From the writer: The season 9 finale with Callie and Arizona was a shocker, and to me, it hit straight to the gut, out of the blue! Maybe I'm not able to empathize adequately enough with the symptoms of PTSD, but to me… it was just so inconsistent with the character of Arizona. I couldn't buy that Arizona would cheat with Lauren. I can empathize with the temptation, but could not believe the writers let her go through with it. It was so unlike the character they've molded for the past 4 seasons.

So this story is what I wish would happen in season 10. And I know it will probably not be handled the way I'm going to write it - as I've read, Callie handles the initial reaction with a lot more anger. So I'm going to take a little different approach and write where my brain is headed. It will (hopefully) be a roller coaster of emotions, but fear not… I will lead us safely home. I'm a sucker for happy endings, what can I say?

Hoping this will turn into 20 or 30 chapters, with sequels. :) It's also my very first attempt at fanfic, or short-story writing. So feel free to critique! Be gentle…

About This Chapter… I'll admit I have no beta reader, so I hope there aren't too many typos…And I realize this first chapter isn't much of a start, but hang in there.

Chapter 1

"Apparently, I lost you."

And just like that, Callie felt the reality of what she had just said settle down onto her like a blanket. Tears continued to slide down her cheeks, cool and wet against the warm flush of her skin. She felt the seconds stretch on and felt the emptiness of her prophetic statement settle into her gut.

Arizona could feel the air leave her chest at Callie's words. The calm finality, the defeated tone, spoken against the backdrop of a deafening storm lashing against the windows of the break room.

Arizona opened her mouth to speak, working her jaw, feeling the dryness in her mouth, but nothing came out. It was like being dropped head-first into icy waters. Her ears rang, her skin burned; the physicality of hearing her worst fear verbalized, of the shock hitting her resolutely, her body absorbing it like a wave impacting the muscles, shortening the breath, debilitating her where she stood.

She could not move. She could not think.

"No… It's not... I don't think… that's not how…" Arizona stammered, lost for words, shaking her head, struggling to respond quickly and adequately.

Callie swallowed and took a deep breath. She looked at the woman standing opposite her, whom she loved more than her own life, truly, wholeheartedly. And in that second, she understood more about her love for Arizona than she ever had. She saw clearly through the tears how events were put into motion to bring them to this moment. And in that moment of defeat and a sense of impending grief, she surrendered.

"I'm sorry," Callie whispered.

Arizona heard her wife speak suddenly, but too softly. "What?"

Callie took another breath, and let it out slowly. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." She paused as the tears picked up again, flowing steadily but quietly, swallowing down the lump that had risen in her throat.

"I should've told you that a long time ago. You counted on me. I made you a promise. You counted on me, and I let you down," Callie said. "I'm so sorry Arizona. So damn sorry."

Arizona felt numb, and she had no idea how to respond. All the rage, all the anger that had bubbled to the surface was gone now. It had changed form, morphed into a pang of a sadness, like a heavy toxin coursing through the bloodstream, weighing down her arms and carrying with it an ache so heavy that it settled into her stomach like a brick.

Before Arizona could respond, Callie shifted her weight and looked up.

"I'll, uh… I'm gonna go check on Sophia and then look for another cot somewhere. We, uh…" She paused, swallowing down the lump that had risen in her throat. She wanted to be done crying in front of Arizona.

"… We're not supposed to leave the hospital right now, so I'm gonna go try and get some sleep."

She felt deep in her core that she had to move quickly lest she lose her nerve. She back-stepped to the couch behind her, grabbing the hospital pillow and slinging a blanket over her arm. She moved slowly, but purposefully toward the door.

"Callie, wait… ok? Please. Callie…" It came out hoarse, not much louder than a whisper. But Callie kept moving even though she heard the quiet pleas to stop. She felt the tears start to form again in her eyes as she pushed the door open and stepped out into the hallway.