If Only Tears Could Bring You Back
Summery: Three glimpses at the Doctor on his own: one after Runaway Bride, one after Waters of Mars, and one when the fairy tale he had been living finally reaches its end.
Disclaimer: Doctor Who is own by the BBC network. Nothing that appears in this story belongs to me. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/n: I gave into my 8 year old self this week and watched the first Pokemon movie and heard the song 'If Only Tears Could Bring You Back' playing in the background.
Between 'Runway Bride' and 'Smith and Jones'
He stepped into the TARDIS and looked around as he slowly unbuttoned his wet dress shirt. He flung it over the railing knowing it would turn up back in the wardrobe neat and dry. It had been an interesting day running around trying to save Donna Noble from the Racnoss.
She had been a fiery one, with her ginger colored hair and attitude. He would have been honored to travel with her at least once but she had said no. Despite turning him down, she had told him to find someone because he needed someone. Someone to stop him.
He leaned against the console and thought of what took place in the cavern underground. How could he stoop so low, to commit genocide on another race? First the Daleks and his own race, the Time Lords, now the Racnoss.
Is this what he was doomed to become without her? Rose had been with him since before he regenerated. She helped make him who he was. The first adventure without her and this is how it turns out?
How could he go on, would he become a monster like his friend of old, without her by his side?
His knees gave out under him as a tear slide down his cheek. Maybe he could save her, he had burnt up one star to say goodbye, it wouldn't take many more for him to open a portal and bring her back.
But that would risk the universe; this world and that parallel world were never meant to cross.
For him to even contemplate the end of the universe to save a human was preposterous. Was this what he was doomed to become without her?
The tear that started its way down his cheek turned into gut wrenching sobs.
Why? Why can't she come back? I need her! I don't know what I am without her! Bring her back! Please bring her back!
After Waters of Mars
It happened again. Why did he never listen? Why didn't he remember her words to him this first time they said goodbye?
He had done it again. Let his status as the last Time Lord, the Time Lord Victorious he had proclaimed, to be the reason he go to decide fate. Ha had changed the course of history now and the Ood had come for him.
If only Donna had been able to handle the meta-crisis, she would have been there by his side. She would have stopped him before he had gone too far.
Why did she have to forget him? Why couldn't she have been able to stay with him? Adelaide Brook would never have committed suicide if Donna Noble had been able to be there with him.
He felt the tear start its trek down his cheek. Why did he always become this monster without them? First Rose, now Donna.
How could he go on like this, becoming what he feared the most?
He wouldn't; the Ood had come now and it wouldn't be long until the four knocks caught up with him and claimed his life. He could try avoiding it but it would be impossible.
He could almost hear the voices of his two lost companions in his head and it hurt. They would be ashamed if they could see him now.
So many tears had been shed yet more continued to come.
In a way he slightly longed for the coming regeneration he feared. Then maybe the pain would lessen and he wouldn't spend nights alone in the much too quiet TARDIS with only his memories and tears for company.
WHY? I need them! Why can't they come back?
Companion piece to 'Wherever You Will Go'
The day had come. The day he had been dreading for years. The day he would send his wife to her death.
He had shown up on her door step with a new hair cut and suit just as she had described that day he first met her. He had taken her to the Singing Towers and held her in his arms the entire time. A few tears managed to slip from his eyes but he had played it off as an effect of the melodies the Towers produced. He had dropped her off at home and kissed her goodbye before returning to the TARDIS to give into the pain he refused to let her see.
She would figure it out though, as she handcuffed him to that pipe. She would realize he had know all this time; from the Byzantium and the Bone Meadows to Asgard and the Pandorica, even their wedding on 21st century Earth with his companions, past and present, in attendance to the formal Gallifreyian ceremony that had taken place in the privacy of their bedroom in the TARIS. The bedroom he was sitting in now, that would be locked away until he could bring himself to step into it again.
His younger self would figure out why he had given her the sonic and would save her into CAL's mainframe but that would be it. He would never see his wife again.
If he thought the pain from the loss of Rose and Donna was bad, it was nothing compared to the gaping hole in his hearts where River had resided.
He wondered how long it would be before he regenerated from the loss. He prayed for regeneration this time.
Regeneration would mend the holes slightly and there would be less risk for him to revert to his ways again. It had happened twice while traveling with River. He still remember the hurt and tears in her eyes from the last time it happened. The violent words he had spoken in anger.
He played with his wedding band as a tear slid from his eye. It was something she had insisted on; she wanted tangible proof that she was his and he was hers when they were meeting out of order. Even if it meant having to wear them on a chain most of the time
He slowly slid the band off his finger, saddened at how easily it came off, and placed it on the night stand that housed a photograph she had insisted on displaying from their wedding. The only day she had seen him without a bow tie, she told him.
He kissed his finger tips and placed them over her picture before standing up from the bed. He felt the process begin.
He left the room and closed the door behind him. He used the sonic screwdriver he had kept to seal the room shut before going to the console room to wait for the regeneration process to finish.
Goodbye, my love.
The Doctor awoke later to wonder why there was a wetness on his cheeks. He looked at the small picture of his former self, Amy, Rory and River on the console and smiled.
Fin
A/n 2: Hopefully that was decent. I had a harder time writing the Doctor than I did River o.O