A/N: Attempting a little humor this time instead of my usual straight fluff and romance stories. It's funny, because Orihime stays in Las Noches for how long, but nothing about her having to go to the bathroom, shower, wash clothes, etc ever came up. Surely Ulquiorra would have to deal with that stuff too! Speaking will be in its usual "quotation marks," and thinking 'like this,'. So yeah. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. Too lazy to type out a better disclaimer xD

A Woman's Complication

His slender form sauntered past the other Espada, emerald eyes hidden behind his chalky eyelids. Hands resting comfortably in his pockets, the Cuatro Espada was the first to leave the meeting, freshly adjourned by Lord Aizen himself. Hearing the man's inspiring words of progress and change never ceased to put him at ease. Ulquiorra had many annoyances to suffer through on a daily basis; when he wasn't busy ignoring that idiot Grimmjow he was cleaning up after that woman. No, that was inaccurate to describe the situation; if anything, the girl was extremely need and tidy, always making her bed and keeping the room clean.

It was strange; as of late, the word 'annoying' would not be the first to come to mind concerning Inoue. Her imprisonment had started off as a simple thing; three times a day Ulquiorra would walk in, a cart of food pushed in behind him, and see to it that the girl was healthy. Promptly after, he would depart, and leave her to herself. It was peaceful, it was methodic, and most of all it was uncomplicated; these things Ulquiorra thrived on, relished in. One would almost go as far as to say they made him happy, if a being like him were to be plagued with such nuisances. There was a time he had no interest in her whatsoever; her existence was merely an asset to Aizen, and it was purely because of him that it continued. Ulquiorra frowned as he walked, reluctant to remember the day that all changed…

Orihime stood as her door opened, the timing like clockwork. If there was one thing her captor prided himself on, it was punctuality. When the lower ranked Arrancar brought in her food, she merely watched, her eyes dull and heavy. The fourth Espada sat down at the small table allocated for her meals, waving the other away so the girl could eat. When it was just the two of them, Orihime slowly moved to sit down, her long tresses hanging down in her face. They were in the way, but she made no move to brush them back. It seemed forced, the movements required to fork the bland nourishment into her mouth.

Ulquiorra silently observed, his eyes asking the unvoiced questions. Usually, the ample chested female was animated and lively, constantly chattering and trying to hold a conversation (to this, he kept his answers short and simple, purposely trying to discourage the tiresome small talk). It struck him as odd, the way this girl seemed to have wilted, as if dying in the moonlit room. What had she expected? Everything in Las Noches stunk of death and decay; it was not a cheerful place for a foolish girl like her.

"You are upset,"

Ulquiorra muttered, his head leaning against his hand. He wasn't concerned, but there was something unnerving about her sudden change in disposition… the silence didn't please him the way he thought it would. Orihime looked up, her eyes widening. Was the emotion surprise, he wondered? Some emotions were easy to read, especially on the expressive woman's face, and it was almost like a game for him to guess. She seemed flustered, her cheeks reddening as she stared back down into her food.

"N-No… I'm okay…"

Her soft voice replied, clearly void of its usual pep. His eyebrows furrowed in response; why was she acting like this? It annoyed him that he was fretting over something so pointless, and it aggravated him even more because she was mere trash. Why should he worry over her at all, save for what was necessary to please Aizen? Scoffing under his breath, he waited in silence for her to finish eating. Orihime sat her silverware down gently, dabbing her mouth with her napkin in her usual dainty fashion. It was a relief to see not all of her had changed overnight. Now was the time Ulquiorra usually stood to leave. Instead, he turned his head in her direction and asked

"Did you find your meal satisfying?"

Her whole body stiffened in shock. She stared at him, blinking, lips slightly apart. His emerald orbs eyed her back, wondering at her reaction. Despite the irritation the effort would cause, he did recall Aizen warning him about a human's need for companionship. There would come a time when the girl would need more than his company for the fifteen minutes it took for her to eat her meal. It seemed she had finally reached that point.

"I asked a question,"

Ulquiorra added, unhappy to repeat himself. Another heart beat later, Orihime began talking back, softly at first, but then with more and more gusto until she was almost like her old self again. Soon she was giggling and telling him stories of the strange combinations of foods she would make for herself at her home, and was describing them all for him as if he actually cared enough to try one. The dark haired man found himself listening intently, his posture feigning apathy but his eyes giving his actual interest away. It was better to see her alive like this, though he couldn't fathom why it should matter to him. There was something about her… could it be that woman was slightly intriguing?

It was since then that Ulquiorra found himself staying later, even hours past when the lower slave had taken away the dishes, observing her with an almost amused frown on his face. Stranger yet was the fact he didn't mind staying; it hardly felt like a chore anymore, despite the insults he was getting for hanging around his 'little pet' too much this last month. As he approached the door that led to Orihime's room, his pale hand stopped midway from opening it. He could hear a faint sound coming from inside. It sounded like… whimpering?

"Woman, I am entering,"

He announced, walking in without hesitating. His cautious eyes did a cursory sweep across the area; there was no one else there to cause the human girl any distress. Nothing out of the ordinary struck him; if anything, the scene was the same as it always was. The moonlight cascaded in through the thin window, the sole source of light for the room. The sparse furniture was all in place, from the table to the bed, where the woman was sprawled on top.

"U-Ul…Ulquiorra…!"

Orihime was indeed whimpering from her spot on her bed. She was lying on her back, on top the covers, a layer of sweat sticking to her face. At the sound of his name upon her delicate lips, the Espada walked towards her, his eyes probing hers with a curious distress. She was teary eyed as her hands rested on her stomach, which seem bloated despite it having been several hours since her last meal (and, as he recalled, she had not even finished it).

"Are you feeling ill?"

Ulquiorra asked, unsure of what was wrong with her. She moaned lightly, one hand reaching up to rub her temples, as if she had a migraine. Her hair lay scattered about her, occasional strands sticking to her skin; her cheeks were red, as if she were blushing, but the rest of her skin glowed ghostly pale in the moonlight. Orihime cried out, clutching her lower abdomen once more, causing Ulquiorra to kneel down beside the bed. Now that they were more level with each other, he was able to observe her more closely. What in the hell could possibly be causing her so much pain?

"U-Ulquiorra… could you… please… please go bring Halibel? She… she can help me…"

Orihime stared up at him with pitiful stone grey eyes, the orbs pleading with him. Ulquiorra felt something in his chest stir; she was in desperate need of help, and she was being picky? She was choosing Halibel, someone she barely knew, over him? What had been the point of their spending time together if she was going to abandon him for another Espada?

"Woman, I assure you, whatever is troubling you I can handle-"

Ulquiorra replied stiffly, hiding the fact that her request offended him. Orihime sat up suddenly, her jaw set, eyes flashing furiously. She had never shown any aggression whatsoever; he would not have thought it possible. But here she was, reaching out and grasping the collar of his jacket, her soft hands tugging on the fabric just as desperately as her fingers were angrily.

"I need a WOMAN Espada Ulquiorra! Now PLEASE go and get HALIBEL!"

The orange haired girl raised her voice only slightly before slumping back down, tears slipping down her porcelain cheeks. She gasped a little, looking down at herself before her head turned away to stare out the window, her sobs catching in her throat out of embarrassment. Ulquiorra hesitated before allowing his eyes to move south as well, down past her stomach, to where…

"…Woman are you… broken?"

Ulquiorra felt his own eyes widen as he saw a faint red splotch stain the white fabric of her dress. She was… bleeding? Why? Nobody had cut her, or touched her; how on earth could she be hurt? Realizing that this was beyond his control, he stood upright, announcing that he would return with the requested Espada. If it would soothe the girl, then so be it.

'I will be back… just don't die while I'm gone,'

Ulquiorra made the silent promise as he fled the room, walking faster than his usual pace. He wasn't sure where to find Halibel, as he did not usually speak with her, and certainly took no interest in her life. Where she hung out was usually none of his concern. Rounding a corner, he nearly collided with Grimmjow, who side stepped out of the way just in the nick of time.

"Damn it, what the hell's your problem?"

He growled, spinning around to see Ulquiorra's retreating back.

"HEY! I'm talking to you, you bastard!"

Ulquiorra kept his pace, not gracing the annoying lower rank with a response. He shut his eyes and allowed his feet to move on their own, feeling for the reiatsu that was Halibel's. His mind, though, was a little less than focused. He couldn't fathom what was going on right now; one moment she was fine, the next crying out in angry pain while she mysteriously bled herself out! Was this normal for humans? The look of pure agony on her face ingrained itself into his brain. Why did she not simply use her Six Flowers to heal herself? Was the pain that intense, leaving her immobile as well as emotionally unstable?

"What are you doing here? You don't venture out here very often,"

The requested blonde Espada was sitting in a chair, reading a novel. She looked up with curious eyes at the sight of a flustered Ulquiorra as he stopped in front of her, his face almost showing his worry.

"The woman… is dying,"

Ulquiorra announced, the serious-ness of his tone causing Halibel to set her book aside. He briefly explained what had happened, adding in how Orihime only wanted to see her (this he did with a hint of disdain, which did not go unnoticed by the female).

"Leave it to me,"

Was all Halibel said, her tone calm as always. In a flash, she was gone, her sonido already taking her to where she needed to be. Ulquiorra took the moment of silence to collect himself. He was… worried, about the bleeding woman. This concerned him; she was nothing but trash. Her little value was only so because Aizen wanted her alive. This… whatever illness had come over her was endangering her health. That defied Aizen and his orders. That was what should be upsetting Ulquiorra right now. But then why could he not stop thinking about how he had left her alone, her cries unheard as she clutched herself in pain?

Twenty minutes later, Ulquiorra stood outside Orihime's room, leaning against the wall beside the door. His eyes were shut, and it almost looked like he was sleeping. Sleep was definetly the last thing on his mind. When he had come back to Orihime, Halibel had already beaten him there, carrying a bag of little white squares, and had also requested that he stay outside.

"This isn't the place for a man,"

She had said before walking into Orihime's room and locking the door behind her. After what seemed like hours, Halibel finally came outside, quietly shutting the door behind her. Ulquiorra straightened, staring at her with an intense, impatient look.

"Your pet is fine, Ulquiorra. What she is going through is a natural part of the human reproductive cycle. When a mature female human is not pregnant, she loses a small amount of blood. The emotional symptoms are often worse than the physical, which include menstrual cramps, headaches, mood swings, a loss of appetite…"

Halibel spoke for a bit more, in which Ulquiorra merely nodded, taking in each fact. This girl, who was entrusted to him to protect, was full of complications. She never ceased to amaze him, in ways both good and bad. Once he was assured that Orihime was not going to die, he was told he could speak with her, but to treat her gently.

"Do not cause the poor thing any more stress or unhappiness until she is feeling better,"

That was the last piece of advice Halibel had before leaving. Ulquiorra hesitated before peering inside her room. Orihime was still in bed, but under the covers now, and sitting up as well. She offered a weary smile and gestured for him to come closer.

"How are you feeling?"

Ulquiorra asked, his tone as close to tender as he knew how to be. Orihime leaned back against the head rest of her bed, nodding. Her cheeks were rosy with a blush, obviously feeling self-conscious about the whole ordeal. She scooted over and patted the spot next to her, wanting the Espada to sit beside her. He frowned, but complied, looking slightly uncomfortable at their proximity.

"I'm okay now, a bit tired, but… I just… I am so sorry for how I treated you Ulquiorra! It's… a complicated part of a woman's life… I really hope I didn't make you angry!"

Orihime hung her head, almost ashamed with herself, silently praying for her captor's forgiveness. Despite it all, she had grown fond of him, and the company he brought her. She feared she had ruined whatever friendship they had…

"I'm… relieved you are unharmed,"

Ulquiorra admitted, looking away when he said so. Orihime blinked at him, almost doubting what she just heard. When it dawned on her he was being serious, a bright smile broke out over her exhausted face. She reached out and embraced him tightly, blind to the priceless expression on his face.

"I'll make sure to handle my period better next month, I promise!"

Orihime pulled back, looking more alive now than she had in days. Ulquiorra froze, his eyes darting back to her grey orbs.

"Did you say… next month? This will happen again?"

A/N: Ha, poor Ulquiorra! I know the fluff wasn't up to my usual standard, but I wanted to do something kinda funny, not just sweet. I hope I succeeded! Review and I hope you enjoyed, thank you readers!