Chapter 1
This whole mess started on an ordinary day. Well, as ordinary as it could be for a country. It was another world meeting, which for me meant I could catch up on the much needed sleep I have been losing lately. Or mess with my favorite gringo (1). I honestly didn't care, all that mattered was that I got through this meeting without dying from boredom.
Oh, how rude of me, I didn't introduce myself. I'm Alexandra Guadalupe Hidalgo, more formally México. Now, seeing as introductions are done and over with, let's get on with the story.
I was sitting at this dull and depressing meeting, just about ready to fall asleep when I felt a wad of paper hit my head. I looked up glaring, looking around to see which one of these lunatics did it. My gaze fell upon my cousin, Columbia, who was sitting a few seats away. She pointed at the paper and made an opening motion with her hands, as if it weren't obvious that I was supposed to open it. Seeing how there was nothing better to do, I opened the note.
-Oye Mexi, when's the meeting going to be over? I'm bored as hell! DX
I couldn't help but roll my eyes or smile at her childishness. Stealthily, I wrote her back:
-When our "favorite" idiot stops talking nonsense.
Quickly I passed the ball back to her and waited for her to throw it back. Once she did, I grabbed it and read:
-God, that's going to take the rest of the century! I wish I brought a snack.
This time a quiet laugh escaped from me, which unfortunately didn't go unheard from the damn chismoso (2) American.
"Do find starving children in Africa funny, Mexico?" he asked, looking down on me as if I were a child speaking out of turn. All eyes in the room then turned to look at me, making me squirm as I am put on the spotlight. Before I had the chance to apologize, Russia, God bless that man, spoke.
"Your running mouth is enough to drive anyone to hysterics comrade," he said impassively, irritating the honey blonde and a earning a smile from myself.
"You wanna fight Peril?" America accused aggressively, standing up and making himself look bigger.
"Calm down America, quit picking a fight with others," I called out, matching the glare America turned onto me.
"Quit butting in Mexico, you aren't needed."
"You're one to talk Mister Estados Unidos (3)," I retorted.
"Oh shut up Crack Queen," he hissed and I chuckled mirthlessly.
"Real mature, and this coming from the man fixing to legalize Marijuana."
"Only in some states!"
"Enough!" Germany yelled from the head of the table. America and I immediately sat down, fearing the wrath of the powerful European. Said European sighed and shook his head, straightening himself out.
"We are here to settle the problems of the world, not settle your petty rivalries. If you wish to continue arguing, then leave this meeting now because I refuse to allow any personal issues to be argued while I am hosting this meeting. Have I made myself clear?" he asked, well, more like demanded. The guy could be really convincing when he wanted to be.
"Yes sir," we mumbled, bowing our heads and returning to our seats.
With that, the meeting continued with us glaring at each other every once in awhile, giving each other a couple of kicks once in a while until it was my turn to present my speech on politics, economics, etc. However, instead of ending it as I would usually do with a comment on the drug trafficking, I decided to address the current natural disaster issues.
"I would like to ask for a little bit of support from the UN.," I began, looking around with my best pleading face. "-Not much, I promise, but I just need enough to help my people get back on their feet again, to reorganize-" I stopped when I heard a loud, obnoxiously rude laugh coming from my right. The look I wore could melt an iron bridge and my anger could destroy cities. "Do you find something amusing Mister Estados Unidos?" I asked through clenched teeth, directing my look toward the man next me. The idiot had the gall, purposely, fail to hold in his stupid laugh.
"Oh, nothing really," he chuckled, wiping a nonexistent tear. "It's just hilarious that you finally got over your pride and actually asked me for help!"
From across the table I could hear the groan and wince from every man who had the misfortune to feel my wrath. Instead of blowing up like a pressure cooker at the damn, stupid gringo, I chuckled. I folded my hands in front of me and turned to America, a dangerously sweet smile on my lips. In a calm, slow voice I said:
"I asked for the U.N to help, not you or for money. If I were to ask you for money, then I would be involved in your abyss of debt, which quite frankly I can't afford or have on my hands right now." The gringo gasped and stood up, sputtering until he pointed a finger at me.
"You owe me money anyway!" he accused, making me laugh.
"No, no, no, no gringito, that was money you wasted in corrupting my government!" I reminded him harshly. His face began to redden and his glasses, my glasses, that he stole from me, began to fog.
"It wasn't my fault!"
"It's always your fault!" I began to raise my voice, my hands forming fists.
"No it isn't, it's your fault for not being as good as your sister was!" Strike one,
"At what, being a coward and dying?" I growled out.
"At owning up to your shit and giving me what I deserved!" He took a step forward and pushed me. Strike two.
"What you deserve is getting a fist in your mouth!" I told him, shoving him back. He scoffed and shook his head, looming over me.
"You can't even fight, you're weak."
"Oh trust me puto (4), I am anything but and you know this. I will fight until I see you begging and crying for mercy."
"You'd never be able to, you're too much like your family. One hit and you spread your legs to the strongest man and beg to be taken care of like a whore."
The entire room went silent. I don't think anyone was breathing either, that's how quiet it was. I remember my anger bubbling up from the pit of my stomach and my vision turning red.
Strike three.
"You're dead cabrona (5)," I whispered in a deadly quiet voice. Before anyone could react, I jumped the American and thus began yet another U.N Fight.
I have to admit, for a chubby guy, he can fight. His right hook is lethal, but he's pretty slow. That helped me land a few kidney jabs and some kick in a couple of unsavory places. Some people were cheering us on, placing bets on who would win this time around and so on. Before it could get anymore bloody, we were pulled away from each other by the stronger nations like Germany and Russia, as well as España, Cuba, probably England and Canada. I think I may have bitten one of them. Or two. Oh well.
The point is, we, the gringo and I, were in a shit load of trouble. I plead not guilty, the American was antagonizing me and I had several dozen witnesses. I'm getting ahead of myself, moving on.
To say the least, we were in a lot of trouble. I know I have said it already, but that's how much trouble we were in. España and Cuba dragged me to another room and sat me down, trying to get me to chill. It took them awhile, but I was back somewhat to sanity by the time my pendejo (6) of a boss walked into the room.
"Señorita (7) Hidalgo, I can't even begin to express how disappointed I am in you!" he scolded, arms crossed and face red. "This is the 5th time this year you started a fight with the Estados Unidos! He's our neighbor, do you know how dangerous it would be to make an enemy of him?!"
"He crossed a line!" I protested, but was shot down with a glare.
"The same could be said for you señorita! Now, this… disagreement between you and the Estados Unidos has cost us enough! You two need to settle your disagreements, and soon. We can't go on like this Alexandra." I scoffed and stood up, walking to the large window in the back and looking down at the civilians below..
"And how do you suggest we do that señor (8)? Lock us up in a room until we shake hands?" I asked sarcastically.
"Close actually," he uncrosses his arms and takes out a file. "We're putting the two of you on an island." I stood frozen for a minute, processing the information before facing him.
"…señor, I don't think I heard you correctly, did you say an island?" I asked in a small voice. He nodded and passed me the file.
"Señor Jones's jefe (9) and I decided that this would be good for you both. Starting tomorrow, you will be taken to a remote island on the pacific, away from humans to lessen the chances of causalities." I looked down at the file angrily, crumpling it slightly on its edges.
"…for how long?"
"Six months."
"What?!" I screeched, dropping the file. "You're expecting me to let you drop me on some island with that, that-! Are you insane?!"
"You have no choice Alexandra, this is for your own good," He said in an annoyingly calm voice as he picked up the file and sat it on the table.
"You will leave tomorrow evening." And without another word, he walked out of the room. I collapsed onto a chair and let out a frustrated sound, staring at the lone file. Why did all the bad stuff happen to me?
Vocabulary
slang for American
nosy
United States
Bitch
Mother Ducker
Stupid
Miss
Sir
BossWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I'M BACK MY DUDES! Wow, I can't believe I left this story two ish years ago. Man. I'm sorry I was gone for so long y'all, life has just been a ride. But I'm back, and better than ever! Might still be slow, but I will for sure update at least a chapter every one and a half months if God lets me. Anyway, enjoy the whole new Chica and the Gringo, expect more coming! Peace out sailors.