Live Long And Prosper
The motel was like every other motel they stayed in – garish, suspiciously stained, and uninviting.
There was a hole in the wall the imprint of a shoe, and a barren corner where a
wardrobe used to sit. Dean slumped on the bed beside the window and closed his eyes, not
bothering to remove his jacket, nor his shoes. He was tired. Bone-weary tired. His shoulders
ached and his hands were chaffed from hauling himself up the rotting bell-tower rope,
chasing after the vampire who had terrorised the local residents.
This vampire had been different. It seemed to recognise them – probably a member of a
coven they had infiltrated years ago. Dean couldn't recall the vamp's name, but he did look
familiar. Sam didn't care, and lunged after the creature with the stamina and determination of
one hundred men.
After the vampire nest had been destroyed, they had gone to the local waterhole, Dean
needing the comfort of alcohol more than Sam, and it had been a pleasant break from their
hectic week. Tracking down the vampires had been harder than usual. Dean surmised they
were using new tactics to stay under the radar. In any case, he was glad on the new
information on them. When they eventually went back to the bunker, Sam would
undoubtedly hunch over a dozen books of lore for a few hours, cataloguing their fanged
friends' updated safe house areas. After a few beers, they left the bar and had taken to the
streets, questioning the locals about any strange nocturnal activity, just to make sure they had
ganked them all, and had only returned to the hotel when Sam was absolutely sure the entire
small town thought they were crazy. Sam ended up ducking out to get some food – something
deep-friend and smothered and chocolate, Dean had asked – so Dean found himself alone in
the draughty room.
Dean didn't care. He stretched back on the motel bed and closed his eyes. He felt his body
relax, his mind clear, and felt as though he would gently fall into a light doze, when suddenly
the room grew warmer.
"Dean."
Dean opened his eyes and smiled. His favourite feathered trench coat-wearing friend stood
at the foot of the bed, his arms hanging limply by his sides. Ever since he regained his angel
mojo, Castiel had been assisting them on hunts again, though he had been away upstairs on
business, and hadn't visited the Winchesters in almost a month.
"Heya Cas!" Dean sat up and smiled. "What's up?"
Castiel smiled and awkwardly pulled at the lapels of his coat. "I have something to tell you
and your brother. Something important."
Dean nodded. "Shoot."
"I need to leave you for a while. God has been…more than accommodating of my actions
over the time I've been here on Earth, although with my fall from heaven, losing my grace,
becoming human, reclaiming my grace again, it seems as though I am required to have a little
'upstairs intervention.'"
Dean frowned, running a hand through his messy hair. His stomach churned and his mouth
suddenly felt dry. "What does that mean? You're leaving for good?"
Castiel seemed to ponder on what to say next, but finally ended up tilting his head slowly to
the side, then giving the briefest of nods. "I assure you, I did not plan this, however I must
obey His actions. I have failed time and time again, and if I did not return He would almost
certainly renounce me."
"What does Hannah think about it? I've noticed you two are pretty close…"
Castiel thrust his hands in his pockets in what Hannah would refer to as an 'annoying human
gesture.' Dean had known many angels, most of them self-absorbed, manipulative, and
downright nasty, however Castiel had always been different. After spending so much time as
a human, he seemed to have adopted certain mannerisms, even once reinstated as an angel,
and it separated him from the rest of his feathered friends.
"Hannah and I did share a somewhat uncomfortable relationship. While we are siblings, our
vessels are not, and she seemed to be under the illusion that we should copulate. I was against
the idea. It made me uncomfortable. Would you copulate with Sam?"
Dean laughed under his breath. "No way, man, that's gross. So…she's into you, then?"
Castiel nodded. "I believe so. I do not reciprocate her feelings, and I think it's best to leave
her be and return to heaven."
Dean nodded and sat up, so that he and Castiel were face to face. "Is that the only reason
you would leave? Because of unwanted feelings?"
Castiel shrugged. "It is time, I suppose. I have been away for far too long. In fact, it is a
blessing I am allowed to return to Heaven in the first place. I should be gratuitous."
"Yeah, but do you want to?"
"Yes," Castiel replied quietly. "Though I am not sure I want to leave right now."
Dean nodded and scratched the back of his neck. "What would you do if you stayed?"
Castiel narrowed his eyes and frowned. "I'm not sure. Maybe become Emmanuel again, and
heal people. That was perhaps one of the better things I have done on Earth."
Dean scrunched up his face in disbelief. "One of the better things? Cas, you have done a lot
of good things here, at least you have for Sammy and I. We need you with us. What happens
if one of your feathery friends decides to burn our eyes out? Who's going to help us then?"
Castiel seemed uncertain. "I could perhaps assign another angel to watch over you both."
Dean frowned and stared at Castiel. The angel had really stretched his vessel to the limits.
Jimmy's body was bruised, scared, weather-beaten, and looked tired beyond belief, yet there
was still that bright ball of energy coursing through his veins, that sinewy stardust kicking
around his core. He knew angels could only inhabit a human's body for so long, but the
thought of Castiel not residing inside Jimmy was unsettling. The thought having a
conversation with Jimmy himself was even more nerve-wracking. Dean knew he could never
look at Jimmy again without seeing those sparkling blue eyes that were inherently Castiel's.
"Cas, buddy, you can't leave us," Dean said, his voice sounding almost like a plea. "For
starters, Sam and I would miss your crazy ass, but I would…it would be lonely without you. I
would be lonely."
Cas shook his head adamantly. "No Dean, you'd be happy. Maybe you could finally get on
with your life. Meet and stay with a girl and start a family. I would still watch over you, of
course, as I always have, but you would lead a normal life."
Dean laughed bitterly and ran his hand across his brow. "No offence man, but that ain't
gonna happen. I've had my shot at the nice apple pie family life more than once and it never
worked out. I don't need a new family when I've already got one right here." He reached
across the bed and poked Cas in the ribs. "Plus, you'd be a total jerk if you left me now. Who
knows if the Mark could flare up again? We still don't know how to get rid of it for good."
Castiel pursed his lips. "I'd watch over you, like I said. Sam would be able to help you. You
were exorcised before, and you can be exorcised again." He looked away, and then his voice
dropped to a stunted whisper. "Please don't make this any harder than it already is, Dean. I'm
doing this for many reasons – for Hannah, and for you and Sam. The fewer angels in your
life, the better."
Dean frowned and felt a hot flush rise up his neck. "No offence, Cas, but Hannah seems like
a bitch of a bitch if she can't keep her paws off her own brother. She's forcing you to leave."
Castiel was silent for a few moments, contemplating Dean's words, then he stood up and
began to pace around the room. "Hannah is a brilliant soldier, and I have no doubt she'd
make an excellent commander, but her feelings have been brought on by her host's lack of
physical intimacy. It's not her, as an angel, who is interested in me. It's just..."
"Her meat suit, yeah, I get it." Dean rolled his eyes and leaned back on the bed once more.
"Angel business is confusing. Can't you just become a human and stay with me here?"
Castiel tilted his head in thought. "Why would I do that?"
Dean sighed. "You know, so you and I would still be…able to hang out. You're my best
buddy, Cas. Did you think about how I would feel?"
Castiel moved to sit on the end of Dean's bed, and found himself lying beside the hunter,
staring up at the roof. "I always think about how you feel, Dean. You know that."
Dean closed his eyes and gently pulled at the ends of his hair. "You have a funny way of
showing it."
Castiel scoffed. "You can talk! You haven't always been the nicest human to be around."
"Is that how you see me? As just some human?" Dean asked quietly.
"No. You're irreplaceable, Dean Winchester."
Dean rolled on his side and stared at Castiel's profile, his mind whirring with a thousand
thoughts. "Would things have been different if you had simply pulled me from perdition and
went on your way?"
Castiel nodded. "Of course it would. You and I wouldn't be having this conversation right
now."
"Mmm…" Dean stared at the stubble on Castiel's face, at his unkempt hair, his curious
eyes. He looked much older than when he had first appeared to them in the barn all those
years ago, and it was not because Jimmy had aged.
"I'll miss you."
Castiel rolled on his side so the pair were facing one another. Dean could feel Castiel's
warm breath on his face, but it was not uncomfortable. In fact, it was reassuring to know that
he was right there, within his grasp. He couldn't imagine that not being so.
"Would you come back one day?" he asked quietly. "For Sam and I," he added.
Castiel nodded subtly with a slight jerk of his head. "Yes. For Sam, I would come back one
day. But I would never leave you, Dean. You must know this."
Dean frowned. "I'm pretty sure flying back to heaven warrants as leaving me, Cas."
"Not if a part of me stayed with you forever."
The angel sat up on the bed and placed his thumb on his forehead, and ever so slowly he
drew out a thin line of his grace. It was like a long blue ethereal wisp of undefinable matter,
filled with atoms, electrons, protons, neutrons, particles, and a hint of stardust. Not to
mention the angel himself. He gently took Deans head in his hands and wiped his thumb
across Dean's forehead, leaving a line of his grace across his skin. Dean could feel it seep
right down into bones, and he closed his eyes, allowing it to enter his body, his heart, his very
soul. Suddenly, the room went blank, and he found himself in a dark room without any
windows and doors. Dean tried to focus on the darkness, to find something he could identify,
when the room seemed to collapse in on itself, and transform into a galaxy of stars, comets,
suns, moons, planets, and a bright blue ball of light that bounced around the room, flickering
brighter and brighter as it bounded nearer to Dean.
"Castiel?"
In front of him, the stars seemed to be forming some kind of human shape, yet it was not
like any man or woman he had ever seen.
"That's because I am neither man, nor woman, Dean."
"Cas? Where are you?"
"I am here. I am all around you. This is me."
Dean swallowed back his apprehension and tried to find something familiar in the explosion
of stars, something Cas-like. The face in front of him appeared to morph into something
human, the stars replaced by something that was not unlike flesh, yet littered with sparkling
colours. Giant wings appeared to grow out of nothing, and they were giant, wrapping around
the pair six times over, enclosing them in a colourful cocoon.
"You're….beautiful."
The angel – Castiel – smiled, and its hand reached out to cup Dean's face. "This is me. This
is how Anna sees me, how Balthazar, Ezekiel, Lucifer sees me. When humans see our true
form outside of their own consciousness they are too overwhelmed, their eyes unable to
comprehend such a vision."
"Which is why their eyes burn out? Kevin..."
Castiel nodded. "Kevin was an unfortunate human. Yes, he was exposed, yet it was outside
an angel's consciousness. Therefore he was destroyed."
Dean had no words to describe what he was seeing, thinking, feeling. He was completely
overwhelmed with the knowledge that this being, this awesome supernatural creature
standing before him, was the middle-aged, dark-haired, stumbling, fumbling, human he had
grown to care for. He felt warm and wanted, and imagined he could hear a deep voice
murmur Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, over and over again.
"You're so…incredible. I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything, Dean. You don't need to."
Dean felt as safe within Castiel's wings as he did in his mother's arms as a small child. He
felt comforted, cared for, and loved.
He felt loved.
Before he could comprehend his epiphany, Castiel gently touched his forehand with his
sparkling finger – which wasn't exactly a finger at all – and they were transported back into
the motel room.
Dean jumped back from Castiel and looked around the room, at his hands, down at his body,
confirming everything was intact. His body shivered, although he wasn't cold, and he looked
up to find Castiel simply staring at him, his warm eyes crinkling at the sides. Without
thinking, he lunged forward into his angels arms and wrapped himself around him, pressing
himself into Castiel's embrace.
"Cas…" he muttered, "I know you…I see you."
Castiel nodded, and Dean felt his angel's arms warm around his back. "My grace is within
you, Dean. Now, and forevermore. You will never be alone."
Dean stepped back, his expression bewildered and horrified at the same time. "Please don't
leave me, Cas, buddy. I will do anything. Let me talk to Hannah. Let me do something. I'll
kill a thousand vampires if I have to."
Castiel shook his head slowly and pressed his warm hand upon Dean's forehead. "I'm not
leaving you, Dean. Not really. When you need me you'll feel me there." He moved his hand
down upon Dean's heart. "And here. You are not alone."
Dean bit down on his bottom lip as Castiel stepped away, and suddenly the door opened and
Sam stepped into the motel, his tall frame awkwardly manoeuvring under the small door. He
stood still and stared at them both, at the tears that slowly ran down Dean's face, and the
haunted look of utter despair on Castiel's.
"Oh, sorry, I'll come back later." He turned around and went back the way he came, closing
the door quickly behind him.
Dean and Castiel barely registered Sam's intrusion. Castiel wiped the tears from Dean's face
and leaned forward, pressing a small, chaste kiss to the hunter's forehead.
"Goodbye Dean."
"Goodbye Cas."
Dean's body shook as Castiel took a step back and smiled, raising his hand in the Vulcan
greeting Dean had taught him a couple of months ago.
"Live long and prosper, Dean Winchester. Tell Sam Jessica says hello."
And then in an explosion of light he was gone.