CHAPTER 1.
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Marco Bodt got what was coming for him. At least, that was what Eren thought.
Of course, it wasn't as if Eren had wished anything on Marco - and of course Eren didn't do it. He wasn't completely sick in the head, despite what some people thought
Anyone else would disagree with Eren. Probably call him an unsympathetic asshole. Because Marco was just so fucking nice. It was unreal how nice Marco was. He was the kind of guy that showed the new kid around, the kind of guy that didn't think twice about helping anyone. Hell, the guy even volunteered at a nursing home. Not like Eren, who earned slightly more than minimum wage at his casual job yet still hated it, but Marco volunteered at a nursing home, assisting the elderly out of the good of his own heart. He was just such a sweetheart.
So maybe it was wrong of Eren to hate Marco. Maybe it was kind of sick, and kind of weird that he despised Marco's kind words and friendly smiles. But that was just the sort of person that Eren was. Did that make him a bad person? Actually - yeah, that sounded right.
He didn't do it though, honest. Eren wouldn't do something like that - at least not without a good reason. When he got into fights, he was almost always careful enough to not throw the first punch, just because it was easier to shift the blame on 'self-defence' later on. It didn't always work though, if Eren had come out of a fight with nary a scratch on him besides his bruised knuckles from hitting the other kid too hard. He could always just slam his head against the wall a couple of times so it at least looked like a fair fight, and he could play the victim.
Of course, it wasn't like Eren actively tried to pick fights! But when you had skipped all of two grades like he had, his taller and tougher classmates tended to see him as an easy target. That was probably the only reason he hadn't been expelled yet. And he still had another warning before a suspension would be discussed. Being smart paid off - not in a sense that he used his intelligence to weasel his way out of punishment, but in a sense that he was more important to the school's academic achievements than some pimply sixteen or seventeen year old with straight D's. Of course that student was more susceptible to exemption.
They made it easy for Eren. It's not like any of them really tried to keep their bullying on the down low; in fact most of them they were quite happy to insult him in front of the rest of the student body - who didn't care as long as they weren't involved. Most of them didn't actually attempt to physically harm Eren unless they were alone, or at least with diminished witnesses - and that was when Eren could strike.
The names that they called him made something twist inside of him. Something dark and bitter, that made his chest feel heavy and his head fill with static and his blood buzz with rage. He let it steam and brew over the course of a few weeks, then provoked one of the bullies into hitting him. That was the breaking point, the point where Eren could swear and punch as the darkness clawed its way out of him in the form of physical harm. Then, when it was over, it would settle back inside of him, only lighter than before. He could breathe again, whoosh.
Sometimes, though, it ended badly for Eren. Usually only two or three kids would try to hurt him at a time. One person on their own didn't really have anything to gain, and most people draw the line at beating up a fifteen year old. But sometimes, on particularly bad days, a whole cluster of them would come after Eren. Those days were the worst, even though it had only happened twice in his entire schooling career. Those days, the dark feeling inside of him burned. There was nothing he could do to relieve it when he was the one being hurt. Those were the days where he'd been tempted to wrap his hands around one of their necks and squeeze, listen to their bones crack and their muscles clench around his fingers, watch them turn blue in the face as the life faded out of their eyes. He'd never actually kill someone, of course. Not on those few days, when there were so many people around.
Eren snapped his gum once, then again, just enough times to get a look from his Health teacher but not enough that she would say anything about it. He had most of the teachers under his thumb, and he delighted in it. Watch Connie Springer do the same things he got away with every day, ha! That kid probably had more detentions than he could count. Which, in Connie's defence, wasn't very high.
Health was especially un-extraordinary today, however, despite the familiar but unjustified feeling of unease that clawed at Eren's insides. Nothing new there. He sighed loudly as he could, earning a few glares. Eren didn't usually have to take mandated classes, besides the ones that school had recommended in order for him to have advanced a grade. Which was fantastic, because it meant that he didn't have to do PE. Eren enjoyed sports, but he disliked the idea of either having to do PE with juniors nearly twice his size, or a bunch of freshman that he didn't know. However, he also had to pick exclusively advanced classes, and he was allowed to take specialised classes like dance or art. Which, you know. He didn't really have much of an interest in in the first place. But Health. Jesus. He would have thought that having stellar grades would excuse him from having to learn about intercourse or (god forbid) the female reproduction system.
Luckily for Eren, Health had taken a turn for the better when they stopped talking about human anatomy and started talking about teen death, depression, suicide, drugs and alcohol. Conveniently and coincidentally after what had happened to Marco. Ah, who was he kidding, this was entirely about Marco and Eren thoroughly enjoyed these new and improved Health classes. Well, usually it was a good class if one of the girls started crying, because then everyone started to talk about their feelings. Which was. Kind of hilarious. It was a hoot to listen to the guys that knocked his books out of his hands and vandalised his locker talk about how they were against bullying.
Marco didn't have much to do with lost of the topics they talked about, really. He was much too close to divinity to spoil his body with illicit substances or anything like that, and obviously he hadn't been bullied. The school probably saw this as an opportunity to breach other subjects like that, since they had the chance.
Eren sighed again, and almost regretted it when Historia Reiss turned around and pressed a slender finger against her pretty pink mouth. He made awkward eye contact with the girl who may be the prettiest girl in his Health class (as well his English Lit, although Armin was a close second, and wasn't even a girl), before looking away. Man. Weird name, cute face, that girl. Usually Eren only really stared at the back of her smooth blonde hair, and sometimes if she leaned back far enough he could smell her shampoo. She didn't do that often, though. She wasn't really the type of girl who leant back in her chair.
Eren had been tempted to talk to her once or twice, actually, but he figured that she probably wouldn't be interested in a guy that was two years younger than her. She seemed more like the type of girl that would date older guys. Her wide-eyed innocence, clear skin, and short stature made her perfect jailbait. Not to be crude.
When the bell rang, Eren stayed seated. When she stood up, her thighs made a noise as they unstuck from the seat, and he watched as she smoothed her skirt out against her thin thighs, then as it brushed against them when she walked. Impressive. He glanced at the seat she had just stood up from, his eyes zeroing in on the slightly damp patch on the hard plastic. Oh, she had sweated into the seat. How naughty. He briefly considered touching the spot, as it would surely be warm, but decided against it. He had a very important lunch date to get to with a very important person. He was talking about himself, of course.
The cafeteria was one of Eren's favourite places to be, because it was the one place where he didn't have to keep his head up and pretend that he was listening. He could have gone to the library, but the library was where the freshman hung out because the school didn't have enough tables and chairs in the cafeteria. Granted, the freshmen were his age and he could probably make friends with the unpopular kids if he tried (he hadn't had any luck with the unpopular kids in his year, but he hadn't really tried that hard. Also, even they didn't want to hang out with him. But that was, you know, whatever.)
Anyways, the cafeteria could be pretty interesting. It was fun to watch his classmate, even if they probably thought he was a freak for staring so much, and some of them let him know so. Eren didn't care. There were a few people that he was particularly interested in, just because they were interesting. He didn't really have friends of his own, but it was fun to pretend that his select few were, in his head. Ah, he really needed to get out more. Isolation can do things to a persons head, but regardless…
There was Sasha Braus, who seemed kind of plain at first but now Eren was almost certain had an eating disorder of some kind. She certainly didn't do a good job at hiding it, with her fluctuating weight and poor excuses. Reiner Braun, the big beefy guy who could pass as a thirty year old. He wasn't a footballer, but he was built like one. Result of steroids? And if so, what is he compensating for? Not to forget his best buddy, Bertolt. Total closet case, but he had a sweet smile.
Ah, and there was Ymir. Ever elusive and mysterious, best friend of Historia Reiss. Somehow. Eren thought about how the two of them, on the opposite side of the spectrum, ended up together. Did opposite really attract? Well, more often Eren thought about them in explicit situations, and less their backstory. And could anyone blame him really, with the way that they looked at each other? It melted his heart; it got him off.
Erwin Smith. Potential heroin addict, potential rapist. Most guys as popular as him usually were, or at least ended up that way. At the very least, he had to be into kiddy porn. He was sitting with Hange and Levi, which made Eren question Erwin's standards and his popularity. Hange was some kind of nerdy socially progressive science nut. Eren was pretty sure he had heard her correcting several different people on her pronouns at several times, which was. Cool, he guessed. He didn't care enough to use them though, it was only in his head after all.
And Levi was probably the shortest junior in the school, not including Historia or Eren. And they didn't count because Historia was a girl and Eren's voice was still breaking. Levi had a bunch of piercings and was probably in a gang. He sort of reminded Eren of his sister, which was weird enough. Hopefully Mikasa never joined a gang.
He spent most of his time thinking about those people. There were others, of course, that got tangled up in his "friend's" lives. If Sasha were to date somebody, they would become part of Eren's life, naturally. And Eren hadn't even been interested in Ymir initially, that much, but her and Historia were friends and that made her so much more appealing. And of course, say three or four of them go to a party – Eren will have to consider the host as a potential new addition.
There had been dropouts, too. Jean used to catch his eye, but the guy just annoyed Eren too much for him to have any fun. Nobody wanted to be friends with people that they didn't like, and Eren didn't want to be friends with Jean. It didn't matter that they had never spoken before, Eren knew all about about Jean as a person.
Eren fiddled with his phone a bit, opening Reiner's Facebook page. He had gone to a party on Friday night, and people were still uploading pictures and tagging Reiner in them – five days after the event. Kind of tasteless, really, Eren mused to himself. Post something the day after it happens or post it a few months later and caption it with something nostalgic. It was common sense.
It was interesting that Bert hadn't gone to the party, though. Eren knew that Bert didn't really like parties, but he usually went when Reiner did. Maybe they were having a falling out? It seemed like Reiner had gone to the party with Annie Leonhardt, but Annie had left with some girl called – Eren clicked on 'show tags' – Bailey.
He would have to look into that.
Then, with a few more clicks he opened his phone camera. He leant back and subtly snapped a few dozen pictures of where Reiner and Bert sat, stretching his arms over his head so he good get a view. When he pulled his arm back and inspected the picture, his suspicions were confirmed. There were two people in between Reiner and Bertolt – god damn it, what were their names again? – and they didn't seem to be speaking to each other. Of course, that's just what Eren had gathered from about ten seconds of footage. Maybe he needed to start taking videos…
He crinkled his nose, then got a few blurry shots of the other tables. When he flicked through the pictures, however, he noticed with a jolt that one of his subjects had been staring straight at his phone camera – straight at Eren. Erwin Smith. Eren's cheeks burned, he felt like he had been caught in the act. But no, that couldn't be right. Eren was a pro at this, at taking secret photos of other people. If he had to rate his ability from "in your face paparazzi" to "Russian spy", he would be a nature photographer. Yeah, he takes photos and it could get him in trouble, but he does it in a careful and quiet manner, so he doesn't disturb the wildlife and make them ruin the shot.
He steals a glance at Erwin's table, and oh god, it's not Erwin anymore it's Levi.
Fuck him to hell and back. If looking Historia in the eyes had freaked him out, then looking Levi in the eyes made him freeze on the spot. This isn't supposed to happen, he thought frantically. I'm supposed to watch you, not the other way around.
He fixed his eyes on the empty table in front of him, determined not to make eye contact with another one of his subjects today, not if he can help it. Eren didn't think that he would be able to handle it.
So, he keeps his head down and doesn't touch his phone for the rest of lunch, too tense to do anything but let the dark feeling clutch his chest and slowly grow.