Background: This first chapter begins as a flash back. There will be flashbacks throughout the story that will explain what went wrong in their relationship. Meredith and Derek were best friends growing up, they were neighbors and Carolyn was like a second mother to Meredith that she never had in Ellis. This first flashback is Meredith and Derek finally after 18 years of friendship, beggining their relationship. They had just graduated highschool. The non-flashback part of the story is present day four years after this flashback when Meredith and Derek finish their undergrad. She's home for the summer to clear out her old house since Ellis has Alztheimers. The end-game is MERDER but there will be some obsticles.

Meredith swirled around, her short flowly dress riding up and creating a circle as she spun, she clung tight to her bottle of tequila and a smile graced her lips. Her long blonde wavy hair was in a tangled mess and she buzzed around with the music. Derek Shephered her child hood best friend sat in the same room in an office chair with his elbow resting on his knee and his hand tucked under his chin watching her with a smirk on his face.

"Derek, we graduated" Meredith sang for the millionth time that night

"Yes Meredith, I am aware of what happened today" Derek told her clearly amused.

"No more Ellis, no more shitty highschool, freedom Derek, God, sweet sweet freedom" Meredith told him as she stopped twirling around for a moment to take another swig of tequila.

They were in Ellis's office, Ellis had gotten called in for a late night surgery and Derek wanted to make sure after his graudation party (that Meredith attented) that she wouldn't be alone the night she graduated. Around eleven when all his family started winding down, he walked Meredith back home and came inside with her promising that they would have fun, and celebrate the end of their primary school education with their own friends in their own way.

"Aren't you going to drink anything, We're celebrating" Meredith told him

"Mark's coming with the Scotch and beer, tequila is all yours" Derek told her still amused by her drunken antics.

He sat back and watched her as she started dancing again, he gulped when he saw the bottom hem of her dress riding up higher and higher. His eyes were fixated on her. He wanted her and the bulge in his pants told him the same thing. He didn't want to have feelings for his best friend of 18 years but something was happening and it had been for awhile. He was attracted to her, that was for sure. It seemed like lately every time he saw her all he thought about was her agaisnt his headboard and him inside of her. He tried to shake the feelings away but every night they haunted him.

"Why are you staring at me?" she asked him as she stopped twirling. He stood up from where he was, walked over to her and took the bottle of tequila from her hands and took a nice long swig, all while looking into her eyes. The same eyes he was used to seeing for the past 18 years but right now they seemed different, they had a fire in them that he had never seen before and tonight he wanted to play with fire. He looked her over, his eyes roaming over her body. His hands made their way through her hair and he watched her, never taking his eyes off of her.

"Meredith is this okay?" he whispered as he moved his hand from her hair and began to rub and down the sides of her thighs.

"Derek?" Meredith whispered alarmed. She was drunk, well a little drunk but she was coherent, and she knew that Derek knew that. He had seen her drunk many times, he knew the level she was at, he knew that she was still able to say no.

"Mer" Derek breathed her name so softly as he moved his hand from the side of her thigh back across her ass where his hand landed and sat

"Is this okay?" he again whispered

"W..When's Mark getting here?" Meredith barely managed to get out

Derek took his hand away and patted his dress pant pocket to signify his phone was there

"I can tell him not to come, should I?" Derek asked waiting for her permission.

Meredith leaned up close against him almost to kiss him, her body pressed against his and she could feel the erection, she slowly reached into Derek's dress pocket and pulled out his phone, after a few dials he heard her soft voice "Hey, Mark. Don't come over tonight. We'll catch up tomorrow. Yeah I'm sure. Bye". She tossed his phone on her moms desk. He watched her and took another gulp of tequila. No more words were exchanged. Meredith looked at him longingly and walked out of her moms office, Derek followed closely. They silently made their way to the back balcony, there was plenty of room, it was their spot. They used to do their homework there together for years, the first time Meredith got her heart broken, Derek had found her crying in that very spot, the first time they experimented with alochol had been there. It was symbolic. Neither spoke, they didn't know what to say, they just knew they wanted eachother. Meredith leaned against the rail, her hair blowing in the wind, her eyes daring him to come closer; and he did. Within second, he had his arms around her waist

"Meredith, you know there's no going back?" he whispered

"I know that" Meredith told him looking into his eyes with longing

"And you want to do this?" he asked, he wanted comfirmation

"I need this Derek" she told him as she moved her hands to unbutton his dress shirt. He let her and she watched it fall off. He took the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head. When he saw her in just her bra and panties he gasped. Softly with one hand around her hip and the other in her hair he pulled her to him and kissed her. It took them a second to adjust until they melted into eachother.

"Derek" Meredith mumbled against his lips. Slowly he pulled away gave her a look of admiration and he was kissing her again. They stood softy kissing in the moonlight for some time before the kissing got heated, what was gentle making out became need and Derek had Meredith's small body pushed hard against the balcony railing, his hands trailing everywhere and his mouth attacking hers. In an easy manuever, he had picked her up and they made out in his arms while he opened the door to the balcony and they were inside of her bedroom. Meredith had her battery operated candles burning and the contrast from the dark gave them both a glow. He laid her down and then was on top of her on her king sized matress. He went from kissing her mouth to laying kisses down her jaw, chest, stomach before he reached her panties. He kissed her face again and asked her for permission with his eyes. She gave him a small nod and he took her panties off before he went between her legs

"God Derek" she moaned out of breath.

"You're ready Mer" Derek told her and she got the hint that it was time to finish what they had started. She helped him out of his boxers before he slowly slid into her. She groaned at the adjustment but slowly they found their rhythem. Derek had never experianced anything like it before, they were both virgins, he had come close a few times, but with every other girl it just never felt right. Meredith's moans turned him on more and he finished a lot faster than he intended with Meredith finishing right after him. He stayed inside of her for a minute after they had both orgasmned. Neither knowing what to say, silence engulfed a room that had previously been full of lustful moans.

"We just had sex" Meredith whispered with a tear in her eye.

He scooted the hair out of her face and looked at her deeply "No, Mer. I just made love to you"

"What does all of this mean?" Meredith asked her eyes becoming wide with panic

Derek shook his head "I don't know"

"I'm going to Dartmouth, you're going to Bowdoin. This won't work"

Derek slid his hand down the curve of Meredith's hip and placed a kiss on her temple

"What if we make it work. Sure it'll be hard, what part of life isn't. Mer we can't just pretend this never happened"

"No going back" she told him with a small smile

He nodded

"I'm scared. You're my best friend, I don't want to fuck this up with my commitment issues, and daddy issues, and dark and twisty issues" she rambled

"I'm scared too, but I love you. I am in love with you."

Meredith looked at him and then slowly wrapped her hands around his face and pulled him towards her.

"I'm in love with you too"