You wake up, opening your eyes only to shut the once more against the blinding light. It's bright, you can hear birds singing blithely, kids playing down on the side walk excitedly. All is peaceful, quite, calm. You'd been sick the past few days, and you think that today your cold has gone. You feel wonderful. Stretching tiredly with a large yawn, you look down at the blonde haired male curled up against your chest, sleeping soundlessly. He looks so… undisturbed. Everything about him seems calm; he doesn't even twitch a tiny bit. These are the mornings you adore, when you can just lie here, cuddled up with the person you love most in the world, the only one you've ever truly loved, the only one you'll ever love. You nuzzle your face into the soft, platinum tresses of his hair. You breathe in his scent happily. Just when you start thinking that everything is perfect today, you realize that something seems off. The feeling hits you like a brick to the head, and it's cold, disturbing feeling his settling into you. Something about Dirk seems… cold. Cold and still. Your eyes grow wide, your pupils small. Slowly you pull back, dreading what it could be, hoping that it's not. "Dirk…" You whisper to him, your voice small and cracking. You raise your voice now, "Dirk…" No response. You feel tears stinging your eyes, threatening to spill over your cheeks. "Dirk…!" You're getting desperate now, listening to yourself in your head repeating over and over again, 'Please get up. Please get up. Open your eyes. Let me see your eyes again. Breathe. Do something. Dirk. Dirk. Dirk! DIRK!' You don't realize that you were saying those things aloud as well as thinking them until you hear the birds silence, the kids' laughter stops and things grow eerily quiet. Well tanned cheeks dampening quickly, you give the other male a rough shake.
Nothing.
You wail out and bury your face against his chest. "No! You can't do this to me! Please!" You're screaming to deaf ears, dead ears, someone who can't hear you, someone who's no longer there. You clutch onto the pale orange fabric of his shirt tightly, nearly ripping it as you scream and sob violently. Your body wretches harshly with every sob that rakes through you and soon your lungs are screaming from the lack of air flowing into your them. It's not like you care, though. This is all your fault. You're the one who hurt him in the first place by throwing that damn sword. You knew in the first place that it probably wouldn't heal, but he promised you that he'd live. Judging by the limp, lifeless way in which he was lying down, though, he'd broken this promise.
You hear the kids' playing outside again once you're reduced to feeble, whispered pleas. "Dirk… Dirk wake up… Come on it's not f-funny… P-please… J-just wake up and smile again…" Smile that smug grin of yours, open your eyes and engulf me in their beauty then tell me how I'm staring at you is creeping you out. Laugh again. Laugh that wonderful, carefree laugh of yours again. Talk in that drawl you try so hard to hide. Wrap me in your arms again and make me feel safe. Kiss my forehead softly and sing me to sleep like you have so many nights before when I had nightmares that you'd leave me. Let me curl up next to you so we can watch movies again and you can tell me all about how badly they suck and I can act all offended and we can laugh about it afterwards. Take me back to the tree where you carved in our initials. Carry me home again after a long day of adventuring. Rub my stomach like you had so many times before when I begged and pleaded for you to do it. Tell me how amazing the deep green colour of my eyes are, tell me about how you lose yourself in them sometimes. Please, just let me hear your voice again, feel your lips again, listen to your laugh again, feel safe in your arms again, share wonderful times with you again. Just let me have you back, Dirk. Please, just come back. Wake up.
You'd cried yourself to sleep, and now you were waking up again, this time fully aware of the circumstances and such. Something tells you that Dirk would want you to live without him, to find someone new, to be happy again, but you know that it'll never happen. You know that you could never be happy again without him, that you could never find someone else. Slowly, quietly, you get up and head to the bathroom to change. You at least have to stay strong. For Dirk. You search for your phone and prepare yourself, emotionally and physically, for calling Jane and asking her to help you with funeral plans and such, and asking her to help you tell Roxy.