Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh!
This story is un-betaed
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
Where…where am I?
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
W...What's that noise?
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
Why is it so dark? How did I get here? What-oh. Oh.
That's right...I died.
But what is this place? Heaven? Hell?
How am I conscious?
Lub dub. Lub dub. Lub dub.
There was a dense, heavy pulse that throbbed steadily as questions desperately raced through my mind. I couldn't feel anything, not my limbs or any surface, nothing except a warmth that seemed to wrap around me like a warm blanket. It seemed like I was floating in space.
Weightless and slow.
No! Concentrate!
Okay, what's the last thing you remember?
My mind instantly filled with slideshows of red and black as my body throbbed in a faint memory of excruciating pain.
Ah, how could I forget? I had died by being violently hit by a drunk, speeding blue car. My internal organs and bones getting crunched and squished under heavy, foul-smelling tires as blood splattered across the sidewalk, painting the earth a brillliant, vermillion red.
I tried to close my eyes before realizing that I couldn't feel them as well. Inwardly sighing, I pushed the memory to the back of my head instead.
Maybe this is how the afterlife really is? If so, then it's a bit disappointing, and pretty boring. I mean, couldn't life of at least given us something to do once we were gone? Like maybe throw a big, colorful rave party and invite all the cool peeps like George Washington or something? Even though I'm not that big of a party person, it would of been at least something.
For what seemed like forever, I floated in that weird pressing darkness. Spending my time either sleeping, being bored out of my mind or reflecting on a bunch of things from fruit cakes to the cure for cancer. I'm not sure how long I was in that timeless place. It could of been long years or mere minutes-just that one day, one sweet glorious day, I was finally, FINALLY released from that dark, sense-numbing prison of nothingness.
It started with a sudden movement in my 'orb', as I called it. I had perked up slightly before a couple of tense, stretched moments passed and I started to sadly pushed it off as some weird accident when I suddenly couldn't breathe. My mind whirled into overdrive as I realized that I needed air and my hands instantly tried to flail around, although to no avail.
The rest of my body tried to struggle, but it was soon enveloped in the same tight, slimy, thing that squeezed my face so tightly I thought I was about to die again-except this time via suffocation. For a split second, I comprehended that I could feel again before my mind returned to its frantic panicking.
Something strong and slightly dusty-feeling wrapped around my head, gently pulling me as more things grabbed the rest of my body that slowly slid out of the constricting object. Shrill screams rang in the air as a soft object rubbed all over my face-and I could finally breathe again!
In a few seconds, my strangely high-pitched voice joined the other one in shouting our sore lungs out. I was moved and freezing cold air whipped mercilessly at my body, making my cries louder, because goddamn it this was traumatizing! What the hell just happened?! Where am I!?
My eyes snapped open(when did they close in the first place) and then instantly squeezed shut again at the blinding white lights and alarming weird blurry blue things that loomed above me. Something slightly ticklish moved over me, like the one that cleaned my face and wiped my body down before I was snuggly wrapped up in a thin cloth. Strong, sturdy objects(arms, I think) moved me before a shadow covered my face, and I slowly let my eyes open as I realized the thing holding me was blocking the lights from shining in my strangely sensitive eyes.
Slowly the world came into focus.
It was a person, a woman around her early thirties who looked like she'd just ran the mile.
The first thing I noticed were her eyes-an electrifying icy blue framed by long, thick black eyelashes that made them pop even more. Her skin was tanned and messy dark hair rested on her head, the ends tickling my cheek as she cradled me to her chest.
A thin sheen of sweat covered her face and a couple drops of the salty liquid rolled down the side of her face as she flashed me a weak, yet brilliant smile.
Her head slowly moved away, turning to face something else and I was angled towards another face that slowly cleared up.
This time it was a man with soft-looking brown hair that brushed the tip of his dark, intent blue-purple eyes. He was paler than the woman and in his arms was young boy who looked a lot like the man, except with shorter hair and eyes like the woman. A look of wide-eyed look of fascination painted across his face as the man whispered softly to him before leaning down to kiss the woman on the forehead.
"彼女は美しいです" He whispered, and I realized through my the haze of my garbled mind that they were speaking in a different language.
The sound was remotely Asian, maybe Chinese? But it had sort of a different tone to it.
The woman replied in a soft, raspy voice and I was carefully handed over to the man. He gently rocked his arms and hummed a soft tune as, against my wishes, I found my eyes closing.
In a few seconds, I was sound asleep.
The next few days passed in a blur as I realized that I had somehow gotten reborn-REBORN-and was now a baby again. At least it explained a lot of things, like my lack of motor control, how I have no control over my bladder, the frequent sleeps(which I spent sixty percent and more of my time doing), the constant need for food(...milk), and my messed up sight(although it wasn't that bad since I had glasses in my past life).
Just let me say, theres a reason you don't remember your childhood. It's freaking embarrassing.
And gross.
Two words. Diapers and breastfeeding.
Awkward...
But other than that, I actually made a few accomplishments! Like learning my name, for example, although it wasn't really that hard with how often it was repeated.
They called me Risako.
It had a nice ring to it but I wasn't sure if I liked it better than my old name.
Along with that, I was also slowly learning their language. My new mother was 'Kaa-chan'(mom in their language), and my new father was 'Tou-san'(dad).
Everything was nice and all, but it was a bit difficult for me to grasp the fact that I was reborn. That I would never see my friends again, my old family. I never expected to miss them this much-but then again, you know what they say.
You never know what you have until you loose it.
Eventually, though, the feeling of loss crept away. I got used to my new life and decided that what was in the past would stay in the past. I had a new life now, and I would have to live in the present. From that day on, I made sure to make as little trouble as I could for Kaa-chan and Tou-san. I think they appreciated it.
There was one factor that further kept me in this world-my adorable big brother, Seto. Of course, he was technically older than me, so I'm not sure if I'm really allowed to call him 'adorable'…the name also ringed a small bell somewhere in my memories, but I just couldn't place a mental finger on it.
Seto wasn't obnoxious, in fact he was quieter than most children I've encountered, which was nice to my new baby ears. He would also play games with me, but kept gentle and mostly patient. I quickly found myself getting attached.
Life continued on pretty good. At around five months, I said my first word.
Kaa-chan was playing with me in the living room as Seto arranged some building blocks(which he loved to do, something that I will never understand) nearby and I had just been lost in the nice, peaceful moment when,
"K-K…"
My mother was on me in a second and trying to be encouraging by saying the words. Seto had momentarily stopped playing and was watching me with interest.
"K…Kaa. Kaa-c-chwa." I struggled, trying to force my clumsy, heavy tongue to form the foreign sounds, "K-Kaa-chan~."
I mentally fist pumped. Yes!
My mother cooed happily at me with her pretty, expressive eyesand kissed my cheek, chatting excitedly. When father had come home that night, I greeted him with a happy, "Tou-san!" and he instantly dropped the black leather messenger bag he was holding in surprise.
With a happy cheer, he lifted me up and lightly spun me across the room as I screamed in excitement. He and Kaa-chan exchanged happy words and I was kissed on the forehead. Seto even joined the love fest somewhere in between and we had a especially delicious dinner that night(well, to me at least, since mother finally allowed me some of the real food).
Unfortunately, there were other not so joyous things. At around six months, I started the horrifying process know as teething.
Honestly? It was worse than using the bathroom in my pants and breast-feeding combined.
Just imagine bones slowly, tortuously growing out of your sore, swollen gums-and JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS OVER, tadaaaa~ another GODDAMN FRUKING tooth starts to come in!
There was a constant, burning itchiness in my mouth, worse than a million mosquito bites! Not to mention painful as well.
Luckily, Kaa-chan had a bit of experience and I was frequently given cool fruits to nom on, along with my teething rings that took turns being frozen in the freezer. Yay Kaa-chan!
By seven months I could sit upright, crawl, and gain enough control over my arms to slap them all over Seto's carefully built buildings, demolishing the blocks with glee as he angrily puffed up his(adorable baby chipmunk) cheeks at me while I giggled hysterically. Then he would redo the building somewhere else before I crawled over to bring it down again. It became a bit of a game, to see how fast Seto could build a building and if I could knock it over before he finished.
My big brother was smart for his age.
No, I'm not being bias! He was literally a prodigy!
Seto already knew how to write complete sentences, with perfect grammar at age two! It was a bit degrading since I can't even say my first phrase yet and mentally, I was older than him by fourteen years.
Nine months came and went, and I could walk. After many hard, wobbly days of supporting myself along the soft yet sturdy couch to strengthen my leg muscles, I managed to slowly toddle over to a dumbfounded Seto who quickly ran off to tell Kaa-chan after a few seconds of shocked staring.
Then came my first birthday which was surprisingly just the family instead of a huge party as I was expecting from my previous experience in life. But I got a couple new toys and even managed to savor bit of cake, so it was pretty amazing! My cake was an ice-cream one(much to the delight of my STILL TEETHING GODDAMIT mouth), so…yeah.
I also received the first proper look at my new body in the mirror, something that had been bugging me for a while.
Held back from my face in a ponytail with two thin sky blue clips to hold back the tiny bangs, was mousy brown hair just like Tou-san and Seto's except with a certain messiness that foretold a future of fluffiness like Kaa-chan's.
Unfortunately, I had father's eyes too.
Not that his eyes were bad or anything, it was just that I was desperately hoping that I could of inherited mother's. But hey, you loose some and you win some, right? Although that didn't stop me from sulking for a day or two.
My skin was tawny like Kaa-chan along with the delicate female facial structure and slightly chapped, tiny pink petals that were my baby lips.
But all in all, I was…pretty. Overtaking the appearance of my previous body by a mile, in fact. It felt nice to say the least.
Now in my second year, I was fine-tuning all my newly re-gained skills along with learning more of the foreign language that was spoken everywhere around me. To my surprise, it was Japanese, the language of the otaku(which I once was once upon a time). But that year also came with an unexpected surprise.
The ragged birth of my new brother, and heart-wrenching death of my mother that changed our lives forever-for the worst.
A few days after my first birthday, Kaa-chan revealed the news that she was pregnant again with a hesitant yet beaming smile. We had all been surprised, but quickly recovered and thrown a small celebration.
From then on, Kaa-chan's belly started to swell. Although it was only by her fifth month that it was fairly obvious she was with a child, which was a bit strange, but that just meant that our new addition to the family was going to be slightly smaller than normal. A downside was that for the next nine months since the announcement, we had to deal with a overly-hormonal Kaa-chan who had mood swings every few hours(if not minutes).
As if she wasn't temperamental enough when she was normal.
A few months in, we found out that the child was gonna be a boy. The tension started to build until finally one night Seto and I were suddenly taken out of our bed, blanket and all, before getting set in the back of the car with an urgently conversing mother and father in the front.
I had just frowned, irritated, and rested my head on my brother's shoulder, letting the comfort of his warmth, the soft swaying of the car, and soft whispers lull me back to rest. Seto laid his head on mine and in a flash, we were back asleep.
After a while, the car stopped and the side door was wrenched open before we were carried by a unsteady Tou-san into the blindingly white hospital. It took a split second for Kaa-chan to huff out what was wrong before she was rushed down the hallway and away from sight as Seto and I were set down on the waiting chairs.
We half-listened and half-slept as Tou-chan softly explained to us that mother was having our baby brother right now.
Even from where we were, if I strained my ears hard enough and everything was silent, I could faintly hear Kaa-chan screaming and cursing through the walls. It honestly scared me and I felt my heart gave a sharp, uncomfortable twinge.
How much pain must she be in?
I scooted a little closer to Seto and after a moment, I dozed off again into a light sleep. It was the distressed mummers of my father that woke me up after what seemed like a minute.
Rubbing my eyes and getting out a silent yawn, I slowly slid down from my seat and clumsily walked over to tug on the worn blue jeans that he wore. "Tou-chwan? What wrong?" I mumbled my baby talk sleepily as he gently bent down to picked me up and cradled me to his chest, an equally tired and confused Seto is his other arm.
"Y-Your…Your K-Kaa-sans g-gone"
He stuttered out, his words strangely high-pitched and choked as he clutching us even tighter to him.
She was gone?
What did he mean she was-the words seem to hit me like a ton of bricks while my brother just tilted his head, confused.
"Where did she go? When will she come back?" Seto asked, sleep weighing down his voice.
"She-she's never coming back, Seto."
Kaa-chan was dead.
She was actually dead.
I hadn't known her for really that long if you compare it to how many years I still have left, but still! How could you not know a person when they practically, no, literally raised you?
A shiver crawled down my spine as I thought of what our family would be like now. She had been like the sun in our small home. Stubborn, strong willed, fiery, and lighting up all the sad gray days, clearing away the gloomy clouds.
Bright, beautiful, and brave.
I…I loved her.
And that made it hurt all the more.
My heart felt like it was twisting and my eyes started to burn. I felt like screaming until my lungs collapsed. Until she was back, standing in front of us and alright-because we wouldn't be able to hold together if she was gone.
No.
No. I couldn't be possible, could it?
Ha, this is all some sort of joke! Of course she's alive! She'll be fine by tomorrow, and we'll all laugh because she got us worried for nothing!
Tou-san moved and all of the sudden, we were in a room. It was white, like everything in the hospital, with a bed in the middle. On it was a human shaped lump covered by a chalky colored blanket. I felt sick to my stomach.
A nurse moved up to us, a small blue bundle cradled delicately in her arms.
Silently, she handed it to Tou-san as he let us both down before crouching down. Shifting the blanket, I heard him let out a choked gasp as he saw his youngest's face.
In a moment, as I leaned over to see, I understood why.
My new baby brother…looked exactly like Kaa-chan.
It was as if fate was mocking us.
With fluffy tufts of black peeking out from his blanket, he was the first one with mother's hair color, although his skin was pale like father's, and his eyes…as if on que, they fluttered open and I was torn between relief and disappointment.
He had Tou-san's eyes.
A small drop of salty liquid dripped on my brother's cheek and he scrunched up his prune-like face. Shakily reaching over, I wiped it off, marveling at the alien feeling of his wrinkly warm skin.
I guess...she really was gone then.
For a split second, I felt anger. Pure, raw, anger-because how DARE she leave me! Leave us! How dare she… It wasn't her fault, a small voice in my head said, if only we got here sooner, if only the doctors were better, if only she…if only, if only, if only.
But it didn't happen and she was gone. Like them.
Hot, never-ending tears started to track their way down my face and my throat felt like it was trying to swallow a huge, pepper-coated cotton ball. I felt myself being pulled into a hug by Tou-san as my world blurred and reality hit me again and again and again.
After what seemed like a couple of hours, I finally cried all that I could and a glass of water was offered to me by a sympathetic looking nurse. My brother's name ended up being Mokuba, as per Kaa-chan's wishes and I felt another string in my memories being tugged. I was so close to figuring it out-but I just couldn't! It was so frustrating that I almost burst out sobbing again.
The drive home was silent as Seto held Mokuba, cradling him protectively. The best big brother.
My lips tugged up in a weak, sorry excuse for a smile, but didn't go any further. I felt dead inside.
When we got home, father put us to bed before mixing up a bottle of the many formula mixes that the hospital had given us. I guess it was a sorry-for-your-loss gift of sorts.
The moment Tou-san left my room after sloppily tucking me in, I snuck out of my bed and opened the door. Slipping out and silently closing it behind me, I instantly found Seto's room across the hall. Silently entering it, I across the cream colored carpet to his bed. As I stood there, Seto turned to face me.
"Risa?" He asked in a questioning tone, and I nodded.
"Seto... can I sleep with you?"
"Ok."
He scooted over as I snuck into the cover. The bed was already warm because of Seto, something I was grateful for as I curled up next to him. It took a couple minutes before I fell asleep, taking comfort in the presence of my big brother.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I awoke to father's sobs in the room next to ours and listened to it for a while. The heart-wrenching gasps and ragged breaths before burying my head in the covers and shuffling closer to Seto.
I would give him his privacy to grieve.
Now, you see, Tou-san was the one that made the money in the family-almost rarely home with his job, slaving away to make money. But now with Mokuba to take care of, he wasn't able to go to work.
Luckily, his boss was sympathetic and allowed him a 6 month paid break, but no more than that.
So everyday, father taught us how to take care of Mokuba. When to feed him, how to change diapers, what he could and couldn't eat, etc. We didn't have enough money for a baby sitter since originally, Tou-san's job was barely enough to support three people comfortably. That was himself, Kaa-chan, and Seto. But then I came and he worked longer hours, and now Mokuba was here. Although mother is gone now, the money is still strained.
I have a feeling that somewhere in his heart, father half blamed Mokuba for Kaa-chan's death. It made him treat the clueless baby a bit coldly, whether he knew it or not. I think Seto noticed something too and he started, too, started to distance himself a bit from Mokuba. If anything, it was because he caught on a bit to Tou-san's example and knew that somehow, our brother was responsible for the reason his mother was gone, although it wasn't really Mokuba's fault.
He didn't exactly ask to be born, did he?
Six months came and went surprisingly fast, and father was gone.
Everyday, he would come home later and later and more tired every day. Starting from a minute or so to long, pressuring hours. Throwing himself into his work in hopes of numbing the pain that came with his wife's death, and leaving Seto and I to slowly raise Mokuba ourselves.
We tried to be normal, me teaching him and Seto how to do basic math and a bit of history seeing as I never learned the complicated Japanese Kana-Kanji thing, while Seto taught us the Japanese that he knew and the words he would write. Which was surprisingly a lot.
A year came and went, then another. Mokie(a nickname Seto came up with on a whim) turned out to be a gentle and quite spirit much like father(it still befuddled me how he and Kaa-chan got together with their clashing personalities-I guess the whole opposites attract thing really does exists), who held those he loved close to his heart, maybe a little too close-with a twist of passion when his emotions flared.
During that time, when all of us were still in the early stages of growing up, I tried to tie us three together. Tighter and tighter with the thickest, longest rope. It's important to have good relations with your family, something I unfortunately learned the hard way in my past life. But my plans and hopes weren't exactly satisfied. Seto's side was looser than Mokuba and I, but it was getting there.
I hope, at least.
He had his first and second birthday with just the three of us(Seto and I had ours too) and Tou-san got us some gifts, although he didn't bother showing up at all.
Not even calling to wish us Happy Birthday.
Within these two years, Mokuba managed to take his first step, speak his first words('Risa' first, to my delight *cough*braggingrights*cough*, shortly followed by a gurgled 'Seto'), and it was a third through the second year when we received the news of our father's hospitalization.
I had seen it coming for a while now, and as we stared blankly at the sunken, deprived face of the lifeless corpse that used to be our father, I could only felt a surge of anger in my chest that quickly mixed with a dark undertone of the bitter, sour tang of sadness(the only parental figure I had left was gone now. And we were to fend for ourselves), pain(Although he might of lost connection with us in the past few years, I can still remember a time when he was one of the people closest to me), regret(I wish I had gotten a chance to tell him how much he means to me-to us), and guilt(if only I had stopped him).
But he would leave us when we had just let go of our mother? Did he not remember that he had three children to take care of? THE OLDEST OF WHICH WAS 7?! But he actually brought on his own death, knowing, KNOWING that we were unable to take care of ourselves! He was weak! Pathetic!
Hatred almost overwhelmed that anger, and I swore that day to never, EVER become that sad excuse for a parent. That I would keep Seto and Mokuba safe-that only the strongest of forces would pry them from my cold, unwilling, dead hands. And even then, I would fight my hardest.
Steeling my resolve, I briskly swept my brothers out of the suffocating white room to spend the final nights inside our house.
(_Line Break_)
A couple days later, we attended a dreary funeral where random people who I had never seen before whispered behind their hands at the 'poor orphan children' and our so-called 'relatives' robbed us of everything in our will(except for a some cash that I stole from my parent's drawer and stuffed in my pillow case) before we were promptly thrown in the orphanage.
The whole time, I barely managed to reign in my temper and had to stop Seto from going into a frenzy more than once. There would be time to deal with this, we just had to wait. It was best to plan ahead before making any moves.
The young caretaker looked tired and weary as she accepted us in the orphanage and showed us to our room, something the size of a walk in closet at the most. We would have to share, but it wasn't too much of a problem.
I placed the sheets I had taken from Seto's bed on top of the white one that was already laid down, and Seto placed the pillow he was holding onto it. Maybe it wasn't the best, or the most comfortable, but it was more than most of the kids here got.
I stuffed the money inside of the mattress, making sure it was in a safe place as Seto handed me the clothes crammed inside of his messenger bag-which I folded and placed on a small wooden drawer along with my sketchbook and a collection of regular and colored pencils. Seto's favorite chessboard was placed with them. On the ground, I put a small green alarm clock down. Finally, we replaced the thin, scratchy, moth-bitten blanket with our own fluffy one, again from Seto's bed(as it was the biggest).
And so began the next few years of our life.
Thank you for reading the first chapter, I'll be rewriting the second one a bit(having already fixed this one up).
Everything's un-betaed, so please, I BEG YOU, to tell me if anything's wrong.