Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or its characters. Nor I might get over you by Kenny Chesney.
AN: I promised myself no more post-Twilight fics because I am seriously in Twilight denial. But this one just kind of happened. And as far as I know this will be my last Post Twilight fic for a while. Also, I was going to try to write this so it could be a Kibbs story if you wanted it to be but I didn't really work out.
AN2: This is from Tony's POV and takes place about three months after Twilight.
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Well I opened my heart, and I let you in
I promised I'd never love again
And still doin' what I'd said I'd do
Someday I might get over you
I miss her. It's so weird, her not waking up in my arms, rolling over and kissing me to wake me up for work. She was my alarm clock. I'm still not used to that mechanical buzzing screaming in my ears early in the morning. God, I miss my wife terribly.
I wear my ring on a chain now, instead of my hand
And I deal with your memories the best I can
I've even been out on a date or two
Someday I might get over you
I only wear my ring at home. It's where I'm reminded most of her. And I can't sell this house. The day we bought it, we made it ours. She planted her favorite flowers in the front yard and we painted the walls. We made it the house she dreamed of as a little girl. I still water the flowers for her and keep the house clean. She used to yell at me for making a mess. And then, there's that room. That room at the end of the hall took weeks to get ready. Months, even. We knew what we were going to use that room for before we even bought it.
Oh I never thought I'd see it
But I think I see the light now
I know that what I have to do
Is get on with my life but I can't fake another day
I can't face another night, so I just take another breath
And let it go
And no one was even close to occupying it when it was finished. But it was set up and ready for when the time came. And some other little things were bought and set in place just waiting to be used. And she was so excited. And it so cute when she'd buy something just for that. She'd get all giddy and hyper.
If I could ever feel the way I felt
I'll take a chance with someone else
And if my heart takes chances too
Someday I might get over you
All those little tiny things that she bought I couldn't believe that way back when, when we were that small, we used and grew out of them, too. And when that day finally came, I realized why she'd get so excited. We finally had what we were waiting so long for.
Oh I never thought I'd see it
But I think I see the light now
I know that what I have to do
Is get on with my life, but I can't fake another day
I can't face another night, so I just take another breath
And let it go
We named her Meredith; the only name we could remotely agree on. She was ecstatic. It's like she was born to be a mother. She was a natural. The way she could get the baby to go to sleep in mere minutes amazed me. And then one day, it was just me and Meredith. She didn't mean to leave. And I know she didn't want to. But what's done is done. And even so, I need her now more than ever. I got depressed. I didn't want to be around my daughter. She'd cry and I'd ignore her. I'd take her to work and make Abby and Ducky take care of her. I couldn't stand that Meredith would grow up with me as a father. I thought I'd be a terrible father. I couldn't stand the fact that Kate would never see her grow up. And I was mad at every one for that. Even Meredith. And when it started affecting my work, Gibbs and the director forced me to see the departmental psychiatrist. I finally realized that it's not my fault. I needed to work on my parenting skills. I was never the greatest babysitter when I was a teenager and Kate was supposed to help me improve. Ducky and Director Shepard have taught me the basics like feeding her with a bottle and changing diapers. They said the rest I'm supposed to learn from experience. But I'm not ready to raise our daughter on my own. Sometimes, when Meredith is asleep, I sit next to her crib and cry quietly as to not wake her up. I can already see the resemblance. Those gorgeous chocolate eyes and that silky chestnut hair that, for now, only covers the top of her head make me weak at the knees. And some times when the baby cries and I just can't seem to figure out what she wants, she'll stop and give me that old 'duh, DiNozzo,' look that I used to get from her mother. And I know I should get out more, you know, move on, but with a six month old, it just doesn't happen. And I don't know if I can love anyone else like that besides my wife.
Well I opened my heart, and I let you in
I promised I'd never love again
Right now it's still somethin' I still can't do
Someday I might get over you
Though it may not be 'til my life is through
Someday I might get over you
And when Meredith is old enough and curious enough to ask me about her mother, I'll tell her. Tell her that Kate was the only women I could ever love, beside my daughter, of course.
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