A/N: This work was greatly inspired from the visual novel Narcissus by Kataoka Tomo. However, it is in no case a plagiarism or like that as I only got inspired 20% of it.
Also, there will be songs mentioned as to boost the emotion. You can check for them for more feels.
Disclaimer: I do not own Narcissus or Happy Sugar Life. I do not make any benefit (financial) from writing this.
[-x-x-x-]
~Miiro (ballad version)~
How long has it been, I wonder...
For nearly two decades, I haven't stopped seeking what love was. Now, looking at this Emerald-colored scenery, tears ran on my cheeks. Alone on the bed of Narcissus, all I could do was watch the horizon and nothing else, my legs paralyzed.
"I..." that word weakly escaped my lips before looking down at my hands. Unlike usual, they felt way colder. True it was winter and slightly snowing but I felt colder than I should be. "I..." More tears formed on my eyes as all I could do was to fall down, my knees giving up.
Looking at the faraway gray sky, my mind couldn't focus anymore. My body waa in pain but my heart was in a total vortex.
Thinking back about it, my life was always sour, nothing happy to look forward to. I could clearly count the good events with my fingers. Spending some time there, I decided to close my eyes.
~ Himeko's Theme (Narcissus Side 2nd)~
As usual, that day, I was walking with my eyes empty. It was supposed to be my 20th birthday but I was not that happy. The reason? No one was there to celebrate it. I possibly didn't want to have my crazy aunt be there.
My parents passed away few months after I was born and my aunt took care of me. Her senses of moral were screwed and I realized at a young age she was not a good influence. After graduating from Middle School, I moved into my own apartment, doing part-time jobs so I wouldn't depend on her.
"Boring..." Spring has recently arrived with April and I was back from college as usual. Life was boring without a friend nor lover.
After walking a while, I arrived in front of a large mall and took a moment to think. Maybe I should at least pretend and buy some sweets. It was not as if I loved them but the feeling of something sweet in the mouth was always comforting.
Stepping in, I was instantly greeted by cheerful smiles and happy people going around. I decided to ignore them all though, the expression on my face as dull and cold as ever. Not as many people of my age were not like that.
Since it was spring, one would meet the usual people around; couples with their children, people going solo, schoolgirls, and so on. It was not that bounded but being in such atmosphere made me somehow sick.
Eventually, I was intercepted by two boys. They seemed like high schoolers. "Hey there, missy~ You alone?"
"My friend and I were planning to go to the karaoke. It would be nice if you went with us."
'Bitter...' I thought, disgusted. I may be naive at times but there were limits. Due to my aunt's craziness, I got disgusted by these kind of things.
"Come on! It won't hurt."
I clenched my fist while my face darkened. The expression they had were without any doubt of lust. It was easy to understand with these creepy smile. I hated having to deal with these kind of people. Forcing a smile, I gave a chuckle. "I would be very glad to but my father would be angry if I get home late." With that, I took some small crest from my pocket and made sure they saw it.
"Oh. Come on!"
"Wait dude!" Before his friend insisted, the other one stopped him. "That crest is the mark of a family affiliated with the yakuza. I know because our old man got in trouble with them."
"Do you mean she is dangerous?"
I chuckled again, putting the thing back in my pocket. "My father is very strict so I need to follow all kind of rules. I really want to accompany you two but last time I was late, something happened."
The first boy was not intimidated at all. He was prett much it was all a bluff but his friend was terrified. As the thud was about to insist, an old terrifying man appeared behind me. He was clad in complete dark suit and had a large scar on his face. "Miss..."
Already there, I could see their expression turning into total horror before running for their lives. I sighed and turned around to bow at the man and left. That man was someone I paid as to give guarantee when I get to the mall and get into troubles. Apparently, he is a merchant there but very intimidating. After talking a while, he agreed to help me whenever he saw me in a pinch.
He was not the only one as I had many other insurances all around the town just in case. This world is dangerous so one needs lot of preparations and anticipation. I might not be the smartest human being but I do take precautions.
Reaching the sweet shop was easy since that point and I quickly passed the order. While waiting for it at the counter though, a sudden pain hit me in the back and chest. I didn't realize right away what was going on as my vision turned red.
Looking down, something metallic and pointy was poking out of my chest, blood all around it. Behind me was a man wearing a hood, who ran away the second after planting the knife in my back.
My knees gave up and I fell on the floor, blood lost everywhere. I could hear screams of panic and people running after the aggressor but my vision quickly darkened until I lost consciousness.
~ Evening Primrose (Narcissus Side 2nd)~
My eyes slowly opened as I regained consciousness. The high ceiling and uncomfortable bed made me realize I was not in my room. By my left was a woman clad in a pink house dress, her purple hair attached in a braid resting on one shoulder. She had several bandages all around her body and an innocent smile on her face. "Are you awaka, Satou?"
I averted my eyes to look around without responding. At the right was a large curtains and behind it were several other patients. Already there, I remember everything that happened and sighed. Who could that person be? Why going after her? Too many questions, too many possibilities.
Following that, my aunt kept trying to talk but I always ignored her. She was totally crazy and that smile she kept displaying was very creepy. I just couldn't stand her.
Fortunately, a nurce soon arrived and made some verification. She also told me they have managed to remove the knife but something was still off and requested doing a radio. At that moment, I didn't understand why that but pushing my back as to sit up, a crazy inhumane pain took my whole body and I lost conscious before realizing it.
Regaining my conscious after few hours as they said, I was moved into an individual room, my aunt still there. Apparently, she took care of the bills, everything included. Sometimes I worry how come she has so much money.
"That's because I love you." She said that out of nowhere as if she was able to read my mind. "That too is a form of love."
That was really creepy but I just ignored her. Soon after, the nurse from earlier entered the room. "I am glad to see you awake. We will not make it too long so to tell you we need to make a radio as soon as possible and eventually an operation. There are still a couple of things we do not understand about your situation so please cooperate."
I nodded after that. There was no reason to refuse so I agred to go with it.
~ Love Theme from Romeo and Juliet (Kenny G)~
The radio revealed something I never expected. I had a disease I never suspected on my heart. They explained I got it at birth but it only expanded recently until the blade of the knife hit it.
Of course, an operation was led and I was sent back to the individual room. Soon after, I was out of the hospital but was sent back there once a week for a check-in.
Apparently, the disease wasn't entirely gone and other operations will be needed. I just nodded. There was not that many interesting things on this dull life but at least, I wanted to know what love really was.
Without realizing it, Spring was over and Summer took place. By that time, I needed to wear some kind of cotton Pajama at the hospital. I didn't know the real meaning. In addition, they gave me a neon green bracelet with my name and blood type printed on it as well as the name of the hospital.
Another operation followed and the bracelet was exchanged for a gray one. By that time, I was sent to the fifth floor while previously on the third. By that time, I was ready to give up but my aunt kept paying the bills, keeping up with that scary smile.
By the end of Summer, they told me about one last operation. On the hospital bed, a glance at myself proved how much I have changed. I was forced to cut my pink hair until past shoulders and then they were in total mess. Then, there were shades of dark under my eyes due to the sleepless night I had to endure. The pains all around the body has intensified lately and it resulted in my skin turning slightly gray.
The pink pajama I wore was comfortable but not very stylish. Then, the fact I now needed to wear it 24 hours a day was not a sign of good thing.
"Bitter..." I muttered, looking through the glass window. My life was bitter now. I wanted something sweet at any cost. It was not only painful of the physical but also emotional and psychological.
~ Connect (by ClariS)~
And what I expected arrived. The operation didn't end well and they didn't hide it from me. Following that, I was moved into the seventh and last floor of the hospital. Before moving there, the nurse explained few rules though.
"The seventh if a very peaceful place and there are no restrictions. You are free to bring lot of things from home so we advice you come back in two days or three." She said that with a smile.
The apartment was everything but warm. There was an air conditioner but it was far from one could call 'home'. Since the admission, I didn't have the occasion to cook due to the declining of my physical ability so I was forced to get instant ramen.
I have noticed it since a while but my strength has greatly decreased. I had problems lifting things and was not about to walk long. Even just standing and sitting were tiring so I needed to lay as much as possible.
The next day was the same with restless nights and I was sent back to the hospital at thw third day. My aunt was there to accompany me. She was the one who brought my bag. There weren't that many things inside it but I didn't have enough strength to lift it myself.
After filling a couple of papers, I was sent to the seventh floor after waving goodbye at the older woman who kept her idiot smile. Already there, inside the elevator, I didn't feel at ease. As soon as we reached the end and the door opened though, it was easy to notice the high ceiling and the fact everything was painted white.
Exiting the elevator, the nurse guided me through the long hallways. I looked around and only saw very few doctors or nurses. Only old patients were around; not as if there were that many to begin with.
The woman stopped in front of the door and pushed it open. The room was rather large but very empty except for a white bed and a small pliable chair beside it. There were two glass windows in total.
"This is you room. Please make yourself comfortable."
I nodded and put the bag near the bed. She then bowed and left while I sat down. I was still clad in the pink pajama and the bracelet on my wrist has now became a white one. A sigh escaped my lips as I tried to open the window. As expected, they could only open of 15 centimeter as to allow the air in and prevent the patient from jumping over.
"This is... bitter..." I muttered under my breath.
[-x-x-x-]
Ending theme: Nakimushi (by Sawai Miku)