The Antihero Club
You heard of super heroes and villains, but have you ever heard of anti-heroes? For those who don't know what anti-heroes are, basically it's heroes who doesn't play it by the rules and- wait, the fuck am I doing?! Let's get this awesome shit started! And yes, this is Deadpool and I am the narrator. I will still say Deadpool said because I have no fucking idea!
All right, so one day, a group of anti- heroes decide to form a team called the anti-hero club- Hang on, hang on, is this a rip-off of The Breakfast Club? No? Ok, back to the story. Members of The Anti-Hero Club were:
Wolverine: A mutant who has bad ass adamantium claws and a healing factor! I wonder who also has a healing factor...that's right, me…..and Lobo…and Spawn- yeah a lot of members has healing factors! He's also a member of the X-men, or as I call it: boy Band- wait there's women on the team too? X-BOOBIES! His real name is James Howlett or Logan, but after getting mind fucked by the Weapon X program, he forgot his past and name.
Lobo: Like Wolverine, he has a healing factor and here's a badass fact you got to know about him: He got banned from both Heaven and Hell, so he can't really die! He also rides a super awesome space motorcycle.
Spawn: Has a healing factor too. His real name is Al Simmons. He was an assassination guy before he got killed and went to hell. He and the devil made a deal: The devil would let him see his wife again if he lead hell's army with the powers he gives him, which of course, he doesn't do the bidding because he's not 100% a DICK!
Deadpool: I love talking a lot and I love unicorns and I love to kill kill kill and I love my shiny badass swords and I have a healing factor too and I onced killed the Marvel universe- hang on, which timeline are we in?
Ken Kaneki: A 19 year old guy who was nearly killed by a female ghoul but luckily she got crushed and her organs ended up being inside of Ken in order to save him. He since became a half ghoul. After being kidnapped a while later and tortured by a fat fuck, he killed the fat fuck and became a ruthless anti-hero.
Ghost Rider: Hold up a sec- which Ghost Rider are we talking about here? Johnny Blaze? Okay then. Johnny Blaze was a Daredevil stunt man who made a deal with a devil after his father, who is also a Daredevil stunt man, suddenly got cancer. His father was cured, however, the next day, he was killed in a stunt went wrong. Since the deal, Johnny Blaze became the Ghost Rider, who would go look for evil souls and well…kick ass.
Red Hood: After Jason Todd aka the second Robin was killed by The Joker, he came back to life and decided to do Justice HIS way. So he became The Red Hood and ok, clearly this is a crossover between Marvel and Dc…and other companies…well with anti-heroes at least.
The Punisher: When Frank Castle's family were killed, He finds those who were responsible and then kills them. Since then, he became the Punisher. His guns are soooooo awesome!
Rorschach: Ok, what the fuck?! He's DEAD! He got killed by Mr. Blue dick! Maybe we're on a timeline where he didn't die?!
Okay, now we got that out of the way with the character introduction and shit, let's get back to this badass story about antiheroes forming a team!
"So, who's the leader of this shitty team?" Lobo asked. "Fuck leaders, we don't need one" Spawn replied. "Hey man, even a shitty team like this needs a leader, so kindly fuck off, ok pal?" Lobo said. "You really want to mess with a guy who can send you to hell?!" Spawn yelled. "Jokes on you, Simmons, I can't go to hell cause I'm banned from there" Lobo replied. "It's true" Wolverine said. "So, why the hell are we here?" Punisher asked. "Some threat, I dunno" Lobo replied. "Boys boys stop it!" Deadpool said. "We DON'T have to have a leader, just get the shit done, gawwwwd!". Wolverine then got up. "Alright, the reason why we're here is because there's a big threat and he's a strong mother fucker" Wolverine said. "How would you know that?" Ken Kaneki asked. "Cause there's news all over for it" Wolverine replied. The team then went outside, got into Deadpool's car and drove to New York to find the creature. "Really Wade? This car? We can barely even move!" The Punisher yelled. "Aww, is the princess being a little bitch?" asked Deadpool. "Just shut up and drive" The Punisher said. Man he's such a dick, well I guess everyone in this story is. Deadpool then crashed his car into the tree. Wow, that was very quick. "God damn it Wade, now how are we supposed to get to New York City?!" Rorschach angrily asked. "Relax, ginger, I got some backup here" Deadpool replied. Deadpool then pressed a button and his badass plane arrived in seconds. "You better not crash this time, Wade" Wolverine said. Is it just me or am I called being Wade a lot more than Deadpool? "Alright, folks, this is your badass captain speaking and we just landed in New York City, which is a city where pretty much where superheroes fight now a days". Deadpool said. The anti-heroes got off the badass plane and arrived at New York City.
While the anti-heroes were walking around, they noticed some ugly ass aliens. "Must be one of his little shits". Lobo said. Wolverine then released his awesome claws and stabbed the ugly ass aliens in their eyes and man it was gory! There was blood flying everywhere! "Those shits make Wade look more beautiful" Lobo said. 'Hey, fuck you, I'm always beautiful" Deadpool replied as he took his mask off. "Al Simmons is the one who's ugly!" "What the fuck did you say to me?" Spawn angrily asked. Spawn then used his chains to rip Deadpool in half. "Enough!" Wolverine yelled. "We can bitch about our looks later, right now the fucker is trying to destroy New York and possibly the world!" Deadpool then put his legs back toget-
Deadpool what are you doing? What the hell do you mean what I'm doing, I'm narrating this awesome sto- This was MY story, Wade, I was just late was all, thank you so much! What the-
Spawn then gave Deadpool a hug and the friendly hero club danced in a Wizard of Oz way- What the fuck? This isn't fucking Disney or some shit, stop ruining my story you stupid narrator! Wade, this is MY story, so either suck it up or go cry to you- *BANG! Sorry folks, some dumbass narrator thinks he can make something so awesome into some gay ass shit. Anyways, where was I?...oh yes!
The anti-hero club then got on their flying unicorns I got for them and flew off to the top of the Empire State Building, where the bad guy was! "Well, this is embarrassing" Lobo said. "If only I brought my space motorcycle with me". While they were flying to the top of the building, there was more of those ugly ass aliens who was on their space dirt bikes that had a fucking machine gun! "This is going to be one hell of a battle" The Punisher said. "Holy shit, there's 100 of them" Red Hood said. "Give em, everything you got!" Wolverine said. Wolverine then jumped off the unicorn and started slicing some ugly ass aliens. "Jason, Frank, you guys and I will use our guns to kill these ugly mother fuckers" Deadpool explained. "I usually don't listen to you Wade, but for once, you actually have a GOOD idea!" The Punisher replied. "This is going to be awesome!" Deadpool said as he grabbed his guns and swords. The awesome battle has begun!
Ghost Rider used his awesome hot chains to burn the aliens, Red Hood and the Punisher used their guns to blow their brains out, Rorschach used his grappling hook to impale their chests, Spawn used his chains to rip them in half, Lobo used his axe to slice their heads off, Ken Kaneki used his tentacles to impale a whole shit load of them and you know what I and good ol' Wolvie are up to! It was the bloodiest battle you have ever seen…or read. After killing all of the ugly ass aliens, the anti-heroes FINALLY made it to the top and there, the villain was waiting. "Alright, let's see who the bad guy is gonna be like" Deadpool said. The villain then turned around and introduced himself. "Greetings, earthlings, I am Jokbore and have come to ta-" "What the shit? That is the shittiest name that I have ever heard in my life!" Deadpool interrupted. "You combined the names Joker and Bore into one, like, who the fuck does t- Hold up, I think I know who could have done this!" Deadpool then went out of this story and went to the writer's room. "So you're the prick who decided to name the villain, Jokbore? Give him a badass name or I'll cut your fucking head open with my awesome swords and use it as a mask for comic con!" Deadpool yelled. "Okay, okay! Ummm, what about King Badass?" The writer asked. "Yes, perfect, thank you Mr. Writer guy!" Deadpool replied. Deadpool then went back to this badass story. Wow, I just basically broke the fourth wall in my story…..AWESOME! "Well, King Badass, you WON'T take over this world because this the only planet where they have chimichangas!" Deadpool said. King Badass then transformed his hands into cannons and fired at us. "This is so awesome!" Deadpool yelled. "You'll never defeat me!" King Badass yelled. King Badass then fired lasers from his nipples. Get disgusted all you want but this is MY story and I make the rules around here! The lasers were dodged by most of us except for Red hood, who ended up injured from the lasers. And YES, he's gonna make, gawwd stop being a bunch of cry babies!
"Give it up, "heroes". King Badass said. "We're not heroes, freak" Kei Kaneki said. "We're just a bunch of dicks who loves saving the world our way". He then charged towards King Badass and bit half of his face off. "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!" King Badass yelled. He was now super pissed! King Badass than used his super sharp nails to impale Kaneki through his chest. "Kid!" Wolverine yelled. Wolverine then went into berserker rage and sliced King Badass's arms off. Deadpool then charged towards him and used his awesome swords to stab him in the eyes. "Your finished dick wad!" Lobo yelled as he punched him. King Badass fell off from the building and landed on sharp wood, killing him instantly. "Kid, you alright?" Wolverine asked. "Yeah…..I'm fine….. 'I'll make it" Kaneki replied. They all went to Hooters to celebrate cause wings and boobies!
The End! Now will you all excuse me, I'm going to eat som- HEY, you're the guy who murdered my brothe- *BANG! HA, sorry about that folks, that was the dumbass narrator's brother! See ya!