A/N: Hey everybody just a quick something to keep my creative juices flowing. I always wondered what Quinn knew, and when. I think our favorite cold fish has known all along and simply chose to keep it to herself. This is my interpretation of her reflections on seeing Brittany and Santana fall in love. It takes place in the future on Santana and Brittany's wedding day where she's Britt's maid of honor. If I had to guess I'd say Rachel Berry would be Santana's!
I felt a wave of nostalgia as I watched them kiss. It took me back to that first time. The first time I saw them kiss it freaked me out. It wasn't the kind of thing you expected to catch your two best friends doing. Santana wasn't much for shows of affection and Brittany was 'friendly' with everybody. Neither of them seemed to be actually interested in any of the boys at school. They both messed around. A lot. But it didn't seem to matter to them. They had more fun with each other than with anybody else.
Catching them kissing was an accident. I walked into the locker room after Cheerio's practice expecting everyone to be long gone and caught them in a lip lock. It wasn't the playful kiss girls gave each other at parties to gain attention. It was a real kiss. Lips, tongue, Santana's hand under Brittany's shirt. It was passionate. More passionate of a kiss than I'd ever had with anyone.
Despite the shock of it I wasn't disgusted. Somehow it fit. As a Christian I was told several times growing up that homosexuality was a sin. And believe it or not I was always confused by the need to do something like that. Life was relatively simple. At least the rules were. How could you willingly break them? My naïve view of the world was rocked that day. I didn't expect to be so okay with it. I was actually more freaked out by my reaction to the kiss than to the kiss itself. The kiss seemed to fit them.
Santana and Brittany had always been strange. At least their relationship was. They were more intense about one another than anything else. They were always together. Never disagreed with each other, at least not in public, and sat close enough that their skin touched. Finding out they were involved was a logical progression in their intense relationship.
That was freshman year and since they didn't see me I didn't bring it up. It just didn't seem like a smart way to keep the friendship intact. Santana was absolutely nuts but when it came to Brittany she was a complete lunatic. One cross word about Brittany and she would undoubtedly punch me in the face. I knew this for a fact because I'd seen her do it. Several times.
By sophomore year they were holding hands. Well, linking pinkies, which was Santana's passive aggressive way of holding hands without actually doing it. The pinkie thing was weird. They did it everywhere. In the halls, during Cheerios, at parties. It became so common nobody even spoke about it. Then again they knew Santana's short fuse and probably just didn't want to risk a fight.
Kissing and holding hands was one thing but the first sign of anything serious between them didn't happen until late sophomore year. Well after we joined the Glee club and were getting ready for a big competition Brittany apparently let it slip that they were sleeping together. Now I didn't hear the conversation myself but after I heard it second hand, I was sure it was true. I mean after watching them fall all over one another for two years hearing they were having sex didn't surprise me one bit. It did cause a bit of a stir among the Glee club but nobody would dare bring it up.
Junior year is when things went to hell. I wasn't sure what happened between them but it was the furthest I've ever seen them. Physically and emotionally. It was like watching your parents fight. Everything I knew about relationships was based on theirs. Love, intimacy, caring and sharing. Watching the mean spirited Santana with Brittany was unlike anything I've ever seen. I'd never seen her so patient and understanding. So calm and helpful. Somehow Brittany was able to get close to the fiery Latina unlike anyone else.
It was during junior year that something between them changed. Brittany started dating Artie, a boy from Glee club. Artie was a nice guy but Brittany was completely out of his league. When I asked Santana about it she answered with cold and no doubt pre-rehearsed words. "I don't care if she wants to go slumming. She can take care of herself. I'm not her mom." She told me.
The words were right but the emotion was wrong. I could see in her normally unflinching face that she was upset by the pairing. Artie was the longest relationship Brittany had ever had with anyone and Santana seemed to be struggling with it. It was during this time I was more likely to catch them alone than together. Half the time they weren't even speaking to one another. There was never any huge blow up, at least not that I'd seen, but there was something wrong there. Something was going on that they were struggling with.
Brittany was considered dumb by most people who didn't know her. This couldn't be further from the truth. She wasn't smart by any stretch of the imagination don't get me wrong, I'd seen her report card, but she was extremely capable. She wasn't the helpless doe eyed innocent people thought she was. Of course she used this to her advantage whenever possible. She said the most outlandish things sometimes simply to see how we'd respond. Santana and I had long since stopped responding. The others never picked up on it. They still figured she was a moron.
I'd learned how smart she was Junior year. During the height of her distance with Santana I made what I considered to be a calculated move to get her to open up to me. We'd never been particularly close. I was more Santana's friend than Brittany's. Santana and I had formed a union, a détente, if you will. We figured together we'd be completely unstoppable. It was more practical than constantly going at one another's throats. Brittany was Santana's true partner in crime and the two of us became friends by extension.
When I asked her once after Cheerio's about her and Santana's separation she surprised the hell out of me by dropping her ditzy blonde routine and answering me straight. I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.
"Britt, I'm sorry you're fighting with Santana." I told her. It was the most awkward stab at a conversation my sixteen year old mind could come up with.
Brittany looked at me. Through me actually, then leaned over to retie her already laced up shoes. When she stood up I could actually see the wheels turning in her head. She was deciding on how to play it. I decided for her.
"I know Britt. I've known since freshman year. I caught you guys kissing in the locker room, the day after Katie Brown joined the squad."
Brittany shrugged. "So what do you want me to say Quinn?"
I didn't know. "Nothing. I'm just saying I'm sorry."
She chuckled lightly. A chuckle that relayed a frustration previously hidden. "You and me both."
"What did you do?" I asked her.
"I messed up. I messed everything up Quinn. Santana is always so cold. She's always so far away from me that I pressed her to figure out what we were. And she did. She told me she loved me and that she wanted to be with me."
My heart leapt into my throat. "Really. Santana said that? Santana?" Somehow the idea of her saying those things, to anyone, even Brittany, seemed outlandish. Santana didn't talk about feelings. Ever.
Brittany nodded. "She did. And I told her I couldn't break up with Artie."
I gave her an odd look. Artie was a nice guy but really, she'd given up Santana for Artie. That didn't make any sense.
"Why not? You love Santana. I'm sure Artie's great but Santana is your soul mate. Believe me I know. I wished I had a Santana."
She shook her head. "She's going to hurt me. I know it. I'm tired of hiding how I feel about her. I expected her to slowly come to the realization of things. I figured I'd have some time to get her okay with who she is. I thought I'd have a lot more time to let things with Artie take their usual course. I didn't expect her to be so open so fast. I thought she'd kick and scream. I just wanted to open the door for her. She just blurted it out to me. It was scary. I was so proud of her but on the other hand I was terrified because it's what I want but not how I want it. She still wants to hide."
"I don't understand." I told her.
"She's not ready to be out. I want to do more than just link pinkies with her Quinn. I want to kiss her in the hallway. I want to go to prom with her. I don't want to be her secret anymore Quinn. She's the most important thing in my life."
"Yeah, and you just broke her heart." I said. I didn't want to sound mean but it was true.
"You don't think I know that Quinn. You don't think I see it when she looks at me? What am I supposed to do? Let her run away from me again and let myself get hurt. The first time we had sex she climbed out of my window and didn't call me for a week. It was the most beautiful moment of my life and she ran from it. How do you think I felt after that?"
"Bad?" I ventured a guess.
"Humiliated. I thought I'd done something wrong."
The realization that she was telling me about her sex life must have shown on my face because she suddenly tensed up then smiled. Like a light switch the old goof ball Brittany was back.
"Since you're like the head Cheerio I had a suggestion. Can we rename ourselves the Captain Crunch? Captain Crunch is delicious. And their different kinds of Captain Crunch, like us. Cheerio's are all the same. We're not the same, we're different just like Captain Crunch."
It was such an outlandish thing to suggest I knew I'd missed my window. I did gain a bit of insight. This was the Brittany Santana knew. The Brittany she loved. It was the first time she'd let her guard down with me. The first time she trusted me with a secret. I never told anyone about our conversation. That short conversation changed things between us. It opened the door to a lifetime friendship I treasure to this day.
The rest of junior year they struggled. They kept a distance but I'd catch them whispering and arguing in the hallways occasionally. Santana seemed to fight things kicking and screaming but I did see she was more willing to take small steps. She was getting there.
Senior year was tough for Brittany. It was hard watching Santana come into her own. Brittany struggled and I did my best to take care of her. We got to know each other really well during this time. It was when I got to know the real Brittany. I didn't fall in love with her like Santana did but I did gain her love and trust. We're friends now because of it. It's why I'm here today. It's why I'm standing with them at the altar on their wedding day as her maid of honor. It was when she stopped being Santana's friend and became my friend.