Now that you got it right
Bring love and it'll make it alright
Bring love and we'll take it tonight
Now that you got it right
Evolution Revolution Love, by Tricky
She said, "I think I'm ready to tell him."
It had been a relatively quiet session up until that point, mostly talk about a recent incident involving Helga's father and the robbery of his beeper store. He'd been taking his anger out in all the wrong places--except on Olga, of course--and Helga was venting. "What gives him the right?" she'd said. Dr. Bliss had answered neutrally, telling Helga the usual spiel: everyone has different ways of venting, he can't help that he takes it out on you, you should talk to him about it.
They'd been getting nowhere fast. Helga's relationship with her parents and sister was still a rollercoaster of love and hate, she still bullied the other students, she still bossed Pheobe around and she was still generally hostile and...well, bitchy.
Dr. Bliss hadn't been prepared to give up at any point, but the thought had crossed her mind. Five months of therapy, of the same old things. Different situations and stories, but the same old things nonetheless.
And now this.
"Well," she said, taking a gentle approach, not wanting to shout 'about goddamn time'. "It's certainly been building up for a while. What brought this sudden change of attitude on?"
Helga was lying on the couch and was looking out at the city scape, a strange expression on her face. Dr. Bliss looked at that face and made an instant analogy: a relieved death row prisoner just about to get executed. Relieved because he's tired of waiting. Tired of the suspense. . "Well..." she began, not quite sure where to start. "It all...it all started during that crap with the FTI corporation..."
She told the story: every bit of it, omitting the ending that Dr. Bliss already knew from the news. She told her about revealing her secret and told her about taking it back just as soon.
Dr. Bliss ingested the news and then said, "Well, it sounds like neither of you had been prepared for that. The wrong place and time."
Helga nodded and replied, "Yeah, exactly! Neither of us were ready for that, it just kinda'...I dunno', slipped out. But...I thought about it, and, you know...I think it's time I got it over with." Her voice was strained. Wired. Dr. Bliss noticed it.
She sipped her tea. She said, "Helga, if you're forcing yourself to do this because of what happened on that rooftop...don't. It'll just end badly."
Helga sat up and her face was deadly serious. "I have to tell him," she said. "I need to. I feel like time is running out now and I can't do anything about it! I can't just keep sabotaging his relationships and writing poems and...talking to a locket. He deserves to know."
She hung her head. Dr. Bliss sipped tea.
"Helga...there's still time. There will always be time. I'm afraid that if you tell him now without truly being ready, his answer might just..." She sought for a word and trailed off because she knew that Helga caught the gist.
"Well...I'll have to take the chance. I don't know if it was what happened on that rooftop or what, but I just feel so much more confident now! Like I don't even care what those morons at school think about it! It's like I've just broken through the barrier and I cannot waste this chance! DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"
She was standing up now, bellowing, unibrow furrowed in determination.
Dr. Bliss gaped. Dr. Bliss almost dropped her tea. Dr. Bliss said, "I can't even begin to understand. I doubt I ever will. If you feel this is the right time, then by all means, go for it. Tell him everything--"
Helga cut her off. "Maybe not everything...I don't think he, uh, I don't think he needs to know about the shrines and that whole cheese festival thing that I did...twice..."
Dr. Bliss chuckled, despite the tense vibe in the room. "Certainly not. Let me rephrase: tell him everything within reason. I'm sure that he won't shut you out now, not after all you've done for him and all you've been through with together."
Helga sat down, somewhat calmed by her psychiatrist's words. "There's a problem, though..." she said, twiddling her thumbs.
Dr. Bliss arched an eyebrow. "Oh?"
"Yeah. I'm not really sure...y'know, how to tell him. I can't just come up to him at recess and say, 'Oh, hey Arnold! Just wanted to let ya' know that I've been in love with you since freakin' preschool'. I don't want to embarrass him in front of his friends, and I really don't want everybody to hear me confessing my deepest darkest most well-kept secret!"
A valid concern. Dr. Bliss set her cup down and steepled her hands in front of her, thinking. "Well," she said, "You can always give him a phone call, but I'm just going to assume this is something you have to do in person. Right?" A nod. "Well then, you could go to his house...or 'accidently' run into him somewhere, or something like that. You've been alone with him plenty of times, just recreate an old scenario."
Helga was nodding fast. Nerves were bundled now and her mind was frazzled, racing a mile a minute. Everything bad that could happen was occurring in her thoughts now: the humiliation, being shunned by her only love. Being called a freak.
Dr. Bliss embraced her. Helga gasped from the sudden contact and then settled into it, feeling tears brim and holding them back with an amazing willpower.
"I'm proud of you, Helga. Really. This is a positive step. After this, who knows? Maybe you'll be able to confront your parents."
Fat chance, thought Helga. She could see the conversaton: 'Dad, can I--' 'Pipe down! I'm watchin' the wheel!'. Yutz.
Despite her actual thoughts on the issue Helga just nodded and forced a positive smile and said, "Yeah, sure!" Maybe a pig will discover the cure for cancer, too.
"I know you must be nervous, Helga. Just try not to think bad thoughts. Alright? I'm sure everything will be fine."
Helga closed her eyes.
Helga thought good thoughts.
Author's Note: The song is from the album Blowback. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry if anybody seemed out of character, and I hope you continue reading. Please try and take the time to drop a review as well.