A/N: This is just a depressing little idea that wouldn't get out of my head. All of the chapters will be relatively short, just little drabbles like this one. I'm hoping it'll cure my writers' block. Please review.
The first time she misses him so much she can't breathe, she's at his funeral. She's sitting between Kitty and Kelso, wearing a long black dress Jackie must have picked out - she can't remember putting it on. Her shoes are too tight, her eyes are too dry, and her chest feels like it might explode.
On the other side of Kelso, Hyde is crying. She's known Hyde for half her life; she's never seen him cry. Jackie has gone through an entire box and a half of Kleenex since they'd been at the church. Kitty has been sniffling for three days. Even Red is crying. She didn't think he had tear ducts.
So why the hell can't she cry?
The preacher is talking again. Saying something about how he was taken too soon. She closes her eyes for a moment. When she reopens them, she refocuses on his casket. It's closed. They say he was too mangled from the accident; it would disturb people. She brings her hand up to cover her mouth at the thought. Her mouth twitches and she feels tears prickling, but the moment passes. Next to her, Kelso stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom. He's got tears running down both sides of his face. Hyde scoots over and takes his place; sets his hand on top of hers.
They haven't left her alone since he died three days ago. Everyone had decided that she should stay at Jackie and Hyde's house for the next couple of days. They'd given up their master bedroom for her. But their bed was too hard. It would make Eric's back hurt. Everyone's been tiptoeing around her all week. Talking in whispers, offering to cook for her, bringing her flowers and cards. As if any of that could fill the huge hole in her heart. The huge hole she's afraid is always gonna be there. But still she can't cry.
She feels numb as they walk out to the cemetery. Her dad is clutching onto her right arm, and Jackie is holding onto her left hand. They're both crying. She's just looking around. It's cloudy out; looks like it might rain. Fitting.
When they reach the sight of his grave, everyone crowds closer together. It's like a sea of black, as she looks out over the droves of people who've gathered to watch Eric be buried. The preacher talks some more. She doesn't pay attention. She doesn't care. She knows how amazing he was. As if anyone needs to tell her that.
She feels like she's floating above the graveyard, watching as they bring his casket forward. Now people are setting their hands on it. Someone nudges her forward. She ghosts her right hand over the glossy top, along with all of her friends and family. Slowly, she unclenches her fist. Spreads her fingers out lovingly. Caresses it, gently. And then, just like that, it's over. She feels her dad gently pulling her shoulders back. Next to her, she hears Hyde whisper, "Bye, Eric."
There's something so... final about the visual of his casket being lowered into the ground. About Hyde's hollow words. And that's when she finally falls apart.