A Lonely September
Kendall sat in his bedroom in Minnesota. The world around him was already half asleep and he knew that sleep wouldn't find him tonight. Outside the cool after summer breeze played with the leaves in the trees. He sighed as he tried to wreck his brain figuring out how he was going to find something to do as he was trying to make it through the night.
He scanned his room as all of a sudden his eyes fell on a book. He got up and sighed as he picked it up. It was Logan's copy of "City Of Fallen Angels." He must have left it there when he was over last.
Kendall walked back to his bed, laid down closed his eyes as his mind drifted to Logan. He missed him more than he thought was humanly possible. They had broken up a month ago and it had been his fault. They had a good thing going and he blew it. They had been together for a year but lately all they seemed to do was fight; fight over the most stupid things; what movie to see; at whose house they'd spend the night; what to eat for dinner.
Every time he or Logan opened their mouth it resulted in a fight, an argument and Kendall couldn't take it anymore. He had spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering what to do and a month ago he made the hardest decision of his life.
*** He and Logan sat in his bedroom; doing homework like every night. Kendall stared at his notebook arguing with himself.
"Logan?" he asked as he sat up, looking at Logan who sat at Kendall's desk, head buried in his books.
"Yes?" Logan asked as he spun the desk chair around so he could face Kendall.
"We need to talk," he sighed as he bit his bottom lip.
"What's going on?" Logan asked raising an eyebrow at Kendall.
"Lately, all we seem to do is fight and argue and I hate it. And I've been thinking long and hard. And you have no idea how hard this is for me to say but I think we need a break," he softly said as a tear rolled down his cheek.
"Are you breaking up with me?" Logan asked as she shot up.
"Can you honestly tell me that you are happy with the way things are, Logan? Honestly? We just need a break from each other before we end up hating each other completely," Kendall said as he looked down.
"And I don't have a say in this? We could work it out. We're just both stressed," Logan pleaded.
"I'm sorry, Logan. I am so sorry but you know that if you really think about it, it's the right thing to do," Kendall said as he fought more tears from coming.
"You are just willing to throw us away?" Logan asked as he started gathering his things.
"I am just saying we need a break, not break up," Kendall said trying to justify his actions.
"Break or break up, is the same thing Kendall!" Logan said as he made his way to the door, opened it, looked back one more time and left Kendall without saying another word. ***
Kendall had no idea what time he finally fell asleep but he knew that he hadn't slept much. Daylight was already slowly filling his room. Luckily today was Saturday and he didn't have to go to school and pass Logan in the hallways or see him at hockey practice. It killed him that he couldn't be near him. Since that night Logan had stopped talking to him all together and it hurt him.
He grabbed his guitar and softly started strumming it. A melody slowly formed and he started scribbling things in his notebook.
For the next couple of days he worked on the song and by Monday night he had finally finished it.
On Tuesday as he walked down the hall his eye fell on the bulletin board. There hung a notice saying that this Saturday night was open stage night at school. He had completely forgotten all about it.
James passed him by. "James! Do you know who you have to talk to for this open mic/stage thingy?" he asked.
"Uh, I think you have to talk to Jenna. Are you thinking about entering?" James asked giving his friend a confused look.
"Yeah, well I hope that Jenna still has a slot for me," Kendall said as he placed his hand on James' shoulder before running off to find Jenna.
He started running down the hallway as he saw her turn around the corner. He ran around the corner without looking and all of a sudden ran into someone causing the both of them to fall on the floor.
Kendall got up and realized that the person he had knocked down was Logan. "Logan, I am sooooo sorry. I didn't see you there. I was trying to catch up with Jenna and are you okay?" he rambled on.
Logan stood up. "Yeah I'm fine," he said as he started to walk away.
"Logan! Are you going to be at this open mic thing on Saturday?" Kendall asked.
"Maybe. Why?" Logan asked raising an eyebrow.
"No reason! Sorry but I really have to go and talk to Jenna," Kendall said as he started to run again. Jenna had to have a slot for him. He was prepared to pretty much do anything to get it.
The bell rang before Kendall could talk to Jenna. The rest of the morning went by slowly. Every five seconds he would stare at the clock and he was sure that it was going backwards. Finally the bell rang that announced that it was time for lunch.
As soon as he left the class room he was back on his mission. Every kid he passed by he asked if they had seen Jenna. Some kid told him she had Math right now and another one said that she was in the auditorium. To Kendall the auditorium made more sense and he made his way there.
He opened the door to the auditorium and descended the stairs. He heard Jenna give instructions as to where everything was supposed to be.
"Jenna! Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked as he was now standing front of the house; leaning on the stage.
"What's up, Kendall?" she asked smiling sweetly.
"Do you happen to have an open slot for open mic night?" he asked, almost begging.
"As a matter of fact I do. Evan was supposed to do this magic act but he is sick with the flu and he probably can't make it on Saturday," she said sighing.
"Great!" Kendall shouted causing Jenna to give him a strange look. "I don't mean that it's great that Evan has the flu, I mean that's terrible but I was wondering if I could have his slot?" he rambled on.
"Sure. Thanks Kendall, you just saved me from finding someone who would take his slot. It would've meant a lot of extra work and I'm overwhelmed already trying to get everything together for Saturday. What exactly are you going to do?" she asked.
"I'm gonna perform a song," he said confident.
"Okay, I'll let the AV kids know. We have rehearsals after school; dress rehearsal on Friday night and Saturday we all gather here at six pm. Show starts at 7.30 pm. Don't be late Kendall," Jenna said stern as she turned on her heel to talk to the AV kids.
Finally Saturday evening rolled around and he sat backstage; guitar in his hands. He had already peeked at the crowd from behind the curtains and scanned the audience for any sign of Logan but he couldn't find him at all; maybe it was too early or maybe he wasn't going to show up at all.
Kendall had told James earlier that he was going to perform and that he and Carlos had to convince Logan to come to the show tonight; whatever it took. James had agreed and Carlos would be up for it as well.
He started pacing back and forth backstage. Jenna walked up to him.
"You'll be on after Stephanie," she informed him and he nodded. It was almost stage call and he quickly glanced out from behind the curtains. The auditorium was packed with parents and pretty much the whole student body. The house lights were about to be turned off any second now and his heart sank when he couldn't find Logan in the crowd.
Jenna quickly asked everyone to gather around.
"Look, just go out there tonight and have fun. I've seen the dress rehearsal last night you'll all be fine! Break a leg everyone!" she said as she gave the signal to turn off the house lights.
Kendall stood stage side left as he watched Emilia recite poetry; he watched Jacob do his dance routine and he saw Stephanie sing "Defying Gravity".
He took a deep breath and tried to control his nerves. "You can do this! There's nothing to it. You'll be great," he muttered to himself.
Jenna watched him from the other side of the stage and gave him thumbs up letting him know that it was his turn soon.
Stephanie exited the stage on the right side. Ephram was placing a stool on the stage. As soon as Ephram had left the stage he knew that it was his turn. He took a deep breath as he walked over to the stool and sat down. He placed his guitar on his lap; took another deep breath and looked at the crowd.
He started strumming the guitar; closed his eyes and sang.
"I'm sittin' here all by myself, just tryin' to think of something to do; trying to think of something, anything, just to keep me from thinking of you. But you know it's not working out 'cause you're all that's on my mind. One thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind."
"Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did. And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did.
I'm sittin' here tryin' to convince myself that you're not the one for me but the more I think, the less I believe it and the more I want you here with me. You know the holidays are coming up I don't want to spend them alone. Memories of Christmas time with you will just kill me if I'm on my own," he sang before breaking into the chorus again.
"Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did and you didn't mean to love me back. I know it's not the smartest thing to do we just can't seem to get it right. But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight, one more chance tonight," he sang as he scanned the crowd but again no sign from Logan and he couldn't let that get to him. He needed to finish the song.
"I'm sittin' here tryin' to entertain myself with this old guitar but with all my inspiration gone it's not getting me very far. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. Oh please, baby won't you take my hand. We've got nothing left to prove. Well I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did. And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did. And I didn't mean to meet you then, we were just kids and I didn't mean to give you chills; the way that I kiss and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did and you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did. Don't say you didn't love me back 'cause you know you did. No, you didn't mean to love me back but you did."
He played the final notes and the audience responded greatly. Everyone started applauding. He got up and bowed before exciting the stage. He had to remain backstage until the show was over so that they all could do a final bow.
After the show he made his way to his locker. He gently placed his guitar on the floor leaning it to the lockers. He was pleased with his performance but he just wished that Logan had heard it; that Logan knew how much he missed him. He grabbed his bag pack out of his locker and shut the door.
"Hey," he heard a very familiar voice say. He turned around and found himself face to face with Logan.
"Logan! You're here," he said a little too eager.
"Yeah, James said that you were performing tonight and in all honesty I didn't want to come at first but I couldn't stay away," Logan confessed.
"What did you think of the song?" Kendall asked as he looked Logan straight in the eyes.
"I loved it. I didn't know you were able to write songs," Logan stated; not breaking eye contact with Kendall.
"Yeah, me neither. I had you in mind the whole time when I wrote it; in case that wasn't clear," Kendall rambled.
"I know it was. I miss you Kendall," he softly said.
"I miss you too, Logan, so damn much," he said as he stepped closer to Logan placing his hand on Logan's arm.
"How do I know that you won't change your mind again? That you just won't break up with me as soon as we hit a rough patch?" Logan asked sadly.
"I won't, I promise. I love you so much and I know what it's like to go through life without you by my side and it sucks. I know that you are the one for me, Logan and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I love you and that I am not going anywhere. As long as you'll have me, I'll be by your side," Kendall said as he gently placed his hand on Logan's face.
"Don't make promises, if you can't keep them, Kendall," Logan whispered as he closed his eyes and placed his hand over Kendall's that was cupping his face.
"I love you, Logan. Please, just give us another chance," Kendall pleaded.
Logan sighed as he opened his eyes. "I love you too, Kendall, so damn much," he whispered back.
Kendall leaned in closer; placed his forehead against Logan's and gazed deep in his eyes. Logan bit his bottom lip before closing the distance between them and kissing Kendall softly on the lips.