Hey, people of Earth and other planets! What's up? I'm just here posting (yet another) story...yeah I know, I should really work on ones I've already started. *guilty face* But I couldn't help myself this time, I just randomly starting writing when I was supposed to be working on homework.
Anyways, it wasn't until my awesome beta-reader, Phantom Nini, said something that I realized that this story sounds like Legend of Zelda! I never meant for it too! But thats what happened, so let's roll with it ;)
DISCLAIMER -
Kyle: "All characters and events in this story – even those based on real people – are entirely fictional."
Stan: "All characters are impersonated...poorly. The following fanfiction contains coarse language and due to its content, it should not be viewed by anyone."
Kenny: "The author does not, nor shall she ever, own South Park or any of it's citizens. She also doesn't own anything related to Legend of Zelda."
Cartman: "This fanfiction is made merely for the enjoyment of the reader…because who would honestly pay to read this?"
Alex: "While favoriting and following this story is welcome, reviews are awesome and greatly appreciated. Reviews with questions or tips on how to improve the story are always the best."
Damien: "Any flamers or trolls shall be thrown in the fiery pits of Hell and will be strung up by their toes and have their eyeballs devoured by harpies."
Chapter 1 - The Beginning
Cartman slowly opened his eyes and groaned. His head was killing him. "What the fuck happened last night?" He asked himself as he pressed a hand to his forehead. He couldn't remember much from the night before. All he seriously could remember was a crowded room, blaring music, a redhead with someone that had raven black hair, and the feeling of pure anger. He also remembered storming from the crowded room, but he didn't know where he had gone.
Cartman slowly got to his feet and his head began to pound even more furiously. "Fuck! It fucking hurts!" Cartman cursed as he grabbed a hold of his head in an attempt to smother down the pain. His head was throbbing violently as if he had been hit upside the head with something hard.
"Are you alright, fair stranger?" A tiny voice asked.
Cartman looked around and suddenly noticed that he was somewhere he didn't recognize. "The fuck? Where the hell am I?" He demanded as the pain began to subside.
"You are in Fairytale Land," the tiny voice came again.
Cartman looked around wildly for the speaker but found nobody there. "Who the hell are you? Where am I?" He demanded as he balled his fists.
Suddenly a flash of red appeared right in front of Cartman's face, blinding him momentarily. When he could finally see again, he still saw a red ball of light before him. Squinting, Cartman managed to see that it wasn't light, but a small person floating in front of him. A fairy girl.
"Bebe? Is that you?" Cartman asked as he examined the floating person. It certainly look like Bebe, except for the clothes and body posture. This person had on a red and yellow dress that looked like it was made out of flower petals. She also had on a small tiara with a tiny red gem in it. Her posture screamed confidence and authority, unlike it's normal slutty shoe-loving bitchiness.
The fairy giggled. "It is true, stranger. My name is Bebe, queen of the fairy people. Do tell me, who are you large stranger? And how do you know my name?"
Cartman growled. "I'll ignore the large comment because you're so damn tiny," he muttered. "And don't act like you don't know me, Bebe."
The fairy queen flew over and landed directly on Cartman's nose. "I can assure you that I have no clue who you are, I have never seen you before in this part of Fairytale Land," she said as she fluttered her red and gold fairy wings slowly, making Cartman's nose begin to twitch.
"So is this place like Imagination Land? Or is it even gayer?" Cartman asked as he resisted all urges to sneeze. He considered smacking the fairy off of his nose but decided against it.
"This is absolutely nothing like Imagination Land, nor is it gayer. In fact, Imagination Land is just a pitiful copy of our beautiful home." The fairy said angrily, her wings flapping like crazy.
Cartman inhaled sharply before sneezing and sending Bebe flying backwards onto a daisy. Bebe sat up slowly, looking dazed at what had happened. "Sorry," Cartman muttered. "So if this place is supposedly better than Imagination Land, why is it all dark and gloomy around this place?" Cartman asks as he looks around him.
He was in a large field, covered in daisies and wild flowers. In the distance to the west, he could see a dark castle. To the north, there was the makings of a forest. To the south and the east, there was only water and some cliffs. The whole area around the field was dark with scary clouds.
Bebe floated off of the daisy and got right in Cartman's face. Cartman held up his hand, and Bebe sank down onto his palm. "Fairytale Land was once a very happy and beautiful place," Bebe said. "But that all changed when the beloved King Gerald died a few weeks ago."
"What happened after he died?" Cartman asked.
"His second wife, Queen Sheila, took over the kingdom," Bebe explained.
"Well what's so special about this dead king's hoe?" Cartman demanded.
"Well, she used dark magic to ruin the happiness and beauty this land possessed," Bebe said as she hung her head in sadness.
Cartman sat down on the lush grass and picked a blade. "So why is this field so-"
"If you say gay, I will kick your fat ass with my fairy foot," Bebe interrupted.
Cartman smirked. "Whatever you say. So why isn't this place gloomy like the rest of this land?" He asked the tiny fairy queen.
"Fairy Meadows is still a cheerful place because it is the fairies' magic that keeps it alive. Queen Sheila doesn't control this part of Fairytale Land." Bebe explained as she soared around the meadow.
"So this Sheila is a total bitch, huh?" Cartman asked.
"Yes, the only reason she is even queen is because she had her henchmen lock the princess in a secret tower." Bebe growled in anger.
"Well if you know what she did, why don't you go save this princess?" Cartman asked.
Bebe hung her blonde head in shame. "We fairies are the princess's best friends, but we are tiny in size. We would be no match to save her, but legends say that a hero with the mark upon his palm shall save the princess from her awful fate and bring her back to power, saving Fairytale Land and all its creatures."
"What kind of mark would that be?" Cartman asked as Bebe sat back down on his palm.
"Like the one here upon your palm," Bebe said absentmindedly as she stared at her shining shoes. Bebe's eyes widened when she realized what she had uttered. She stared at Cartman's palm before freaking out. "The mark! You have the mark of the hero from the legend!" She squeaked.
Cartman looked at the 'mark' that had sent the fairy into a tizzy. "What? You mean the scar from when Stan's homo dog bit me?" He asked.
"Yes! Legends say that the marking will be pale and shaped like the crescent moon, given to him from a battle with a beast!" Bebe squealed excitedly. "You are the savior of our fair princess!"
"Ok, get the sand out of your vagina and calm down." Cartman said crossly. "I'm not doing anything or saving anyone until I know why I'm here and what's in it for me."
Bebe paused in thought for a minute. "Alright," she said slowly. "I'll take you to the only person who knows the full legend as well as other worldly magic. Perhaps there we can tell you what you wish to know."
"Alright, take me to them." Cartman said, getting off the ground.
Bebe floated over to a daisy. "The journey will take a long time, at least four days, and you are not properly prepared," she said.
"Well I don't have anything with me, and it's not like I can go to my house for supplies," Cartman snapped.
Unfazed by his attitude, Bebe decided to offer him some help. "Let my people help you, we can give you food and water for the journey."
Cartman looked around. "I don't see any other fairy people," he commented. "Where are they?"
Bebe soared to Cartman's eye level and began to sing and dash around the field, going from flower to flower.
~Fairy citizens of this land,
Lend this stranger a helping hand.
Let's help him on this noble quest,
And hope he does his very best.~
One by one, the flowers opened and sparkling balls of different colored light came floating out. Cartman was shocked at all the fairies in the field. "This is so gay," he muttered to himself as the fairy people gathered around him to listen to their queen, who was now perched on his shoulder.
"My people," Bebe began as she beamed at her fairies, "this is a great day for the entire kingdom of Fairytale Land. The long awaited hero has come to save our dear friend, the princess."
"Ay! I didn't say I would-"
"But this hero requires assistance for his journey to the Wise One," Bebe interrupted, ignoring Cartman's outburst. "Should we help him, this hero shall rectify the evil Sheila's imprecation on our poor homeland."
"What the hell does 'rectify' and 'imprecation' mean?" Cartman muttered, almost wishing that Kyle was here to tell him but not really.
"'Rectify' means to correct, and 'imprecation' means a curse." A little blue fairy whispered in Cartman's ear.
Cartman turned to look at the blue fairy closely before bursting into laughter. "Butters? You're a fairy? That's so gay! I always knew you would turn out to be a fairy boy!"
"Hero!" Bebe snapped as she went over to Butters and put an arm around him. "Please be kinder to my people; we don't have to help you."
"Stop calling me 'hero,'" Cartman snapped back. "My name is Eric T. Cartman."
"My apologies, Eric. I forgot my manners to acquire your name," Bebe said apologetically.
"Whatever," Cartman muttered.
A dozen fairies came up behind Cartman, all helping to carry a large backpack. "Here you go, hero!" one tiny fairy called out.
Cartman took the backpack in his hands. "Thanks," he said as he began shifting through the contents. He found some fruits, vegetables, and a weird looking object. Cartman pulled it out and looked at it. "What is this?" he asked.
Butters landed on the bridge of Cartman's nose. "That is your canteen. It was made from the stomach of a deer that has been long dead." He explained.
"Gross!" Cartman exclaimed as he dropped it.
"I assure you that it was cleaned at least ten times to be safe, and the water doesn't taste any different," Butters said as he nervously knocked his knuckles together.
"I don't care! I'm not drinking from that!" Cartman exclaimed.
"Then you will die of thirst," Bebe said somewhat coldly as she watched some fairies put the deer stomach back in Cartman's backpack. "It is time to begin your journey, while the day is still young."
Cartman put the backpack on and faced the fairy queen. "So where the hell am I supposed to go?" He demanded.
"You must head to the east towards the waterside cliffs. It is there that you will find a series of caves. In one of these caves, you will find the Wise One." Bebe said.
"And how am I supposed to know if I'm going in the right direction?" Cartman asked.
Bebe sighed. "If I send a fairy to go with you, will that make you shut up and save the princess?" she asked in frustration.
"I guess," Cartman said with a smirk.
"Butters?" Bebe asked, turning towards said blue fairy.
Butters trembled nervously. "Yes, my queen?"
"Will you be so kind as to go with the hero?" She asked kindly.
Cartman groaned. "I don't want Butters to go with me!" He pouted, "Can't I have someone cooler?"
"Do you want a companion or not?" Bebe demanded. "It's Butters or nobody at all."
"Fine," Cartman sighed. "Let's get going, Butters."
"Oh, geez. Well, oh hamburgers, h-here we g-go," Butters stuttered as he followed after Cartman.
Well, as the title says this is the beginning of the adventure ;P
A big thanks to my beta-reader, Phantom Nini! Hopefully she can make sure I keep up with this story and update reguraly :)
I have no clue where this will go...so please be patient with me. Also it won't be exactly like Legend of Zelda, it will have it's own weird twist. It's South Park after all, weird things happen. So feel free to favorite, follow, and most importantly review! Please review! Reviews are like my drug and I can never get enough ;P