In A donkey in Human Clothing, I had a fair bit of time go by for Lampwick and Stevie. Reading another fic of points of view of varying characters from a game inspired this fic. What happened to Stevie, Lampwick and the others over those months and what sorts of things went through their minds?
This might be a bit OOC but hopefully it's not too bad.
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The sunlight pours into the barn as a new day begins. I wake up from a wonderful dream where I was home with my Momma and as a boy.
The sight of the barn, smell of the hay, wood and of the other donkeys greet me. The reality of my situation hits me as memories the peaceful slumber hid from me flow back into my mind.
I am a donkey and have been one for about a month.
Being dirty and stinky is annoying. I want to take a bath. The last time I took a bath was a few nights before I went to the island.
Always being naked is weird. I know I'm a donkey now and look different but it's weird that being a donkey means everyone can see me naked. Could they at least let me wear a shirt?
Hay, some oats, grass and water are all they feed us. They're not so bad. I wanted more at first and still do but not as much.
On the island I thought I could get away with doing things I wanted to do but couldn't because I'd get into trouble. Now, some of those things aren't bad because I'm a donkey and that's normal for donkeys. It's weird that people let me be naked and dirty and they don't complain.
Does all that mean I really am a donkey on the inside and not a boy? If that's true, is that bad?
I can understand Rose and the others. That's neat but braying isn't the same as talking. I want to talk to the humans; I want my old voice back!
Rose is sleeping next to me; she's starting to wake up. She's been real nice, almost like a – well, not like my Momma, maybe more like an aunt or something. I feel funny when she's close to me, I can't explain how I feel. My body wants something but I don't know what. I feel good when she's around. She's pretty and stuff. She even smells kinda nice, you know, better then the others.
I used to think donkeys smelled bad because of something bad they did or thought. You know, like they were bad and being bad somehow caused it. I know I was wrong. Donkeys smell bad because they can't help it.
I stretch after standing. I'm getting used to walking on four hooves but I still miss my hands and feet.
When I walk by a mirror – why do they have a mirror in here anyway – when I walk by it, the reflection I see is of a donkey. I know that's me but it doesn't feel like me. It's like the island somehow glued this donkey over me. That donkey is somehow stealing everything I say and turning it into a bray. It feels like all I need to do is kick – or cut the donkey off me and I'll be a boy again.
Acting like a donkey still feels like I'm just acting. Yeah, it's making me want to do things and I guess like stuff donkeys like but it feels just like I'm still on the island and only doing the bad stuff 'cause the other kids told me to.
I know that donkey really is me and isn't some weird kind of costume but I'm still a boy on the inside – right? I don't want to give in. Doing that would mean the bad man that did this to me wins and I'll be a donkey forever!
How come thinking about doing that makes it seem kinda neat and like I'm saying screw you I'm gonna like this anyway to him?
Rose is up. She's walking toward me.
Wait, was I just thinking about Rose like she's my girlfriend or teacher and I have a crush on her? I don't get it. She's a donkey; I shouldn't like her this way!
What if that means I really am a donkey – even on the inside? No, that's not possible. I'm not a donkey!
But how can say I'm a boy? I see the way people look at me. They look at me like I looked at other don—at donkeys when I was a boy.
Rich people give the same look to people that are poor or live on the streets. They think they're better then me just because I can't speak, have hooves, smell bad and don't wear clothes. I know they also think I'm a dumb animal that doesn't know anything. Even if that's all true now, it doesn't mean I don't have feelings any more. I'll never think of donkeys as bad because of that again now that I've gotten to know them.
Lampwick is different. He was one of those big kids that told kids like me be bad. I don't think he's acting like a donkey. I think he really is a donkey and the donkey stuff is as normal to him as human stuff is to me. It's like he's just doing what he always wanted to do. He told me that he'd try to fight it and be a good boy but now it's like he thinks we're gonna be like this forever so we should enjoy it.
Should we have fun and like being donkeys? I thought this was punishment for being bad!
He says he likes that he doesn't hafta go to school any more. I think he likes being naked, dirty, braying and the humans expecting almost nothing from us. The sun does feel kinda nice on my back when we're outside. Lampwick and even Rose like it. Rose isn't bad so is liking the donkey stuff okay?
I don't know what Lampwick and Jen do when they go behind the barn. I guess they kiss, play, and stuff. Isn't kissing a donkey wrong? Lampwick would say that we're donkeys now so it's okay. I kinda want to kiss Rose and sniff her sometimes.
But if I play with Rose like a donkey plays, does that mean I don't want to be a boy anymore?
Is it wrong to fight it? I wanted to go back to school at first but every day I want to go back a little less and want to stay here and enjoy this a little more.
Rose is a donkey and she's not bad. But people say boys that are donkeys on the inside are bad! I don't get it! They say temptation is a bad thing. What if all these donkey things are temptation and Lampwick is hurting himself by giving in and bad stuff will happen to him? I don't want to be bad or for bad stuff to happen to me! Maybe Lampwick is just being what he always was and that he wasn't a bad kid but a donkey in the body of a kid.
Fighting being a donkey is so hard though. If I do become a donkey for real can I still be Stevie. Can I be a good donkey?
It's almost time to eat. I'll ask Rose. Maybe she'll know.
