Author Notes: This story highlights a very minor character, Helga's pet monitor lizard which she gets during the episode, "Helga's Parrot." The beast also gets a brief cameo appearance during "Principal Simmons" where the beast is seen dragging a kicking, screaming student away in its mouth while the students rage out of control. This second appearance lasts only a few seconds and is best viewed by using the pause button. Helga's lizard is unnamed, but I have come across fanfiction where the lizard is named, Vi, short for Vindicator. I am keeping with this name in honor of both the excellent name choice and the inclusion of Helga's lizard in the stories of others. After all, I love that lizard. "Helga's Parrot" is my favorite episode!
Phoebe Heyerdahl picked up her shoe and examined it with a soft, exasperated sigh. The base of her little black, heeled shoe was sticky with gum. Perhaps it had fallen out of Helga's mouth as she was rollerblading. Phoebe wiped it off on the concrete as best as she was able. The Pataki household had no welcome doormat. They weren't particularly welcoming of guests in general, with the exception of the few times Bob Pataki brought people over to play cards and Phoebe was loathe to get gum residue all over the floor inside. When her shoe was thoroughly scraped, Phoebe rang the doorbell. When no one answered, Phoebe boldly tried the handle. The door was unlocked. But the sound of a television playing loudly caught her attention, she so stepped inside.
"Hello?" said Phoebe with trepidation. "Helga?" She followed the sound of the television to its source, through the kitchen and down into the basement. Bob's bench of tools was there but facing opposite of it was a whole other corner. Half of the basement had been sectioned off with stout kennel wire. The brilliant flash of voice and color that accompanied television came from within and Phoebe opened up the door to the animal enclosure. Helga G. Pataki was seated inside on a plump, pink beanie chair. An enormous, brown-skinned and light-brown striped lizard curled on another, matching beanie chair beside her, its tail stretched out in a luxurious curl and its tongue flickering out towards the television screen. Both Helga and the lizard devotedly watched the film on screen. As Phoebe watched, Helga laughed at the chorus of human screams as the original Godzilla rampaged through downtown Tokyo knocking over a television tower. Then she tossed a few pieces of popcorn in her mouth. Then, as a thoughtful gesture to her lizard companion, Helga reached her other hand into a plastic pouch of soft, chicken-flavored cat treats, took one out and tossed it into the air. Vi caught the treat midair with a quick snap of its jaw.
Vi, short for Vindicator, had been Helga's loyal companion ever since she had bought it at Pet Lamore, a pet store with a sarcastic sales clerk, while stalking a particular parrot. Arnold had gotten his hands on her lost, green parrot which recited love poetry. Which was not good. Not good at all because it would reveal her secret crush! But happily for Helga, when Arnold had spotted her lurking in the store, Helga had pretended to be buying a pet. Her eyes had fallen onto Vi and Helga had been stuck with her. But ever since then, it had been love at first pet.
Vi was perfect for Helga. Sometimes she took the giant monitor lizard for walks on a halter leash, but more often than Vi was content to lounge in the basement. Vi had her own sun-tanning light and a large dog basket for a bed. She ate canned dog chow for breakfast but occasionally Helga threw in a bit of more exciting meat like a live pigeon or an expensive name-brand pet treat. Speaking of pet treats, Helga reached the end of the bag and shook it up and down to check that it was empty.
"I'm sorry, Vi!" said Helga reaching over and tickling the giant monitor lizard under the chin with her finger. "Mommy will have to buy you some more treats!" Vi shut her eyes in satisfaction, her tongue flickering in and out in content. Then they opened again as Helga turned.
"Hey, Phoebe!" said Helga finally acknowledged her friend's presence. "Come join us! Pull yourself up a chair!"
"Uh, thanks," said Phoebe going to a wardrobe and opening the maple doors. It was an old piece of furniture no one used any more so Helga had commandeered it to store her beanie chairs right beside her television. Vi was an ample television viewing companion. She appreciated the finer things in life. Like Wrestlemania.
There wasn't a third beanie chair, so Phoebe pulled out a tiny, hard, footstool and sat on it. She crossed her feet and waited for the Godzilla movie to reach its dramatic conclusion.
"Bah!" said Helga for the millionth time at the conclusion of the film. "I think she should have gone with the eye-patched guy instead. He was so much cooler than Mr. Model! He was badass!" Helga brought up an image in her head of Arnold wearing an eyepatch and scowling as he started the riot they had held against Mr. Jolly-Olly Man last year during the heat wave.
"No ice cream, no peace!" Arnold repeated in Helga's imagination and she pressed her hands across her heart. Then the imaginary Arnold whirled around and flicked back a few tufts of his unruly hair.
"You'd better give me some ice cream at a fair price," said Arnold lowering his voice, "or face the consequences…" Then his voice fell into a lower, even more subtly seductive octave.
"I may be a genius, darling," said Helga's imaginary Arnold wearing a white labcoat. "But I can still kickbox your lover to the curb."
"Ah!" Helga sighed deeply, a giddy grin washed over her face as her strange mixture of Arnold, Godzilla, and her lusty imagination ran its course. Then Helga shook her head free of her delusions again. Now was not the time to get all mushy! Not when Phoebe was staring!
"So," said Helga dropping her hands from her heart. "What's up, Phoebes."
"Oh, nothing," Phoebe chimed. "Just reminding you the convention you wanted to go to is tomorrow."
"You've got tickets, right?" asked Helga.
"Yes."
"Alright!" said Helga lifting her hands above her head. In a flash, she leapt to her feet and spun around before landing back in her beanie chair.
"This is so great, Phoebes! I mean, I was curious. Now I'm gonna see all these old geeks get wound up. I'll bet there'll be giant models and stuff. Vi would love it!"
"I am sorry to inform you of this, Helga, but real, live lizards are unwelcome at the city hall."
"Nah, that's okay, Phoebes," said Helga waving a hand dismissively. "I'll just get Vi a souvenir or something. She loves Godzilla!"
"If you say so, Helga," Phoebe murmured. She looked down at the beast. "So how is Vi?"
"Vi's great," said Helga tickling her pet's chin again. "She's grown two inches." When the lizard turned onto its back, Helga rubbed Vi's tummy. Phoebe smiled softly and helped Helga to massage its soft skin. Vi gloried in the adoration, flickering her tongue out softly.
"Well," Phoebe began when Vi had gone to explore her food and water bowl. Phoebe helped Helga pile the stool and the bean bag chairs back in their closet. "I came over early to invite you to sleep over at my house tonight. That way, my mother and father will take us in the morning. They've got tickets, too."
"Hm. Throw in some blueberry pancakes and it's a deal!" Helga angled with a smile. Phoebe grinned back.
"But Helga, your parents aren't back yet."
"No, problem. I'll leave them a note or something," said Helga standing up to stretch. She stepped out of the enclosure and locked the door behind her.
"Sorry, Vi. You heard Phoebe. They don't allow monitor lizards at monster conventions." Vi flickered her tongue out, her lightly-green shaded eyes crossed. But she was locked snugly in her kennel so all she could do was lay across her log to sunbathe. Helga trotted upstairs to her kitchen and wrote out a note. Then she dashed upstairs nimbly. Phoebe waited, listening to the slamming of a door twice, and then Helga waited for her at the door with a bag in her hand.
"Lets go, Phoebes!" said Helga motioning to her front door. She and Phoebe strolled outside of it. As soon as she left, Bob Pataki arrived at the house.
"Miriam!" he called. But there was no reply. So Bob went to the kitchen and found Helga's note instead.
"Dear Mom and Dad. Gone to Phoebe's till tomorrow night. Don't forget to feed the lizard."
"That lizard," said Big Bob switching on the cellar lights and walking down the stairs to see the curiosity for himself. He hadn't been pleased when Helga had shown up with a pet. But she had told him that the pet shop owner had offered it to her as a kind of refund when she had complained about the parrot. Bob had found it hard to argue with that. He loved free stuff.
Note still in hand, Bob opened the cage and peeked in. He could not see the lizard anywhere. Vi was hiding underneath her upturned dog basket and while Bob had his back turned, she snuck past him out the door. But Bob didn't try to find the lizard. Instead, he looked at the food and water bowl, then shrugged.
"Ah, well. That ought to hold it over until the girl gets back," Big Bob Pataki said before deciding to go upstairs to watch football on television. That was until he noticed the copy of Godzilla sitting on top of the television. There was a whole stack of monster movies. He popped one into the VCR.
"Ooo," said Big Bob Pataki sitting down on a stump and watching the film.
Meanwhile, Miriam opened the front door to house, wearing her usual violet dress. "Bob?" she yelled softly to the interior, then shrugged as there was no reply. Vi the monitor lizard snuck out the front door as a dazed Miriam stumbled through it with a few mall bags. Then Vi escaped, out into the streets of Hillwood!
Vi was fast when she wanted to be. While it was true she would never outrun a dog, Vi scooted down the street, pulling herself along by her muscular arms at a respectable pace. Her brown skin glowed and reflected the sun. Vi stopped by a poster on a telephone pole and her tongue flickered. There was a picture of Godzilla on it, which caught her attention, even if she didn't know how to read. Vi walked another block, then crawled into an overturned garbage pail. She peeked out at two men stapling up the posters.
"Hey, man. The convention's gonna be great!" said one guy wearing nerdy glasses. He was so skinny and tall his jeans did not fall the way down his ankles. The other had a lot of facial hair, earring studs, and was chubby. Vi regarded them both.
"Yeah, dude!" his friend rumbled out. "I have to do volunteer costume duty for an hour, but it's so gonna be worth it. Imagine. Godzilla comes to Hillwood." The two high-fived. At that moment, Vi experimented turning herself. It set the can she was in rolling sideways. The can struck the telephone pole at their feet; and Vi popped out of the trashcan.
"Ah!" the two men said dropping their papers as a flickering tongue appeared. As they hurried away, Vi crawled away from the trash can.
Vi walked along the sidewalk of Hillwood as people stared. A woman walked by with her cringing miniature dog and Vi regarded it curiously, her tongue flickering in and out in a rhythm. But dog was not her favorite thing to eat. Birds were. Along the sidewalk there were lots of pigeons and then Vi heard a chicken cluck.
Hillwood's mailman, Harvey, kept chickens in a coop in the back alley behind his house. It wasn't legal to have chickens in most of the city, but there weren't many enforced zoning laws in this part of Hillwood. The neighborhood was old and resistant to changes. A lot of people kept chickens or pigeons or in the case of Arnold, even a pig. Not to mention Mr. Potts' racing mule.
Weird exotic pets abounded, including the occasional pet alligator.
Harvey was proud of his pure white hens. Today, Timberly and her father stood outside the coop talking with Harvey. Timberly had three of her school friends over for a play date, and the four girls all clustered around the coop with interest.
"I want to feed them!" said one of primly dressed little girls. She was clothed in matching top with skirt, barrettes, and a scarf, all in fashionable shades of blue.
"Me next, me next!" said a budding goth girl, grabbing the corn feed bag from the first. Timberly thrust her hand in the sack, too, and grasped a handful of corn to throw. A single hen had come out of the coop so far to feed. The other chickens came out of the coop, too, but not in the way they expected.
A loud squacking chorus echoed against their eardrums, along with the thunderous flurry of wings. Eleven hens came bursting out of the chicken coop, scattering loose feathers everywhere. From their coop hole, Vi burst, flickering her tongue, savoring the air. Timberly's school friends broke out into shrill screams, ran around in circles, then fled.
"Cool," said Timberly with a wide grin. "Can we keep it Dad?"
"Hey!" Harvey said shaking a fist at Vi. "How dare you eat my chickens!" Vi hurried off on her way.
The meal of one fat chicken had made Vi sleepy, so she curled up to rest in the side seat of a motorcycle. She did not notice when the driver put his helmet on his head and got on, but she did notice when the engine revved up. She poked her head out with a flickering tongue. The driver of the motorcycle looked down to see Vi and immediately skidded his motorcycle sideways. He managed to pull up safely in time before running into a telephone pole, but not before there was a three car fender bender in the middle of Hillwood's streets. Horns honked and people yelled at each other. Vi pulled herself free of the motorcycle seat and began to crawl away, her tail whapping along behind her. She sniffed. There was the delicious smell of pig ahead of her and so she rammed her head under a hole in the fenceline, then crawled through.
"Eee! EEEI!" Abner cried rushing past Arnold into the house. The laundry Arnold had been taking down from the clothesline went flying up onto the boy's head. He whipped the sheet off.
"What's the matter, boy?" Arnold asked turning his head in the direction Abner had come from. His eyes bugged as an enormous monster with long claws and a reptilian head prowled toward him. Ever since his parrot had been devoured, Arnold had held a secret dread of monitor lizards. Especially mean looking ones.
"Oh no!" he said scooting into the house after Abner. Then he slammed the door shut. Arnold leant against it, his brushy, backwards leaning hairlocks bent flat as he listened to the world outside the door. Arnold almost expected to hear a scratching any minute, but instead there came a knock. Arnold exhaled. Then, taking on a look of bravery he opened the door to find Gerald. The boy was holding onto a short rope. The giant lizard was on the other end of it, the rope length knotted into a halter around its chest.
"Hey, Arnold!" said Gerald cheerfully. "Look what I found! Pretty cool, huh?"
"Great," said Arnold lowering himself outside a step and shutting the door firmly behind him so the beast couldn't get in.
"Look!" Gerald continued with great excitement. "It's got a collar on it!"
"It does?" Arnold said looking down. He blinked as he read what was embroidered on the stitching. "Helga PATAKI?!" Arnold could not believe it. It was the same monitor lizard that had devoured his pet parrot.
"I guess so. Look it even has a monobrow, just like its owner," said Gerald laughing. He pointed toward the scaly ridgeline over its eyes. In a way, Gerald was right.
"Gerald!" Arnold admonished his friend, partly because him speaking poorly of a girl he, himself, found attractive, implied that Arnold had poor taste.
"She's not that bad, Gerald," Arnold said for the thousand's time. And for the thousand's time, Gerald rolled his eyes at him.
"Whatever you say, man," said Gerald. "Look, let's just call up the old girl on the phone and tell her we've found her lizard. She can come and pick the thing up!"
"Great idea, Gerald!" Arnold said running into the house and snapping the door shut behind him. But the phone rang and rang. Miriam was passed out again.
Down in the basement in Vi's enclosure, Bob Pataki wasn't paying any attention to the phone ringing. He was holding two tiny Godzilla figurines in his hand and making them fight as the movie played loudly in the background.
"Roar, roar!" he said making the two figures crash together. Upstairs, Miriam still snored.
On the other end of the phone line, Arnold stared down at the phone in his hand. It kept ringing. So at last, he sighed and hung up.
"They're not answering, Gerald!" he explained, returning outdoors. "So what do we do now?"
"Call again later, I guess," Gerald shrugged. "Let's tie this thing up where we can keep an eyes on it! We can play in your backyard!" Gerald pulled a frisbee disk out of the grass.
Gerald stayed to play frisbee until dinnertime. During that time, Vi sunbathed in the grass. She had a chicken dinner to digest, and so she did not feel much like escaping her tether. During this time, Arnold tried to call the Pataki household nine times. But always, there was no answer on the other end. Until the last time, when Miriam answered, yawned, muttered something solicitors, then hung up.
"Well Arnold," said Gerald at last. "It's getting late! Mom will probably have dinner on the table," he used his thumb to gesture in the direction he would be taking to get home.
"Don't leave me alone with it!" Arnold snapped before he could realize what his mouth was saying.
"What?!" said Gerald incredulously. "Do you mean to say that the great, fearless, Arnold Shortman, is afraid of a pet lizard?"
"No, I didn't say that!" Arnold blurted out, trying to cover his admission. "It's just that… I don't know what to do with it. I'm not a lizard person."
"Just keep it up in your room with you for night. In the morning, we'll go over to the old girl's place and give her pet back. It's gonna be a LONG walk. I don't think the bus driver will take us."
"Maybe Grandpa will drive us!" Arnold responded in desperation. After all, he didn't want to be around the thing a moment more than he had to.
But Gerald was right. He couldn't just leave Helga's pet monitor lizard out in the yard. She obviously cared about it if she had kept it so long. Vi's collar was expensive and embroidered by hand, probably by Helga. Arnold sighed. Keeping it safe was the 'right thing to do'.
"Okay, I'll keep an eye on it."
"Good man," said Gerald with a wink.
Ernie and Mr. Kakaska very reluctantly helped push and pull the lizard up to Arnold's room. Ernie looked convinced the beast would make a snack of him. But Mr. Hyunh took one look and ran away from it screaming, so he tried his best. Arnold, Ernie, and Susie's husband got the beast up two flights of steps, then Arnold shoved it in his room to keep it away from the rest of the pets, especially Abner. As the door shut behind him, Arnold regretted going along with Gerald's suggestion immediately. Vi's tongue flicker in and out in the darkness below two glowing eyes.
"Nice lizard," said Arnold backing away and sitting down slowly on his bed. A slow, fake smile spread across his face and he lay down, forcing calmness to his rapidly beating heart. Arnold lay down and pretended to go to sleep. He hoped the monitor lizard would calm down, too, but instead it paced the room, disappearing into corners of darkness. The alleycats screaming outside did not ease Arnold's anxiety's, either. Giving up, Arnold rolled over onto his shoulder to get out of bed. His face came within inches of the suddenly reappearing lizard as it poked its head over the edge of his mattress.
"Arggghhh!" Arnold hollered, his hair standing even more up on end than ever. As quickly as he was able, Arnold scuttled up the ladder to the rooftop, the blanket that had lain on top of him still clutched in his hand. Arnold slammed the glass window door to his room closed immediately.
"Gerald is crazy!" Arnold sputtered taking out a cot and setting it up on the rooftop. "Sleeping in the same room as that lizard!" Arnold shuddered, then spread his favorite blue blanket out over him on the cot. The alleycats continued to howl in the alley below, but Arnold was used to that. He shut his eyes to sleep.
Come morning, Ernie and Mr. Hyunh opened the door to Arnold's room and peered in. What they saw was Vi sleeping on Arnold's bed, but no Arnold. The two men gasped.
"Cricky!" said Ernie slapping himself upside his head. "That beast ate Arnold!"
"I will... Always miss him!" said Mr. Hyunh breaking into tears.
"I'm right here," said Arnold from above their heads. With one hand, he pressed back the glass pane he used for a door, then climbed down the wall ladder. He hopped quickly off his bed onto the floor as Vi stirred.
"He's alive! It's a miracle!" said Mr. Hyunh lifting his hands high above his head with joy.
"Right," said Arnold. "Now if you don't mind, can you help me get this thing down the stairs again?"
Soon, Arnold waited for Gerald outside the boarding house. Arnold had not been able to convince his Grandpa to let a clawed beast into his beloved Packard, so they would be walking it. Happily, the golden-haired boy was able to hand off the leash to Gerald. Vi pulled them along, eager to explore. Arnold shoved his hands in his pockets as he strolled.
"A long walk," Gerald commented. But it was their only speech. Both the boys were too concentrated on their task. As they neared the Pataki household, Vi began to pull hard at her slow pace.
"Here we are!" said Gerald beaming. They were about to ring the doorbell when Miriam drove by in a cloud of dust.
"Maybe Big Bob or Helga is at home," reasoned Gerald. He rang the doorbell. But there was no response.
"Great! Just great! Now what do we do!" Gerald thought for a minute. Then he walked back down the street to a payphone and dialed a number.
"Hello," Gerald said into the phone. "Mr. Heyerdayl? I was wondering if I could talk to Phoebe. Huh? Uh-huh! She's at the Godzilla Convention? At City Hall? Well thank you ma'am. You've been a big help. Have yourself a good morning!" Gerald hung up the phone.
"No wonder Helga's been out of reach! She's been at Phoebe's house the whole time!"
"So can we find her?"
"Hm. Sure thing, Arnold. Only thing is, they're downtown at City Hall. Looks like we'll have to wait until they come back!"
"Oh no, I'm not waiting all day with this thing!" Arnold muttered. He earned himself a very hostile glare from Vi. Arnold cringed as her tongue flickered out to taste the air between them.
"Nice lizard! Very nice lizard!" Arnold mollified. Vi turned her head away from him with a large sniff.
"Well, I guess we can go back to my house," said Gerald.
It was still within breakfasting hours when they returned to the other side of the neighborhood. Gerald was surprised to see his father was loading up their car. And he was wearing a really funny hat.
"There you are Gerald! You're just in time to go to the convention!" said his father pointing to the plushie Godzilla that dangled across the ballcap. "I love that Godzilla stuff!"
"Really?" said Gerald, one hand on his hip as he gave Arnold a sideways look. But Arnold didn't see the look. He was staring at Mr. Johanssen's T-shirt with a picture of Godzilla stepping on skyscrapers. None the less, Arnold caught on. He took Vi's leash in his hand and snuck around the car and in the door on the other side with it while Gerald's father wasn't looking.
"So you boys ready to go? We'll call your Grandpa and tell him you'll go."
"Am I ever!" said Arnold, his head suddenly appearing in the car's backseat. "I'll just wait here!" From behind his Dad, Gerald gave Arnold a wink and a thumb's up. Gerald's father scratched his chin.
"Well. Alright!" Soon they were ready to go. Gerald's father drove them all to parking near City Hall.
"Now remember, son," Gerald's father began to lecture. Arnold snuck around the rear of the car with Vi on her leash. He peeked around the corner of the car.
"Coming, Arnold?" Gerald's father said when he had finished his lecture.
"Uh, I'm just tying my shoe."
"We'll catch up with you in a minute, Dad!" said Gerald. "You go ahead!"
"Hm," Mr. Johanssen said scratching his chin again. "Something tells me you boys are up to something."
"Now why would be 'up to something'?" Gerald asked with a wide grin. It was all he could do to keep from flinching and making it obvious that it was a lie.
Gerald walked along behind his father. Arnold trailed still farther behind, and by some miracle, the parent among them never looked back to spot the giant lizard. Instead, Arnold managed to get it hidden behind a large potted plant in the City Hall lobby before the man turned around again. Arnold hid the leash in his hand behind his back and grinned.
"Here are your tickets," said Martin Johanssen handing them out.
"Thanks," said Arnold taking one in his hand. The leash behind him gave a sudden jerk and it was all Arnold could do to keep himself from turning around. When he finally did, Arnold's eyes grew wide with panic. Vi had slipped her harness.
"Oh no! Gerald!" said Arnold holding up the dangling rope that had once restrained the monitor lizard. "What do we do now?!"
"It's got to be around here somewhere!" said Gerald, doing his best to keep it together. "You go this way and I'll go that way. We'll meet back up at the entrance in ten minutes!" The two boys then dashed away in opposite directions. They had to find that lizard before someone else did!
Vi had slipped her leash because she had smelt Helga. Currently, her beloved owner was at the far, far end of the Convention at one of the shopping booths. Helga had a canvas tot in her hand and she was filling it with stuff.
"Oh, and I'll take that, and that, and one of these… Hm?" said Helga eyeing a coffee mug. She added it to her pile then shook out a T-shirt.
"Do you think Vi will like one of these?" Helga asked Phoebe.
"I guess so, Helga," answered Phoebe uncertainly. Helga pulled out a large bill and handed it to the vendor.
"Wow, Phoebe," said Helga. A dreamy smile normally reserved for Arnold wafted across her face. "This place is great!"
"Yeah, I guess so," said Phoebe, less enthused. She was only here because Helga had insisted on it.
Hearing her owner at the far end of the hall, Vi crawled along beneath the tables. One of the convention-goer's eyes bugged out as she spotted a tail whipping under the tablecloth. It was the wide, well-dressed, red-haired woman who used to be a nurse and somehow was always in the neighborhood in the background, from the very first episode.
Vi was next seen by one of the vendors. He stared motionless from his chair as the giant monitor lizard pulled herself out by his legs moments after she had brushed against them, much to his shock. From there Vi scuttled over to a man dressed in a giant reptile costume. Her tongue flickered in and out as she stared up at him.
"Oh!" said the man holding out a hand to pet Vi. "What a cute little lizard! OW!" Vi had decided she did not like this strange lizard very much and bit him. As the man in the costume ran away, Arnold and Gerald met back at the convention's entrance and spotted her.
"There it is!" said Arnold pointing a finger towards Vi. He and Gerald ran forward. But Vi spotted the boys barreling towards her and broke into a run herself. She dove into a display and spilt a hundred precariously stacked cans all over the place.
"Oh no!" said Arnold in panic as Vi snapped her way through a banner. A chair fell, then a table, then column holding up a giant inflated version of Godzilla, and as it toppled over people ran screaming out of its way. Somehow, Eugene rolled past Arnold and wound up upside-down against a wall. Arnold had dodged Eugene just in time. At the moment, he still crouched, his hand resting on the floor to press off it at a moment's notice.
"We have to do something, Gerald!"
"Maybe we don't," said Gerald pointing to the center of the hall. "Look!" The commotion had drawn Helga and Phoebe closer to its source. Vi ran straight for Helga and crouched at her master's feet, craning her head to look adoringly up at Helga.
"Vi!" Helga cried in shock. She shoved her shopping bag at Phoebe to free her hands to grab hold of her pet monitor lizard's collar. "What are you doing here?!"
"That's my fault, Helga," said Arnold sheepishly offering her the bit of rope they had used for a halter earlier. "We found her outside the boarding house. We were just trying to return her to you."
"Well, wonders never cease, Football-Head!" said Helga carefully looping the rope around her pet's torso.
"I guess bringing her to Town Hall was a bad idea," Arnold continued apologetically. Helga rolled her eyes.
"No doubt, Einstein! But thank you for taking care of her. Vi is my precious. Now," said Helga digging into her canvas bag. "Look what Mommy's got for you!" Helga cooed. Helga lifted up a T-shirt with the words, 'Mommy's Little Monster' on it. Arnold's jaw dropped.
"And look!" said Helga continuing. "I got you a little snack!" She reached down into her bag to get a perforated jar.
"Meet Princess Bridget Monica Constance the Third!" Helga unscrewed the jar and held the mouse out by the tail. Vi smelt the mouse with interest, but then turned her head.
"Hm? What's the matter Vi? If you don't eat your meat, you won't grow bigger!" Helga protested. She put the mouse back in its jar. Then she rolled Vi over by gently tapping her by with her foot and felt her stomach.
"Wow, Vi!" Helga wondered. "Did you eat a cat again?"
"Um, Helga?" said Arnold greatly unnerved by all this. "Are you really going to feed her that mouse?"
"Yeah, of course I am! I got her from a third grader who had to get rid of it. What of it?"
"Well," said Arnold woefully. "It seems kind of mean. It was somebody's pet, once. How about I take it home?" Helga rolled her eyes again. But she handed Arnold the jar.
"It's not my fault Vi's a carnivore!" Helga said. "Top of the food chain and all. But all right, Arnoldo. Suit yourself! But I doubt that the mouse will last for long at your house, either."
"What do you mean?" asked Arnold peering down at the jar and the mouse he had 'saved' from being eaten by a most terrifying creature.
"You'll see. Thanks again!" said Helga lifting up a single hand in salute to Arnold as she walked away, a leash in her hand and a giant monitor lizard walking out front. Arnold watched the pink of her dress disappear.
Despite having demolished the Godzilla Convention, Arnold and Gerald got off easy. The group organizers merely scolded Arnold and Gerald not to bring pets into a public building because the circumstances were vague. No one could say how a giant monitor lizard had made it to their part of the city. It was assumed the boys had found the missing pet just outside the building. So Gerald's father never knew.
As for Helga, she got her favorite and only pet home safely. Phoebe's parents dropped them off by the door and Miriam was out for the day. But Helga found her father downstairs in Vi's enclosure, watching Godzilla movies again and pantomiming with the monster figurines. Perplexed, Helga watched him roar, then flicked off the television.
"Dad!" she said glancing down at the floor. "Did you eat all the tuna fish! That was food for Vi!" Big Bob shrugged.
"I dunno. It was good. There wasn't much food in the house." Helga gave a knowing grin.
"Here," she said rummaging through her pink canvas tote. I got you something!" She threw Big Bob an extra-extra-large T-shirt with a plain, black and white monster picture on it. Big Bob lifted it up.
"I love it!" he said surprising her. "So the lizard's back, huh?" Big Bob said examining Vi.
"Yeah."
"Well," Helga's father said. "I wasn't convinced at first, but getting that lizard was one of the best ideas ever. It's much better than that stupid parrot!"
"You think?" said Helga, cheering. She gave her father a rare smile.
"Yeah! So come on, girl! Let's give that beast a walk together!" Big Bob swung his fist sideways as he did when he was in a good mood.
"Really, Dad?" asked Helga. They took Vi out for a walk around the neighborhood together. It was a beautiful sunset.
Back at his boarding house, Arnold was setting up an empty fish tank to put the mouse in. He gently released the mouse into the bottom of the glass and tank and topped it with a screen of wire.
"There!" said Arnold with a soft smile. "No one's eating anyone today!" the boy said before returning to his desk.
When some time had passed, Arnold snoozed face down at his desk. Gathering himself up, he managed to drop down into his bed. It was dark out, so Arnold turned out the lights with a soft click on his remote. He pulled the covers up. Moments later, though, there was a loud crash. Arnold sat up and stared across his room into a large pair of eerie, glowing eyes.
"Rowwahh!" a cat said in greeting before licking its paws. Arnold gaped. It had knocked over the screen top and eaten the pet mouse he had just got from Helga.
"Roww!" the cat repeated again before squeezing itself through a crack in his window and out onto the fire escape. Arnold slammed the window shut behind it. The pet he had just gotten had been eaten once more! Helga had been right about that mouse after all! Arnold sighed. Then turned on all his room lights. He opened a black and white book and scribbled within it.
"Note to self. Never take pets in on an impulse again!" Arnold slammed the notebook shut with a large clap.
"Time for a bath and some hot chocolate!" Arnold announced, closing his bedroom door noisily behind him as he left. Beyond the boarding house, out in the neighborhood, the moon was bright and the alley cats were still yowling.