A/N: So this is kindof crack and there's a bonus at the end for anyone who makes it. Enjoy!
Boba on The Citadel
Words: 608
Executor Pallin pulled his mandibles tight to his face, steepling his hands in front of him and gathering his patience. Detective Raelu, a salarian whom was normally very 'by the book'- a trait he very much appreciated in his operatives, had completely disregarded all of them, and was now using his office as a basterdized interrogation and court room; his relatively high voice as grating as any lawyers as he accused the human woman seated in one of the chairs opposite his desk.
"-And the perpetrator of this genocidal fad has the audacity to continue consuming their foul concoction right in front of us!" Raelu now had a finger accusingly pointed at the human female, who had been tuning out much of the rant, but had rolled her eyes at his last comment, straightening up from her light slouch. Popping the think straw out of her mouth she continued her defense, now that the Detective's rant had paused.
"I told you before, it's not eggs of any sort! Augh! Just smell the stupid thing!" The female, a Ms. Errenwood if he remembered, detached the dome lid of her orange and cream 'drink' the smell now free to spread and waft about his office. Arrutius Agonus, a turian detective he'd been meeting with when his office had been commandeered, spoke up, his head tilted in question and nasal ridge lightly raised.
"Why does this smell like… seribs?- yeah, seribs?" Ms. Errenwood made a gesture as if she were handing out a prize or, as Pallin more accurately assumed, pointing out the obvious.
"Because that's the flavor! It's called 'bubble tea', one of the many adapted novelty and cultural items that my shop sells. This one is fashioned with salarians specifically in mind, so it's flavored with serib beetles- kind of like strawberries or pariipo but for salarians, and has jellies made with blackberry honey. It's weird- really weird, but not bad at all and my pride has been challenged, so I'm going to finish it!" The office was silent as, slowly, a green blush crept up Detective Raelu's now pale face. Pallin's crest and nasal ridge came to rest against his still steepled hands, voice calm but subvocals beginning to simmer and boil with anger and exasperation.
"So, Detective, you've made this entire fuss, using C-Sec resources, commandeering my office- in the middle of a debriefing, to falsely accuse Ms. Errenwood of… eating salarian eggs, all without properly investigating?" Raelu trembled lightly, highly aware of the department's most feared predators eyes being directly focused on him.
*break1*
Adela took a few moment's to relish in the comeuppance of the uppity salarian who'd dragged her here, her tea now working as a deliciously ironic pairing to the event. The sound of shuffling brought her attention to the turian who had settled beside her to watch the dressing-down of his co-worker. Their eyes met for a moment, both still facing forward, before he gave an amused chuckle and continued watching the spectacle.
"You do dextro versions?"
"Yeah, but those get served in a bowl or special cup. The classic straws don't really work with turian mouths. I have some eager volunteers helping me make some turian specific 'poppers' so they're more portable though. The salarian who inspire this drink was super nice and really helped me make sure all the recipes were safe or labeled correctly."
"WHA- WHO!?" Both turned form their conversation to the salarian who had been listening in and now rudely interrupted.
*sssslluurrrp*
*break2*
"And just what will you have to say for yourself when the Dalatrass hears of this mockery!?"
"Someone else might have gotten it wrong."
A/N:
So this started as a 'Crack Idea', but then got treated as a 'Serious Fic', which then got turned into a fun and funny tribute to our favorite quirky salamander scientist. No, really, have you ever thought about what bubble tea looks like? I was enjoying one with poppers when I realized and cracked up laughing. My co-worker doesn't like them because- especially the poppers, remind her of caviar; my brain being what it is, remembered the classic honey boba, and thought of frog eggs, which lead to amphibians, which lead to- OH MY GOD SALARIANS! Then as I planned this short out, "Mordin would totally be okay for this; in the name of science and quirkiness".
*BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS* *BONUS*
"You've ordered 38 of these?!"
"For science, Shepard. Needed wide pool of data to form proper hypothesis."
"…..Anything good?"
"Would recommend Menae-Luna. Dual charity. Found pleasant by both human and turian customers. Creamy but refreshing. Would recommend swallowing."
*The End*
"I am the very model of a Scientist Troll-arian"