In the Wild
One moment Harry was picking up his mail, the next, he woke up in a wizarding tent facing a grinning blonde young woman.
"Luna? What happened?"
"We're on an adventure, silly! Have you slept enough?" Luna was smiling as she packed a bag in front of him.
"Adventure? What kind?" Harry stretched as he stood up, looking around. He was looking out the front of the tent – seeing some kind of jungle – when Luna answered him.
"A fun one! Harry, do you think I should take the black or the white one?"
Harry turned around to see Luna holding up a bra in either hand, her head tilted a bit to the side as she waited for his answer.
"Uhh... ah..."
"Neither? You're right of course, Harry. I don't need a bra." Luna dropped both and then waved her wand over them, mouthing 'Evanesco'.
"All ready then, Harry? It's time to pack up the tent."
Harry had to take a minute before his brain rebooted, not even noticing Luna packing up their tent with another wand wave. Then he quickly ran after the blonde, trying hard not to notice how her tight white shirt was becoming transparent...
–-
"Why did I let you convince me to join you, again?" Harry grumbled, swinging the machete to clear a path.
Luna tapped him on the shoulder, smiling. "You didn't, Harry. I kidnapped you, remember?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, that's right. Luna, why did you abduct me all the way to wherever it is we are?"
"Harry, you're complaining." Luna quickly brought her hands up, trapping Harry's head in between them, then planted a huge kiss on him. "Mmmm... I like this," she commented after a full minute of snogging, a minute during which somehow her hands had made their way down to Harry's bum, squeezing both cheeks.
Harry's surly expression was replaced with a goofy smile by the time she let him go. "Err, Luna? What was that for?"
"I just wanted to, silly," Luna said, laughing. "You coming?" With that she somehow slipped through the vines that had been giving Harry so much trouble, disappearing from sight.
"Hey! Wait for me!"
–-
Nightfall found the two of them sitting in a small clearing, next to a fire. Luna had produced actual marshmallows from somewhere and both she and Harry had one roasting on the end of a stick. Luna was snuggling up to him as they sat on a huge log that served as a good bench.
"Okay, I have to admit this is nice. I'd still like to know why we are here, where-ever here is, though."
"Looks like a clearing in the forest," Luna said after looking around a little.
Harry sighed. "Not what I mean. I don't even know what country we are in – scratch that – what continent we are on."
"Mmm mmm."
Slightly irritated he stood up, watching the forest line and standing with his back to the girl. "Luna, this isn't funny! I have responsibilities, you know. Hermione will probably be worried sick, and Ginny, too. And I have to be at the Wizengamot –"
"Eek! Harry?"
"– for the next meeting, Shack wanted to see me before the trial, and –"
"Harry?"
"– I have dinner planned with Susan for Friday in Hogsmeade, and –"
"Harry!"
"What!" he turned around only to see at least a dozen spear tips pointed in his direction. He followed them upwards to their wielders, a group of men and women with tanned skin and wearing only loin cloths. One of them had a knife against Luna's throat, he saw.
"I think these people want to talk with us," Luna said in a calm voice.
"Oh." Harry tried to reach for his wand but something hit him on the head from behind and things went dark.
–-
"Oh, my head."
He came to and found himself standing up and bound to a pole of sorts. He had lost his glasses but he could see a little ways ahead of him were some muddy huts, a village of sorts. He turned his head to his left and saw one of the natives attending a huge pot on a roaring fire, then he turned his head to his right and saw Luna was also tied to a pole.
"Hi, Harry!"
"Luna! What happened?"
"They bonked you on the head, Harry. I think they were frightened when you reached for your wand, the poor guys."
"Luna, this is serious! I think they might be cannibals!"
"Oh goodie! I never met a cannibal before!"
Harry stared at his friend, bewildered. He was spared the need to reply when a group of natives walked up to them, though.
"Lyif ea'i sajidik," one of them said.
"Fis. Kyriv," another answered. This second one reached for Luna.
"Hey! Hands off her!" Harry yelled.
"Fina ea'i edikia'?" Harry could not understand the words but he knew mockery when he heard it... he'd had enough experience with certain Potions teachers and blonde gits in the past.
"Say that to my face, I dare you!"
Smirking, the native stepped closer until he was right in front of Harry, daring him to say something. Instead of saying another word though Harry moved his head forward quickly, causing his skull to impact the tribesman on the forehead and he collapsed to the ground. Ignoring the throbbing pain he now felt Harry yelled: "Yeah! That's right! Nobody touches my friend!"
The other native pulled a knife from a sheath attached to his 'clothes' and made to rush for Harry with it, but before he could reach Harry someone else came rushing towards them and stopped him.
"Sti ea'i kili si, daekyl," this new tribesman said, pointing first at Harry and Luna, then at the pot. The smacking of his lips made the meaning of his words clear.
Harry glared defiantly at them both as they pulled their unconscious friend away from Harry and Luna until they disappeared from his limited viewing range.
"I'm not sure that was a good idea, Harry," Luna said, not sounding concerned at all.
"Couldn't let him touch you like that," Harry grumbled. "Had a hard head, though."
"Not as hard as yours," Luna said, laughing a little. Harry had to admit her smile was infectious and despite their situation, a smile appeared on his face, too.
–-
Sometime later the last of the sunlight disappeared and more and more of the tribesmen made their way to the fire. Two of them pulled out some kind of drums and started playing a rhythmic beat and the tribe started dancing around the fire.
Harry looked on with worry evident on his face. "Luna, I think we're really in trouble. Do you have your wand still on you?"
"I don't think so, Harry. When they knocked you out they tied us both up so I think my wand is still in my pack. I don't know if they brought it with us."
"Damn. And with my hands tied behind my back I can't even try wandless magic – not that I'm that good at it. Do you have any ideas?"
"We could ask them to let us go?"
"Luna, maybe you didn't notice, but they're not exactly speaking English."
"Oh poo." Watching her lips curl, Harry suddenly had the strangest thought... Luna was really cute when she pouted.
The dance suddenly stopped and the tribe formed a ring around the fire. Six of them walked towards Harry and Luna – four of them to Harry.
"Let me go, you bastards! I'll kill you!" Harry screamed and struggled but he was no match, with his hands tied behind his back – and then a gag of sorts was propped in his mouth and he could no longer even voice his complaints. He kept struggling as they picked him up and carried him towards the circle of dancers.
Luna, on the other hand, calmly let the natives untie her and guide her to the fire.
"Mmm mmm mmm mmm!" Harry's struggles intensified as he realised they were carrying him straight to the big pot, but it was to no avail. He was dropped into the warm – fortunately not yet boiling – water and found that with his hands and feet still bound, he could not even attempt to climb out.
"Oh look Harry, how nice. A hot tub!" Luna let out a giggle as she was lowered into the pot next to Harry.
"It's a bit warm though, isn't it?"
'They're going to eat us, you daft bird!' Harry tried to yell, but it all came out as just mumbling.
Luna was humming happily next to him for a while, as the natives resumed dancing around them. After a bit though she frowned a little and spoke up, "Hello? The water is getting a bit too warm now... can you turn down the heat a little please?"
Not surprisingly, she got no answer.
"It was nice and all, but I'm done now. Harry and I need to leave," Luna said, making to stand up. At once one of the natives rushed towards her, pushing her back down.
Luna frowned. "That is a little rude, don't you think? We are done here now." Again, she tried to stand up.
This time, a spear was pointed in her direction. Luna frowned some more.
"Okay, I see you are the rude sort. In that case... Harry, you may want to close your eyes." She took a deep breath, then yelled out: "Y'ai'ng'ngah Snorkack! H'ee-L'geb F'nargle'ai Throdog Uaaah!"
The jungle rumbled. As one the natives stopped dancing, then some started screaming. Harry tried to turn his neck to watch behind him as something huge seemed to be heading towards the village.
"Harry?" As she called him he turned to look at Luna, then his vision was obscured when she kissed him, deeply. For the longest time all he could see was her blue eyes as their lips were connected, the sounds of something big stomping around and natives screaming fading away.
Finally, Luna broke off their kiss and Harry realized they were lying on the ground, next to an overturned pot and a doused fire. None of the natives were in sight... in fact, the entire village seemed to be gone.
"Luna? What... what was that?"
"That was a great kiss, Harry. I'd like to do that more," she said, smiling.
"Ah... yes... not... not what I meant, though. Luna, what happened to the cannibals?"
"Oh, I think the Snorkack is still playing with them... they are ever so grumpy before their horn crumples."
"That... that was a Snorkack?" Harry looked back at where the village had been, seeing only overturned earth now.
"Oh, poo. Harry, my shirt is ruined... Come, let's go find our packs and wands."
"Luna, we can't just... urrr..." Harry found Luna had discarded her shirt and that it was very hard to focus on unleashed primordial horrors he was were within close distance of an attractive and topless blonde...
"Harry? You coming? I want to snog some more once we have the tent set up."
"Coming!"
He could worry about finding out where they were, and how they could get home, later. Much later.
A/N: Written for the QLFC round 6 – Lesser Used Genres . Thanks to Liza and firefly81 for beta-ing it.