This is a gift-fic for my lovely friend Manu. Words can't bring you down, so keep it up and be strong, girl. I love you and I'll always be by your side.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or its characters. © Masashi Kishimoto. Song by Plain White Ts – A lonely September.
Warning: yaoi, prostitution, trans!Sasuke, implied drugs, alcohol.
A lonely September
Sasuke's point of view
December 23rd
It's a cold night with heavy snow, few people passes by on their cars, honking at me as I balance myself over the seven-inches heels of my over-knee leather boots. The skirt I wear barely covers any skin and my coat is too thin to actually warm me up.
Anyone will do as long as they give me 30 minutes under a shelter or enough money I can grab a taxi to my shitty room. Like every day, I wonder if I'll die because of the cold, or a drunkard, maybe those addicted kids will kill me; I might die from a disease, or a client.
My body is still sore from the long day, walking in heels, taking cocks deep in my throat until I can't breathe and into my asshole until it bleeds. My wrists are bruised and my finger is broken, yet here I am, looking for another one to fuck me, pay me 50 bucks in cash for an hour of enduring the sick perversions of miserable people.
I stop close to the park, light a cigarette – the last I have – and breathe in the warm smoke of some cheap brand. The traffic lights go red stopping three or four cars, and I wait, smoking, until the windows rolls down and I walk there.
I step onto the butt cigarette and lean into the car; I smile as I brush my long dark hair to the side. It's a young couple – a girl with pink hair and a blond guy – good-looking enough to give me the money I need. They ask for my price and tell me to hop in the car, saying they want me for the whole night.
They talk tenderly to one another, bickering and laughing like two teenagers. They aren't the clients I'm used to have, too sweet and calm, psychopathic. It makes me wary for the unlikeliness of the action, and all my nerves are telling me to run off and hide, still, if I stay I know I'll die in the snow, so what's the difference?
We go to a normal hotel, not the putrid type one usually goes to in order to hide a corpse. The girl books us a room while the guy stays by my side, waiting his girlfriend and trying to have a conversation with me. He smiles at me, not the disgusting, perverted grin I usually receive, but a sincere smile I don't know how to reply. So I lean into his shoulder, whisper how I'm eager for the night in a voice I can't recognize in my own ears.
"You haven't told me your name, yet." He says, brushing a lock of my hair behind my ear and I say nothing, wondering what he wants with my name. "Eh, I haven't told mine so I guess it's unfair." He laughs on his own, scratching the back of his neck, "I'm Naruto, and the girl is Sakura."
I force a smile back at him, purr my name into his ear to please him. "Sasuke." It sounds weird on my tongue, my own name. I could tell him anything, had so many names, so many characters, I don't remember who Sasuke is.
Naruto smiles back, his hand softly pushing me off his body, which I take as a sign he's one those men who likes it rough and detached, no flirting, just raw sex. However, he opens his mouth again, "Shall we?" and offers his hand to me as his girlfriend meets us halfway to the elevator.
"It's so cold tonight. Thank goodness they had a room." The girl, Sakura, says as she hugs herself, green eyes sparkling under the dim light of the hotel's lobby.
Naruto brings his girlfriend close to him, embracing her from behind, wrapping his arms over her belly. "So let me warm you, Sakura." He presses a kiss on her shoulder in a lovely way that evokes distant memories from another life I think I had.
She looks at me and smiles. "You must be cold, too. Don't worry, we're almost there." The door opens and we walk in the silent corridor, and I feel my heart pounding like every time. I never know if I'll survive another night, another round, and I have no choice but follow these strangers into an enclosure space, giving up on what's left in this world for me. I don't own anything, not even my body, abused and played, mishandled and dirtied.
The room is large for me – a single bed on one corner and a double on the middle, a TV in front of it and a mini-bar above. I take off my coat, revealing more skin than tissue, "What should I do?" I ask huskily, eyeing the couple with pretend interest.
They exchange glances, "You haven't told him yet, have you?" the girl asks her boyfriend, sighing when he tells her no and shrugs. She looks at me, "We don't want you to do anything."
I nod at her and sit on the small couch, "Then I'll stay here and just watch." I tell her flirtatious, believing them to be those voyeur couples who can't fuck unless someone is watching. "Should I touch myself?" I smirk as the words leave my lips, my hands sensuously sliding down to my skirt.
"You don't have to." The guy tells me. "I, well, erm, come here. I bet you want a shower."
"Okay." And so I follow him into the bathroom. I stare at his blue eyes, and lick my lower lip as I take off my top, exposing my breasts.
I see curiosity in his eyes and I wonder if he and the girl have actually had sex before and maybe they need some kind of help. My hands gently gets his and encourage him to feel my skin, a fake soft moan leaves my mouth when his cold fingers trace my left breast, but I can't see a trace of lust in his whole body.
"How did you get these?" he asks me softly, touching the skin around as if he's examining me.
"You don't like it?"
"It's just that these prosthesis look very good for..." He stops mid-sentence but he said enough for me to know what he means.
"…for a cheap whore like me. That's what you want to call me?" I wrap my arms around his neck, pressing my bare chest to his covered torso, "A whore?" I whisper in his ear, "Slut? A bitch? Faggot? Cum dump?"
"No, I… I didn't mean to…"
"Shh," I press a finger to his mouth, "It's okay. I don't mind it, if it turns you on."
"No, that's not it. Listen to me!" he grabs both of my hands and push me away from him.
I hiss at the pain on my finger. "Fuck!" it's black and swollen and the pain is so bad it brings tears to my eyes.
"Shit, I'm sorry." Naruto says too quickly. "Fuck, let me take a look." He gently touches my hand, "It wasn't me, was it?"
"No." I tell him simply, now I'm truly confused and scared of the situation.
"Fine, don't move. I'll be back soon." He vanishes back to the room, leaving me to my thoughts, trembling in the cold bathroom. I take off my boots and socks, splash water on my face and attempt to remove all the heavy make-up I wear. My face is blurred in red, black and blue as well as the white towel I used to wipe my eyes and my lips.
The door opens again and I stand just in a small skirt in front of the weird blond guy who picked me up. He blinks at me a few times, his mouth opened in a stupid feature and then he clears his throat and places the bag on his hand on the sink.
"I'm a doctor, and Sakura is a doctor too and she's a really good one, and, well, we met in college. She helped me when I was really lost on campus and I have no idea why I'm blabbering all this to you. Sorry." He smiles sheepishly at me and brings his hand to the back of his neck.
"You don't have to do it; it's not your fault. You and your girlfriend bought me for the night, so do whatever you please; I'm used to it." Because it's less scary to be mistreated than kind gestures like this.
"That's why I'm telling you to listen to me, idiot. We didn't buy you for the sex, we want you to rest, okay?" I blink at the insanity of his words. "We'll pay, so don't worry but we only want you to rest a bit."
"Why?" I cross my arms over my naked chest, shivering in the cold.
Naruto talks painfully and softly, "I was adopted by a prostitute when I was a kid. She was kind and mistreated, and she loved me as much as she loved booze, which was quite a lot, honestly. I know how hard your life is, and I know no one willingly chooses a life like this, so once in a while Sakura and I pick one of you from the streets and let you have a night of rest with no worries."
This is absurd and I want to run, but now I'm not wearing heels I see he's taller than me, stronger as well and he's blocking the way out.
"Calm down, please. I swear I don't have any other motives." The blond guy walks to the bathtub and turns the water on. "Come here, just take a bath and relax. What's the worst that can happen to you now?"
He does have a point, so again I give in to him, permitting myself to drop my skirt and slide inside the tube and feel my body floating with pain. The warm water burns my skin, all parts of my body hurts and I can only feel bliss.
"Would you let me wash your hair?" Naruto asks hesitantly.
I smirk and I can't help but tease him, "Hair fetish eh? Won't your girlfriend be mad?" he blushes a little, but I still comply with his wish, drowning in the dirtied water to wet my hair, handing him the small container of shampoo. "Her eyes are pretty."
"I know." He tells me like it was so obvious. "She's a wonderful girl." I can hear the undertone of a passionate fool, and the thought of how the girl must be lucky can't leave my mind.
The feel of his hands on my hair makes my chest tighten in agony. Kindness is cruel and I want to drown in this tube, having this stranger treating me like a human being. I want my existence to cease in this moment, and pretend the last 10 years didn't happen.
"Would you tell me your story?" Naruto asks me softly, scratching the dirty oil off my hair.
I sigh as my body floats, "Just your typical gay kid with homophobic parents." I tell him. "No family, no friends, enough money to buy drugs and you end up in a life like this." I close my eyes as he hums.
"And then you found out you're trans."
I rinse the soap on my hair, wash my body carefully before I answer his curiosity. "I don't know what I am or who I am. I know having a dick and wearing a skirt brings in more money."
"Doesn't it bring in more danger?"
"Only the danger of being a woman. I feel the same as your girlfriend does when she wears a skirt, it's not that different." We see rich girls being raped on the streets when they're going home, women paralyzed in fear under a male's gaze.
"Why prostitution?" He asks me suddenly, "I mean, the way you speak, the way you walk, even the way you look, I can tell you could be whatever you want to." His blue eyes sparkle as he speaks of my future and I can't help but laugh at his naïve optimism. "What? It's true! And you're beautiful as well, I'm sure there was a client who wanted to make you exclusive at least."
I feel the bitter traces of my laughter on a faint smile. "There was." I admit, "An older man. 'bought me the world, promised me even more, told me he would elope with me, marry me in a legalized country, love me forever." I laugh more, "Now that I think about it, it was ridiculous and I fell like an idiot. Until the day I saw him on the mall, with his family." I wish I could cry for my small tragedy, but I can only laugh at my imbecile past self, "I cut ties with him, then denied any other men or women who tried to monopolize me."
"Was it him who paid for your surgery?" he picks a new towel and hands me.
"Breast surgery, hormones, the pills, fancy clothes, make-up, everything so I could be his woman." I naively followed him and bitterly fell into a no-coming back way. "I met a tranny pimp after that, so I could continue with the hormones. Now I'm here."
I stand up, wrap the towel around my body with as much dignity as I have left in these bones, not much. I leave the tube and sit on the toilet, the bathroom is warm with steam and the blond man has no more questions.
He opens the bag and quietly starts treating my wounds, my bruises, and for last my broken finger. I muffle a yell of pain when he places it back only to wrap it with a splint. "You'll have to go to the hospital next week to see if it's healing correctly."
"You know I won't go, moron." He makes me stop lying, a part of my old self I had forgotten.
Naruto grins, his face close enough I can see all his small imperfections, "Then I'll have to drag you by force, asshole." It's almost flirtatious and he doesn't even realize, this idiot.
"I'd like to see you try, stupid." This is a new kind of flirting for me, almost appreciated. We just stare at each other, no less and no more than it.
He laughs when my stomach growls, "I'll get us some dinner. Here, you can sleep in these if you
don't mind." Naruto hands me a pair of white sweatpants and a grey t-shirt and I can't tell how long it has been since the last piece of cloth I wore which wasn't reveling or tight. The cotton feels amazing on my skin.
We find the girl sleeping on the bed soundlessly, now I can see dark circles under her closed eyes. I see Naruto leaning towards her, kissing her forehead, covering her body and whispering into her ear. It feels I shouldn't be here, watching them, they don't belong in the world I live and I'm only invading theirs.
"Hey, do you mind if I get us ramen?"
"If I have a choice, yes. I hate it." His shocked face amuses me causing my lips to curl into a sincere smirk.
"Your taste in food is very questionable." He grins, brushes another lock of my hair behind my ear. This guy is an idiot, he flirts with me in front of his girlfriend and he can't even realize what he's doing and he's so gullible in his actions it actually pisses me off. "Well, what do you want to eat?"
"A hamburger, with extra bacon and cheese." I can almost taste it, and I can hear a long lost voice inside my head telling me it's not the weekend to eat junky food.
A rich laughter fills the air, "Maybe your taste in food is not that questionable."
"You still haven't heard my taste in men." I blurt out huskily, before I can think, out of habit. It ruins the mood, naturally, making him clear his throat and take a step back from me. "Sorry." I feel the need to say.
"It's okay." He looks at his girlfriend on the bed, "I'll wake her up so we can eat together."
In the end we eat hamburgers together. We laugh and it's like I'm human again with friends, having fun and enjoying silly things. Sakura is caring and protective, but annoying as well, especially when she treats Naruto as if she were his mother, telling him what and how to do this and that.
"Sasuke, you should come to our Christmas party!" Sakura says as she holds onto my hand. "It's gonna be fun, with good food. I'll give you the address."
"You don't have to invite me." I tell her a bit annoyed. I don't need anyone's pity.
"What? But it's Christmas, so if you don't have anything planned, I'd love you to come to our party." She insists, her green eyes shining.
I look at her boyfriend, and Naruto nods in encouragement, "I promise it's gonna be fun."
"I'll think about it." I have no intention on going, no matter how much I'll hate to spend it with some lone psycho or some insecure middle aged woman.
"It's just a night, Sasuke. We will keep you company the whole time, promise." His grin is blinding and infuriating, another reminder of why I can't find myself in the middle of these people too often.
I simply nod and the conversation becomes lighter, small talk about this and that. They look surprised I can keep up with their degrees and it always makes me feel superior to show how much I know about anything. I learned more than any school curriculum could provide in spite of the price.
Sakura bid me goodbye with a kiss on the top of my head and I try my hardest not to retaliate. After all, these people gave me more than I'm used to have, so I can show my appreciation.
Naruto brushes my hair behind my ear again and I believe it to be just a habit of his. The lack of lust in his eyes is something I appreciate considering my line of work.
I lay on the comfortable mattress with heavy blankets and it's so good I can't sleep. I cover my head when I hear the blankets of the bed next mine shuffling. A light shake on my shoulder makes me sit up on the bed, looking at blue eyes. My first thought is he wants sex, it makes sense and it wouldn't be first time I sleep with someone while their lover is sound asleep by their side.
"Can't sleep?"
"Not tired." I lie; a malicious idea crossing my mind. "The truth is..." My hands snakes around his neck, a breath of my voice on his ear. "I can't sleep if I don't fuck anyone." A moan in the end, making him shiver.
I want him to reject me and choose the girl. I want him to prove me he's not that kind of man.
He does stop me, softly, too softly. So I try harder, touching his trousers, licking his neck, feeling him soft in my hands. I almost laugh when he pulls me off, hisses at me to stop.
"Really? I thought you were different." Frustration tints his voice.
"I'm just a prostitute."
He looks at me sadly. "I was going to tell you my story." For some reason, I know I lost something special. "And then I would make us some tea."
I sigh, covering my face behind my hands. "I'll make us some tea." I whisper as I stand up and walk to the mini bar, preparing the chamomile leaves on the coffee machine. It tastes nothing like it should but Naruto accepts it.
We talk.
We fall asleep.
We wake up to Sakura softly shaking us and a smile.
I leave.
AN: I'll update every two or three days.
Review please.