Everything's Legal in Canada
Threesome- Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle
"Goyle! How could you? You betrayed our love, and more importantly our blood! I mean Arthur Weasley? He's not exactly great in the looks department. Not like those sons of his. I wouldn't mind a quick tryst with them and that blood stuff can go to Hell. Especially those twins. I wonder if both at once…" Draco drifted off seductively.
"But Draco," Crabbe whined, "You had that affair with Hermione…You betrayed the love between us, our blood, and our gender!" Draco frowned, and then smoothed it out, conscious of the harm that it could cause to his beautiful face through wrinkles.
"My dears, there I took one for the team…and as you know, I had to drug Krum for that. And that Polyjuice potion is NASTY!" Crabbe turned to Goyle who was sulking in the corner. "Now Goyle sweetheart, since the three of us haven't exactly had any quality time lately, how about you tell us about your night with the blood traitor." Goyle shrieked
"Don't you dare call my pumpkin pie that! He was soooooo sweet. He began by sending me a GORGEOUS display of yellow roses. And then came the secret nights of sneaking out of Hogwarts. You wouldn't believe what I had to do so that Filch wouldn't catch me. Any ways, the first time was when we had just returned from a muggle bar, and well, I wasn't thinking straight. Then I realized that I loved him. So we're moving to Canada so we can be together forever!"
The End
It's Name Was Larry
Threesome-Potter, Lily, and the Bed
Its name was Larry. Larry was a four poster bed in the Gryffindor Tower at Hogwarts. He was big with dark wood and red hangings. Larry had been at Hogwarts since the school was founded, and over the years a great deal of magic had immured itself in that stained wood. He had been sentient for several centuries now, and the stories he could tell! Larry regularly gossiped with hangings. Of course, they were a lower class furnishing, sine they tended to get around. After all they were changed weekly, and there colors could be magically changed to correspond with the house they were in. They weren't a bit like those trestle tables in the Great Hall. Larry had heard of them. They were true aristocracy. But I digress. Out of all Larry's temporary users, two stood out most clearly in his mind. (Or lack there of- I mean do beds have minds? I guess it would be in their headboard. Bad pun intended.)
James Potter was a playboy. Every week, there was a new thing in Larry. Boy, Girl, once even a strange boy that turned into a big dog midway through the session. That one just couldn't stay in his own bed. Moe, his bed, was often empty. Of course when he wasn't he had a double load! As Potter grew older his pick up techniques improved, because there was a new person in his bed almost daily. But then there was a dry spell. Larry was quite pleased by this. It made him feel dirty with all these people/animals coming and going. Now Potter was suddenly a gentleman. Or at least pretending to be. If this Lilly girl could hear what he said about/to her in his sleep, she'd be gone like a shot. For two whole years, Mr. Potter remained celibate, although there had been rumors (From the hangings who had heard it from the drapes in the wash) that the Room of Requirement had been used quite often of late. Then Potter was gone. Larry assumed he had left the tramps for a true lady.
Larry's later occupants were rather humdrum. First there had a brief stint in Slytherin. The house elves thought that Larry needed a break from the vaunted prowess of Gryffindor boys. Larry of course resented this and retaliated by giving the boy Lucius horrible nightmares. That of course created much more work for the house elves as they now had to change the sheets every night instead of once a week. When they accused him of it, of course he denied it. How dare those stupid elves accuse him of something so…so…plebian! But the next year he was glad to be back in his proper place. Normalcy resumed until Potter 2 came along.
Potter 2 was worse than his father. Although, Larry had to admit, at least he stuck with humans. Students, teachers, caretakers, they were all bouncing in and out of (not to mention on) Larry. Once he even had some old red haired woman fly in. Moe's occupant was NOT happy about that. As revenge, the red head a libido reducing drug. The idea Moe planted worked beautifully. Larry got a break. In fact, it worked too well. Potter2 became a priest for 14 years, and then ran off with a nun when the drug wore off. When that bit of gossip got back to Moe and Larry they had a bit of a quiet laugh. At the time, all four of the room's occupants were in Moe. What they didn't know was that they were all started in Larry!
L'Amour
Pairing-Flitwick and Millicent
"Miss Bulstrode, will you please stay after class?" Flitwick squeaked as the class flowed out the door to lunch. She complied, gathering her books and lumbering over to him. Her face was red, and her heart was beating wildly with excitement. Perhaps she could finally talk to her cuddle bunny (as she privately thought of him), and admit her true feelings. As he babbled on about the inane subject that he taught, she watched his sexy little bat ears wiggle and tried to frame different ways to arrange more time with her beloved. "…and that , Miss Bulstrode, leaves you with a failing grade!" Millicent batted her eyes and asked in a nauseatingly sweet falsetto, "Well, is it possible that you can give me some tutoring, cud- I mean Professor Flitwick?" Flitwick nodded and told her to meet him in the library at seven that night.
Millicent spent almost 3 hours prepping for her big study date (as she thought of it). She was wearing a tight little mini and an electric blue glittery tube top. A pair of stiletto boots topped it off. As she left the common room, she ran into Draco. Actually, she ended up squishing him. Millicent picked him up, brushed him off, and put him back on his feet.
"So," he smirked, "heard you got a hot date tonight. But if that falls through, I'm always here to talk to." Draco stepped closer to continue taunting, but then caught a whiff of her perfume. One sniff and he was a goner, Millicent was wearing her Potion L'amour. AKA- pheromones. Draco began panting and his eyes practically popped out of his head. Millicent continued on, blissfully unaware of the ever expanding train of followers she was gathering. As she passed the Gryffindor common room she caught Harry and Ron too. Ron stared at her posterior and whispered under his breath, "You know how I like it when they walk." When she reached the library however, the couple dozen guys she had attracted were dispersed. Flitwick had reserved a private motel room… I mean study room. He shut the door behind Millicent and began talking.
"The levitating charm is not a crude tool for knocking out trolls, but an art Miss… may I call you Millie? I've always had a soft spot for you…" Millicent purred and added, "I would much prefer a hard spot…."
Doctors Note: The patient died of a massive coronary attack due to excitement and according to the tox screen a massive overdose of pheromones. It is my opinion that the patient must have had a chemical imbalance as the only way he could have externally absorbed this amount of pheromones is by staying in a small closed room with a large open bottle of open Dragon pheromones. As that is impossible, I suggest warning his family about the tendency for over production of certain chemicals. (AmO 2Ur)