Chapter 1

'Bah humbug.' Severus Snape thought as he trudged down the corridor between lessons, he had just spied Potter (evil Potter) talking to – or trying to talk to- lovely Lily. Lovely Lily with her lovely red hair, and her lovely green eyes, her lovely freckles, her lovely lips, and her lovely chin, her lovely neck, her lovely –

'SNAPE WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE LOOKING?'

His eyes snapped upward immediately to be greeted by a very angry, but very lovely Lily Evans.

'I…I err, um…'

'Hmph!' Lily strode off towards her friends, leaving James and Sirius in her place sniggering. How they sniggered, so evilly too. Severus wished he could curl up and die, so proceeded to stumble away from the situation in the vague direction of DADA class with his mouth slightly agape in horror.

'Teehee. What a twat.'

'What was he doing staring at Evans? It's disgusting! I must protect her. Next time I will protect her.'

'No mate, you'll stand there like an idiot 'til Evans is gone and start laughing again. Just like you did this time. The only difference will be that I will have a video recorder, with me all the time from now on for other such wonderful occasions.' Sirius made a mental note, though where he was going to get a video camera from in Hogwarts he had no idea.

'Shut up Padfoot,' James retorted, and then added slightly puzzled, 'what's a video camera anyway?'

'It's a muggle thing that takes photos but they move longer – I think. Moony told me about them.' Sirius felt intelligent, something rare but he didn't think so. He spotted something white half hidden behind a plant which he had never noticed before, and went to examine it. When he had safely crossed the hallway without being killed by stampeding first years Sirius picked the treasure up from the floor and examined it; it appeared to be part of one of those flying things he saw go over his house sometimes, the sticky-out bit. He quickly stashed it in his trouser pocket and checked on James in case he had seen him, Sirius didn't know why but he felt if he was going to keep this no one else should know. James however had seen nothing being temporarily distracted by a levitating turnip outside the window.

'What the hell is that doing there?' He asked James.

James jumped in fright, obviously engrossed in this turnip, 'I don't know, but if you tilt your head a little to the right,' which Sirius did, 'It looks a bit like McGonagall.'

'Oh yeah!' Sirius noted with feigned interest as he had not actually seen the image of his transfiguration professor and head of house in this levitating turnip.

'I wonder h…'

'Oh YEAH!' Sirius said pleased with himself and with more certainty this time as he had finally seen the likeness.

'…Um yeah.' James furrowed his brow at Sirius with concern, 'Anyway as I was saying, I wonder how it's floating by itself, I mean I don't see anyone casting a levitation spell on it.'

Sirius tore his gaze from the turnip and glanced around, 'Hmnn,' he noted, 'Weird.'

'Aren't we late for lessons?' James asked

'How the hell should I know? Moony's the one who knows the timetable!'

'Oh well let's keep walking, we're bound to find the one we're supposed to be in eventually.'

'Not if the staircases keep changing to spite us like last time.'

'Shut up Sirius.'

'Peter can you pass the juice?'

The following morning Sirius, James, Remus and Peter were sat at breakfast each munching on burnt pieces of toast or spooning suspicious cereals into their hungry mouths.

'That's not the colour pumpkin juice should be Sirius…'

'Oh well.' He replied and downed the peculiar green liquid in one gulp. 'Tasted a bit like pumpkin juice, so it's all good.'

Remus cringed at this disgusting display and commented, 'The house elves have been putting out really strange food lately…'

'Maybe its an obesity drive, you know to make fat people lose weight.' Sirius said as he went to pick up the jug of green juice again.

'You know you're going to get ill from that.'

'Quiet Moony you're being like my mother again'

'Err… Sorry.'

'What do you want Potter?' Remus looked up to see Lily Evans scorning James for looking at her – again. Not that he particularly blamed Lily; James was after all getting a bit obsessive and weird. In fact, Remus decided that if he were Lily he would have taken out a restraining order by now.

'I – nothing.' James mumbled and looked pathetically down into his cereal, clearly miffed as Lily walked off to sit as far away from the boys as possible. 'Why does she hate me?' He asked his cereal.

Sirius patted him on the back in a friendly gesture. 'Because you're creepy.'

'Err I think what Padfoot means James,' Remus began.

'Padfoot means that you're creepy'

'No Padfoot doesn't.' He glared at Sirius, 'Padfoot means that maybe you do stare at her a bit much… and follow her a bit much now too, and that it might, um, unsettle her.'

'No, Padfoot definitely meant creepy.' Argued Sirius, which earned him a look of disapproval from both James and Remus.

'You two are like a married couple!' Peter commented, also earning him looks of disapproval.

'Are not.'

'Are too!'

'Are NOT!'

'SHUT UP!' Shouted James, 'Now, why does she hate me?'

'As I said before Sirius rudely interrupted, your behaviour must be slightly worrying for her. Maybe you should try a different approach?'

'Like what?' James asked hopeful for an answer to his problems?

'Like Moony would know,' Sirius answered, at which Remus looked highly offended, 'What you need Prongs is a fool-proof plan to win her heart, and seeing as I have won many hearts, I would be more than happy to help.'

'What do you mean I -'

'Oh look, post's here!'

Remus frowned at Sirius as the many hundreds of parcels and letters dropped down from above, concussing many people.

'Dumbledore should really do something about our postal system' said Remus as he pushed an unconscious boy off his side, having been hit by a particularly heavy package.

'What's that?' Peter asked Sirius as a smaller parcel fell onto his toast, getting covered in strawberry jam.

'How should I know?' Sirius replied nervously, he quickly stowed his sticky delivery beneath his robe before anyone had a chance to look too closely and looked shiftily around.

Remus frowned at him again.