[James is used to it, but Carlos is confused. I don't own Big Time Rush.]

He was in the dark. In the dark with no one. No one beside him. No one to love. No one to feel. No one. He was alone...

Carlos opened his eyes to see that it was still dark outside. He had obviously been tossing and turning, because his blanket was wrapped around him as if he were some kind of fleece mummy. Sweat covered nearly every inch of Carlos's body. It was extremely warm in the room. He untangled the blanket and stood up. Carlos shed his shirt and shorts, leaving him wearing only plaid boxers. He picked up a notebook and fanned himself with it.

What was up with that dream? Carlos wasn't alone. He was never alone. The other guys were always with him. Always. That's when Carlos realized that that wasn't what his dream was trying to tell him. He was alone. Not alone alone, just with nobody to love. Kendall had Jo, Logan couldn't get over Camille, and James flirted with every girl in sight, but Carlos never kept a girlfriend. None of his relationships had worked out, and it sucked.

Carlos sighed and fell back onto his bed, not using his sheet or any blanket. He fell asleep despite sweating as if he had just played a vigorous game of basketball.

Carlos...Carlos...It was in a sing-song type of voice. A truly beautiful voice. Then came the reality. Carlos jumped up immediately when James yelled, "CARLOS!"

James burst into hysterical laughter. Carlos shook his head. "James! That wasn't cool!"

"Sorry," laughed James. His eyes wandered to Carlos's shirtless form, and then suddenly he was looking at the clock instead. "Look, I know it's only eight o'clock in the morning, and it's Saturday, but I want to go on a walk, and I want someone to go with me. I just woke up randomly and couldn't get back to sleep. Please come with me."

The Latino sighed. "Adios mehos. Fine. I'll go on a walk with you, but only because you scared me out of going back to sleep."

James and Carlos got dressed and took the elevator down to the lobby. It was virtually empty, since no one in their right mind was awake at 8 a.m. on a Saturday. James led the way out to the sidewalk. He and Carlos walked side-by-side. Both of them were silent. They passed a group of girls coming out of an early-morning sale at a clothing store. James made eyes at them. Three out of five girls melted. Carlos sighed. "How the hell do you do that?"

The taller boy was instantly shocked. It was for two different reasons. One, Carlos had practically yelled at him. Two, Carlos used a swear word, and Carlos never sweared. Ever. James stopped walking. "Are you okay, buddy?"

Carlos also stopped. He shrugged. "It's just...last night, I realized that I'm completely alone. You have all these girls falling over you, Kendall has Jo, and Logan and Camille can never stay away from each other for very long. I can't keep a girlfriend no matter what I do. I just want to know how the hell you do what you do."

There was that swear word again. Both boys started walking again, and James sighed. "It just comes naturally to me. I'm pretty. I can't help that. Yes, I know I spend a lot of time making myself look perfect, but that's just because I can't stand looking not perfect. But I'm not as perfect as you may think, Carlos. I take anything that comes my way."

"What do you mean?" asked Carlos. He honestly had no idea.

James stopped again. "Okay. I'll explain. Imagine that there's a fence-no, not a fence, a bridge. Yeah, imagine there's a bridge. On one side of the bridge, there's a big group of girls. On the other side of the bridge, there's a big group of boys. I'm standing in the middle of the bridge, so I can please them both. So everyone can have a bit of James."

"But why not just go with the girls?" asked Carlos. He and James were now sitting on a bench beside an elegant-looking building.

James sighed and put his head in his hands. "Okay, there's no way that you'll get this without me coming out and saying it. I like men, Carlos. I'm bisexual. I've been with girls and guys. I have kissed many boys."

Carlos's eyes widened. He had seen James briefly glance at his body earlier. He hadn't thought anything of it then, but now he understood. Did James have a crush on him or something? Is that why he'd been so concerned after Carlos freaked out on him? Carlos relaxed his face. "So do you...like me?"

James shrugged. "I think you're pretty hot."

Carlos smiled at that. At least someone thought he was hot. All the girls ever saw was his helmet or him eating corn dogs. Everyone thought he was "adorable". No one ever called him "hot". Carlos examined James's face for a long minute. He realized for the first time just how pretty James was. His features were soft. Almost feminine. His cheeks were rosy, his eyelashes were long, and his lips were perfectly shapen.

James noticed how Carlos was staring at him. The smaller boy was still smiling, but there was a sort of calculating look in his eyes. James smiled. "Carlos, are you okay?"

Carlos shook his head, pulling himself out of the pretty face of James Diamond. "Huh? Yeah. I'm fine. I was just...I actually don't know what I was doing. Thank you for saying I'm hot, though. Strangely, it doesn't freak me out one bit."

"I know what you were doing," James claimed. He beamed. "You think I'm pretty. Don't even try to deny it. I could see it in your eyes."

"So. Just because I think you're pretty doesn't mean I like you," said Carlos defensively. He knew that that wasn't necessarily true, but Carlos didn't want to be like James. Men were supposed to date, kiss, and love women, not other men. Before he could stop himself, Carlos was staring at James's perfect lips again.

"Carlos, you're doing it again." James turned his face away from Carlos. He rubbed his eyes and smiled to himself.

Carlos blinked out of it. "Damn it."

James knew that something was going on inside Carlos's head. Carlos never used swear words. Sure, he had said "hell" twice already, but "damn" was one of the bigger ones. James's best friend was struggling to keep his cool. James could tell. Carlos was falling apart inside, and James had to find a way to fix that. He put a hand on the Latino's shoulder. "Carlos, do you want to go back to the Palm Woods?"

Carlos didn't say anything. He just stared at James. He wasn't spacing this time, though. He was actually looking at James. Carlos shook his head, a negative response to James's question. Without warning, Carlos leaned forward and pressed his lips to James's perfect ones. He moved his hand to the back of James's neck. James was surprised at first, but then he settled into it, closing his eyes. He moved his hand to Carlos's lower back. Carlos suddenly pulled away and stood up. "I'm sorry."

Carlos turned and ran back toward the Palm Woods. James watched him run, then got up and started walking back. Why did these things have to be so hard? Why couldn't Carlos just accept who he was? And why the hell did James have to be so pretty? James didn't know the answers to any of these questions, and he probably never would know.

When James got back to the apartment, Carlos was eating breakfast with the rest of the crew. It was now 9 a.m. Carlos smiled like nothing had happened. Apparently, he'd gotten back before everyone else had woken up. He smiled at James. "Hey. Did you go on a walk?"

James narrowed his eyebrows. He then rolled his eyes and sighed heavily in disappointment. "Whatever, Carlos. I'm going down to the pool."

James went to his and Carlos's bedroom to change. He grabbed a towel and left the apartment, slamming the door behind him. Carlos immediately felt bad. Everyone was staring at him. They knew something was up, they just weren't sure what it was. Carlos sighed and disappeared into his bedroom. He changed as quickly as possible, then went down to the pool. It was completely deserted, except for James, who was soaking up sun, shirtless.

Carlos came to sit beside James. James sighed. "So, I suppose you're going to stare some more, kiss me, run off, and then pretend it never happened again, right?"

"I'm sorry, James." Carlos looked around, anywhere but at James's perfectly toned body. "I'm just...confused. I don't feel like myself. I'm not supposed to think you're pretty. I'm not supposed to like you like this. It's just...not me."

James opened his eyes and sat up as soon as he knew that Carlos had started crying. James moved to the other lounge chair and put an arm around Carlos's shoulders. "I know how you feel, buddy. When I first realized I liked guys, I wanted to kill myself. It didn't feel normal. But eventually, it felt right, and then it didn't feel normal to try not liking guys. You'll get used to it. I swear you will."

"You'll help me," murmured Carlos, still crying. It wasn't a question. Carlos looked up at James. He kissed his best friend for only the second time. This kiss lasted longer than the first, however, because no one pulled away this time. Finally, the two boys needed to breathe. Carlos smiled at James. James smiled back. "I'll help you."

[Review please!]