"You love me so that's why you're leaving me? How the fuck does that even work, Tweek?" Craig cried and my hand shook around the doorknob, waiting. I couldn't leave, not yet. Craig had hurt me, so much, but I couldn't hurt him – I had to make sure he knew why. He was like me when he didn't get his answers, panicky, frustrated and in despair.
"I d-don't want to be j-just friends anymore." I told him, turning around. He wiped away his tears, they mirrored mine, and stared at me, his lips parting as if he was confused. I clenched my fists.
"I just w-wanted more than – nngh – sex, Craig! I want to b-be with you… I want people to know that…"
Kenny's hands slide over my body, eventually finding my hips and grabbing there, his blunt nails digging in. Craig would never be so rough – if it were him, he would be wrapping his arms around me, holding me. Though, there's a difference between rebound sex and passionate sex. It was a shame I was the one who felt all the passion, not him.
"Tweek, I can't! I just…can't." His hands flew to his face and I knew he was trying to compose himself, as always. He usually manipulated me by showing his emotions, but that didn't work this time, so he moved onto the next step. In minutes, he would be filled with rage and desperation, grabbing at me, snatching at me, forcing me to stay with him. I took advantage of his weakness and moved to open the door.
His hand gripped my elbow, pulling me to him. "We have everything, Tweek!" He yelled, and I shook my head, letting the tear drops fly from my cheeks. We're just friends with benefits – if even that. He never wants to hang out, unless my parents are out and I'm vulnerable/ I feel like one of his girls, not his best friend, not his lover.
Kenny hurts me with his aggressive thrusts and his negligence. Sometimes, I wonder if the only reason I affiliate with him is because he makes me feel strong, like I've moved on from Craig. That's stupid though; I don't feel strong, I feel weak. I haven't moved on. No, if I had, my heart wouldn't ache every time he looks at me. If I had, I wouldn't cry myself to sleep at night, wanting to be with him.
"Fine." His face was stony, and hard. He pushed me away. "Leave. Get out of my fucking house, and never come back. Don't even talk to me, freak." I tried to say something, but my mouth was dry, my lips pursed. There was nothing to say, nothing he would want to hear. I looked down and then looked towards the door, walking straight through it as I held my breath, not wanting to burst out sobbing. I turned to close it, but the door slammed in my face.
Tomorrow, I'll wake up alone, and head to school. Kenny won't be waiting by my locker, he'll be with the guys, but he'll drift over to my spot when I walk in. He'll drop his lips by my ear, and ask if he can come over that night, as well. Craig's eyes will meet mine across the hallway, and he will be jealous, but then he will solemnly flip me off and stalk away, just as Kenny leaves. I'll go to the toilets, and I'll try to collect myself, but, well, I'll fail.