Learning to let go
Chapter 1
The full moon stretched it's luminescent rays across the room, highlighting the corner of a desk and cutting a path to the woman sitting against the headboard, a troubled look on her face. Adaar dropped her gaze from its beauty to look down at the man tossing and turning in the bed next to her.
She knew this moment would come, had waited patiently for more than a week. Stubborn man, fighting every step of the way, even against nightmares. His name suited him well, The Iron Bull, for certainly he was as bull headed as they came.
It had been eight days since their return from the battle at Adamant Fortress. Being pulled into the Fade had shaken them all, but the fear had been much worse for Bull, to the point that he had given them tips on how to kill him if he became possessed. Those words had hurt her heart, spoken with such fierce determination to ensure he would not be left trapped inside a shell of evil.
With a gentle finger she caught one of the many droplets of sweat rolling down his temple. His breathing was stertorous and she could only imagine what horrors chased him in his troubled sleep. She pulled him into her arms, a woman's comforting embrace and stroked a hand over his face and neck in a soothing rhythm as she had for the last five days.
Each nightmare had gotten progressively worse; it seemed the harder he fought them, the darker and more potent they became. As she patiently waited for the nightmare to end, she ran through the list in her head of what would be needed this night. The tools that would be necessary to allow Bull to let go, to let out the poison that was festering in his soul.
Turning her head, she saw the padded manacles that were attached separately to the lowest slat by large metal rings, each with a length of adjustable chain.
She smiled at the memories of what he'd done to her while she'd been restrained, unable to move, held at his mercy as much by his words as the cuffs, waiting with trembling breath for his next touch. Now those manacles would serve her, would restrain a stronger Qunari, one who was fighting his own set of demons.
She remembered an earlier conversation between them while sitting in the tavern together. The newness of her relationship with Bull had roused her curiosity about their respective roles in the bedroom. She'd asked him if he could be something else. He'd laughed; that deep, rumbling sound that made her stomach flutter pleasantly. His answer replayed in her head with surprising clarity.
"No, this is who we are. It'd be disrespectful to what you need to treat you any other way."
She'd pondered his reply, and then asked, "What about what you need?"
He'd chuckled. "Hey, I'm good. I am better than good."
But she'd caught the hesitation in his voice as he spoke those last few words; almost as if he was trying to convince himself. Something must have shown in her face; damn his observant Ben-Hassrath skills, because he'd tried to ease her worry.
"You, uh, don't trouble yourself on that front. Ol' Iron Bull is just fine." But she had troubled herself over him. Loving him with her whole being, how could she do any less?
The horrific journey through the fade had brought everything to a head. The day after they'd returned from Adamant, she'd seen Cassandra knock Bull on his ass. Friend or not, she'd almost punched the Seeker.
However Cassandra had given her a grim smile and dropped the thick wooden pole to the ground. "Perhaps you can take over." Adaar had listened to Bull's explanation and had given him what he needed, though, she was sure that each blow she landed, had hurt her more than him.
She stroked a hand over his brow now, trying to ease the nightmare that assaulted him. The beating hadn't worked, there were still fearful shadows that lurked inside him, and she wanted to free him from that, draw out the darkness that overwhelmed him each night his guard was down.
She just prayed that she could be strong enough for him.