This is dedicated to Seduff. .com/watch?v=eWMGR6aJPZc
This vid touched me and made me cry and inspired me.
Standard Disclaimer applies: Just writing the words that go with this wonderful plot!
He hated being stuck. Even being stuck with her. Although it was bearable due to the acceptance she forced day to day. He saw it every day by the distance in her eyes that she was still over there. With Him.
"Ya." he looked at Jackie one day after Sunday dinner. "She still misses him."
"You are him." Jackie had said softly, "You really are luv," she patted his arm gently.
"Try telling her that." His eyes grew distant and he looked through the French doors at the strawberry blond staring out into the rain. She was so lost. He wanted so much to be her Doctor. He wanted her so much. But he wasn't sure what she wanted.
There was a sort of forced acceptance. She still let him snuggling into her warmth when he couldn't sleep, sometimes he pretended just so he could pulled her tight against him and breath in the sugary sweet scent that was distinctly Rose. He had lost a few of his more heighten senses but he still recognized the vanilla and coconut and something uniquely feminine.
The deep pain in his chest, the chest that only had one heart and a few million heartbeats left, was aching from the confusion. Being stranded with the love of his lives - life - singular now.
He was so confused, not only by her, but by his new body. Most of his functions were the same, but few had changed. Tastebuds were less potent, smell was less sensitive, but he still had his brain, and he could still feel the earth move so very fast beneath his feet.
And it was all so confusing.
She wasn't getting anywhere with him. She had tried to go back, to the simple ease of flirting with him, the easy friendship that just came natural to her. She had really tried.
Every day she had to look into the face of the man she loved and realise it wasn't actually him. Every day she felt like after all she had accomplished all she had was second place. He was the same, but different. She didn't want to have to adapt to him any more. It was like being 19 all over again, and she didn't have the patience for that.
He was moody, brooding, inquisitive and sometimes down right annoying and yet at nights, he would slip into her bed and hold her like the world was ending. Just like before, just like in the beginning. She hadn't kicked him out because in those dark night when there isn't even a star to peer in on them outside her window she can pretend that the noises she hears is the groaning of the TARDIS. She can pretend that they've just run away together from some horrible monster, and like always, he needs confirmation that she's still alive. Still able to give him forever.
But he doesn't understand this.
"Rose. You still love HIM, don't you. I'm never going to be enough." He had snapped at her, "I was nothing but a good fuck and a cheap trip wasn't I?" the second the acidic words came out he knew that was it.
"Doctor, you need to figure out what's going on."
"Yah? I think you do too." He whirled around and marched out the door. Pausing in the hall to breath, he made a snap decision and left. After an hour of wandering the street's he felt the buzzing in his pocket of the mobile Pete had given him after they had returned from Bad Wolf Bay. The mobile had come along with a driver's license, birth certificate, expired coupons, new credit card, bank card, health insurance, some loose change, a couple quids and his employee badge that said Dr. John Smith - Scientist.
Flagging his arm out he grabbed the bus, hoping that his mind would quiet sometime soon and the ache would fade.
She regretted it as soon as she heard the door slam. Her temper had never been a stable thing, but now that she was in charge and leading a team off into dangers untold, it had become more unstable.
They actually kind of fit together. Everyone at Torchwood had been fascinated by the Doctor. How he kind of buzzed in and caused a whirlwind, and she was the only one who could keep up with him.
Everyone had commented what a good couple they were. How "in sync" they were with each other. But they weren't. Not in her mind. They had an understanding that they play must go on. Or at least she had thought they had an understanding. The hurt in his eyes was fresh and real. She had never really thought of the doctor being emotionally compromised, but the flash of pain and anger had tempered him to push back. Act out.
And now she was holding her chest together, for all it wanted to do was burst in pain.
The greasy potatoes sat heavy in his stomach, thinking. It was a dangerous thing for him, thinking. Thinking often got him into trouble. The thing was, now he was trying to get himself out of trouble. He could go back.
Chips. He thought as the warm, salty flavours hit his tongue. Chips would always remind him of her.
"That was our first date."
"We had chips."
She had bought him chips and had called him a cheap date. He had teased her that the excessively salty potatoes were a delicacy on some planets and that he would never take her 'cause she'd only get herself lost.
The had ended up going to Fran Frites. The plant that's main export was French fries. And he had done it just to see her smile.
It was so hard living up to her expectations. All these unspoken rules that he had to live by. This box she was trying to fit him in wasn't larger on the inside. It was smaller and crowded with Him.
Hoping back on the bus he swallowed and choked back the emotion that clogged him. He got off before he broke down, standing on a bridge that crossed the Thames he stood staring at the city that he was expected to live in, to be "From".
"I'm from London." He tested the words, they felt funny coming out so he tried other ones. "I love Rose, and she's in London." Yup. Those were the words.
Her anger was starting to build. He was refusing to answer the telly and it was late. She paced in front of the window for a while and then just sat. Minutes, hours, days could have gone by, and she wouldn't have noticed. Fresh tears threatened to spill when she heard the door snap shut.
"Rose. I'm home." He walked into the large room and looked at her. "Can we talk now."
"Oh so mister high Doctor wants to talk." She sassed him. He wanted to act like she was 19, she would act 19.
"Rose. What the hell is wrong with you."
"Me what the hell is wrong with you. I thought we understood each other."
"What the hell is there to understand. All your stupid rules. Why don't you just write me up a list of things I'm not allowed to say, or I'm not allowed to do. And at the top of that fucking list you can write all the ways I'm not HIM." He hadn't meant to get angry, but her attack just.. Brought it out of him.
"Go."
"Go? Go where." He laughed sardonically.
"I don't care just go." the fear was coming back.
"But I love you." His eyes reaching out, apologising. Begging.
"I said Go!." Her face still hung heavy with hurt and pride. Staring off for a few more seconds he heard the door click behind him and a body lump against it. By the time he was pounding down the stairs he had heard her click away. Making a snap decision he went to Pete and Jackie's. They would be the only ones to understand Rose well enough to give him advice.
Knocking on the door his shoulders sagged as he was led in by the housekeeper. Jackie came down the stairs and looked around for her daughter.
"She kicked me out, mind if I stay with you for a bit?" He asked quietly. Realising the irony of asking Jackie Tyler for help. The woman had become almost mothering to him in his five months that he had spent in this world so far. Her kind eyes wrinkled in a sad smile, understanding the complexities of love, understanding his moods and her moods and yet wise enough to be a peacekeeper to the both of them. Sometime in the past five months he had come to love Jackie Tyler like a mother. Sunday dinner's always being a highlight between conversing with Pete, playing with little Tony or just getting motherly affection from the woman who had annoyed him to no end when they were travelling.
"Course, of course Doctor, come in." she ushered him in from the foyer to the living room, "Tea?"
"Got anything stronger?" Pete walked in and spun on his heels, coming back shortly after with a cup of tea in one hands and a bottle of wine and a stemmed glass in the other. Handing the tea to his wife and the wine to the Doctor they sat and listened to the problems the two were having. It had dawned on him halfway through the story that they probably had gone through the exact same thing, he had just been too selfish to see.
After finishing the story and the bottle (about the same time) he thanked the older couple and staggered off to the room he normally took, with it's soft white panelled walls and almost hotel like look. He had tossed and turned and tried to let the wine do it's job until he gave up, just past 4 he sat up at the desk and pulled out some paper and did equations. Long complex equations that would get him past the moons of Iris if he had a viable TARDIS. After going through all the formula's he could manage he sat back and thought.
Thinking. It was dangerous.
It was day three that he'd been gone. Not a word, no note, no call, and because it was the weekend, she couldn't even go in and check his office. Not that her being there would be strange. But him would be. Since he arrived they had spent more time together, and she had spent less time at the office.
When she had first arrived she had slumped into a deep dark depression. After saying goodbye on the beach she had come to the conclusion that The Doctor wouldn't want her doing nothing. So she went into Torchwood and never left. There had been weeks that she had spent in her office. The couch in her office was the same in the Doctor's. She had given him one when he had first gotten the office declaring that they should go out for Chips to commemorate the event. They had fallen into the easy relationship so easy it was sometimes a shock to her when she remembered the man she had wasn't the one who showed her the stars.
He had stared at her so deeply that night. "I love you. For the rest of my life." and she love him. Yes she would always love THAT him, but she had slowly been fighting off her love for THIS him. He had his own quirks that made him unique, but his hand would still reach out for his when they walked down to the pub to meet up with the boys, he would still hug her when she would cry, he would still bury his head and breath in like she was his lifeline. She did love him. The idea both terrified and thrilled her.
Letting the tears fall, but trying to find her voice she hit the speed dial. Hoping that this time would be different.
He had been lost in thought. Wandering through the house for the entire three days he had been lost. Just lost.
Without her at night the nightmares had come like a turbulent river behind a broken dam. Screaming out in the night, he had just ended up staying up at night and sleeping during the day. The sun was so much kinder to his fears, for all his terror's of Daleks, Cybermen and losing Rose happened in the dark of night.
His phone started buzzing and he debated just pitching the thing. Then he debated not looking at it. Then he debated not answering it. He ignored his conscious mind and grabbed the thing. She would only call if it was an emergency, and no matter what has been said, no matter what has been tossed down this was still Rose. And no matter which him, three hearts in 2 universes beat for her.
Pressing the phone to his ear he held a breath, "Are you Alright?"
"Will you come home?" Her voice choked over the line. His heart soared a little in his chest. She missed him. He needed her, but he refused to leech off of her.
"You sure?" he felt faint from holding his breath. But he was sure if he fainted it wouldn't be any worse then her saying no.
"Yah. Will you come home?" His heart beat out a rhythm that he was unused to, speeding up and slowing down and causing a head to toe flush. He smiled and sighed in relief.
"I'll be there in a few." Running down the stairs he met up with Pete who handed him a pair of keys and wished him the best of luck.
Walking in the door he was met by a heart busting, gut wrenching, wet hug. "I missed you." She said into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his head into the crook of her neck.
"I missed you too luv." They stood there for awhile, until she started to pulled back.
"Gosh I'm a mess." she laughed looking down at the jogging pants and grungy tee she had been wearing for the past few days. He surveyed her and realised that the clothes were actually his. He made no comment but smiled.
He placed a soft kiss on her forehead and pulled her face up to equal with his with a finger under her chin. "Why don't you go shower and I'll whip up a snack. How's that?"
Her smiled lit up the room, and all the corner's of his heart. "You are a god!" She pecked his cheek and ran off, he wandered into his room and noticed half the stuff was gone, quirking a brow he peeked into her room on a hunch and saw most of his clothes on her bed with a Rose shaped hole in the middle.
Snagging a pair of jeans and a olive green long-sleeved tee, he quickly changed and chucked his stuff in the wash bin, padding barefoot back to the kitchen he looked into the fridge and pulled out the makings for omelettes. One of the few things he could make well.
Jackie had enrolled him in a cooking class when he had first gotten back, she was still running the belief that there had been a mix up. That HER doctor would come back for her. He had been ignored and bugged Jackie a lot those first couple weeks. She had, once realising how bad of cook he was, signed him up at the local college for some classes. Which he had enjoyed immensely.
Omlette's, though basic, were his favourite. The flavours hadn't changed that much and therefore was still something that he could cling to.. He had been noticing that for as much as he was punishing Rose for clinging to the Other Him, he was too. And to put all differences aside, there were going to have to be some changes.
He was just finishing up when she came out, her hair dry, but hanging loosely around her shoulders and a fresh white pullover with a pair of his boxers, dark blue with black spots on them. She sat down and groaned at the smell, sending shockwaves through him. Emotionally the last couple months had been turbulent. But physically they had been worse. Living with the women he loved and yet she kept a bubble around herself that was ten feet wide and didn't include him. They ate in companionable silence until plates had been cleared and dishes put in the sink. He pulled out a bottle of wine and popped the top, hitting his head in the process.
"AH!.." he cried as the cork hit him square in the middle of his forehead. She giggled but didn't say anything. After he poured he handed her the glass and sat back assessing her in the soft light. Trying to figure how to approach it. "She doesn't need gentle. She want's the man that held her hand when they ran across worlds." The voice wise older version of the woman in front of him echoed in his head. Jackie was a brilliant woman. And she made a mean cuppa tea.
"Relationships are a leap of faith don't cha think?" she looked up at him. Her eyes threatening not to go 'there'. "Maybe it's time you jumped." Her eyes were in pain, torn between the man she held on to and the one that was in front of her.
She guzzled the wine in a very un-lady-like manner. Hell I've been wearing his clothes since the second he left. She'd been over the edge since she'd realised her true feelings. Standing up she walked to the other side of the small table, his eyes following as she strattled his lap, feeling him, all of him, the bad bits where his mood swings would be worse then a pendulum, and the fact that she wasn't the Doctor she wanted, but the one she needed. Then there was the good bits, that if she let it, would out weigh all the bad, the times he made her laugh, the times he just held her cause he knew that's what she needed, the times when he looked at her and he could swear that he was seeing her soul. She wriggled her bum and counted another good thing, or two given it's size.
Looking through droopy lids she leaned down and pressed her lips softly to his, testing the water. His hands drawing up to her hair, holding it back out of her face and tangling in the soft, wavy mess. The kiss went on forever and by the end, she knew what to do.
She was older now, and more experienced then just a few awkward tumbles between the sheets. She knew what she wanted, and ready or not she was going to do it.
Pulling back she smiled at his dazed and confused expression. Pulling him to stand she pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth and guided him into his room. Her's was a mess and she didn't want him to see how desperate she had been, although judging by the clothes, he may already have.
Once in his room, she pulled off the soft white pullover, allowing him to stare at the soft cranberry lace that held her ample chest in restraint. Following her lead he stripped the Henley and she revelled in the hard abs and sparse hair that trailed a line as if had been drawn on, directing her to the promised land. He cupped her bum and pulled her up to him, feeling his hardness through the denim and the boxers, although the boxers really weren't much.
"I never thought I'd be taking my own underwear off someone else." He mumbled his head leaving wet kisses from her neck to her breast. "But you never cease to impress, amaze or surprise me Rose Tyler. I love you." Tears sprang to her eyes and she smiled teary at him, burying her hands in his hair, and showing him all the places she wanted him.
A little shove and she was falling back in the bed, his jeans disappearing somewhere, all that was left was his boxers on her body. Guess he doesn't wear them the rest of the time. Only time she had ever be close enough was when he crawled into her bed, and those times he had been fully clothed with sleep pants and a tee on.
He rested a hand to gentle her quickened and shaking ones. "Rose. I don't want you to jump into bed with me just because…"
"I don't want that either…" He looked at her and tilted a corner of his lips up. "I want you. Forever. I swore once that they'd never ever separate this. Here's my chance to make good on that."
"Same back." The boxer's and inhibitions fell away and for the first time in his entire memory- all the way back to Galilfry, he felt happy. There heartbeat's rose together and words cease to make sense.
There's a point when making love that music flows from the soul, and wraps two bodies and becomes one. Two souls became one that night. The music of short breathes, musical moans of pleasure and begging on both sides echoed around them, swaddling them in their love, their individual fears of the one man that would forever be the third wheel in the ménage.
Hours later, when his single heart finally slowed and Rose had fallen. He looked over at her and smiled. The warmth in his heart was tentative, tiptoeing up and poking the newness of it. Staring out he could finally feel everything melt away. The other one was the loser in all this. But it had been HIS choice. Breathing in the faint smell that was distinctly Rose.
"What did I ever do to deserve perfection?" She whispered to the darkness. He didn't know what suddenly came over him but the kitten yawn that came from Rose and the way she looked at him through warm hazel eyes made something inside snap.
"You deserve it. My Wife deserves it. Marry Me. What'd ya think?"
Hope y'all like it.. Review are WONDERFUL things don't ya think?