Welcome back to the next installment of our Ronin Warriors series the Daylight Saga! This is a collaborative self-insert, and the sequel to From Dawn to Dusk although not part of the main trilogy. You don't have to read that one to understand this story, but it provides most of the background context and introduces the two primary point of view characters, so having read that would probably be helpful.

A/N: This is a story about healing from bad exes. There is reference to non-con all throughout the story. Very little of the actual non-con is shown on screen, but if heavy discussion of it occurs. We will let individual readers decide if this is a deal breaker for them, hence the warnings given below (chapter-specific ones will also appear at the beginning of each chapter). The first two chapters are by far the worst, so if you want to skip them, there will be summaries at the end as per usual.

Happy reading!

Warnings: emotional abuse, dubcon kissing, attempted sexual assault, breakups

Love (you)
Who do you love?

—A—

"Do you need me to call a cab?" I asked my date, already fishing my phone out of my purse.

She leaned on me, alcohol on her breath. "Or I could just go to your place."

I smiled my stripper smile, the one I pulled out when guys made me nervous but confronting them was a godawful idea. "I really want to get to know you better before bringing you over to my place."

She pouted. "C'mon, it's just for a night… I can keep helping you make up your mind."

My skin crawled at the thought, the feeling originating from my lips where she had just kissed me. "Maybe after a few more dates."

Just stick to the stripper script. It worked to get money. It would work to get out of danger. Even if I wasn't completely sure I was in danger.

She pouted. "I don't even know when I can see you again."

I laughed, looking up cab numbers already. "We can figure it out tomorrow. You're too drunk right now."

"I'm not too drunk to make plans!" she protested, arm going around my waist. "Besides, I wanna massage out that hip injury…"

Dialing the cab company provided a perfect excuse to not respond to that. Dais' presence nearby let me know I would have a ready-made escape of 'a friend I hadn't seen in awhile' should I need it.

I consistently dodged her questions around when she could see me again to help make up my mind the whole time we waited for the cab, before practically shoving her into the back seat.

She held the door open. "I'm sorry if I hurt you!"

I smiled and backed away, and waited till she was out of sight before heading to the bus.

Dais popped up beside me. "I take it that has made up your mind?"

I sighed and itched to message the group chat to not stretch telepathy after a night of mental gymnastics. But it was way too cold to pull out my phone, and I had spent all day trying to keep up with her social rules. So, in a way, I had to keep talking. "Not in the way you're thinking, but definitely never wanting to see her again."

"And what was I thinking?"

"That it makes up my mind about Sage."

The Warlords had been the most obvious about their setup plans, ever since my suicide attempt. Ever since I'd seen him via their visits once, before, or they'd noticed me locked in my room video chatting with him while they cooked. Or the amount I messaged him going home from the club.

I didn't want him as my boyfriend. I wanted somebody close and better known and not wrapped up in magical doings and not so nice it had to be a front. Somebody who could tell me to jump and I'd have to ask how high if I wanted to keep the trial paid for, even if I was getting closer to being able to afford it on my own.

Wanting an escape from Dais' potential line of questioning, I tapped into my sister's much closer, much stronger connection to have a release. "I think I dodged a bullet."

"So I take it your date didn't go well." It was not a question.

I tried to pull out a summary of what had just happened. I did not want to get into a play by play. It had already repressed in my mind, without Dais' help, which boded absolutely terribly. "She insisted on coming home with me after dinner. I basically had to strong-arm her into a cab to get her away."

"...Seriously?" she responded, partially in disbelief, partially in concern.

That was tapping into the first emotion directly under the surface. Revulsion. "She knew I was just on this date to make up my mind, and we'd kissed to help me make up my mind, and I really didn't like it so she doubled down on 'helping me' when I'd already decided I didn't want to see her. It was like dealing with guys at the club."

"Ew. Are you ok?"

That was a question I didn't want to answer. "'M with Dais. I'm glad I was sober, to be honest. She drank like a third of a bottle of wine."

Dawn rushed forward to comfort me, but something was holding back. "...I want to say "hold on I'll be right there" but do you want me there?"

I paused, waiting for the bus. Dais stood at my shoulder, also protective but restrained. He wasn't managing my emotions at all. They were giving me room to say no. Not making any choices for me. Giving me space. After I had nearly lost it. Been coerced into making another person's choices. My mouth dried at the thought. "I think I was more scared than I thought and I don't know if I want you here or not."

"That's valid." She gave me a telepathic hug to take any sting of rejection out. "I'm here if you need me. Just say the word."

I was quiet for a bit, waiting for the bus at 10 pm after the routes had changed and the concept of a frequent schedule didn't exist. "Once I get on the bus and am able to type it out to the guys I think I'll be able to make up my mind. It's too cold to think clearly right now."

She saw right through my attempt to laugh off the joke, responding seriously. "Ok. I love you; it'll be ok."

I didn't want to keep thinking about it in the meantime. "The ice sculptures were really pretty. In a way I'm glad it's so cold because all the detail's been preserved."

"I hope you got pictures," she responded warmly.

I kept chatting along those lines until the bus showed up, allowing me to get on in the heated space and take off my mittens to check my phone, nearly half an hour after I had come up. Notifications abounded, with an astounding twenty from her.

I took one look at her conversation and sighed, ignoring her in favour of the Ronin. Ryo had dropped a message to let them know when I was finished, all of them wanting to make sure I was okay.

It was nice to know they were watching out for me, as much as I wanted to shy away from any thought it hadn't gone well, let alone had gone so badly they felt the need to check up on me. Being checked on still made me feel like I was in trouble. I didn't want to be in trouble. I knew I had been. I didn't want it to be worse.

I hadn't even been aware what I'd broadcast—or maybe it had been the total lack of impressions that tipped them off. 'I didn't enjoy my date and now she's trying to guilt me into seeing her again. Should I just block or try to explain everything wrong with her attitude?'

Thinking about trying to explain what she'd done got me irritated. And when irritation met with fear, I developed a desire to lash out. She was making herself a worthwhile target. I was worried that if the others said something that tripped me, they would get it instead. At least with her, she'd have earned it, instead of just receiving pent up frustrations.

Tessa was, as expected, the first to respond. 'I mean, if you're not gonna go out with her, it's usually courteous to offer that closure instead of vanishing. But you don't have to and if she presses you after that you have no obligations.'

Cye was the next to respond, not having gotten any of the details. 'What's she saying?'

I just screenshotted her conversation, only bothering to read it once I was in the safety of the group chat. Her words were absolutely icy. 'it really hurts you're acting like you don't want to see me after a date. You should've communicated better about what was upsetting you instead of just pushing me into the cab. If we're supposed to be dating then we're supposed to have proper communication.'

Dawn's irritation rivaled mine. '...I'm pretty sure you said something. Also she was drunk sooooo'

Sage was quick to respond, Halo reaching out to me in comfort. 'Even if you didn't say anything, expecting somebody to immediately communicate everything that bothers them is unrealistic.'

I only realized I needed comfort when everyone started piling on. The hollowness of the interaction. The way I had been constantly trying to please her. The way she had gotten colder and colder as I broke her rules until she decided she wanted to get my address, something I hadn't given away to a single person in the city out of fear.

Their comfort told me she had been wrong.

Now with them bolstering me, I went to respond to her. 'It really hurts that you ignored my boundaries when I expressed them, and tried to push me into letting you continue so you could try and change my mind instead of letting me process.'

Once I'd copied that to the group, Kento was the one who piped up. 'Geeze, what'd she do?'

I wanted to vanish into the seat. Dais put a hand on my shoulder to let me know she was gone; it comforted me enough I could reply, 'Kissed me multiple times and wanted to come to my place to help work out an injury I got dancing after I said no'

'...Oh *fuck* no,' Tessa snapped.

Wildfire was angry enough I could feel the potency of his emotions. '*What*?'

Sage, on the other hand, took a different direction. He was more scared than angry. 'Did she hurt you?'

'Physically? No,' I responded. 'But I was afraid she would…'

My imagination was starting to run off with me. I reached back out to Dawn. "I think I want you here."

"Dais?" she asked my companion.

He gave a sense of a headshake. "Cale would also fit into your school remarkably well."

Him not wanting to leave me brought me some comfort.

"Works for me."

We were nearly home, anyway. I put mittens back on and trudged back in the snow. Tessa would be waiting in my apartment, and it was easy to pick up my pace to get inside just from that alone. Even if the freezing cold made me want to lock up and just collapse in the street from how dangerous it felt.

The heat walking into my apartment was oppressing, staying like a stifling layer over my frozen body instead of penetrating deep down. It was enough I wanted to collapse and panic for a totally different reason.

As soon as I got my coat and boots off, Tessa was hugging me. Tightly. Tight enough I knew I could fall apart and be safe. I didn't know if I could, for how this touch was making it difficult for my ribs to expand.

After a long moment, she tugged me to the living room.

I shook my head and started pulling back. "Lemme take my makeup off first…"

She waited for me on the couch while I did that. While I was at it, I went to change out of my date night outfit. It felt almost impossible for me not to be sexy, and even though I knew it wasn't the person's fault, my low cut top and rather prominent cleavage made it hard to believe that. At least getting back into my normal clothes let me regulate my temperature again.

Looking at her on the couch revealed an oversized sweatshirt that came from Rowen, and the reason I had gone out on a date hit me like a ton of bricks. She had company she had a future she wouldn't be alone and here that possibility was ripped away from me. I collapsed beside her, clung, and cried, feeling all the loss of not having a relationship when she did.

I ignored it. Thoroughly. I didn't want to admit I was jealous to the point of wanting to destroy the best thing that had ever happened to her. "I'm so glad I'm a stripper. Same scripts worked."

She rubbed my back, encouraging me to continue.

As much as I didn't want to continue along these lines, my mouth betrayed me. "I've been around drunk people before. I was fine at Sage's party. I work at a strip club where everyone is drunk. But her." Tension crept up my back, shoulders bunching involuntarily. "We went out to look at the sculptures and she kept comparing me to them, how I was so much prettier than those things, and she kept asking me over and over if I was sure I'd be fine eating dinner where we went and I said yeah it was okay I'd picked the place, then she… wanted to have me take a drink? So she wouldn't be the only one drinking? Felt it was rude? And I said I was fine and now I'm wondering if I would've been able to say no had I…"

I couldn't finish that sentence.

My mind was already spinning off in the direction of what could've—would've happened had I not been able to say no.

She held me close, hand continuing up and down my spine. "You're allowed to establish boundaries you're comfortable with, that are in line with your principles."

I laughed. Softly. Darkly. "I'm glad I didn't tell her I was a stripper. I broached the concept of who's probably working on nights like tonight and she said she was interested in stripping until she found out what was involved… I just said it was a friend who told me for a character."

Which was true. I did have friends who were strippers, who had helped me with writing, and had helped me get in the game in real life. Tessa was my bubble of people who were alright with it; she was the only person who I'd met in meatspace who knew. Because I knew how disliked sex workers were.

This woman was proof positive why I'd kept it under wraps.

I didn't want to date anyone who hated what I did for a living.

I could hate myself over the hypocrisy over what I felt about Tessa's career later. I comforted myself with knowing I'd never bring it up.

In the time I'd been thinking, my sister had paused. "...Yeah that would have been even worse."

My phone had vibrated once, and I'd ignored it. Now that I was trying to ignore other obsessions along how as long as I didn't tell Sage I would never have to face his feelings about it, I finally had the courage to see what she had said.

The message in a purple chat bubble made me feel things I couldn't name. But the low-grade nausea that had sabotaged my attempts to eat dinner was getting far, far, far worse.

'It sounds like you're accusing me of assault.'

I blinked at that, going back to the group text to sort my head out. And not throw up. 'Is… what she did assault?'

I had barely even moved my thumb away from the send key before Sage responded with, 'Yes.'

Tessa agreed with him.

I registered Halo only when Dawn's protectiveness kicked in. There was worry and concern and anger all laced through the normally calm facade, all emotions I felt like I should have but… didn't. Which I knew was a bad sign. Both Sage and Tessa were angry. Both were protective. Sage was more worried, Halo a net to catch me if I wanted to freefall into my emotions.

But… that meant registering what had happened.

I returned to her conversation, feeling both too unsure about this and too bold to be laying it out so plainly. But talking gave me an excuse to at least try and disconnect from the others. 'Well… you kinda pushed me to doing touching I didn't want, so… that's. Assault.'

I ran back to the connection as soon as her next message came through.

'I did *not* assault you and I apologized before getting in the cab.'

My mind was starting to race. Dawn insisted she had, working her way between my PTSD insisting that no it was my fault I should take the apology and my own feelings of wanting to never see her again. I licked my lips. 'An apology doesn't erase that you *did*'

'If you're going to accuse me of this we're done.'

'If you're going to ignore responsibility we're done'

I didn't know if the speed at which I had snapped that out was worth it. Especially with her next line.

'Don't put this all on me, you're the one who made me upset.'

I went to the block button instead of dignifying that with a response. Once her conversation was archived—and I'd blocked her everywhere else in a mad rush of overwhelming terror— I collapsed into the couch. "Thank god she doesn't know my address."

Tessa tucked me against her, Dawn back to being soft and comforting and helping me regulate my overheating body. "Even if she did I swear if she tried anything…"

"She would have us to contend with," Dais continued from my door. Now Summer did help regulate my emotions, allowing my illness to be a much smaller voice. I could just feel.

As much as I hated everything I was feeling, for how it boiled down to terror so hard I was shaking and relief so intense I could breathe again.

The group chat notification filled my screen. Ryo had gotten to asking first, but the others all having read it indicated they were waiting by their phones. Actually paying attention to the connection revealed they were all waiting there, too. 'You okay?'

I managed a half smile at their question. And the feeling of safety that had radiated from all of them when they decided I would never be afraid of a person again. 'I blocked her, so. Should give you an idea.'

'How are you feeling?' Rowen, of all people, asked at what should've been nine in the morning over there.

I blinked at his message. 'Surprised you're awake before noon.'

'Someone was making a racket outside,' he responded, Strata dismissive. 'What'd I miss?'

Retelling the story was oddly comforting. I watched the details change as a detached observer, almost, parsing out what was different this time.'The girl I went on a date with decided that we just had to kiss to see if there was any spark there, got mad I told her that her wanting to come to my place to massage me was assault, and I blocked her. At least dinner was good and Winterlude was nice.'

'You're ok, I take it?'

'Yeah, yeah, physically I'm fine. I don't know about emotionally.' The guys were all hovering to make sure I was okay without crowding around. I didn't want to comfort them, but I also didn't know if I wanted to break— and if I did, how I wanted to. I'd gotten my shaking under control to type, but it was threatening to come back in full, roaring force. 'I think I'm just going to go quiet for a bit…'

Strata laid a gentle hand on my shoulder. 'We're all here for you, when you're ready'

'Thanks.'

I lay there in my sister's arms, Blackie jumping up on the bed and purring as I tried to figure out what the fuck had just happened. But the only thing I could do was sob.

I wanted to talk. I wanted to put words and names and compartments and just generally move on from this. My emotions wouldn't let me. They pulled out every bit of terror from my mom hurting me and snide conversations over dinner and forced outings and—

Halo caught me in my freefall, carefully easing me back up to Dawn's grip.

Both of them radiated it was okay to keep crying.

All I could do was listen.

Summary: Alexa goes on a bad date that results in a relationship ending, with Tessa and Sage comforting her.