Payback

Remus didn't know if it made any sense to come back to the apartment he shared with Sirius since they left Hogwarts after their final year. He never wanted to come back again to this place, but he did. Maybe he just did it out of a kind of habit, maybe to find the answers he needed so badly. One week had gone by since he learned about his best friend's betrayal on his friends. One week since James and Lily found their fate in death, along with Peter. One week since they had Sirius locked up behind this stonewalls in Azkaban. But still, Remus couldn't bring himself to think badly of the traitor. He couldn't hate him, no matter how deeply realization sunk into his mind. It didn't matter anyway, the bad guy was in jail now, and he would suffer more than Remus could ever make him himself. He didn't know if it was joy or grief he felt for his old friend, when he thought about the Dementors kiss that awaited him there. After all, it wasn't so easy to deny his feelings for his friend, the loyalty he felt for him even though he knew that he was a traitor. He was used to stand by his friends, no matter what they did. This feeling would not go away from one second to the other.

Remus threw his keys on the floor beside the front door and pealed out of his long grey coat like a snake out of its skin. Night had fallen several hours ago and the shadows drew strange forms in the corners of the apartment, almost like spiders crawling in the dark. He stepped further in the room, just to feel the cold breeze coming from a barely open window in the living room. He couldn't stand the silence. Every room seemed emptier now; there was a dark cold everywhere, outside and inside of him. It was just then when he realized that no lighting charm Sirius once casted worked, while he was walking through the corridors. It was like the Magic of his old friend died with the day he left the house and where taken to a world Remus could even wrap his thoughts around. His charms died along with his betrayal. He once again thought of the Dementors and he had to laugh at himself for thinking, that maybe a merciful death would the best for his old mate. Remus stopped his motions in the middle of the living room and drew in the darkness that surrounded him, while the steady silence was screaming in his ears. Why couldn't he feel the way he used to? James, Lily, Peter. He couldn´t even cry. Somehow he eventually thought that their deaths weren't even real. Maybe he was just dreaming. Oh Merlin knew, he craved to wake up.

He stood still for several moments until there was a sudden shift in the air. The darkness moved and he felt two slender arms embrace him fiercely from the behind. He groaned out of fear and surprise like a wounded animal. For a second he hoped it would be Sirius, waking him from his bad dream, or James shaking him awake out of this nightmare, but that was just silly in just thinking. He tried to turn around in the dark but the two arms around his waist and chest just clung to him even stronger. Remus felt a women's face pressed in the crook of his neck und the persons violent shaking on his back.

"What are you doing here?", he asked and touched the one hand that lingered on his chest.

There was no answer but a soft sigh, and then the woman was pressing herself even tighter against him.

„ Eva?" Realisation hit him with the force of the thunderstorm that was beginning to gather outside, and her name flooded through his mind like a lightning.

She started shaking more violently, at her name. Like she was punched it the face and had trouble standing on her feet any longer.

Remus stretched one long arm behind his head and slightly touched the women's head, which still rested on his shoulders. Her curly hair hid her face well, but he still felt the dampness on tears, that were flooding down her cheeks.

„Eva, let go of me", he said, trying to sound casual and kind, and tried to peal her hands away from his waist. He didn't think she could grab him even stronger, but she did, a force rushing through her fragile body, that hold him in place and made his chest hurt.

She let out a heavy breath and brought her mouth to his ear. For a moment he was ashamed of the effect of her movement on his neck, a shiver causing though him, that went right to his lower places. He suddenly felt guilty, just thinking about the warm feeling he was giving her in this very moment. Guilty about letting his friends girlfriend touch him like this, guilty for enjoying it somehow, guilty for wanting nothing more than push her away and wake up.

"Just let me do this", she whispered, her lips just inches away from his ear, as another shiver ran though Remus´s body. "I need this".

She was cuddling her face up his neck tracing a line of fire with her nose and on purpose to take his scent in.

Simultaneously her hands began to move up his waist to find contact with his scared skin under his sweater.

"Remus, don't fight me". He more felt like saw her hands drawing his shirt up and over his head, so his upper body was bare to her. This was the moment he embraced the darkness, glad she wouldn't be able to see the huge number of scars he wore on his skin.

"Remus". For a brief moment he wondered, why she spoke out his name again. He was sure she saw broader shoulders, longer and darker hair and fairer features in her head instead of his creepy form. So why keep saying his name all over again? To punish the one man she really wanted to be with? Was this her way of a payback?

Suddenly he tried to protest and started to wiggle out of her firm grip. A voice was screaming in his head. This was wrong. It was wrong what he let her do to him, even through he knew he shouldn't give a care. Why was he holding himself back? She kissed him hastily on the neck and tangled her hand in his hair from behind, making his honeyed strands fall into his eyes.

When did he close them?

"Eva don't." His breath was caught in his throat and he stumbled a few steps across the room in attempt to escape her teasing lips and tongue that licked their way up his spine. She followed him desperately and suddenly her hands were on his belt, loosening it from her position behind him.

Oh how he wished Sirius could see this. He deserved the pain of betrayal more than a Dementors kiss.

With sure hands Eva pulled down his jeans and boxers just far enough to free his straining erection, a moan escaping his parted lips, as she pushed him from the behind against the wall, he was already leaning on for support.

"Let go of me", he said again, but this time in the purpose to return the touching but Eva didn't let go. Not that he really expected her to. Instead she was licking his neck again while her right hand snaked around his body again and found his cock. She took him in a firm grip, using her thump to coat the tip with his precum.

There was a sudden jerk of his hips and a mindless roar escaped his throat, every muscle in his body suddenly tense and screaming for her to move on.

And she did, teasing him with slow strokes, which drove him mad and left him wiggling against the wall. Remus had to brace his hands there for support otherwise he would have crashed to the ground already.

"You don't want to see my face, that's why you're lingering back there" he breathed, shuddering from the force of her touch.

She snarled and scratched her teeth upon his collar. He felt her other hand on his chest also creeping downwards softly closing around his sack, bringing his hips to jerk violently, and leaving his lungs off air.

"No", she whispered softly, "I don't want you to see MY face." Then she pressed her face in the hollow of his back kneeling behind him and drawing wet kisses around to his hip.

Remus growled under his hasty breath like the animal he secretly was. She didn't stop his ministration, even if he wanted to, even if he wanted to make her, there was no way he could get rid of her by now.

He looked down on himself, a sudden desire to open his eyes and saw her face for the first time since she grabbed him, casting a desperate look up at him from his right hipbone while her hand quickens up the pace on his cock.

He felt her moving up again, still on his backside, never breaking her rhythm on him. He felt the force of his orgasm building in his belly and his knees shook violently under ever stroke she did on him.

"You are close", she whispered, tightening her fingers painfully around his shaft, causing him to jump and jerk his hips in wild abandon.

"Come."

„No", he breathed hoarsely, once more trying to turn over, dwelling up the sensation she coursed him. She just gripped him even tighter, preventing him from turning by pushing his hips with her own, trapping him against the wall, make him dive his cock in her hand more forcefully, setting the rhythm he refused to follow.

"Come for me".

Remus groaned again, air leaving his lungs, the wild panting leaving his mouth dry and desperate. And then everything was a haze.

Eva pushed him more forward with her hips, her hand around his cock circled, tracing the length of him with her nails. Once again she brought her mouth to his ear, supporting herself on his tensing shoulder.

"Remus", she whispered and he let his head fall backwards on her shoulder, scraping her cheek with his own.

"Let go". And so he did. His balls tightened the moment he said the words and he came so forcefully that his knees gave out under him and they crashed to the floor.

But Eva didn't stop touching him and stretched his sensitive skin with her fingers until he was begging her to let go of him and collapsed whimpering and shaking on the floor, like a scared child. She rubbed her flat hand up and down his length to sooth him. He did cry out, getting near to another straining hard on. Remus felt Eva's hot kissed on his skin, and before he knew it, tears were falling from his eyes.

For the first time he felt pity for the man who betrayed them and coursed so much death and pain. His mind twisted around a frightening realisation in his guts and then he cried openly.

He cried for James, he cried for Lily, he cried for Peter and for Sirius. After all, he realized how easy it was to become a traitor.