Inner Most
Well, where do I start? I guess I should start from the beginning, right? I am a middle-aged woman living in The Big Apple. I have next to no family, few friends, many lovers, and no loves. Well I guess I can't say that I have no loves because what I am really in love with is my job. It is a part of me and I am a part of it. There is no other way to explain how I feel about my job except it is my life. Also I am being bold in saying that my co-workers are my friends and my family all at once…
There is our dad, Don. He is the Captain of the squad. Did I mention I am a New York City Police Detective in the Special Victims Unit? Id didn't? Oh well, now you know. Back to talking about Don though. When I started working in the unit almost ten years ago he helped me to adjust and cope with all that came with the job I was facing. 'We don't get to pick the vic,' is what he says and I live by that every day of my life that I work here.
Next is the fabulous Sergeant John Munch. He is an old fogey but I love him nonetheless. Love, there is that word again, oh well. He is smart and funny and he has this, oh I don't know, way about him that makes one person in the room squirm and another roll on the floor with laughter. He also has this thing with conspiracy theories that I still don't get to this day.
The gangster of the group, Odafin Tutuola. He has a funny name but once you get past that, and learn to pronounce it he is a great guy. He has your back no matter what the situation and he will comfort you, as best he can, when you need a shoulder to cry on. He joined us from Narcotics about seven years ago and he has been a help to all of us in the connection category as well.
Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. What is there to say about her? Better question, what isn't there to be said about her? She has been my best girl-friend for just about five years. She knows her way around the law and around sports which is an interesting combination but it works for her. Her long, wavy, red hair is memorable. She is not just a friend but more like the little sister I never had. Again this goes without saying that this is my family.
Last but certainly not least is my best friend overall, my big brother, my hero, and my partner, Elliot Stabler. He is there for me when I need him and even when I think I don't. sure we have had our ups and downs but what relationship hasn't. Did I just say I have a 'relationship' with him? Well he is my partner in fighting crime. I work with him almost every day. I sit across from him every day. Get greeted by those blazing blue eyes. We at least say hello to each other if we are working on different cases for the day. He is my rock. The longest 'relationship' I have ever had with a man. He keeps me sane and I don't know what I would do without him.
"Liv," Elliot said in an attention seeking tone.
My head shot up to look at him. Look into those beautiful blue eyes of his. "El," I smile.
"You alright?" Elliot asked me. As if I had tears already streaming down my face.
I nodded. I wasn't sure what I could say. We knew each other so well though, maybe too well. We both knew when there was something wrong with the other. We also know when to leave whatever it was alone or when to push buttons. We push each other's buttons a lot but it is well worth it most of the time. Sure we almost lost each other a few times because of the particular buttons that were pushed but we pushed out of…caring, love, some sort of innermost feeling for each other. If one is in danger the other is always to the rescue and sometimes neither one of us wants to be rescued and there poses the problem again. "I'm fine, El," I finally say just to get him to take even one step back.
"Ok," Elliot nodded. Even though his eyes still occasionally pierced my skin after that moment just to tell me that he was still here and no matter how much rope he had, he was still hold on. He never lets go, not even for a moment in time. He is a father of five which I guess gives him the right to worry about the whole world around him.
There is our dear Casey Novak. She walks into the squad room as if on a mission. Every time she walks in here she is on a mission. She is always looking for that last clue, piece of evidence, to seal the deal on the latest case. "Hey 'Livia," she smiles at me and sits on the edge of my desk.
"Casey, hey, what's up," I say looking straight up at her and smile back.
"What do you guys have for me," Casey asked looking from me to Elliot and back to me swiftly.
The determination in Elliot's big blue eyes met the intensity of Casey's pretty green eyes for just a moment but it was in that moment that she knew the whole story.
"What am I supposed to give Sam and Lena with that?" Casey snapped. Her eyes almost swelled with tears but then she took a slow, deep breath and her eyes went back to normal. Her pouty lower lip caught my attention. It quivered constantly even though the rest of her went back to a slow not as noticeable tremble.
"We'll get him Case," Odafin 'Fin' Tutuola said from behind us at his desk. There was a reassurance in his voice. He was cool, calm, and collected in cases like this.
The 'him' that Fin is referring to is a older man who we believe raped and then later murdered a 16 year old girl who a student at the high school he taught at. He is just a suspect for now but again with finding more evidence, and asking the right questions at the right time. When is it the right time? How do you know if you are asking the right questions? It is like the classic question, 'How man licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie-pop?' And then the answer, 'The world may never know.' We may never know why someone does what they do but they do it and we are the ones who have to figure out even the basic why. We have to find out whom and we have to find out how the deed was done.
The world may not know but we find out…No matter what.