The Big Dating Question
Disclaimer: I do not own any Shrek characters, or anything else that might possibly be someone else's. (I don't own the Ducky Song, it's from Veggie Tales, although I did alter it some to fit the story) I do, however, own this idea (seeing as I have never read any other Shrek fan fiction, and if I am mimicking someone else, it is by complete coincidence)
A/N: You may flame if you feel the need... but a review would be better. Also, as stated above, I have never read any Shrek fan fiction, so if there is one you would like to recommend, I will be very appreciative.
Prologue
Prince Charming was relaxing in his bathtub, not doing much of anything, except singing a random song...
"Some kings love horses, and some kings love cattle, some kings love leading their troops into battle, but me I'm not like that, I find that stuff, yucky, I'd much rather stay in my tub with my ducky!
"Because I love my duck..."
"Son, if I could have a minute..."
"Love my duck!"
"There are some things we must discuss..."
"I love my duck..."
"See, there's a girl you need to marry..."
"Love my duck..."
"Oh I don't mean to make a fuss."
"Then don't. Sing with me mother!"
"Because he loves his duck..."
"And that is why I can't be bothered..."
"Loves his duck..."
"With the particulars of girls..."
"He loves is duck..."
"Cause quite unlike my dear old father..."
"Loves his duck..."
"I find it all a bore! Now concentrate, dear mother, and I think you will agree, the most important person in Far, Far Away is, me. So please don't drag me down with all the females and their issues... go run some water in my tub to freshen up my bubbles!" (By now, they had migrated to the Prince's bedroom, and, seeing as he was donned only in a towel; it was a rather awkward scene. But, now w shall continue on with the song!)
"Oh boy..."
"Because I love my duck!"
"I don't know why I even bother..."
"Love my duck..."
"You just can't reason with this guy...
"Because he loves his duck!"
Moments earlier, in Fairy Godmother's Home Office –
"Listen to me, Walter, my dear son is gaining in years, as am I, and with that repulsive ogre around somewhere in the world, married to Fiona, there's just a lack of worthy candidates!" Fairy Godmother exclaimed into her headset. Walter, her close personal friend and confidant, was on the other end. "There is no one! Snow White has been virtually dead for years, and those idiotic dwarves guar her day and night! Why, I couldn't even deter them in the Shrek 2 video game! Sleeping Beauty fell asleep after pricking her finger on a spindle... that will make her life insurance go up drastically! Rapunzle has hair that would wrap the world in a fur coat! No one should EVER be that hairy. Mulan isn't technically a princess, and besides, in reality, she was killed for being a woman in the imperial army. Ariel is a mermaid, and that rag doll from Nightmare Before Christmas is taking by a skeleton. Why anyone would want a moldy old rag for a mate, I'll never know. Belle is guarded by that beast, literally. Even though in the original telling, he was changed into a prince, in the Christmas remake, he was a beast again... Cinderella is a spoiled brat, and takes YEARS, DECADES, and MILLENIUMS to pick out a single pair of shoes! Jasmine fell in love with a street rat, and had the only good Disney sequels... but there are just NO choices out there! Hold on, Walter, I think that boy has broken out in song again..."
-- "What's a poor prince to do?! Find out next time on... The Big Dating Question! Mirror out!"
Disclaimer: I do not own any Shrek characters, or anything else that might possibly be someone else's. (I don't own the Ducky Song, it's from Veggie Tales, although I did alter it some to fit the story) I do, however, own this idea (seeing as I have never read any other Shrek fan fiction, and if I am mimicking someone else, it is by complete coincidence)
A/N: You may flame if you feel the need... but a review would be better. Also, as stated above, I have never read any Shrek fan fiction, so if there is one you would like to recommend, I will be very appreciative.
Prologue
Prince Charming was relaxing in his bathtub, not doing much of anything, except singing a random song...
"Some kings love horses, and some kings love cattle, some kings love leading their troops into battle, but me I'm not like that, I find that stuff, yucky, I'd much rather stay in my tub with my ducky!
"Because I love my duck..."
"Son, if I could have a minute..."
"Love my duck!"
"There are some things we must discuss..."
"I love my duck..."
"See, there's a girl you need to marry..."
"Love my duck..."
"Oh I don't mean to make a fuss."
"Then don't. Sing with me mother!"
"Because he loves his duck..."
"And that is why I can't be bothered..."
"Loves his duck..."
"With the particulars of girls..."
"He loves is duck..."
"Cause quite unlike my dear old father..."
"Loves his duck..."
"I find it all a bore! Now concentrate, dear mother, and I think you will agree, the most important person in Far, Far Away is, me. So please don't drag me down with all the females and their issues... go run some water in my tub to freshen up my bubbles!" (By now, they had migrated to the Prince's bedroom, and, seeing as he was donned only in a towel; it was a rather awkward scene. But, now w shall continue on with the song!)
"Oh boy..."
"Because I love my duck!"
"I don't know why I even bother..."
"Love my duck..."
"You just can't reason with this guy...
"Because he loves his duck!"
Moments earlier, in Fairy Godmother's Home Office –
"Listen to me, Walter, my dear son is gaining in years, as am I, and with that repulsive ogre around somewhere in the world, married to Fiona, there's just a lack of worthy candidates!" Fairy Godmother exclaimed into her headset. Walter, her close personal friend and confidant, was on the other end. "There is no one! Snow White has been virtually dead for years, and those idiotic dwarves guar her day and night! Why, I couldn't even deter them in the Shrek 2 video game! Sleeping Beauty fell asleep after pricking her finger on a spindle... that will make her life insurance go up drastically! Rapunzle has hair that would wrap the world in a fur coat! No one should EVER be that hairy. Mulan isn't technically a princess, and besides, in reality, she was killed for being a woman in the imperial army. Ariel is a mermaid, and that rag doll from Nightmare Before Christmas is taking by a skeleton. Why anyone would want a moldy old rag for a mate, I'll never know. Belle is guarded by that beast, literally. Even though in the original telling, he was changed into a prince, in the Christmas remake, he was a beast again... Cinderella is a spoiled brat, and takes YEARS, DECADES, and MILLENIUMS to pick out a single pair of shoes! Jasmine fell in love with a street rat, and had the only good Disney sequels... but there are just NO choices out there! Hold on, Walter, I think that boy has broken out in song again..."
-- "What's a poor prince to do?! Find out next time on... The Big Dating Question! Mirror out!"