fealty and love. He was supposed to go through life, never getting them back.

"I love you, Soubi."

That wasn't supposed to happen.

All he knew was that he just knew it.

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He constantly asks himself why he can't cry.

"Yu-yuiko…"

"Where's Ritsuka?"

"He…he…" Soubi squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block her smiling face from view. "He…"

Yuiko's face fell as she took in the look on Soubi's face. At her horrified gasp, he opened his eyes.

"He…he can't be!" she screamed. "You're lying to Yuiko!" she cried, tears flying as she shook her head.

"He's dead, Yuiko," Soubi said emotionlessly, tone dead and dull. He vaguely wondered why he felt so empty. Somewhere inside, he knew he should be crying, screaming, slitting his wrists in some dark corner. But here, outside, he couldn't.

'No matter what happens, Soubi, promise me you won't die?'

'I…'

'That's an order, Beloved.'

'I…I promise, Loveless.'

"Yuiko won't believe it! He's not dead!"

"He is, Yuiko." Dead, dull, lifeless voice.

"Why did you let him die? It's all your fault! Yuiko will never forgive you!" she screamed, slapping at him, kicking, punching.

"I…I didn't let him die, Yuiko." Dead, dull, lifeless eyes. "His…his mother pushed him. He fell down the stairs. It broke his neck."

"NO!" she screamed. People were looking at them oddly. "NO-NO-NO-NO-NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!"

Soubi impulsively pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I'm so sorry."

Yuiko sobbed into his shoulder, clinging to him tightly. When she finally pulled away, her face was red, puffy, and tear-streaked. There were still some tears trickling down her face, and her nose was running. Soubi dug around in his pocket, in search of a tissue. Some kindly stranger, having witnessed the whole event, handed him one with a sympathetic smile. He smiled back—dead, dull, lifeless smile—and handed the tissue to Yuiko.

"Why?" she sniffled. "Why did Ritsuka die and leave Yuiko all alone?"

"He didn't want to," Soubi said emotionlessly. "I can promise you that, Yuiko. Ritsuka didn't want to leave you."

She sniffled. "Why did he die, then?"

He sighed. "He died because his mother was angry."

"Why?" Yuiko whimpered.

Soubi squeezed his eyelids together so tightly that it felt like his eyes were going to pop. He welcomed the pain. If he felt, then he was still alive. And if he was still alive, he could still die.

'No matter what happens, Soubi, promise me you won't die?'

'I…'

'That's an order, Beloved.'

'I…I promise, Loveless.'

"She was mad," he whispered. "She was mad, because I took his ears."

There. He'd said it. It was his fault that Ritsuka died. If he hadn't spotted the 'Loveless' curling across his hip, he'd never have gotten so desperate and started kissing Ritsuka like that. And if he hadn't encouraged the boy like that, then Ritsuka wouldn't have taken it so far so fast. And if it hadn't been taken so far so fast, neither of them would have noticed the 'Loveless' curling across his own hip. And if neither of them had noticed that, then the kissing and groping wouldn't have led to something much more. And if that hadn't happened…

If that hadn't happened, Ritsuka wouldn't have lost his ears.

And if Ritsuka hadn't lost his ears, he would've still been alive.

It was all, all, all Soubi's fault.

But all he knows is that he can't.