To Ninja Girl
I was once told writing things down helped, I found it worked so I know you're going through stuff right now and can't always tell me what it is. I just hope this helps.
Stick boy
Hey,
I don't know how this works but a friend once said writing things down would help. I have no idea how anything I write will help but I am currently desperate enough to try. Where to start, so many things have gone wrong I don't know where to start….
My job is so important to me. It's one of the only things on my life that I can feel proud of I serve my country with honour. Sometimes when I feel really low I get out my medals and just remember the good that I have done. That feeling drives me to duty.
Clay came to me with a plan to catch the man who blew up Marines I couldn't refuse how could I? It could be me they attacked or a colleague. How could I live with myself if I didn't? Even if it was Webb the Intel was legit.
His last words were begging me not to go. I shrugged it off I said I would do it. I wish I had listened to him more than anything. This whole thing would have never happened. But then innocent people might have died I still don't know if I did the right thing I guess I will never know.
South America, diamonds a pregnancy suite. It went wrong, really wrong. Every day they came in grabbing one of us Clay insisted it was him every damn time until he was no longer able and I let him hiding behind my fake pregnancy like a coward. Even though it was my fault we were in this whole situation. My Marine training let me down I was petrified just listening to his screams, over and over. I don't know what was worse when he was screaming or the silence after, when he was regaining consciousness waiting for the next round to start, 6 very long days. They shot the couple we were with; missionaries they dragged me out tied me down arms and legs in this shack to a piece of wood covered in Clay's blood. The car battery sat next to the table, there were whips, knifes, and other instruments lying on a table. They wanted to see me dance. He was charging the battery when my rescue came. Harm and Gunny taking on the whole rebel camp. I have never been happier to see them we got Clay out. He was dying we all knew it. I kissed him, gave him a future something worth fighting for to hold on for. A dirty trick but I was desperate not to kill another man who loved me.
We completed the mission in the process crashing an aeroplane, Harm and I landed hard. Apparently he is a good pilot but every time we have flown we seem to have crashed much like our relationship. Just as we seem to be flying we crash back down to earth. We were changing the wheel when he revealed he was married. I hide my shock with jokes was it too late for Harm and I? Maybe it was the head injury or something I hoped. This was Harm after all, he would tell me in his own time. His own pig headed time. It was a relief to know it wasn't true, he'd done it to save me. He had resigned his commission to come and save me and he didn't tell me. That stupid brave heroic man, I asked him why, gave him a wide opening I'd spent the last 2 days hinting to Harm I was ready. He acted jealous we started bickering. I lay it on the line, Harm said he wanted operating instructions, I want a man who can tell me his intentions. Still he didn't answer me.
I wasn't willing to leave anyone behind never but especially not Gunny. That man would do it for me; Clay decided to join me much to my relief. It went south badly and it was my fault, my fault a good man who loved me got tortured, why did my relationships end badly. Eddie, Dalton, Chris, even Mic.
The next day we stood by the cab, and I knew we were never going to work. Harm wasn't ready to commit no matter what he said actions spoke louder than words. Even if he could commit the universe had made it obvious we would fail. Since I had more actively sought a relationship with Harm I had been in 2 car crashes, 2 fierce gun battles, and an aeroplane crash, and had a near miss with a train. If that wasn't a big enough hint, I didn't know what was.