Disclaimer: I own nothing but ideas for this. Like said in the summary, this is my first Star Trek fic, so be nice to me. Read this, unless you don't like OOCness. Enjoy it if you do.
"Why?" I thought to myself, "Why now? Why again?".
That…everything he said, it was all true, except that I did know how to feel. All I could feel at that moment was a burning rage. Did Kirk take delight in reminding me?! Was he mocking me?! Taunting me…that was what was he was doing. Prodding at me…opening wounds that didn't need opening.
I took in sharp, deep breaths. For the second time in my life, seeds of rage were sown in my heart and I was doubting myself. I had tried for so many years to forget it, to suppress those emotions, but they kept coming back. Why?
My breaths only got sharper as I tried to suppress the rage again. But underneath the rage, underneath it…I was feeling something else. Something that made me feel dreadful, doubtful, depressed. As I thought about it, trying to recognize it, my breaths softened again and my rage began to disappear.
"Spock?" I heard a familiar, loving voice ask for me.
I closed my eyes tight. I knew it was her, but I just could not open to her at that moment.
"Nyota, I-".
"What's wrong?" she asked me.
I felt her hand on my shoulder and I dared to face her. Nyota's beautiful brown eyes were full of concern and affection. I did not know how to answer her.
"What is not?" was all I could come up with.
"It's okay, I'm here for you".
She caressed my face and I avoided her gaze. I did not deserve all that she had given me. Nyota tried to get me to look at her in the eyes, but I resisted.
"Spock, please don't do this. Please talk to me".
"I can't".
"Yes you can" she moved in front of me, "Please tell me".
I remained stubborn toward her, but still she persisted.
"Spock…please".
"Why?" I grabbed her hands, "Why do you love me?!".
I did not mean to sound angry at her, but I was so troubled I could not help it. I saw tears develop in her eyes and I knew then that I had caused her pain.
"You know why" she finally said.
"Nyota…just tell me again" I didn't release her hands, "I think I need what humans call assurance".
"Spock" she came closer, close enough to put her head on my shoulder, "I love you because you're you. I love you for who you are and what's in-".
"Do not say it" I pleaded, "Please do not say it. Nyota I don't-".
"Yes you do, Spock" Nyota moved her head so she was facing me again.
She guided our hands to the left side of my chest. Nyota broke free of my hold on her hands, but held my hand prisoner there. I shook my head.
"It is only the organ that pumps my blood, Nyota. Nothing more, nothing less" I said.
Nyota shook her head. "No, no it's not. It's the center of all your feelings…the reason why I fell in love with you".
"But how can you love someone so cold?".
"You're not cold, Spock, remember?" Nyota dug into her shirt and pulled out a necklace that I had given her.
The pendant was a large, but light weight, obsidian-onyx heart…meant to symbolize my own.
(Flashback)
"Alright, stop joking me, Spock. What'd you get me?" she asked.
"This" I pulled out the necklace and watched her eyes go wide, "I am sorry it is not silver, but this was all they had left".
"Spock" Nyota gripped the heart, "It's beautiful".
"May I?" I asked holding it so I could put it around her neck.
She smiled and nodded. I put it around her neck and found myself smiling when I noticed that the obsidian heart made its place right below hers. I cupped her face with my hands.
"That heart…let it symbolize mine. It will always, always Nyota, be yours".
She kissed me after that. When we stopped it I had to know.
"Will you keep it?".
"Always, Spock. I'll protect it with my life".
(End of flashback)
I felt unwanted tears sting as I looked at the pendant and then in her eyes. It was the first time I ever cried for anything.
"I am so sorry…for getting angry at you" I managed to say.
"It's okay" Nyota released my hand, which had become familiar to my heart's rhythm.
"No it is not. Right now I feel like nothing will ever be alright".
The next thing I knew, she had her arms around me in a loving embrace. I held her in return. I put a loose strand of hair back behind her ear. It caught her attention.
"Help me, Nyota. You're so much stronger than me".
"What do you need?".
I grabbed the obsidian heart and put it to mine. She looked and I lifted her chin with my finger so she could look me in the eyes.
"Mend it, Nyota. I think it is broken".
She snuggled closer to me. "Anything for you".
I learned what real heartbreak was that night. In one single night, my obsidian heart was broken and then mended by the one I love.
A/N: Yeah, I saw the movie yesterday and I loved these two together. I used her first name in this, I don't know why. I just like it better than her last. So this is actually dedicated to my own boyfriend, who I love a lot. Leave me a review, please, no flames. This was my first.