It was December 23, 1928 and the midnight express was rolling through the snow covered tracks. Vaudeville stars Velma Kelly and Roxie Hart were on their way to Rhode Island for a Christmas show, while chilling in their private car. Roxie loved Christmas time, but Velma was indifferent about it, she and her sister used to spend Christmas at her husbands place; before she plugged them both of course.
The brunette was looking at the paper, while the blonde looked out at the snow capped hills "oohing" and "awwing" at the beautiful sight. It was true, Velma couldn't stand the "blonde-headed bitch" and her uppity personality; working with the woman was even more of a pain in the ass for her. But suddenly, she felt a little used to her new business partner and all her little quirks, like they were nothing. She was grateful for Roxie to be her partner, despite the fact they were at each others throats.
"It's real nice isn't it" said the blonde with her airy little voice; the brunette looked up from her paper "what" she asked, "Rhode Island I mean, it's supposed to be a big show" the young woman said. Velma smirked "yeah, the Rockettes are even coming down from New York to perform with us" she said "I know it's so exciting" Roxie said with a squeak in her voice that made Velma wince a little. She listened to the Blonde ramble on and on about her excitement and couldn't help but feel the same a little.
As she listens, she stares at Roxie and can't help but despise her even more. But she took a deep breath and spoke "Listen kid, there's...there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's not easy for me to say." Roxie stared wide eyed "Oh God Vel, you're not a dyke, are you? Oh God...why does everyone always come out to me? I mean is there a marquee on my shirt that says 'shoulder to cry on' or some-" she said "ANYWAY" Velma shouted. The brunette took another deep breath and continued "I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done. I mean, you and me working together on Stage and...even film it's...it's great you know. And I know I'm the last person that you'd like to work with." Roxie looked at Velma and smiled "Well, it hasn't been all bad working together. I must admit, there have been some moments that were, dare I say fun?"
Both:
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
We're having the time of our lives
Roxie:
Take it, Vel.
Velma:
We're quite a pair of partners, just like Bonnie and Clyde. 'Cept you don't have a gun...
Roxie:
Yes, and your not dying deep inside.
Velma:
Give it time.
Both:
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
We're certainly going in style
Velma:
I'm with a classy lady who pisses in her pants
Roxie:
How dare you! At least I don't leave cigarette butts on all the household plants
Velma:
Oh, cig jokes.
Both:
We've travelled a bit and we've found
Like a masochist in Newport, we're Rhode Island bound
Velma:
Crazy travel conditions, huh?
Roxie:
First class and no class.
Velma:
Whoa, careful with that joke, it's an antique.
Both:
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
We're not gonna stop 'till we're there
Velma:
Maybe for a beer.
Velma:
Whatever dangers we may face, we'll never fear or cry
Roxie:
That's right, until we're syndicated, show biz will not let us die. Please?
Both:
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
The home of that old campus swing
Velma:
Some cool rich cats may pick us up and picnic on the grass
Roxie:
Uhuhm, we'd tell you more, but you'd have to ask the grass stains on our ass
Velma:
Yikes!
Both:
We certainly do get around. Like a bunch of renegade pilgrims Who are thrown out of Plymouth Colony. We're Rhode Island bound. Or like a group of college freshmen who were rejected by Harvard and forced to go to Brown. We're Rhode Island bound...
The two entertainers fall back in their chairs, laughing to death. "You know something" Velma said "you're a real pain in the ass." Rosie looked at her, her face red from laughing "and you're a major bitch" she said chuckling, "but I wouldn't want to work with anyone but you" she said. "Here's to us, two crazy murderesses having the time of their lives" Velma said, raising a glass of champagne "here, here" said Roxie in response. Guzzling down their champagne, they started singing "All that Jazz" together, warming up for the Rhode Island show. True these two ladies were complete opposites but for them it's totally worth it.
"Merry Christmas Rox"
"Happy New Year Vel"