The Seven Reasons Daniel Hasn't Slept With Vala

spoilers for (in no particular order) Need, Broca Divide, Hathor, Past and Present, the Gamekeeper, every Sha're episode, every Osirus/Sarah episode.

1. The last women he slept with was the 'destroyer of worlds'.
2. The women before that was a suicidal princess who got him addicted to the sarcophagus.
3. The "woman" before that was Hathor.
4. The woman before that was a cavewoman.
5.The woman before that was his wife, Sha're, who ended up snaked, pregnant by another man and dead.
6. The woman before that was Sarah, who also ended up snaked.
7. Every woman that Daniel has ever loved, from his mother, to his wife, ended up worse for having had him in thier life. Daniel cares about Vala too much to put her through that.

The 4 Times Sam and Daniel Didn't Have Sex, and the 1 Time They Did

Warning: slightly adult, but only a little.

1. It was too hot. Sam can handle the heat-if she has too. But after spending a year on Abydos and a life time doing archaeological digs in deserts Daniel seems to thrive in it.
2. It was too cold. Damn shrinkage.
3. Jack beat him to it.
4. Jack beat her to it.
5. "What do you call this again?" asked Daniel, as he and Sam tried the alien delicacy that had been prepared in their honour. "It is called See'X pudding" said the Alien Ambassador. Sam choked on her mouthful. "We're having Sex?!" She managed to get out around the food in her mouth, with a minimum of spray-age. "Indeed. Is it not delicious?" He replied.

The 5 Times Love or Lust Caught Teal'c Off-Guard

Spoilers: very mild ones for Window Of Oppurtunity.

Apologies To Dr. Seuss

1) When he saw his first Mothership. Apparently the love of a man for big machines transcends species.
2) After Vala dragged him out clubbing. He didn't know that the pills the friendly guy gave him ("the first one's free"), were Ecstacy. Teal'c spent the rest of the night in the infirmary telling everyone how much he loved them. Repeatedly and in detail.
3) While Samantha Carter's Cindy Loo pants downward slid
Method actor Teal'c's heart grew two sizes too big.

Jack in the corner dressed like a fig:
Should go to rehearsal, instead of rewatching the part with Spider Pig

Daniel, he stood and quoted the book
Of Dr. Suess's the Grinch, you know, you look.

T'was the SGC players favourite play
and SG-1's rendition would surely slay

the harsh words of critics and naysayers
the same the prize was theirs

-if Hammond could only remember his lines.

4) When Lt. Lust slammed the door into Teal'cs face. But only the first time, by the 37th loop he was kind of expecting it.
5)After his people were finally free. Teal'c looked at his team and was overcome. These people had taken him in-a stranger and an enemy. Fought and defeated Gods for him and his people. Only the birth of Teal'c son could eclipse this moment in Teal'c heart.